American boy loves Ukrainian girl..looking for advice

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Considering that the OP's girlfriend is 23, I HOPE she doesn't have kids between the ages of 18 and 21

She's Ukrainian eekee. My comments were general ones to another poster though There are real and valid reasons for each that go far beyond the usual "which one can I get faster?" reasoning

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

@Bad_Daddy - My first trip was 2 months in summer, the other was 3 months in winter...I really needed to do both to grasp what life is like there. The two European tours were her mom's idea, simply to make her look like a traveler. She was bitter afterwards because she could never find wifi for Skype. Her mom has also suggested that they book an American cruise together to increase the odds of visa approval; tourist visas for cruises are the best option outside of marriage it seems. I'm not against marriage--indeed I know I'll have to do it at some point--but I think anyone would agree the application process would be a lot more comfortable if the financée is standing right beside you. Any idea what a best-case K-1 time-frame would be, from application to touchdown on US soil? Thanks for the reply...with the feedback I'm getting it seems I'll be passing this stool soon.

LOL...I just caught that part of your post just now. Beware of your GF's mother. That one is a wolf in sheep's clothing. I mean she has flashing red lights written all over her by the looks of that post. Cruise trip was her idea eh? Along with the two Schengen visa's for her daughter to make her look like a traveler for future hopes of a tourist visa in the USA...as in a cruise trip?

Most guys meet their fiancee once, maybe twice before having them come here on a visa whether it be K1 or CR1.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Bad_Daddy

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Thanks everyone for the input. I wasn't expecting such a response.

@Gary+Alla - She shouldn't need to work. My primary goal is to be together as soon as possible for as long as possible. My secondary goal is to get her here the easiest way possible. Obviously you're knowledgeable about this and you're familiar with Ukraine. I'm curious if you had other reasons for not marrying in Ukraine...that would be the quickest way to be together, correct? It sounds like Alla brought her adult children to America at the same time...was that the main reason for doing the K-1 and did that add extra complication for you? (if you don't mind my asking)

No, fiancee visa is usually faster and you can apply for it today. A spouse visa is going to require at least one more trip back to get married. You already meet the K-1 requirement.

We had a K-2 child in the 18-21 age group also. My wife is not 23, but her son is (almost anyway). I had some experience with 23 year old Ukrainian women and now I would tell them "Take me home to meet momma"

Extra people add extra complications, yes. Especially when one of them comes afterward so all his paperwork is delayed by 10 months. AND one of them was going to college in Moscow, Russia while a Green card holder! YES, you can. NO, it is not easy. Seems like it never ends. But it does. But our entire journey went smoothly, not a hitch, glitch or question asked. I thank VJ for that. I studied and studied everything here and asked a lot of questions.

As far as the immigration process being complicated...it is not. Life is complicated, this is nothing but a minor nuisance. Worth it. Too many people get WAY too worked up over this visa BS. You are contemplating marriage and life with someone and (probably) children and all that implies...Dude! Visas are nothing! Holy Christ I am doing college applications with Pasha right now and those are like 10 times worse! And I did them with Alla (twice!) and Sergey and now Pasha. Taught all of them drive, got drivers licenses, insurance, cars, car wrecks, more cars, two masters degrees, starting on a doctorate for Sergey and a third bachelors degree for Alla and, Jeezum, winter tires for the cars and get rid of the winter tires for the wrecked cars, and clean out the basement and bring in the lawn furniture, and WAIT, stop everything and take Pasha to the hospital because he got dropped on his head in wrestling practice...are you kidding me? And I LOVE it and I LOVE my family and I wouldn't change a thing

High maintenance is OK by me, kind of like owning a Ferrari.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[baron555 934]

Time available for me to weigh in a bit:

It was obvious we were in love....... and ever since my return to the US in April I've been trying to figure out how to bring her here.

In Love?.....So What! I think you're in the wrong place......actually better stated.....No, there is no way for you to bring her here......so you guys can continue to stay in love.

The ONLY way for you to petition for a visa to be issued to her is if you two HAVE a legitimate relationship and only if you INTEND to marry (and stay married). Do you even have any evidence to serve as proof that you two are acting like and intend to get married?

I you two are not ready NOW to get married, then besides these numerous trips is for you to move there.

OK, after thinking a bit, I think you need to look at the big picture. Your task now is less "how can I spend as much time with this girl in the near future/get her over to the US as fast as possible" and more "how can I build a foundation for a good future."

Well stated.

As far as I know, the affadavit of support relies mainly on tax returns. Being paid under the table and giving your word won't cut it. Your parents or whoever can cosign, but you're 27 and work at Staples.

Can you support her based on a retail job? What happens when children come along? Do you know those costs?

What about the costs just for her to live here?

There seems to be consensus that K-1 is the way to go.

Yes assuming you are ready to get married now.

I read about it before, but was immediately put off by the countless number of hoops to jump through and the countless delays and back-and-forth of documents, and, of course, the unexpected setbacks.

As Gary has stated, it's only some measly paperwork. One would think from reading the myriad of questions of folks that it is really complicated and mysterious. It isn't, as long as you can read English and follow instructions. The K-1 paperwork is nothing.

[Martyshk 137]

.......Or......Don't change names !!!

In Ukraine, for example, you don't need a visa once you have a U.S. passport....so all that name changing doesn't really matter.

For example as far as Ukraine is concerned - my wife never married or left the country or anything. She has her internal passport in her maiden name and she'll keep putting new photos (renewals) into it whenever it's required and that's about it.

In a couple of years, once she's a citizen she'll just use U.S. passport to enter Ukraine and that's the end of it.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

.......Or......Don't change names !!!

Exactly. Alla never changed her name until she received citizenship, changed her name at the same time and has her US passport in her married name. Not an issue at all.

Even if she changes names the "nightmare" is easily solved by carrying a copy of the marriage certificate when returning from international travel. It isn't like the situation confuses the CBP, they have it pretty well figured it out by now.

The nightmare is usually an uninformed, inexperienced person running around saying "OH NO!" I have never seen a thread that stated someone's wife was barred admission to the US based on different names on Green Card vs. Foreign passport. Kind if a fabricated/imagined non-issue, actually.

In Ukraine, for example, you don't need a visa once you have a U.S. passport....so all that name changing doesn't really matter.

For example as far as Ukraine is concerned - my wife never married or left the country or anything. She has her internal passport in her maiden name and she'll keep putting new photos (renewals) into it whenever it's required and that's about it.

In a couple of years, once she's a citizen she'll just use U.S. passport to enter Ukraine and that's the end of it.

Not even close to rocket science to figure out! She has no intention of ever telling Ukraine anything. Why would she?

Edited December 5, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[Martyshk 137]

Exactly. Alla never changed her name until she received citizenship, changed her name at the same time and has her US passport in her married name. Not an issue at all.

Even if she changes names the "nightmare" is easily solved by carrying a copy of the marriage certificate when returning from international travel. It isn't like the situation confuses the CBP, they have it pretty well figured it out by now.

The nightmare is usually an uninformed, inexperienced person running around saying "OH NO!" I have never seen a thread that stated someone's wife was barred admission to the US based on different names on Green Card vs. Foreign passport. Kind if a fabricated/imagined non-issue, actually.

Gary,

My wife has changed her name when we applied for the AOS. Yes, she never had any issues at the US border coming back, however, two years ago she ran into some stupid stupid lady at the check-in counter at Boryspil and she gave my wife a lot of grief in regards to: "I don't know any of the documents you are showing me". It was all resolved by talking to a supervisor, but so far, no mess or "nightmare" with a married name on GC and maiden name in the passport.

Basically, what I'm saying is, yes, it's all pretty easy if you know what you are in for and are well informed.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Martyshk

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

OK, after thinking a bit, I think you need to look at the big picture. Your task now is less "how can I spend as much time with this girl in the near future/get her over to the US as fast as possible" and more "how can I build a foundation for a good future."

As far as I know, the affadavit of support relies mainly on tax returns. Being paid under the table and giving your word won't cut it. Your parents or whoever can cosign, but you're 27 and work at Staples. Dude. I don't know the facts of her life, but the fact that she has an iPhone and travels internationally and is the beloved only child? Maybe she works and lives at home so she can spend all her money on herself, whatever, but living in America is more expensive when you factor in healthcare, taxes, having a car, etc. I would focus on getting your ###### together and not jetting off to Ukraine constantly. There are plenty if women in RUB who work hard and make sacrifices, but these tend to be not-23 year olds who have kids, like Gary or Baron's Allas. The younger girls I know put a lot of stock in a man who can provide them/their future kids with Nice Things.

So did "old" Alla!

Your advice is good eekee. I am not sure how a 27 year old can go off to Ukraine for 90 days with no job. I visited 6 times during our process but not for more than 5 days and for as little as 3 days (plus travel time which adds 3 days)and even that pissed off my boss. Fortunately I was worth just slightly worth more than the trouble I caused.

The job situation can be addressed, of course but spending so long in Ukraine is not going to help. Get her over here and stop this nonsense.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

This. I always wonder why they don't get their names changed immediately after getting married over there along with a new passport. It comes back to bite them in the ####### more times than naught. Either you want a new life with your husband and you want to do it right, or you can fck around and still use your old last name and have future problems. If my wife was in the latter group I wouldn't have married her. I have no patience for that #######.

Alla was married before and never cahnged her name. This is the first time.

Kip, you and I value different things in a relationship, and some of the same things.... Names have exactly -0- value to me. Sorry, but you aren;t going to get me interested in that. BTW Alla says she changed because she was tired of having to spell "Smokinghotnikova" to everyone.

Bad enough she always has to spell "Alla", now how easy can you get? Baron, does your wife have that trouble? For whatever reason, Americans cannot seem to get it when she says "my name is Alla" She always has to say "No, Alla, A-L-L-A"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There seems to be consensus that K-1 is the way to go. I read about it before, but was immediately put off by the countless number of hoops to jump through and the countless delays and back-and-forth of documents, and, of course, the unexpected setbacks.

Sounds just like LIFE..only easier.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

OK, after thinking a bit, I think you need to look at the big picture. Your task now is less "how can I spend as much time with this girl in the near future/get her over to the US as fast as possible" and more "how can I build a foundation for a good future."

As far as I know, the affadavit of support relies mainly on tax returns. Being paid under the table and giving your word won't cut it. Your parents or whoever can cosign, but you're 27 and work at Staples. Dude. I don't know the facts of her life, but the fact that she has an iPhone and travels internationally and is the beloved only child? Maybe she works and lives at home so she can spend all her money on herself, whatever, but living in America is more expensive when you factor in healthcare, taxes, having a car, etc. I would focus on getting your ###### together and not jetting off to Ukraine constantly. There are plenty if women in RUB who work hard and make sacrifices, but these tend to be not-23 year olds who have kids, like Gary or Baron's Allas. The younger girls I know put a lot of stock in a man who can provide them/their future kids with Nice Things.

A lot of people work in retail and a lot of them are married and have families. That is do-able. However everyone needs to know this up front.

Ukrainians tend to think of Americans as wealthy to begin with, after all WE are coming to Ukraine to see THEM and they cannot afford to come to America so right away it is pretty clear we muct be RICH, right? I costs no more to fly to Kiev or Moscow than to fly to California from where I live, maybe less.

If your fiancee thinks she hit the gravy train jackpot but really bought into a life of work that the average foreigner can get in America even with excellent English skills, then she is going to be disappointed and better get the cruise in now!

If, like with my wife, our life is really no "better" but her children have better opportunities and she has experienced some benefits she would not have and she is happy with that...then you will do fine.

You also have to contrast that my wife grew up in the Soviet Union, completed her education and started her career as a teacher before the Soviet Union ended, experienced two total economic collapses and stood in line to buy a cucumber. She may be a bit spoiled now with "almost free clothes and high heels" but the foundation is always with her. I wonder about young people that go into apoplectic convulsions if separated from their cell phone or laptop for more than a few seconds.

Just be on the up and up. If this girl is not going to be happy, don't trouble yourself or her. There are others that would be happy

[baron555 934]

Until Leonid is 18, regardless of US citizenship, my wife can not change her name on her passport.

It's no big deal to us; we still climb into the same bed together (not totally naked but end up that way !!) and it is not discussed because it is not an issue with us.

Personally I could care less what her last name is. She's my wife and always by my side and me by hers. Period.

Nothing against retail and all that. But.....it seems this young couple may not be ready for marriage....and that is the only way he can petition for a visa for her to come here permanently.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Until Leonid is 18, regardless of US citizenship, my wife can not change her name on her passport.

It's no big deal to us; we still climb into the same bed together (not totally naked but end up that way !!) and it is not discussed because it is not an issue with us.

Personally I could care less what her last name is. She's my wife and always by my side and me by hers. Period.

Nothing against retail and all that. But.....it seems this young couple may not be ready for marriage....and that is the only way he can petition for a visa for her to come here permanently.

Our discussion of names occured on a bus in Donetsk. Alla said "Will I have to change my name?" I said "No, you do not have to" That was it. Until her citizenship and I was filling out the form and it asks if you want to change your name. I almost checked "no" but asked her and she said "Yes, I think so, I am tired of always spelling my last name" That was it. As with you, it just is not an issue for us. Her name is changed on all the official ID stuff now, but not on everything yet.

I also do not think it is unusual for a young person who does not have a family to regard the I-129f as some sort of voodoo game, when really it is about as simple as government forms get...I mean, c'mon, this is nothing but personal information you know off the top of your head and copies of documents you have (should have) in your desk drawer.

I cannot say if they are ready to get married. But it is a lot more hoops than a visa! #######, I think Pasha dropped more papers on my desk tonight to fill out for his school than I filled out for his visa! His college applications cost more than the visa. This visa stuff is just peanuts, that's all it is.

[JlM 0]

Ok, wow there is a lot of information here. Clearly this forum will be an important part of this process for Dana and me. I wish I would have come here sooner!

Please give me a little more time to digest this info and I'll report back.

Thanks to all.

[james&olya 1,121]

Gary,

My wife has changed her name when we applied for the AOS. Yes, she never had any issues at the US border coming back, however, two years ago she ran into some stupid stupid lady at the check-in counter at Boryspil and she gave my wife a lot of grief in regards to: "I don't know any of the documents you are showing me". It was all resolved by talking to a supervisor, but so far, no mess or "nightmare" with a married name on GC and maiden name in the passport.

Maybe she was looking for a document that had a picture of a president on it!