Been here two weeks and its soooo hard .....

[Donna & Paul 4]

Seven years on.

My husband likes it here. He likes his workmates a great deal and loves his job. He likes our house. He's gotten use to the money. He can order his own prescriptions. He can work the ATM's, mail letters, etc.

He still misses decent bacon. He still walks around to the wrong side of the car. He misses Dr. Who.

It gets better. Someday you'll have the curse of the expat. The knowing of two lives in two places. Not being sure which one is "better". But glad to be having the adventure.

Paul likes it here, too. He's pretty much gotten used to the money and can work the ATM as well. He was astonished by drive-thru banking.

He likes our bacon better, hasn't walked to the wrong side of the car in a while now - though he does it from time to time. And if you have cable or a satellite dish you can get Dr. Who on BBC America. Paul watches that a lot. And on the local PBS channel he can get Keeping up Appearances, Downton Abbey, and Upstairs Downstairs. We don't subscribe to HBO but The Hour comes on there.

[Donna & Paul 4]

Oh Holly, that made me laugh so hard I kinda snorted

I was passing through a little piece of an older neighborhood on my way to Starbucks recently and saw a lady in pajamas and pink robe getting into her car...apparently leaving a friend's house who was out in the driveway bidding her farewell. It was almost noon.

I guess I've gotten used to seeing people going to the store in their PJ's. Oh, and to the cinema, and the hairdresser....and even coming in to apply for a job wearing their "juicy" pajama bottoms and tiger bedroom shoes complete with ears and wiggly eyes. Am.not.kidding. Paul on the other hand wanted to know why people go out in their dressing gowns.

[pgmsc 3]

I saw an old guy leaving a supermarket in Maine with his Red Sox pajamas and slippers on with a 12 pack under his arm at about 8pm. What was unusual for me was that it was a 12 pack of Coke under his arm. Not beer!

You must have seen my Dad - Coke is his drink of choice

[LeftCoastLady 441]

And (dare I ask for fear of scorn being poured on my head ) is there any way to get Coronation Street, Emmerdale Farm or Eastenders in the States? Ok Ok I know they are soaps not exactly mentally stimulating but they have been my security blanket for years!! I have managed to find Homeland and American Horror Story (I love both of these!) on Charter tv.

YES! There's someone who posts the day's episodes of all of those on YouTube! My husband and I watch EE regularly and he's getting me up to speed on Corrie. Here's the YouTube channel we follow: http://www.youtube.com/user/UNDERAKRANGE

We have a Roku box with a Plex Media Server, so we can watch the programs from YouTube on the TV.

[LeftCoastLady 441]

Also, I highly recommend getting Amazon Prime. It's $79/year and you get free two-day shipping and access to a lot of their instant streaming offerings. It's great for when you want to order reminders of home. Plus, they have a lot of Brit shows available. All three series plus the Xmas special of "Gavin and Stacey" are available for streaming for free via Prime.

[pgmsc 3]

I have to say, I've been worrying about this a lot. My husband gets here next week, and every time I try to talk to him about it and try to prepare him for some of the changes, he just tells me not to worry about it and he'll be fine. I know it'll be a while before he can drive (where we are at requires a copy of the SSN card to apply even for a driver's permit), so I moved to an apartment within spitting distance of the train/bus station so he has a way to get around now and we can both get around when we need to share the car (a second car just isn't in the budget). The city I am in walkable, and I tried to make sure we were nearby to anything we could need (grocery, pharmacy, dog park). It's a little frustrating for me because I know he's stressed about moving here but he won't talk to me about it and it sometimes feels like he's sticking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go away (kind of like what he did with the immigration paperwork - as in, I did it all).

However, I also have my final paper for my graduate course, and I have to worry about that, too. I need to stop stressing about what might happen when he gets here, and wait until the proverbial doo-doo hits the fan. I just hope that once he's here, he and I both can quickly settle into things. And I thought all the I130 and NVC stuff was worrisome.

[True Brit 10]

I have to say, I've been worrying about this a lot. My husband gets here next week, and every time I try to talk to him about it and try to prepare him for some of the changes, he just tells me not to worry about it and he'll be fine. I know it'll be a while before he can drive (where we are at requires a copy of the SSN card to apply even for a driver's permit), so I moved to an apartment within spitting distance of the train/bus station so he has a way to get around now and we can both get around when we need to share the car (a second car just isn't in the budget). The city I am in walkable, and I tried to make sure we were nearby to anything we could need (grocery, pharmacy, dog park). It's a little frustrating for me because I know he's stressed about moving here but he won't talk to me about it and it sometimes feels like he's sticking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go away (kind of like what he did with the immigration paperwork - as in, I did it all).

However, I also have my final paper for my graduate course, and I have to worry about that, too. I need to stop stressing about what might happen when he gets here, and wait until the proverbial doo-doo hits the fan. I just hope that once he's here, he and I both can quickly settle into things. And I thought all the I130 and NVC stuff was worrisome.

Honestly, I think you will be fine. If your husband can walk to the shops, buy himself things he needs and explore his surroundings by either train or bus I think he will be absolutely fine. Us Brits are resourceful so and so's really, and it's only those of us who are completely marooned and utterly dependent on our other halves when we get to the States that struggle so much, it seems to me. Truly, had I been able to get around by myself and learn about the money and shops etc by experience I think I would have been fine too - maybe a little homesick but basically fine. The 'head in the sand' attitude is the typical British 'stiff upper lip' syndrome that you are seeing here I am afraid. We are all brought up not to share our feelings incase we seem to be complaining or moaning! Your husband is probably trying to look after you by pretending not to be stressed so that you don't get worried - which of course has the opposite effect!! Please try not to worry - I think you will be pleasantly surprised. My situation is not at all like yours and can't be compared - I live in a beautiful neighbourhood, miles from anywhere, that seems to be completely deserted all the time. I have even though of holding a couple of seances to get in touch with the living!!!! So my thoughts to you? 'Keep Calm and Carry On' !!! :rofl:

Lots of luck for the future (but I don't think you will need to much of it). xx

[True Brit 10]

YES! There's someone who posts the day's episodes of all of those on YouTube! My husband and I watch EE regularly and he's getting me up to speed on Corrie. Here's the YouTube channel we follow: http://www.youtube.com/user/UNDERAKRANGE

We have a Roku box with a Plex Media Server, so we can watch the programs from YouTube on the TV.

I cant tell you how happy I am to have discovered this youtube thing now - I watched three episodes of 'Corrie' this morning at 7am!! Sadly I have no idea what a Roku box with a plex media server is and I don't understand what the term 'streaming' means either (mentioned by somebody else on here). But I will keep plodding on looking up these terms on the internet and trying to find out!!

Thank you so much.

I have to say, I've been worrying about this a lot. My husband gets here next week, and every time I try to talk to him about it and try to prepare him for some of the changes, he just tells me not to worry about it and he'll be fine. I know it'll be a while before he can drive (where we are at requires a copy of the SSN card to apply even for a driver's permit), so I moved to an apartment within spitting distance of the train/bus station so he has a way to get around now and we can both get around when we need to share the car (a second car just isn't in the budget). The city I am in walkable, and I tried to make sure we were nearby to anything we could need (grocery, pharmacy, dog park). It's a little frustrating for me because I know he's stressed about moving here but he won't talk to me about it and it sometimes feels like he's sticking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go away (kind of like what he did with the immigration paperwork - as in, I did it all).

However, I also have my final paper for my graduate course, and I have to worry about that, too. I need to stop stressing about what might happen when he gets here, and wait until the proverbial doo-doo hits the fan. I just hope that once he's here, he and I both can quickly settle into things. And I thought all the I130 and NVC stuff was worrisome.

onestly, I think you will be fine. If your husband can walk to the shops, buy himself things he needs and explore his surroundings by either train or bus I think he will be absolutely fine. Us Brits are resourceful so and so's really, and it's only those of us who are completely marooned and utterly dependent on our other halves when we get to the States that struggle so much, it seems to me. Truly, had I been able to get around by myself and learn about the money and shops etc by experience I think I would have been fine too - maybe a little homesick but basically fine. The 'head in the sand' attitude is the typical British 'stiff upper lip' syndrome that you are seeing here I am afraid. We are all brought up not to share our feelings incase we seem to be complaining or moaning! Your husband is probably trying to look after you by pretending not to be stressed so that you don't get worried - which of course has the opposite effect!! Please try not to worry - I think you will be pleasantly surprised. My situation is not at all like yours and can't be compared - I live in a beautiful neighbourhood, miles from anywhere, that seems to be completely deserted all the time. I have even though of holding a couple of seances to get in touch with the living!!!! So my thoughts to you? 'Keep Calm and Carry On' !!! :rofl:

Lots of luck for the future (but I don't think you will need to much of it). xx

[pgmsc 3]

Honestly, I think you will be fine. If your husband can walk to the shops, buy himself things he needs and explore his surroundings by either train or bus I think he will be absolutely fine. Us Brits are resourceful so and so's really, and it's only those of us who are completely marooned and utterly dependent on our other halves when we get to the States that struggle so much, it seems to me. Truly, had I been able to get around by myself and learn about the money and shops etc by experience I think I would have been fine too - maybe a little homesick but basically fine. The 'head in the sand' attitude is the typical British 'stiff upper lip' syndrome that you are seeing here I am afraid. We are all brought up not to share our feelings incase we seem to be complaining or moaning! Your husband is probably trying to look after you by pretending not to be stressed so that you don't get worried - which of course has the opposite effect!! Please try not to worry - I think you will be pleasantly surprised. My situation is not at all like yours and can't be compared - I live in a beautiful neighbourhood, miles from anywhere, that seems to be completely deserted all the time. I have even though of holding a couple of seances to get in touch with the living!!!! So my thoughts to you? 'Keep Calm and Carry On' !!! :rofl: <br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); line-height: 19px; background-color: rgb(243, 249, 246);">Lots of luck for the future (but I don't think you will need to much of it). xx

Thanks . I really hope I'm just doing my typical worrying about everything, but it's hard not to. And I do try to remind myself daily - I had to buy a mug that I keep on my desk! Anyway, you hang in there, too - maybe you can come out this way to visit and wander around together .

Edited December 7, 2012 by pgmsc

[True Brit 10]

Thanks . I really hope I'm just doing my typical worrying about everything, but it's hard not to. And I do try to remind myself daily - I had to buy a mug that I keep on my desk! Anyway, you hang in there, too - maybe you can come out this way to visit and wander around together .

Wouldn't that be lovely?

[scotinmass 588]

I cant tell you how happy I am to have discovered this youtube thing now - I watched three episodes of 'Corrie' this morning at 7am!! Sadly I have no idea what a Roku box with a plex media server is and I don't understand what the term 'streaming' means either (mentioned by somebody else on here). But I will keep plodding on looking up these terms on the internet and trying to find out!!

Thank you so much.

I watch Corrie and Eastenders. I download it by bittorrent. I checked all this out before I left cos I wanted my little slice of home.

There is a site that has all British tv programmes on it called The Box You have to register but it's free. I knew nothing about bittorrent until I heard about it on here and it took me a while to figure it out but it's worth the effort. Just be careful you don't infringe any copyright laws.

Another way to watch British tv is to use a service like Easy hide ip It costs $30 per year and you can use it to route you through lots of different countries so it appears you are in that country. If you route through the UK you can use BBC iplayer and ITV player and watch everything that's on there. You can even watch the BBC and ITV live through them.

Or as has been pointed out before there's youtube too.

No need to miss out on British tv cos lets face it most American shows are #######!

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Sounds great! Errrrrrr - what is a 'proxy'?

In simple terms a proxy is something that will hide your IP address and location and make it appear that you are somewhere else. The one I have makes it look like I am in Manchester, UK or Trumbull, CT. It is amazing and I never miss an episode of Castle or Revenge.

[Redflame2012 32]

I echo your feelings from your initial post exactly. After a month or so I felt I was losing my mind! However its important to create some kind of routine, some kind of structure to each day.

I tried volunteering and new hobbies - joining nearby hobby groups. However there was, and still is,a feeling of loneliness. There is also a feeling of grief for the life and the family etc left behind. I don't think anyone can understand this unless its happened to them and I think its more difficult when you are a 'bit older'.

Initially, one is so wrapped up in the 'paperwork journey' and 'romance' then reality sets in. The new life begins and for many people, including myself, it can be a bit traumatic. Everything is so different. Its like being a child again having to learn the simplest of things as one attempts to navigate this 'new world'.

Keep your chin up and keep busy. That is the key. In time, things will get easier...

Rx

ps: If you need an ear to 'bruise', feel free to send me messages anytime!

Edited December 14, 2012 by Redflame2012

[True Brit 10]

What a lovely post! It is so nice of you to write and I particularly appreciate your saying that you know how I feel. My husband is completely baffled by my reactions - he thinks I am the luckiest woman in the world to be in America in a nice house!! I have better days than others now - some people have been so kind both on here and when I have met them socially. But it is just as you say, being older and having built up a life over many years in the UK, you do grieve for all you have left behind and your (at least initial)loss of confidence and independence. When I think back to all the effort and stress of preparing the paperwork to get here, waiting for the various letters to arrive, the anticipation of the interview etc, I see all the other people who are currently going through the same thing and can't help thinking 'be careful what you wish for.........'

[Redflame2012 32]

True Brit, I think the same thing too when I read some of these posts: 'Be careful what you wish for...' And I too have a husband who doesn't quite understand the issues for someone like me, tho he tries. He also thinks this land of 'opportunity' is wonderful and I should love it. I should also love the home we share.

However I miss home. I miss the shops, the television, the public transportation, my family, my friends, my professional job and so many of the British food products. Not to mention our free health care system and subsidised dental care. But most of all, I miss my independence and the familarity of my surroundings. I miss the place where I was born, plain and simple. The place that holds my memories and my ancestry...I don't mean to moan. I just, again, want to say I understand...Some days are better than others...

But I also want to add, once you find voluntary work or employment, it helps. It returns a sense of 'self worth'. It also begins the process of integration in to society as opposed to only experiencing the four walls of your home or the many walks around your location trying to wile away the time while hubby is at work.

When you obtain your green card and SSN, it's the key to another experience. So view this time (pre-green card) as a holiday and a time to investigate job opportunities, training and hobbies. And also learn the 'highway code', assuming you want to drive here.

In addition, gain some American references from voluntary jobs to add to your CV. Some employers require one or two US references.

Rx

ps: I'm planning a trip home this year and I can't wait!! A decent loaf of bread and some REAL bacon and cheese...!!

Edited December 15, 2012 by Redflame2012