How many foreign spouses felt trapped when first here?

[EminTX 131]

The discussion in another thread about necessity versus niceness of having your own motorized vehicle has me wondering what the USC spouses/fiances are doing to prepare for their loved ones' arrivals.

Is it really that common that it was discovered upon you getting here that you might want to leave the house sometimes without a chaperone?

Before my non-driving husband came here, I made him maps, videos of routes to nearby places, and got bus information for him in his language.

His first week, we looked at bikes (he says no), we walked around exploring together, we drove around together, he practiced driving the truck in a safe place to be familiar with it in case of emergency, I gave him contact numbers of people to call with needs and have asked them to call and offer (they do). We spent a day riding the city bus and exploring how to get around successfully with that.

I have lived for 5 years without car and know that, while it does not destroy your life, it certainly makes it much more challenging.

This is such a common topic here, I have to wonder--if you (USC) love someone, why aren't you preparing for this in the first place and, if you see it's a problem, why isn't that a top priority to resolve this? If for no other reason than safety issues, it is mystifying why this seems so low-priority.

BTW--I hear this from people at work, too. Both employees and patients talk about this. (At least half the population at any given time in the hospital I work in is foreign-raised.)

Edited December 6, 2012 by EminTX

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Some of the answers didn't really apply.

When I first arrived we were in Houston. I saw a lot of buses but I also saw a lot of crime reports so I was too scared to take a bus, and neither would my husband "let" me out of fear for my safety. He is originally from Iowa but was in Houston for school so he only had the one vehicle (camaro). He went to school in the morning, and work in the afternoon/evening so I couldn't keep the car even if I wanted to. Houston traffic is also NUTS. Just being a passenger I was scared!

When we moved to Iowa he had more vehicles (we have 4 now). We bought his dad's truck (Sonoma) for me to drive, and he drives his ranger. The camaro was for more special times or multi-person trips. By the time we were living in Iowa my I-94 had expired and I had yet to file for AOS (at that time moving during the process was a big no-no and we knew we were moving) so I couldn't get a drivers license, and I'd been in the US too long to drive on my Australia license. The other issue is my husband's insurance company was not too keen on the idea of insurance for someone on a foreign license.

Eventually I got a license and I now drive the Sonoma. Living in Australia I would be able to jump in the car and go to the supermarket, or newsagent, post office, fast food place... so it took a lot of getting used to having "my freedom" (as it felt) taken away. It was the situation though and I understood. There was no maliciousness on my husbands part and I'm sure if we couldn't afford a vehicle for me I would have driven him to work and then myself as I drive past his work to get to mine but I finish later than he does (as I did once when my truck was getting fixed).

[Caryh 5,206]

My wife was rather trapped in the house when I left for work. There is no good public transportation where we live. There is a couple of buses going into downtown in the early morning, and a couple returning in the early evening. I did come home for lunch every day, and rather regularly would drop her off at the mall then pick her up after work. Occasionally some friends she made would pick her up and take her out to, or just come over to visit. She got her early in September of 2011. By early May of 2012 we had bought her a car, although she had not taken the drivers exam yet. Also by that point she was working. She started early in the morning so I would drop her off then return home until I went to work. She took public transportation to get close to my work where I would pick her up. By the end of the month of May, she had her license, but didn't feel confident enough to drive to and from work. It is a 25 mile drive, so I under stood that. So it was about two or thee more weeks of test drives until she felt ready to driver herself.

Now she drives to and from work all the time. She also learned her way to a couple of malls. She has started venturing to other locations, but regularly gets lost if she's not following someone. When she needs help, she just calls me, I look up where she's at on Apple's Find My Phone app, and I give her turn by turn directions as she drives. She has a GPS app, but she says I'm her favorite GPS. She has a real dislike for maps or GPS instructions. She just doesn't really understand them. They're simple for me, but different people have different ways of seeing and understanding and maps and directions are not how her brain works. I know eventually she'll learn her way all over the city, but it will take her time to reach that point. She did drive all over her home city, and well beyond it to. All on poorly marked roads, but something I don't understand gave her the clues how to get around driving there.

[bsd058 296]

As soon as I'm able to move, I plan to live at the beach on weekends. Haha. If the wife will come with me, that is. I can't wait to move! I will be anything BUT a shut-in. I get 9-10 months of winter here, so I plan on living when I move to a place that's essentially summer all year long (Florida).

You just gotta make a point to find a way to get out of the house! You don't need to spend money to be outside!

Edited December 6, 2012 by bsd058

[TBoneTX 46,157]

Mrs. T-B. had driven in Ecuador, and I took someone's advice and had her renew her driver's license for the longest possible term, just before she came here. That -- along with procuring multiple copies of all important vital/personal documents -- remains the best advice ever put forth on VJ, si man.

She had not driven a car with an automatic transmission. My aunt & uncle were downsizing and offered us their car (a 1997 Chevy Lumina), which had basically been sitting and neglected. We spent $3,700 in maintenance & repairs, and the car was better than new. Mrs. T-B. went everywhere in it, and because it was more comfortable than my car, we took hers on road trips. She was very happy in it, and in fact we brought newborn Mini-Bone home in it, so that was his "first" car, too.

This past July, we got Mrs. T-B. a great deal on a '12 Chevy Impala, so we ended up selling the Lumina. I'm still a bit torn up over it -- 47 months of ownership packed with history.

The funny part -- and the point -- is that, when Mrs. T-B. first went back to Ecu on a visit, she got in her sister's truck and nearly ruined the manual transmission because she'd forgotten how to drive one, si man!

Neither of us can stand the other's driving, no man. She says that I drive like a loco, and I say that she drives like a girl, see man.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I have no idea why it isn't a top priority, it was the second in line after housing! Perhaps some people just don't plan enough ahead or think about what their loved one will need?

I'm waiting on hearing back from the CT DMV about the new laws that are about to go into effect concerning adult drivers needed a 3 month learner's permit before a road test. I know that my husband can drive on the Danish license for a year and that CT will not take Danish licenses (because Denmark won't take theirs) for trade. So, I asked them if he could drive on the international license while on the permit or if because he had an international license he might be exempt from the permit requirement. If it has to happen and I need to sit beside him for 3 months, so be it, but I know he'll feel a bit like a child.

We have my 2009 extended cab 4wd Silverado, a 2007 Subaru Forrester from my dad's estate, and potentially my mother's 2004 Volvo XC station wagon.

All we have in Denmark is a couple of bicycles and his moped, so I think it will be a luxury! For the record, I do prefer going out with my Danish "chaperone", but I will explore on my own with the transport and map apps on my phone.

Edited December 10, 2012 by Nola123

[maya2014 0]

Am happy your love ones thought about this before you came and made it happen. My then fiance told me there there were no buses in his area. Back home i had my car and was driving. When i came here married him,he took me to work with him and when i ask him about geting me a car he started giving me excuses. Days i don,t go with him i stay home alone. He drop me at the mall and pick me after work at night. Four month ago he bought himself a brand new car. At the moment i dont work for him so am stack at home and can,t even get a job because i don,t have my lincense or a car. I believed him and now i can,t even get the basic needs without his help. Am happy not all men think like him.