Seperation of CR 1 after 8 Months of living together

[SOL.Broken 0]

after 5 weeks of introduction we got married, my story is long has to all things to done while married.. Sell house in Toronto Ca, find a job in Michigan buy house in michigan, she comes, i loose my job, i find job in California, i sell house in Michigan and move to California, start the job, and i get fired because i was late all the time, as i had to drive her to work too and she was allways late, i can't find a job and i look back as she to how our relationship has pushed me more and more towards the rear of my carrier path and even self worth..

Well, here is where things stand. I have though hard and long, for too long, that our personalities are ones too alike, that neither one can deescalate issues and discussion, rather they always have been escalating and it has been taking it’s toll on me, and she just does not know me enough or me her enough to deescalate issues that are arise after 1 yr 10 months or so. Over my past, I have gone to a lot of programs and self improvement process to face my own issues and try to correct them, I always learn, the 1st step is to recognize that there is an issue with one’s personality or character that requires to be adjusted or changed for the higher goal in life, I have done that, yet she is not even willing to admit that there is anything in her that is to be recognized or adjusted for the higher goal, which the family, she constantly say’s I don’t need to admit to it, yet there is not issue with me now, and have adjusted…. Anyhow, voodoo stuff she tried to do earlier, and so on…. This has come to an end…

We are now living in separate places, I have taken on the costs for the apt. at 2200/month and she has moved to one her relatives who live in town. Which I did not know she had relatives here, but had found our now she has more than 20 or so relatives who live here…..

I have spoken with the family lawyer, based on cal. Law you file for dissolution of marriage or separation, as the lawyer explained one over the other, I felt I want a divorce anyways, so I go for the dissolution of the marriage option, after having signed the petition for the lawyer, few days later, I found out that for her to stay here, it would be best to file for separation and proceed with the process until her CR 1 becomes permanent and then get the divorce filed.

I just don’t know what to do, my heart say’s one thing but my logic in knowing her say’s, I will have difficulties with her to stay separated and having to be in contact until her CR1 is permanent, GC. That she will try on going wanting to get back together, and I know that will be very difficult for me to do, as I know with my own logic and all inner energies that this will not work, that over the years I will be feeling under pressure and and pushed into depression and no good to anyone.

Please don’t recommend counseling, this relationship is OVER..

After all of this, I am just asking you fellows,

1. Should I file for separations and have to constantly help her and push her and be in touch with her to process the Green card to permanent.

2. Should file for dissolutions of divorce and not file the divorce, go to the immigration interview, etc. and if vote positive to imm. And tell imm. As separated, and not in a relationship but, her intent was not one to want imm. But to make a life together and that is a positive contributor to the society.

3. just divorce and move and let her deal with it and me become free and able to move on with my life.

[Fandango 1,439]

The magic 8ball says '#3'

Seriously, why ask us? It's up to you....what do you want to do? Do you want to help her or not? It all depends on your motivation.

Sorry to hear things didn't work, and good luck in whichever path you take,

[diadromous mermaid 36]

after 5 weeks of introduction we got married, my story is long has to all things to done while married.. Sell house in Toronto Ca, find a job in Michigan buy house in michigan, she comes, i loose my job, i find job in California, i sell house in Michigan and move to California, start the job, and i get fired because i was late all the time, as i had to drive her to work too and she was allways late, i can't find a job and i look back as she to how our relationship has pushed me more and more towards the rear of my carrier path and even self worth..

Well, here is where things stand. I have though hard and long, for too long, that our personalities are ones too alike, that neither one can deescalate issues and discussion, rather they always have been escalating and it has been taking it’s toll on me, and she just does not know me enough or me her enough to deescalate issues that are arise after 1 yr 10 months or so. Over my past, I have gone to a lot of programs and self improvement process to face my own issues and try to correct them, I always learn, the 1st step is to recognize that there is an issue with one’s personality or character that requires to be adjusted or changed for the higher goal in life, I have done that, yet she is not even willing to admit that there is anything in her that is to be recognized or adjusted for the higher goal, which the family, she constantly say’s I don’t need to admit to it, yet there is not issue with me now, and have adjusted…. Anyhow, voodoo stuff she tried to do earlier, and so on…. This has come to an end…

We are now living in separate places, I have taken on the costs for the apt. at 2200/month and she has moved to one her relatives who live in town. Which I did not know she had relatives here, but had found our now she has more than 20 or so relatives who live here…..

I have spoken with the family lawyer, based on cal. Law you file for dissolution of marriage or separation, as the lawyer explained one over the other, I felt I want a divorce anyways, so I go for the dissolution of the marriage option, after having signed the petition for the lawyer, few days later, I found out that for her to stay here, it would be best to file for separation and proceed with the process until her CR 1 becomes permanent and then get the divorce filed.

I just don’t know what to do, my heart say’s one thing but my logic in knowing her say’s, I will have difficulties with her to stay separated and having to be in contact until her CR1 is permanent, GC. That she will try on going wanting to get back together, and I know that will be very difficult for me to do, as I know with my own logic and all inner energies that this will not work, that over the years I will be feeling under pressure and and pushed into depression and no good to anyone.

Please don’t recommend counseling, this relationship is OVER..

After all of this, I am just asking you fellows,

1. Should I file for separations and have to constantly help her and push her and be in touch with her to process the Green card to permanent.

2. Should file for dissolutions of divorce and not file the divorce, go to the immigration interview, etc. and if vote positive to imm. And tell imm. As separated, and not in a relationship but, her intent was not one to want imm. But to make a life together and that is a positive contributor to the society.

3. just divorce and move and let her deal with it and me become free and able to move on with my life.

No one can make that choice for you, but option 3, will allow both of your to fashion your futures without concern for the other. Just make sure she has all the evidence she will need to demonstrate a bona fide marriage, petition for divorce, reach a settlement prior to the deadline to remove conditions is here, so she can file her waiver.

[Fandango 1,439]

I have to say, and I know I prolly shouldn't...BUT...you say you were in Mich then went to Cali and your wife just so happens to find out she's got like 20 relatives there? And you were willing to work on the relationship but she wasn't. I'm sorry, but I truly don't understand how you can be so concerned with her getting her perm GC when it is quite unclear as to what her initial intent was in the first place, cos this smells fishy.

and don't even get me started with the 'voodoo' stuff

[SOL.Broken 0]

One more thing, she tells me if I take Option 3, then she has a 0 chance of getting her GC permement, even if i give her all the evidance for it now, for her to use later for application. after all she is from Iran.

[Ban Hammer 13,349]

One more thing, she tells me if I take Option 3, then she has a 0 chance of getting her GC permement, even if i give her all the evidance for it now, for her to use later for application. after all she is from Iran.

and that's your problem how?

[SOL.Broken 0]

One more thing, she tells me if I take Option 3, then she has a 0 chance of getting her GC permement, even if i give her all the evidance for it now, for her to use later for application. after all she is from Iran.

and that's your problem how?

The issue is i would feel guilty if she was not able to get her GC permenent, and i do not want to live with that, even if she intented to marry me just for GC and US of A.

[perfect 39]

Perhaps this is one of the issues you could look at - why YOU would feel guilty when there have obviously been many things going on under the surface completely outwith your control. Maybe you could work to free yourself from feeling guilt over things that you have no right or responsibility to feel guilty about and then you will be in a better position to make the "right" decision. It sounds a wee bit like one of many co-dependency issues.

Living with perceived guilt can be devastating and move you to make decision that you would otherwise have not felt compelled to make and which hold you back from progressing in the future.

No-one here can tell you what to do, but even logically speaking, why would you want to support someone who conceivably has scammed you for a green card?

I really feel for you, but when all said and done, you owe her nothing and the fact that she conveniently seems to have found "family" here that you didn't know about previously, does smack somewhat of a connived scheme to get a greencard, and I for one would not support anyone that did that to me.

I hope you manage to free yourself emotionally so that you can pursue a future without furthering your own hurt.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

One more thing, she tells me if I take Option 3, then she has a 0 chance of getting her GC permement, even if i give her all the evidance for it now, for her to use later for application. after all she is from Iran.

This is not at all true. There are many waivers that are approved, without even an interview.

Perhaps this is one of the issues you could look at - why YOU would feel guilty when there have obviously been many things going on under the surface completely outwith your control. Maybe you could work to free yourself from feeling guilt over things that you have no right or responsibility to feel guilty about and then you will be in a better position to make the "right" decision. It sounds a wee bit like one of many co-dependency issues.

Living with perceived guilt can be devastating and move you to make decision that you would otherwise have not felt compelled to make and which hold you back from progressing in the future.

No-one here can tell you what to do, but even logically speaking, why would you want to support someone who conceivably has scammed you for a green card?

I really feel for you, but when all said and done, you owe her nothing and the fact that she conveniently seems to have found "family" here that you didn't know about previously, does smack somewhat of a connived scheme to get a greencard, and I for one would not support anyone that did that to me.

I hope you manage to free yourself emotionally so that you can pursue a future without furthering your own hurt.

Sorry, but this is simply "idle speculation" and no one has the right to judge the OP's situation, or the mindset of his spouse better than he.

[SOL.Broken 0]

It is funny, as i kept telling her this over, and you have a family her, go ahead move in with them, she did try to want to change my mind... and once she knew i have made up my mind..... It has all become about her Green Card Now.... and that is all she wants me to help her with to make it easier for her.... My gute say's the same as all of you go with Option 3... I have told her, i want a divorce, and will give you all you need to help you with the GC and if needed i will come to court and testify that your intent was to be have a life here not the Green Card.

Edited November 3, 2006 by sg14all

[SOL.Broken 0]

Here is an updated, this like a drama... she does not let up...

since we got married, were it is their custom to have a dowery, which to me was never acceptable and i agreed to about 10 K us, she is saying i have to pay her, then file for seperation and with a plan with her to her GC permenent, or not to file for divorce and right the process till she get's her GC done, and then we divorce... When i say to her I need to move on with life and attachements other than what has been offered is difficult and unlawfull for me to present and sign and etc., and i do not want to lie, rather i will testify for her intent for marriage if needed for me to do so later on, and give up your dowery and provide me with agreement as such and i will file for divorce but not issue the divorce until 9 months later rather than 6 which CA law, and she want her money...

Man i should have her deported, and pay her 10K and for her to go back, which i have offered her and she wants everything....this is nuts,..

Question, if we got seperated or Divorced final, Am I required by law to inform INS. or IMM or other institutions, other than the NUT HOUSE..

Edited November 7, 2006 by sg14all

[Joey559 1]

One more thing, she tells me if I take Option 3, then she has a 0 chance of getting her GC permement, even if i give her all the evidance for it now, for her to use later for application. after all she is from Iran.

and that's your problem how?

The issue is i would feel guilty if she was not able to get her GC permenent, and i do not want to live with that, even if she intented to marry me just for GC and US of A.

My friend if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...it's a duck. You've been had. You shouldn't feel guilty. While it's admirable that you are the type of person who would, it is not on you to supply this woman with a one way ticket to US citizenship. Get out. You're doing yourself and this country a favor by not allowing in one more person who thinks they can commit fraud and have access to the freedoms this country provides. You don't owe her anything but you owe it to yourself and this country to do the right thing. That doesn't mean turning her in to INS but it does mean getting out when it's over.

I'm very sorry you've been hurt xxx

[Aussielad 37]

and my 8 ball ses go get some good legal advice off a competent immigration lawyer.

[PurrSuede 0]

The issue is i would feel guilty if she was not able to get her GC permenent, and i do not want to live with that, even if she intented to marry me just for GC and US of A.

That issue is solely between her and the USCIS.

And if she intended just to marry you for just the Green Card, then that's another reason why she shouldn't necessarily get it, as that's basically fraudulent.

If you divorce her she can file for a waiver of joint filing under the circumstances of your being divorced.

And if you choose to provide her with "bona fides" of the marriage, she would then have the additional documentation she would need to get her LPR (Green Card). If that is such an issue for you.

But ultimately it's between her and the USCIS... and you can certainly inform them that you are divorced from her and leave it solely as an issue between her and the USCIS. Let them determine her intent, it's out of your hands at that point.

-- Dan

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Here is an updated, this like a drama... she does not let up...

since we got married, were it is their custom to have a dowery, which to me was never acceptable and i agreed to about 10 K us, she is saying i have to pay her, then file for seperation and with a plan with her to her GC permenent, or not to file for divorce and right the process till she get's her GC done, and then we divorce... When i say to her I need to move on with life and attachements other than what has been offered is difficult and unlawfull for me to present and sign and etc., and i do not want to lie, rather i will testify for her intent for marriage if needed for me to do so later on, and give up your dowery and provide me with agreement as such and i will file for divorce but not issue the divorce until 9 months later rather than 6 which CA law, and she want her money...

Man i should have her deported, and pay her 10K and for her to go back, which i have offered her and she wants everything....this is nuts,..

Question, if we got seperated or Divorced final, Am I required by law to inform INS. or IMM or other institutions, other than the NUT HOUSE..

How do you feel it is your right to "have her deported"? I see no indication that she married you solely for immigration benefit, or, rather, I see nothing in your post to indicate that to me. If a dowery is commonplace in her custom,. I find nothing wrong with her asking about it. Just file for divorce, and terminate the marriage, leaving her with the legitimate evidences, adn then you are free to move on. She's not chattel