Sometimes it is all worth it

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I think that we've begun to forget the elegant expressiveness of Gary's original intent in this thread (refer to the earliest posts). I, for one, am quite willing to forgive someone a few missteps when he's able to pen such touching words, see man.

And no one has commented on the content of the links in my thread just above, no man.

Because someone from "their" forum came to this one to attack children of members of this forum. The best defense they can give is to deflect the offensivsness of the member that attacks children with semantics about the offensiveness of a word. Nice. It is not offensive to attack accomplished children but it is offensive to use the word "Oriental" in the incorrect grammatical context.

Husbandless, childless memebrs are as easy to spot as, say, the fact that Obama never held a shotgun before the photo-op.

To say something like "I wish the best for Alla's children" is to build a barrier that cannot be built. Children are not "Alla's" or mine, they are ours and anyone that is entering into a committed relationship that involves children (I know, now I am way beyond comprehension for some people) has best be prepared to accept that and act on it.

I never attempted to present myself as the sperm donor for the children. I am, however, the one that taught them to drive, did their college applications with them after hours of study of different programs WITH them...and quite successfully so far. I fix their cars with them, ski, swim, shoot and hike the mountains with them, went to the basketball games, the wrestling matches, the lacross games, took them to practice, took them to apply for jobs, even started a small business with Pasha before he was old enough to "work". When I opened my eyes after quad bypass surgery, Alla's eyes were looking directly into mine. Sergey was against the wall to the right, having traveled 6000 miles to be there. I am NOT their "father" I AM their "Dad". The children are OURS and I will not consider it another way. I do not think they would want me to. I KNOW Alla would be highly offended if I ever said "your son" They are "the children" or "Sergey" and "Pasha", they are not "your sons". Can you imagine the offense she would have that her husband would refer to the children as "your children"? Some of you can, others have no clue.

If you can twist the word "Oriental" to be offensive, I would think you could. Maybe I wrong about that. I do not even say to the boys "your mother". I just say "mom". "What does Mom say about that?" Compared to "What does YOUR Mom say about that" Anyone with a brain can see the difference and I don't need wiki to define it. There has NEVER been any dispute that I am the father-figure and if I say something it goes as well as if Mom says it. We are PARENTS, we are BOTH parents.

Ignorant, inexperienced, selfish young people that think 21 year olds with Master's degrees in Physics are "lazy" because a woman that loves them serves them a sandwich...are just as likely to try to suggest building walls in families. It is a learning process. Kind of a long one, and it involves a lot of good times and worry, and stress and pride, and expense.

One thing about FSU women...they love children and it is considered, culturally, a huge accomplishment and lifetime vocation to have children and be a good parent/wife. If your FSU fiancee did not come equipped with children, be prepared to make some...she is going to want them.

I considered this a good trait, and one of the most attractive things about Alla, to me, is that within 5 minutes of meeting her she was talking about her children. I had had plenty of women that talk about themselves or what offends them this week. Here was a woman with a grasp of what is important, here was someone with the ability to love other people. Women who love themselves are dime-a-dozen, women that can love and devote themselves to another are the ones to marry. I beleive growing up in the Soviet Union had a lot to do with that.

I came from a blended family. My mother died when I was 6, my father remarried 3 years later and I gained 3 new brothers/sisters and then my father and new mother made another brother themselves. There was NEVER any of this "yours/mine" bullsh*t. At the wedding of one of my brothers, some ignorant, self centered DINK asked my mother "Not all of these kids are YOURS, right? Some are from your husband. Which ones are yours?" I waited for the table to be turned over and guns to start blazing...(it was Texas, after all) but no, my mother just said "You are mistaken, ALL of them are my children" My father died 20 years ago and to this day I am as much her son as ever.

Had she said that in this forum, there would be an endless parade of DINKs to debate the offensive of some word she used and hi-fiving each other. Perhaps the modern meaning of "mistaken" or something to defend a fellow DINK that looks like an @ss.

People with children would just smile.

Edited February 9, 2013 by Gary and Alla

[tmma 467]

I am a parent. I'm proudly smiling all the time as you should be with all the accomplishments of your step children.

-I was just wondering why you don't talk about your other sons. I wasn't even aware you had other sons until yesterday, and yet I know every detail about your step children.

[Fandango 1,439]

'mom/your mom' makes no difference.

She is their mom, not yours...so your comparison is like chalk and cheese.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

It is not offensive to attack accomplished children but it is offensive to use the word "Oriental" in the incorrect grammatical context.

If you can twist the word "Oriental" to be offensive, I would think you could.

Please do not use the word "Oriental." It is an outdated, vulgar word, as vulgar as using the word "Negro." Imagine replacing "Oriental" as above with "Negro." How does that read? You have been told not to use the word this way, and even had a post edited, but you continue on just to be offensive.

I just showed this thread to my Korean-American SO and he said, "I'm not a rug, or a flavour of ramen noodles."

[^_^ 5,021]

I am a parent. I'm proudly smiling all the time as you should be with all the accomplishments of your step children.

-I was just wondering why you don't talk about your other sons. I wasn't even aware you had other sons until yesterday, and yet I know every detail about your step children.

If he doesn't mention them on VJ, then everyone needs to leave him alone about it. There's a line here that I don't wish to see crossed again. Researching another posters personal life outside VJ and then revealing your findings on VJ should not be an acceptable practice. Message boards are fun and games and when one person crosses that line, others will too and there's nothing more toxic to a message board than that. So if Gary doesn't want to talk about something, please leave it be. This is a request to everyone involved.

[tmma 467]

[quote name=' timestamp='1360464045' post='5970643]

If he doesn't mention them on VJ, then everyone needs to leave him alone about it. There's a line here that I don't wish to see crossed again. Researching another posters personal life outside VJ and then revealing your findings on VJ should not be an acceptable practice. Message boards are fun and games and when one person crosses that line, others will too and there's nothing more toxic to a message board than that. So if Gary doesn't want to talk about something, please leave it be. This is a request to everyone involved.

I agree 100% . However you and I both know it's NOT ME ' researching and revealing' personal stuff.

[^_^ 5,021]

I agree 100% . However you and I both know it's NOT ME ' researching and revealing' personal stuff.

Yes, sorry. I wanted to make the point and could have done so without quoting your post. You are correct it isn't you.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

i think this thread has gotten sidetracked enough already.