Seperation of CR 1 after 8 Months of living together

[SOL.Broken 0]

untitled.bmpI agree with most of you as well, it is not up to me to decide her GC or US or other country destination, time was given, and we did not get a long and i need to break away. I'm asking her forgiveness of the customers dowery of 10K, and i will provide evidance. I have already spent alot of $$ up to 39K to get her to this point, costs, etc, which i would not have done if it was not for me wanting to give a piece of myself to make this work and to have a happy family.

So, it comes to it, i will give her the dowery back in Iran, not here, and divorce in 6 months.

I guess, it is difficult to be at an agreement with someone people, to see all points of view... She say's i owe her from bring her to US, and i say i have paid all i had to pay, and no more money is due to you...

anyhow this not ease, and i thank you all for your inputs, and understanding, it means alot to me to hear from a 3rd party like youselves,

now i'm packing everything goes into storage, and will travel California to figure out what to do next, and live in hotels for a while, i may stay here to may go back to michigan or toronto, canada..... man this is messed up.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

untitled.bmpI agree with most of you as well, it is not up to me to decide her GC or US or other country destination, time was given, and we did not get a long and i need to break away. I'm asking her forgiveness of the customers dowery of 10K, and i will provide evidance. I have already spent alot of $$ up to 39K to get her to this point, costs, etc, which i would not have done if it was not for me wanting to give a piece of myself to make this work and to have a happy family.

So, it comes to it, i will give her the dowery back in Iran, not here, and divorce in 6 months.

I guess, it is difficult to be at an agreement with someone people, to see all points of view... She say's i owe her from bring her to US, and i say i have paid all i had to pay, and no more money is due to you...

anyhow this not ease, and i thank you all for your inputs, and understanding, it means alot to me to hear from a 3rd party like youselves,

now i'm packing everything goes into storage, and will travel California to figure out what to do next, and live in hotels for a while, i may stay here to may go back to michigan or toronto, canada..... man this is messed up.

I think you summarised what is at issue in your last post, that this is a case of grave disappointment that two people that thought they were destined to spend their lives together, simply can't manage to make that happen. It is not unusual for you to feel as though all the expense and effort you put out has been for naught, and you are entitled to seek redress for that in the family court process of terminating the marriage. I'd recommend that you consult with an attorney in your area. Good luck. Brighter days, and quite possibly meeting the woman you will be spending your life with are just around the corner. Chin Up!

[SOL.Broken 0]

i called U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, i was told if we are seperating and filling for divorce, I am required and owe it to this country to go and report it in person and if anything else is worth reporting.. She does not return my calls and the peace we made on a plan of seperation is out to lunch. She has now emptied the back account and still has my cell, and making long dis. calls, and not calling me back... i guess i am now finding my way, as to how to deal with this...

[PurrSuede 0]

i called U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, i was told if we are seperating and filling for divorce, I am required and owe it to this country to go and report it in person and if anything else is worth reporting.. She does not return my calls and the peace we made on a plan of seperation is out to lunch. She has now emptied the back account and still has my cell, and making long dis. calls, and not calling me back... i guess i am now finding my way, as to how to deal with this...

The answer on "how to deal with this"...

Protect ~yourself~.... and deal with the rest one day at a time.

Open your own bank account ASAP. Your signature ONLY. Notify the bank as well. See if you can remove your signature from the joint account. I'm glad I never put a lot of funds in our joint account, never more than I had in my own savings account, just in case...

I've been led to understand from several people that the USCIS is taking a very dim view lately of immigrants who bail out of a marriage prior to LPR... hearsay rule applies, your mileage can and will vary...

I wish you good luck, but the main thing is cover your own BUTT and let her deal with the consequences from the USCIS.

for what it's worth....

-- Dan

[SOL.Broken 0]

now i'm told by her and her family memebers, that the dewery is 100,000.00 US NOT 10,000 As i was told back when she uped the amount, as i was lied to. they say now, do not divorce her, she will sign a financial agreement with no claims, allow her to get her Green Card, and then divorce her. I said to them, i will not lie to the Immigration. Man this is nuts... I feel fraugelent marraige is on hand, and I have been fooled into this marriage thinking this was a bout us. Now this is all about immigration and making deals,,,,, it is becoming more and more obviouse.....what you think

[PurrSuede 0]

now i'm told by her and her family memebers, that the dewery is 100,000.00 US NOT 10,000 As i was told back when she uped the amount, as i was lied to. they say now, do not divorce her, she will sign a financial agreement with no claims, allow her to get her Green Card, and then divorce her. I said to them, i will not lie to the Immigration. Man this is nuts... I feel fraugelent marraige is on hand, and I have been fooled into this marriage thinking this was a bout us. Now this is all about immigration and making deals,,,,, it is becoming more and more obviouse.....what you think

I'm not sure who "they" are who is saying all these things...

I think you need to see a family-law (divorce) attorney, and possibly an immigration attorney as well.

And you might want to make an INFOPASS appointment to see a USCIS officer and explain to them that you are being offered something of value (such as not having to pay a dowry, or a financial agreement with no claims) in return for "allowing her to get her Green Card". I think that could be construed as immigration fraud, and I think the USCIS could possibly see it in the same light.

That's what I think.

-- Dan

[diadromous mermaid 36]

now i'm told by her and her family memebers, that the dewery is 100,000.00 US NOT 10,000 As i was told back when she uped the amount, as i was lied to. they say now, do not divorce her, she will sign a financial agreement with no claims, allow her to get her Green Card, and then divorce her. I said to them, i will not lie to the Immigration. Man this is nuts... I feel fraugelent marraige is on hand, and I have been fooled into this marriage thinking this was a bout us. Now this is all about immigration and making deals,,,,, it is becoming more and more obviouse.....what you think

Forgive my ignorance with custom, but is a dowry usually arranged and memorialised in written form? If not, is it just based upon an ethical obligation to honour one's word? Frankly, I know that on its face the forgiveness of a financial obligation in return for her guaranteed GC might appear to be immigration fraud, and certainly that might be the motivation on the part of her and her family, but I am not sure that USCIS would necessarily view it this way, unless there is something in writing.

My thought is that she has the conditional green card at this time, and with sufficient documentation, USCIS *could* approve her permanent green card. If that were the case then what fraudulent act could you prove, even if you surmise that it might have been planned from inception? Naturally, this would not be the case, if there were real deficiencies in the documentation needed to support the bona fides of the marriage. From your post, I sense that such documentation exists. Your failing to provide it, or placing a condition upon its provision could compromise your positoin in any future legal action, should you choose to take it and could play right into a VAWA waiver situation for your wife.

If the dowry was established at $10,000 and now that has been unilaterally increased to $100,000 because you have decided to divorce your wife, then that seems to me to be certainly an attempt at extortion ~ upping the ante and using that as leverage to browbeat you into submission in order to satisfy their demands. That would be a civil matter, and of course, any civil process would require that you prove that you have been placed in such a position. However, if she or her family were found guilty of such an act, then it might assist in any future claim of fraud with the immigration service.

Ah, what a mess! Consult a family lawyer, and better that this person be familiar with the consequences of immigration.

Edited November 14, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[SOL.Broken 0]

diadromous mermaid, The dowery was said to be 10,000 us equivalent when she asked for to up it again, and it said ok, it was only recently i have revitalized that it was worth 100,000, it was my fault not to verify the actual value of the 110 gold coins written in.

She has some pictures of marriage, etc, the wedding was a mock one to prove a marriage, there was an actual city hall marriage done. I have set up a meeting with infopass and will tell them what i know, and how they have tried to buy the g.c permanent status with the dewery trade off, is there is a guarantee, no there is not, but i feel it to be my duty to tell USIC at infopass, more importantly she told me she knows people here in us she can marry with 10K cost if she wanted to do so, but she does not know she has to exit and return for that case, and with this case up in the air she is done with us imm.

all letters and everything she ever wrote was never in a complaining vain rather in a how i love you no matter how much we were having trouble in the relationship, she never ever wrote down in letter form. now looking back, this was all done for her to prove bone fied.........marriage and her intent, she is smart in that regards... anyhow, divorce is filed, in 6 months divorce will be issued, this will be before the 2 yr ann.less 3 months, and she can take her chances.

I tell USCIS all i know give evidence i have with taped recorded phone calls, letter and what i have, and have to leave the rest up them. Meantime, i know back in home land her mom with a power of attorney will execute the dowery request from me, i will not be there, and i will not be able to enter or exit home land, until i pay the 100,000 us which i do not have the money for, nor i would pay even if i could, and so I say Good Bye to the old country,, Which is sad, but this is life, i have pay the prcie for being a STUID SUCKER. that has been used, and left for s..h..i...t.. that is how i feel.... thanks for your suggestions, i do appreciate any help you can give me ..

specially what type info i should give the infopass imm. officer..when i meet with them to show her intent to get her g.c. more than wanting to have bone fied marraige.!!!! man i am all confused and need to put this behind me... after all the wait money spent on her lawyer for imm. selling buying home, losing cash, i am stock how to back out of this....i feel like i'm nothing

[diadromous mermaid 36]

diadromous mermaid, The dowery was said to be 10,000 us equivalent when she asked for to up it again, and it said ok, it was only recently i have revitalized that it was worth 100,000, it was my fault not to verify the actual value of the 110 gold coins written in.

She has some pictures of marriage, etc, the wedding was a mock one to prove a marriage, there was an actual city hall marriage done. I have set up a meeting with infopass and will tell them what i know, and how they have tried to buy the g.c permanent status with the dewery trade off, is there is a guarantee, no there is not, but i feel it to be my duty to tell USIC at infopass, more importantly she told me she knows people here in us she can marry with 10K cost if she wanted to do so, but she does not know she has to exit and return for that case, and with this case up in the air she is done with us imm.

all letters and everything she ever wrote was never in a complaining vain rather in a how i love you no matter how much we were having trouble in the relationship, she never ever wrote down in letter form. now looking back, this was all done for her to prove bone fied.........marriage and her intent, she is smart in that regards... anyhow, divorce is filed, in 6 months divorce will be issued, this will be before the 2 yr ann.less 3 months, and she can take her chances.

I tell USCIS all i know give evidence i have with taped recorded phone calls, letter and what i have, and have to leave the rest up them. Meantime, i know back in home land her mom with a power of attorney will execute the dowery request from me, i will not be there, and i will not be able to enter or exit home land, until i pay the 100,000 us which i do not have the money for, nor i would pay even if i could, and so I say Good Bye to the old country,, Which is sad, but this is life, i have pay the prcie for being a STUID SUCKER. that has been used, and left for s..h..i...t.. that is how i feel.... thanks for your suggestions, i do appreciate any help you can give me ..

specially what type info i should give the infopass imm. officer..when i meet with them to show her intent to get her g.c. more than wanting to have bone fied marraige.!!!! man i am all confused and need to put this behind me... after all the wait money spent on her lawyer for imm. selling buying home, losing cash, i am stock how to back out of this....i feel like i'm nothing

SOL.broken,

Please remember that some individuals take advantage of others, and the more trusting a person is the easier it is to be preyed upon. That being said, it is the perpetrator that should be embarassed, humiliated and feel like a fool, and not the victim.

It sure would be interesting to see who is really smart and who is not, and drop a subtle hint or two to suggest that you are confused with the new proposed arrangement and that you need a little clarification in writing. Perhaps our alien family members will be foolish enough to write out their demands for the $100,000 in such a way that the scheme will become apparent

OK, folks, even a mermaid can be occasionally

[SOL.Broken 0]

I have requested that my lawyer get their offer or proposal in writting, on other hand, my lawyer is obligated by law to give me the proposal in writting even if they do not supply it, as it is what she told me their offer is so why can't my lawyer give it to me as referencing offer by the other side....

My lawyer said, they will delay and delay until G.C. done and will not allow finilization of divorce unitl then... I said, we'll take them to court in calif. and order divorce by court after 6 months of being served..... man this is nuts....

she still calling me leaving Vmail, as if nothing has happend, and that i'm making a big mistake and we should and are ment to be together, and orders the Devil to come out me...

[SOL.Broken 0]

[quote name='PurrSuede' date='Nov 14 2006, 01:54 PM' post=

I'm not sure who "they" are who is saying all these things...

I think you need to see a family-law (divorce) attorney, and possibly an immigration attorney as well.

And you might want to make an INFOPASS appointment to see a USCIS officer and explain to them that you are being offered something of value (such as not having to pay a dowry, or a financial agreement with no claims) in return for "allowing her to get her Green Card". I think that could be construed as immigration fraud, and I think the USCIS could possibly see it in the same light.

That's what I think.

-- Dan

Dan, i got an infopass set up, but down deep inside i still feel guilty, although i should not and the sooner i get this to the USCIS the better, i know no matter what she would not give up her dowery which is now grown, so i kiss a deal of sort good bye, besides, i have never been dishonest with the goverment and i do not plan to start over her...we'll see

[PurrSuede 0]

I have requested that my lawyer get their offer or proposal in writting, on other hand, my lawyer is obligated by law to give me the proposal in writting even if they do not supply it, as it is what she told me their offer is so why can't my lawyer give it to me as referencing offer by the other side....

My lawyer said, they will delay and delay until G.C. done and will not allow finilization of divorce unitl then... I said, we'll take them to court in calif. and order divorce by court after 6 months of being served..... man this is nuts....

And they can delay and delay all you like... there is nothing on earth that can MAKE you file the joint petition with her. There is no law that says you MUST sign the joint petition. And if she files by herself, she will NEED a divorce waiver. So I think you're the one holding the cards, not the other way around.

-- Dan

[Lurker 0]

Just a bit of straight talking here. Cover your butt, talk to Immigration...write a letter explaining everything, and then get it notorized and hand it to the officer. Then RUN!!! Get fast and far away from this situation. If you dance too much in fire...you will get burned.

[Lurker 0]

Just a bit of straight talking here. Cover your butt, talk to Immigration...write a letter explaining everything, and then get it notorized and hand it to the officer. Then RUN!!! Get fast and far away from this situation. If you dance too much in fire...you will get burned.

Everytime I try to edit a post it locks me out from editing my own post. Anyway here is the original post in full.

Just a bit of straight talking here. I was in a bad relationship similar to yours. She manipulated and twisted everything around, which actually everything was in my favor. She was very good at making things seem different than what they actually where. As soon as I got away (far away) from the situation, my life immediately turned around for the better. As long as I stood around and talked and thought about it with her...things just progressed worse and worse and worse.

I started getting help too during the relationship. She never did...claiming there was nothing wrong with her. She even said that I must be the crazy one because I went to a counselor to improve our lives.

What your dealing with is a false sense of pride. PRIDE is good...but too much is very evil and can only keep an individual ignorant.

I must say I learned a lot from that relationship...I learned what kind of man I can be, and how hard I can try to make a relationship work on my own..even if the other doesn't want to help. I learned this was very valuable. Even though written down, it would seem she really had the upper hand in the relationship, and that it was all her fault. But even today, I still take 50% of the blame. I am humble like that.

Cover your butt, talk to Immigration...write a letter explaining everything, and then get it notorized and hand it to the officer. Then RUN!!! Get fast and far away from this situation. If you dance too much in fire...you will get burned.

[SOL.Broken 0]

Dear Luker, Thank for your thoughts. I have an Infopass appointment, and will explain how i was munupulated into this relatinship; and the entire intent was G.C. to US and that she does not deserved US as she will take advantage of others, and she has to be shipped back. I will write a letter and have it notorized as well for their file.

Meantime, i am moving all into storage and will be on the road a lot and don't want to be found. She is still calling, but i know how she is munupulitive.

Any of your thoughts are much appreciated, it is hard to keep the chin up. as the damage done is too deep and i truley feel used..