Been here two weeks and its soooo hard .....

[True Brit 10]

Actually unlike the UK people in the US actually do mean it when they say they will be in touch for lunch etc. That's one of the nice surprises over here.

Setting up a blog for yourself can be very simple. Blogger.com is very user friendly for a beginner. Wordpress.com is also nice to use. PM me if you need any help with anything like that.

I will give it a go! Thank you.

[Dumb/Dumber 61]

Hi everyone! I would be so glad to be able to share my feelings with people who have been/still are in a similar situation. I just hope I don't sound like a moaning, ungrateful woman! It just seems that after all the waiting, wading through paperwork, jumping through hoops to get approved; after all the stress of leaving family and friends and favourite possessions behind to get to the US to join my husband - I HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON!! My husband has a new, really demanding job and leaves the house at 6am - I always get up with him so that we can have a coffee together before he leaves. He arrives back around 7pm and I make sure I have dinner ready. I have no car at the moment and would probably be too scared to drive yet even if I had. There are no shops or any facilities within walking distance. The area is beautiful, the rental house is lovely and if I hadn't brought my two little dogs with me from the UK I think I would be hanging from a rope! I pleaded and threw my toys out of the pram until I got tv and the internet so I at least have this. But I have no idea how the US works - how to work out the new money thing - how to do a simple thing like buy a stamp and post a letter! I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to make the best of everything - the weather, for example, has been beautiful recently. Does anyone else remember feeling like this? Does it all come right in the end? I am a middleaged woman and had I been given the choice would rather not have made such a huge change later on in life. The things we do for love, eh? The trouble is that I am now beginning to feel apathetic and not wanting to do anything. Any fellow sufferers woes or good advice welcome!

I went through the same exact thing when I went to Turkey to live with my husband. I honestly love him so very much and his family treated me like a princess, but I was so lost. No Job or family and friends that spoke English. No American TV. No Walmart No personal car to jump into anytime I wanted. I could not find the same kinds of foods and medicines I liked and needed. There were no English books or magazines. I tried the Internet but you can only sit at a desk for so long looking at a computer screen. I was totally lost so I came back home. But then I missed my husband like crazy.

My advice is to have books, movies, magazines, foods and different things you like shipped to you. Talk to friends and relatives on Skype or phone when you can. Try to join a club or organization where you get meet friends. Try to find a job even if it is just volunteer work. My daughter felt the same depression when she moved from California to Alabama. It does pass.

[LSnBigBear 61]

I suggest find a Church to attend. Whether you believe or don't believe does not matter at this point. You need a support mechanisim and many many women of the Churches meet often during the week for study and fellowship. With all the many religons around now I am certain you can find one that fits your lifestyle. And even with no car I am sure a nice woman in the Church will pick you up for events.

Good luck

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Wow that is fantastic advice - thanks so much! I would love the links to the blogs and also welcome any advice you have on how to actually set up a blog myself. I do enjoy writing and I think this would be very cathartic for me. Bless you!

I use Blogger.com. It should be pretty easy to get it sorted but please let me know if you have any trouble Just check your privacy settings so it's "private" if you want or public if you don't mind.

The blogs I read are:

- http://aussiegirlinamerica.blogspot.com/

- http://yankinaustralia.blogspot.com/

[scotinmass 588]

That's an amazing post - thank you so much for taking the time. I share your love of Scotland! I lived in Edinburgh for 10 years, the Isle of Skye for 10 years and Glasgow for 1 year. So far, they were the happiest years of my life. I absolutely loved the people so I know where you are coning from.

We got married in Portree on the Isle of Skye. Fantastic backdrops for wedding photos.

[scotinmass 588]

Do not even get me started! I had a call for my boss from a gentleman called "Art". My boss could NOT understand what I was saying! I had to spell it out for him and after getting off the phone he said I said "aht" without the "r". I just smiled but man... now I just use the gentleman's last name instead

Australians should move to New England. No Rs are ever spoken here. You'll have no problem being understood.

[True Brit 10]

We got married in Portree on the Isle of Skye. Fantastic backdrops for wedding photos.

You are kidding!!! What year if you dont mind my asking? I lived in Portree and had a small pony trekking centre!

[TexasMojo66 3]

I have been following this thread the last two days. I can say that it has opened my eyes (being the USC). I was worried initially that when my SO arrives that things will be very different for her in the US. I also was concerned about many things you are going through. But I can honestly say that I had no idea the magnitude of it all. I now have many things to consider (or consider more earnestly) and I thank you for this thread, the many comments and advice given. I can tell you that I will be much better prepared and aware when she comes to the US. I wish the best for both you and your husband as you find your way here!!

[True Brit 10]

Well Texasmojo that's a job well done in that case! I think the effort to actually get to the US is so great and so stressful that we all get totally wrapped up in it and don't think much beyond getting that precious visa in our hands. Then after all of that, we arrive here jubilant, full of expectation and suddenly - life stops...! From being independent, confident people suddenly we are 'new' - having to learn everything from scratch - dependent on other people. If, like some of us, we arrive into rural areas with spouses that are out nearly all day with no car and no public transport available it can be very, very difficult. A friend of mine from here told her husband's relatives, when they asked, that all she wanted for her birthday was a lift into town to try and get her social security number because she had been asking for weeks and weeks to no avail!!

I hope all goes well for you and your spouse when she arrives. I think it will because you have been concerned enough to read this blog and are thoughtful enough to be looking for ways to avoid the problems we are talking about. Good luck! I already feel so much better after reaching out to people on here and receiving such wonderful support and advice from both males and females, US citizens and new immigrants. Tell your wife to join us on here!!

[Holly2234 66]

And i got a pair of shoes for my birthday AND going to sort out my SSN next week so my constant pestering paid off

[TexasMojo66 3]

Well Texasmojo that's a job well done in that case! I think the effort to actually get to the US is so great and so stressful that we all get totally wrapped up in it and don't think much beyond getting that precious visa in our hands. Then after all of that, we arrive here jubilant, full of expectation and suddenly - life stops...! From being independent, confident people suddenly we are 'new' - having to learn everything from scratch - dependent on other people. If, like some of us, we arrive into rural areas with spouses that are out nearly all day with no car and no public transport available it can be very, very difficult. A friend of mine from here told her husband's relatives, when they asked, that all she wanted for her birthday was a lift into town to try and get her social security number because she had been asking for weeks and weeks to no avail!!

I hope all goes well for you and your spouse when she arrives. I think it will because you have been concerned enough to read this blog and are thoughtful enough to be looking for ways to avoid the problems we are talking about. Good luck! I already feel so much better after reaching out to people on here and receiving such wonderful support and advice from both males and females, US citizens and new immigrants. Tell your wife to join us on here!!

TrueBrit, thanks for your words of encouragement! I'm glad you are here and that you have received such good advice and a lot of support in general. Actually, I have put my SO in contact with a few people from her country and they have emailed and skyped over the last few weeks. Hopefully, their experience will help both of us (their husbands have been a great help to me already). I don't have a lot of great advice for you, only words of encouragement in return. Keep your head up and continue to work for your happiness. I'm sure it's difficult to give up your independence but remember that it's only temporary. You'll get the hang of your surroundings, establish yourself and get your confidence and self reliance back. It will just take a little time. Everyone's circumstances are different so there are no fast rules or time lines. Keep the faith and you'll get there I know it!!

[EminTX 131]

Here's my take:

1.) Go to this website:

How to be the perfect host

and fill out or have filled out the information to make your life easier in your city. Most folks never consider things as simple as explaining trash day or wifi passwords or nearby places to buy tampons and stamps but are ooohhhhh so necessary in modern life. Bonus--you'll have this ready when your friends/family come to visit you.

2.) As noted, the price of stamps did go up early this year (April, I think). Get some of the stamps and keep them handy--get some forever stamps, too for stuff in the US. Most places will let you mail stuff by clipping it to the outside of your mailbox or, if you have the kind with a flag, raising that up.

3.) I disagree completely with the suggestion that you must start a credit history. Unless you PLAN to borrow money and go into debt, you do not need to do this EVER. I, and many people in this country, do not believe in living your life in debt and the stresses and problems associated with that are at an unbelievable high. If you can afford a "car note", then you can afford to wait a few months saving that money, buy a cheap car, drive that until you have saved for something fancier, and go from there. No one ever NEEDS to owe more than 4000$ ever on a vehicle when decent ones can be bought outright. (I and my son both drive such vehicles--they are NOT beaters.) The only thing I make payments on is my house and that would be bought with your spouse. (This is contrary to the very successful marketing of credit companies but it is how most people in the world live--if you don't own it, you simply don't have it. If you really need/want it, you find a way to earn it before you have it. )

4.) Get a bike. It will give you more freedom and distance you can go from home in a practical way. Bonus: You will have much sexier legs.

5.) Go on Google maps on Sat view and look around your neighborhood. Plot out different routes to take each time you leave your house so that you can become familiar with where things actually are. Just looking is not enough--actual exploring is best but the two combined can really cement the info.

6.) Before my husband came here, I drove around some places with a video camera, starting at the house and then going to specific destinations, while explaining the things he would be seeing along the way. Once he was here, this helped him to find his way to important places (SUBWAY! Taco Bell! hahaha) If you can do this, it might be helpful even if you don't use them but only think about it and sort of plan it in your head.

7.) Be sure to communicate this feeling of being trapped to your spouse so that he can work with you to alleviate it. He might just know that you are unhappy but may not know what you actually need. If he can deal with a commute and a long work day, he can certainly spend 30 minutes after that working on this with you as a routine. I work a 17 hour shift and if I can make the time at the end of the night, he certainly can. Bribe him if necessary. (Dinner will be ready in 45 minutes, can we do xyz together while it is finishing up? Or whatever it takes until he is used to it.)

8.) I need to disagree with the repeated statements that driving is NECESSARY. No, it is usually easier, but no one drove here in this great country 113 years ago and many people still don't drive today. Most of those people live in major metropolitan areas, but to state it is necessary is insulting to the people who never drive. I have a neighbor in her 80's now who has never driven. She moved to Houston from New York about 30 years ago. Before I moved to Houston, I, personally, did not drive for about 5 years while I worked myself out of poverty when my son was tiny. It was frustrating, but certainly do-able. (The first vehicle I bought was about 3000$--that was 15 years ago. My son just bought a 2002 Ford Taurus for 3000$ this summer.)

9.) Hang on to your patience. With a death grip. Good luck.

[cassecouilles 3]

Here's my take:

3.) I disagree completely with the suggestion that you must start a credit history. Unless you PLAN to borrow money and go into debt, you do not need to do this EVER. I, and many people in this country, do not believe in living your life in debt and the stresses and problems associated with that are at an unbelievable high. If you can afford a "car note", then you can afford to wait a few months saving that money, buy a cheap car, drive that until you have saved for something fancier, and go from there. No one ever NEEDS to owe more than 4000$ ever on a vehicle when decent ones can be bought outright. (I and my son both drive such vehicles--they are NOT beaters.) The only thing I make payments on is my house and that would be bought with your spouse. (This is contrary to the very successful marketing of credit companies but it is how most people in the world live--if you don't own it, you simply don't have it. If you really need/want it, you find a way to earn it before you have it. )

THANK GOD :-p This whole concept of purposely going into debt just to prove that you're capable of buying stuff on credit and then paying it back seems so alien to me.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

THANK GOD :-p This whole concept of purposely going into debt just to prove that you're capable of buying stuff on credit and then paying it back seems so alien to me.

I STRONLY disagree with that person you are agreeing with. You don't need to "go into debt" but you DO need a credit history. They own a house so they HAVE a credit history (and are building it). Probably built from piggy-backing off parents (if they're American) or whatever. It is a necessity for new immigrants to "get on the map". I know at least one person who was seriously burnt by not having a credit history (or knowing about it) for over 2 years and being unable to get what she needed when she desperately needed it. I personally couldn't go on the mortgage (and thus the deed to our house) because lack of history/score meant a higher interest rate or no loan all-together.

Some jobs will look at your credit worthiness before hiring you, some places you rent will check your credit before renting to you (no credit, no rent), my electric company checked my history before connecting our power. There are many reasons why having a credit history IS a requirement, going into debt, is not a requirement to build history. I simply opened a $200 Capital One credit card. There it sat for a couple of months and suddenly I had a history and a score. This makes it possible to do many more things that I couldn't before. DO NOT leave it till you really need it because it can take months/years to get a good score.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I STRONLY disagree with that person you are agreeing with. You don't need to "go into debt" but you DO need a credit history. They own a house so they HAVE a credit history (and are building it). Probably built from piggy-backing off parents (if they're American) or whatever. It is a necessity for new immigrants to "get on the map". I know at least one person who was seriously burnt by not having a credit history (or knowing about it) for over 2 years and being unable to get what she needed when she desperately needed it. I personally couldn't go on the mortgage (and thus the deed to our house) because lack of history/score meant a higher interest rate or no loan all-together.

Some jobs will look at your credit worthiness before hiring you, some places you rent will check your credit before renting to you (no credit, no rent), my electric company checked my history before connecting our power. There are many reasons why having a credit history IS a requirement, going into debt, is not a requirement to build history. I simply opened a $200 Capital One credit card. There it sat for a couple of months and suddenly I had a history and a score. This makes it possible to do many more things that I couldn't before. DO NOT leave it till you really need it because it can take months/years to get a good score.

Even for some simple jobs I had in customer service in my youth, it was required for them to pull a credit history. It would have looked mightily suspicious if there was none at all.