American boy loves Ukrainian girl..looking for advice

[Nick_Moscow 2]

I don't necesarily agree. On the other hand I met Alla when I was leaving Ukraine to come back and knew I would marry her by the end of our first evening

Fair enough, love at first sight can and still does exist. But the reason I'm proposing to the OP to live with her over there before bringing her back here is that I've heard of (through acquaintances) enough Eastern European women using men for the green card, and have met myself enough American-Eastern European couples where the marriage is anything but blissful.

(About the former, I was at a party with a bunch of Russians who had done work-and-travel, and some of them had their husbands with them. The husbands didn't know Russian and the girls were telling us po-russki how much they couldn't stand their hubbies and couldn't wait for their green card restrictions to be lifted so they could dump the guys! These girls were pretty toxic )

You never know either way of course but since it's so much easier for us to get over there vs. getting them over here why not try that first? As a metaphor, if I met a girl on the West Coast, visited her a couple more times, and thought I was in love but the trips were getting too expensive I'd move to be with her to try things out before uprooting her to bring her to me. If we get married anyway great, if we decide we were in "dating" love but not "marriage" love well now I can go home without the emotional and financial baggage of this girl living with me.

On the whole jobs issue and difficulty of "starting over" upon return from Ukraine I think the OP will be OK. He said himself that he has jumped around jobs and since he's in his late 20s it's safe to assume he's only renting and doesn't have many other long term financial commitments. Starting over for him, if it doesn't work out and he comes back to the US, shouldn't be as tough as it would be were he ten or more years older and thinking of doing this. Besides, with the crappy economy we've got, there's not much he'll be missing out on if he leaves the country for a bit. Isn't US GDP supposed to flat line for at least the next year?

The whole point is that depending on the age of the American, going to the FSU vs. bringing your girl here immediately may be under-rated. Yes this is a forum about getting US visas/permanent residency/citizenship, but if the guy asking for visa advice is in his 20's and/or early in his career, moving abroad to live with or near the gal for a bit is IMHO an excellent option.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Fair enough, love at first sight can and still does exist. But the reason I'm proposing to the OP to live with her over there before bringing her back here is that I've heard of (through acquaintances) enough Eastern European women using men for the green card, and have met myself enough American-Eastern European couples where the marriage is anything but blissful.

(About the former, I was at a party with a bunch of Russians who had done work-and-travel, and some of them had their husbands with them. The husbands didn't know Russian and the girls were telling us po-russki how much they couldn't stand their hubbies and couldn't wait for their green card restrictions to be lifted so they could dump the guys! These girls were pretty toxic )

You never know either way of course but since it's so much easier for us to get over there vs. getting them over here why not try that first? As a metaphor, if I met a girl on the West Coast, visited her a couple more times, and thought I was in love but the trips were getting too expensive I'd move to be with her to try things out before uprooting her to bring her to me. If we get married anyway great, if we decide we were in "dating" love but not "marriage" love well now I can go home without the emotional and financial baggage of this girl living with me.

On the whole jobs issue and difficulty of "starting over" upon return from Ukraine I think the OP will be OK. He said himself that he has jumped around jobs and since he's in his late 20s it's safe to assume he's only renting and doesn't have many other long term financial commitments. Starting over for him, if it doesn't work out and he comes back to the US, shouldn't be as tough as it would be were he ten or more years older and thinking of doing this. Besides, with the crappy economy we've got, there's not much he'll be missing out on if he leaves the country for a bit. Isn't US GDP supposed to flat line for at least the next year?

The whole point is that depending on the age of the American, going to the FSU vs. bringing your girl here immediately may be under-rated. Yes this is a forum about getting US visas/permanent residency/citizenship, but if the guy asking for visa advice is in his 20's and/or early in his career, moving abroad to live with or near the gal for a bit is IMHO an excellent option.

There is no guarantee in any marriage, regardless of where the two people come from. If you hold out for that, you will never get married. There is also no way to decide if she only wants a green card but I think that is a much overused cliche, especially with FSU women.

On the other hand when I see the YouTube videos of Russian kids jumping off roofs into snowbanks I think "Oh well, if they get killed they no longer have to live in Russia"

Better advice? Marry who he wants to. If she leaves him...go get another one.

Suggestion: Try being the best husband she could ever imagine and stop worrying about her leaving you.

[Martyshk 137]

There is also no way to decide if she only wants a green card but I think that is a much overused cliche, especially with FSU women.

Yeah, you're right. But one does run a higher risk of that with a younger woman. There's a perception (that you are well aware of) that money grow on trees in US and all that jazz

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yeah, you're right. But one does run a higher risk of that with a younger woman. There's a perception (that you are well aware of) that money grow on trees in US and all that jazz

Agreed. My main concern for the OP is that he is young and given the Ukrainian woman's proclivity for preferring older men, it means he will be getting a young one, and as FSU women go the young ones are a cheap "knock-off" of the real deal. To bad he can't go home and meet her mother.

[1HappyGuy 45]

Well, I see that poor Jim is getting the full treatment from the RUB. He wanted to know how to go about bringing a woman from Ukraine and this has now descended into a discussion of whether to marry there, here or just live together to see if its right. There are no guarantees in relationships, especially marriage. If you are not willing to take a leap of faith that it will work, then just walk away. A great many of the men on this site have been married before entering into a marriage with a RUB woman. Getting it right or not is just as difficult as any other marriage, except that for a large percentage of the men and women here, they have been through the marriage go round before. They now have perspective.

The OP should get to know the young lady as much as he possibly can and then decide if he wants to ask her to marry. But, if he's concerned that she is just a green card seeker, then he probably isn't comfortable enough with a decision yet. Keep working on it buddy.