Opinions and Advice on Current Situation

[Vudoo 0]

I recently discovered this website and would like to get some advice and opinions on my situation especially dealing with red flags and what steps I should take.

I brought my previous wife from Canada into the US in 1999 under the K1 visa using an immigration lawyer and everything was pretty easy. Unfortunately the thought of divorce came to my mind within the past few years. This past summer, I had an opportunity to stay in Vietnam for about three months so I went over there by myself to think about my life. Within the first few week, I decided that I wanted a divorce and told some of my friends, but I decided that I would wait until I get back to the US to tell my wife face to face. During my stay in Vietnam, I met a girl and we went spent a lot of time together for a few weeks but I didn't tell her that I was still married because I was already planning the divorce. I came back to the US and told my wife that I wanted a divorce and I proceeded with the paperwork and separation. I continued to talk to girl in Vietnam everyday and did end up telling her that I was married and that I was going through a divorce. She was not happy with me and I can't blame her. I had to forward her an e-mail that I sent to a friend stating that I was planning a divorce to prove that she was not the reason for the divorce. The e-mail was sent about two months before I even met her. So we continue to chat, talk, IM and Skype everyday. She even met my dad and some of my relatives in HCMC. She does have an aunt that lives in the US, but I have never spoken or met her. I have sent her gifts and money over the past few months. My divorce was finalized last week and I am planning to go back to Vietnam at the end of February. We have even been talking about having an engagement ceremony and a trip to Thailand together. And when I come back to the US, I was planning to start the K1 visa process.

So the obvious red flags are that I have done the K1 visa before with a Canadian citizen and that I just got a divorce. How much of an issue will it be that I met my girlfriend when I was still marry? My ex-wife does not know about her so I am also concern about my ex being contacted by immigration and her causing problems during the K1 process. At the same time, my ex would be even more devastated that I am moving on with my life so quickly so I prefer not to tell her now.

Should I prepare or bring over anything on my next trip to Vietnam to prepare for the K1? Should I not even proceed with the paperwork until after the second trip and the engagement ceremony? We don't have much evidence of us together in Vietnam from my previous trip because we were just having fun and had no thoughts of things being serious. I only have my airline boarding pass and I can print out some credit card statements showing hotel and some purchases. But I paid mostly in cash and there is only one picture of us together even though we saw each other everyday for almost three weeks. I also stayed at my dad's houses, but I never registered so I am not sure if that will be an issue during the K1 process.

I contacted my previous immigration lawyer and was told that I shouldn't be too concern about my red flags. Of course, it would also cost me $4500 if I were to hire them again. So I am wondering if I need them or am I better off hiring an immigration lawyer in HCMC who is more familiar with the system and probably a lot less expensive. By the way, I am a Viet Kieu who is a naturalized US citizen that was raised in the US to the point that I am really an American and just look Vietnamese. It's a good thing that my girlfriend knows enough English to read what I type and my broken Vietnamese is enough where we can talk to each other.

As mention, opinions and advice are welcome.

[sweetapple 1]

I recently discovered this website and would like to get some advice and opinions on my situation especially dealing with red flags and what steps I should take.

I brought my previous wife from Canada into the US in 1999 under the K1 visa using an immigration lawyer and everything was pretty easy. Unfortunately the thought of divorce came to my mind within the past few years. This past summer, I had an opportunity to stay in Vietnam for about three months so I went over there by myself to think about my life. Within the first few week, I decided that I wanted a divorce and told some of my friends, but I decided that I would wait until I get back to the US to tell my wife face to face. During my stay in Vietnam, I met a girl and we went spent a lot of time together for a few weeks but I didn't tell her that I was still married because I was already planning the divorce. I came back to the US and told my wife that I wanted a divorce and I proceeded with the paperwork and separation. I continued to talk to girl in Vietnam everyday and did end up telling her that I was married and that I was going through a divorce. She was not happy with me and I can't blame her. I had to forward her an e-mail that I sent to a friend stating that I was planning a divorce to prove that she was not the reason for the divorce. The e-mail was sent about two months before I even met her. So we continue to chat, talk, IM and Skype everyday. She even met my dad and some of my relatives in HCMC. She does have an aunt that lives in the US, but I have never spoken or met her. I have sent her gifts and money over the past few months. My divorce was finalized last week and I am planning to go back to Vietnam at the end of February. We have even been talking about having an engagement ceremony and a trip to Thailand together. And when I come back to the US, I was planning to start the K1 visa process.

So the obvious red flags are that I have done the K1 visa before with a Canadian citizen and that I just got a divorce. How much of an issue will it be that I met my girlfriend when I was still marry? My ex-wife does not know about her so I am also concern about my ex being contacted by immigration and her causing problems during the K1 process. At the same time, my ex would be even more devastated that I am moving on with my life so quickly so I prefer not to tell her now.

Should I prepare or bring over anything on my next trip to Vietnam to prepare for the K1? Should I not even proceed with the paperwork until after the second trip and the engagement ceremony? We don't have much evidence of us together in Vietnam from my previous trip because we were just having fun and had no thoughts of things being serious. I only have my airline boarding pass and I can print out some credit card statements showing hotel and some purchases. But I paid mostly in cash and there is only one picture of us together even though we saw each other everyday for almost three weeks. I also stayed at my dad's houses, but I never registered so I am not sure if that will be an issue during the K1 process.

I contacted my previous immigration lawyer and was told that I shouldn't be too concern about my red flags. Of course, it would also cost me $4500 if I were to hire them again. So I am wondering if I need them or am I better off hiring an immigration lawyer in HCMC who is more familiar with the system and probably a lot less expensive. By the way, I am a Viet Kieu who is a naturalized US citizen that was raised in the US to the point that I am really an American and just look Vietnamese. It's a good thing that my girlfriend knows enough English to read what I type and my broken Vietnamese is enough where we can talk to each other.

As mention, opinions and advice are welcome.

My husband sponsored another Viet girl in 2005 and divorced in 2007. I met him in 2007 and we got married in 2010 after he made 3 trips to Vietnam. I think you shouldnt do anything on and after 2nd trip yet. You should just file the petition after 3rd trip. For the attorney, I highly recommend Marc Ellis, he bases in Saigon. He is well known on this website. I hired him and he charged me $1500. But the fee varies by cases. You should just contact him for consultation and fee. He charged $100 for 1 hour consultation.

[ScottThuy 140]

Huge problem that you met when you were still married. It will depend on how fast you rush things and was she married before too?

[KennyJ 10]

Huge problem that you met when you were still married. It will depend on how fast you rush things and was she married before too?

I don't think it is a huge problem. I know your case had some obstacles regarding that. I also know plenty other couples who met during their divorces and their cases passed without any issues. I think the issue is less dramatic if he file as K1 instead of K3. Tell your fiancee to be prepared to answer questions such as: did you know he was married when you met him? Why did you decide to love a married man? My friend's fiancee did get this question "Don't you think it is a shameful thing? (to have a relationship with a married man)" and her answer was "It is not shameful to be in love". She thought the CO paid more attention to how she responded to the question than the answer itself.

[Vudoo 0]

She has never been married and as mention, I did not tell her that I was married when I met her so she didn't know. I actually didn't file for divorce until I came back to the US and that's when I told her that I was married. Yes, it would have been better if I had filed for divorce before I left for Vietnam, but I had no plans in getting involved with anyone and I needed some time away from my ex before I made a decision on the marriage.

It does seem like we are rushing things because she doesn't want us to be apart longer then we have too. She has been in long distance relationships before and not meeting a person for over a year was too much for her that she broke it off even though the guy was willing to marry her. To her, that was time lost. She's 27 (I'm 36) so that is getting to the point where Vietnamese women start feeling that they won't be desirable as a wife anymore. She's afraid that if she waits another year or two, I would lose interest and find someone else. That would be time lost for her and it will be harder for her to find a husband. She said if she was younger, then she wouldn't mind waiting. But the Vietnamese mindset is a man can always find a wife no matter how old he is, but that's not true for a woman to find a husband.

[callmekay 19]

She has never been married and as mention, I did not tell her that I was married when I met her so she didn't know. I actually didn't file for divorce until I came back to the US and that's when I told her that I was married. Yes, it would have been better if I had filed for divorce before I left for Vietnam, but I had no plans in getting involved with anyone and I needed some time away from my ex before I made a decision on the marriage.

It does seem like we are rushing things because she doesn't want us to be apart longer then we have too. She has been in long distance relationships before and not meeting a person for over a year was too much for her that she broke it off even though the guy was willing to marry her. To her, that was time lost. She's 27 (I'm 36) so that is getting to the point where Vietnamese women start feeling that they won't be desirable as a wife anymore. She's afraid that if she waits another year or two, I would lose interest and find someone else. That would be time lost for her and it will be harder for her to find a husband. She said if she was younger, then she wouldn't mind waiting. But the Vietnamese mindset is a man can always find a wife no matter how old he is, but that's not true for a woman to find a husband.

Im not an expert in this but if you feel that you are rushing it than you probably are... She's 27, she's still young...you have to let her see that. Show her that you do care for her and so on and so forth. If she truly cares for you and for ya'lls relationship than knowing that the time between previous and current can be a red flag. If you have enough evidence to back it up all and go forth than do so...also keep in mind the chance that if it is rushed and you guys are unprepared than it could backfire...if she wants to come over later on she may be blackballed and not able to do so.

Listen to your heart...seems like you already know what issues may arise...if you can jump over those hurdles than do it Best of luck to you

[ScottThuy 140]

I don't think it is a huge problem. I know your case had some obstacles regarding that. I also know plenty other couples who met during their divorces and their cases passed without any issues. I think the issue is less dramatic if he file as K1 instead of K3. Tell your fiancee to be prepared to answer questions such as: did you know he was married when you met him? Why did you decide to love a married man? My friend's fiancee did get this question "Don't you think it is a shameful thing? (to have a relationship with a married man)" and her answer was "It is not shameful to be in love". She thought the CO paid more attention to how she responded to the question than the answer itself.

Not just me.. Many others here have had the same issue raised...