Been here two weeks and its soooo hard .....

[indiana_sweetie 120]

I appreciate everyone's stories. My husband has already talked about being homesick and he's not even here yet. Understanding what you all go through will help me help him. I think international stamps are $1.05 now. I have never understood how to do taxes. I use TurboTax. It "walks" you through every step. I wish you all the best in your journey.

[rlogan 2,036]

I feel the same way!

My mother was a professional interpreter and I gained some insights from her on this.

Someone who does not speak English talks VERY slowly and separates their words clearly:

Where.....is.....bathroom

So even when there is a heavy accent the brain has time to process and consider different pronunciations.

Someone who speaks English but from a different country, and with the wrong attitude, speaks extremely fast and runs all the words together:

"hellohowareyouverynicedaycouldyoutellmewherethebathroomis"

It takes very little effort to show people the courtesy of not speaking so rapidly and separating words clearly. An accent is not much of a problem then. Very little effort, but an effort nevertheless.

[Donna & Paul 4]

I have to say it took Paul a little while on the money thing as well. All of your bills are different sizes for different denominations and ours are all the same size. A little tip I gave him is to sort all your bills from smallest to largest. That way you don't mistakenly give a tenner for a one. And the coins were quite confusing to him at first. The penny is the copper one which is the same as a pence, but it was quite confusing to him that a dime was the smallest and a nickel was nearly the size of a quarter.

Where are you located, if you don't mind my asking?

Edited December 5, 2012 by Donna & Paul

[lunaboriken 2]

Cultural shock.

Gotta embrace it with courage! You can do this.

Google it and go out to learn the real life in your area.

[cathy2904 97]

I think international stamps are $1.05 now.

[reese1 68]

Hi Cathy! Yes I can totally identify with you! Maybe even a year isn't a long time, do you think? A friend of mine (who moved to Cyprus) said you had to give it two years and she had had that advice from another friend who had moved to France! I think change is so much easier when you are in your twenties and thirties than when you are older. For one thing, you have so much more to lose when you are older because you have built up your life and are giving up so much more. I haven't had a Skype conversation yet due to my friends and family being a bunch of technophobes, bless 'em! No trips home planned yet but I think its a very good idea to plan for one. People seem to think the driving wont be such a problem when I actually do it which is comforting. Thanks so much for contacting me and adding me to your friends xx

Did you know that with skype you can set up a phone number that is from any country that you want and then your family from your home country can call you from there cell or landline with no charge to them(depending on how calling goes for that country), and you can set up a calling plan that will allow for unlimited calls to the counties that they have plans for for free. For example, I am in the DR so I have a US phone number that I pay $12.00 for 3 months that my family and friends can call me on from anywhere, and then I pay $6.99 a month for unlimited calls to any phone line in the US. I have skype on my cell phone so as long as the wireless internet is connected my skpe rings on my cell phone so I don't have to use my computer to talk and if who ever is calling me has a smart phone we can video talk as well. I LOVE IT!!! It is a very inexpensive way to keep in touch with the family. You should look into it. My mom and grandmother are technology challenged so this was the only way for me to keep in contact with them.

[True Brit 10]

Sorry for being so blunt but the bottom line is, if you want to survive in America you have to be able to drive period.

I think that's it in a nutshell!

[True Brit 10]

I understand how you feel. I am from a very rural area in Vietnam. When I first came to America, I was scared of everything. My husband's family was nice and took turn to take me to work because I did not know how to drive. I failed driving test many times and it was very frustrated. I felt so lonely in US and it was really hard to socialize with people because my English was not great. I did not understand jokes or stories that people were telling. I took English classes and a few months later I was lucky to pass the exam to go to the university. I had no idea how I did it. I went to school and felt extremely stressful because of language barrier and culture shock. Everything was new to me. I felt like I looked really stupid in front of people and they thought I had no common sense. I could not remember the street names or I felt too scare to go to the store to buy things....anyway, I was lucky to find a job and worked as a cashier. I had to learn about the dollars. These little things seemed easy to everyone but I had to sit down and tried to figure the money out. I finally got it. People at my work laughed at me sometimes because I always looked so tense and nervous. I eventually passed the driving test, I started to feel comfortable at work, and my English improved quickly because I listened to lectures everyday at school and talked to customers at work daily. I have learned so much in 5 years since I came here. I promise you that things will get better and you will be more comfortable after a few years.

That's such a lovely story - I am very impressed - well done! I can identify with all the emotions you describe above xx

[True Brit 10]

Do what my wife did! Do webcam shows with your old boyfriends, lie to your husband about it, and plan your escape when you get your AOS.

Sorry just a little frustration on my part with USCIS adjudication. In all honesty, I supported my new wife with as much as possible. Friends, phones, computers, internet, mid-week romantic dinners, a new dog, leads on classes, money for taxis to get out of the house (same as you, couldn't or didn't want to drive), weekend visits with family and friends etc. Also, I was super busy at work, too, but I always kept my cell phone near or my internet messenger on to contact my wife anytime she or I needed. Alas, to no avail as she cheated me blind. Better luck to you and let's hope you Brits are honest and faithful.

Oh dear what a terrible story! I am so sorry this happened to you.

[True Brit 10]

I think a lot of American spouses have not the slightest idea how difficult it is to give up everyone and everybody and move to what is essentially an alien land. Most of us who come here only know one person and are reliant on that person for everything. We gave up our past life to be with that person so it is their responsibility to do all they can to help us get used to our new very different and scary lives.

Being able to get around on our own is essential and if there is public transport available we have to be shown how to use it. There may be a card or ticket you have to purchase before you travel. Little things like getting on a bus or a train and not knowing the way things are done can be daunting enough to make you scared to try it. If their isn't public transport then driving is a must and your spouse needs to help you get a permit and take the test. My wife was there for me every step of the way and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher of American life.

I was lucky. I visited often and learned the everyday stuff before I moved here so when I did move I hit the ground running. I remember how proud I was of myself when I first traveled on a bus by myself. I learned the basics of driving here by watching my wife and for the first year I drove on my UK license. (Illegally but nobody ever stopped me and asked for it). The first time I drove on my own I ended up lost because I just followed everyone else because I wasn't sure what to do!

I applied for hundreds of jobs online and after a month I finally got one. Through work I started talking to other people and learning a bit more about everyday American life and did a bit of socializing. Every day it got a bit easier and I felt that I fitted in a bit more. I've been here almost 3 years now and it rarely feels strange. Every now and then I get that weird sense of unreality that this isn't my life but not as much.

When I return to Scotland for a visit it feels slightly strange to me. I lived there for 42 years and loved the place with a passion but now it is a vacation destination and Massachusetts is home and I'm glad to come back.

Hopefully everyone who is having problems fitting in will eventually get there and settle in to their new life but I feel that spouses should step up a bit and do more to help the process.

That's an amazing post - thank you so much for taking the time. I share your love of Scotland! I lived in Edinburgh for 10 years, the Isle of Skye for 10 years and Glasgow for 1 year. So far, they were the happiest years of my life. I absolutely loved the people so I know where you are coning from.

[True Brit 10]

You would be surprised how many threads there are about this. You are most definitely not alone in how you're feeling! You pump up the idea of the move so much in your head, you miss each other while you're apart and you're FINALLY together but unlike your husband who's life basically continues like normal, yours has come to a full-stop... or so it feels.

A lot of people say stuff like "well at least you speak English" and yes, that's true, but in some ways i think that's harder because you EXPECT to know what people are saying, and to be understood. I had a lot of frustration in the beginning (while wedding planning by phone specifically) where people didn't understand me. I'm speaking English, why is it so hard! I found that I expected things to be similar to home and was annoyed/frustrated when they weren't. Going to Walmart was a huge ordeal the first time (and still bad the next few months). I have a sensitive digestive system and so I had, over the years, figured out what food was good for me and what was bad. My husband eats almost anything (except Vegemite... or peanut satay sauce) so asking him which particular food was better than the other was completely useless.. a lot of trial and error. I've gained weight since being here because so much of the food I can eat has random additives in it, or so much cheese, or that high fructose corn syrup...

I agree with everyone else that driving isn't as hard as you would think it would be and it makes a HUGE difference! Even if you don't go anywhere having the freedom to do so makes a huge difference to how you're feeling. I tried http://www.meetup.com but I admit that while the people were nice, you can't force friendships and I have yet to meet one of "my people"... if that makes sense. I do agree with doing some reading (I bought a Kindle and LOVE IT!), crochet/knitting (I started crocheting more).

My advice (in no particular order) is:

1. Try Netflix if you haven't already. Real lifesaver in the beginning for me
   
2. Get a bank account and have your husband put money in it (if you don't have any). Being able to pay for your own stuff (even if it IS his money) feels good
   
3. Start building your credit history/score. This means getting on your husbands credit card (if he has one), or getting a secured credit card yourself, store cards etc This will enable you to get a car loan later if you need to (on that same vein, you could start looking at the cars here and deciding what kind you would like to get)
   
4. Start thinking about documents you'll need for ROC and planning how to get some stuff you might not have. Some of it may take time to gather,
   
5. You'll be filing taxes together so maybe consider looking into how the tax system works here, W2's, 1044's and stuff like that
   
6. Consider taking over paying the household bills. While my husband pays for the bills, I actually do the transfers/payments and make sure they're paid on time and check them online etc
   
7. Hiring cars here is surprisingly cheap so look into that for on the weekend practising driving (thus protecting your husbands car ). Personally I use Avis for my rentals. They're cheaper on Friday, Sat or Sunday than during the week. Some rental places will drop off the rental car or come and pick you up, so ask about that.
   
8. If your family in the UK have smart phones, and you do too, install viber. You can send free texts and make free calls. There's also a thing called "Magic Jack" (link: http://www.magicjack.com/plus-v05/ ) a lot of people swear by that
   
9. Consider writing a blog. It's very cathartic (even if it's just a private diary). there are some great ones online. I read the "Aussie Girl in the US" one and the "Yank in Australia" one. Some of it's very funny. there's most likely some similar ones for the UK.
   
10. Find out the requirements to get a drivers license in your state and look into your state rules about using your UK license (if you have one). If you don't already have a license see if you can get a copy of the drivers manual and start reading up on it. Also look into your husbands car insurance company's policy about driving on a foreign license etc
    
11. If your husband has insurance through his work, if he's anything like my husband he doesn't use it often or have a regular doctor he see's. So mayhaps you can look into finding a doctor, dentist or other provider. You could also try finding a vet for your dogs that you like and putting your dogs on their system (I get emailed alerts for when shots/checkups are due).
    
12. If you haven't received your SSN already, look into getting that done
    
13. Look at job search sites, such as http://www.indeed.com to look at the sort of jobs you would like to do and what sort of pay and benefits you can expect. You could work on your resume (I know the Australian form of resume didn't conform with US standards)

Hope some of that gives you ideas! If you'd like the links to those blogs i mention above, I can PM them to you

Wow that is fantastic advice - thanks so much! I would love the links to the blogs and also welcome any advice you have on how to actually set up a blog myself. I do enjoy writing and I think this would be very cathartic for me. Bless you!

[True Brit 10]

Hello there!

This is an issue that is very close to my heart as I'm sure most VJr's on here. It's tough in the beginning. There can be no denying it. You go through 9 months plus of stress trying to get your visa and as soon as it's in your hand the whole idea of moving hits home hard. I have a great family and group of friends that I left back home in Northern Ireland and it was incredibly difficult to leave them. I moved here in June this year and after 2 months of organising wedding stuff, having our wedding it was slap bang into reality in August when my wife began school. She is doing her Masters and completes a 40 hour week with studies and work combined. It was incredibly tough seeing her leave at 7.30 am and not get back till 10pm twice a week never mind her 9-6 the other 3 days. I was very lonely and had cabin fever of being alone in our apartment for so long.

I struggled without a car, credit card, phone, friends to phone (!), no job.... it was incredibly difficult.

BUT, that was then... and only 6 months later I find myself having bought my first car, finally given a credit card, bought a new smart phone, working a job that I love, slowly building up a friends base and LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT. It just takes time to adjust but the good thing is that YOU WILL ADJUST. I treated it like a real adventure, trying my best to settle into the country, getting used to their silly little coins and useless $1 dollar bills! I still stare blankly at their coins and always forget their amount. Finding a car kept me focused and gave me a purpose for a while. We had a small budget but i shopped and shopped around till I found a bargain, a very fun experience.

Get involved in as much as possible. I have begun joining local sports clubs and since I miss rugby so much have set up my own youth rugby club here in West Virginia. Get involved, get out there and meet as many people as you can. I'm sure by now you'll realise how much Americans love your accent, its a great conversation starter.

MY BEST BEST BEST ADVICE is to get yourself a smart phone, I can't even stress how much of a help this was to me in keeping contact with friends and family. I got an Iphone and downloaded the following apps which I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend:

1. Whatsapp - allows you to text anyone in the world for free who has the same app.

2. Viber - allows you to phone anyone in the world for free who has the same app.

Both free and both amazing. I set up a group conversation on whatsapp with my sisters and parents and we text everyday and send pictures, its a lot of fun and has been a big help for me. Viber is also great as I can pick up the phone whenever I want and ring home.

I really want to stress that things will get better. It just takes time and soon you'll realise just how exciting and brave you are being for setting up a life in this great country with a ton of opportunities.

Good luck and keep using VJ for support!

Another wonderful reply! I am fighting with tears at the moment, so overwhelmed with the response I have had from so many people willing to share their experiences. I am going to keep all the replies so that I can read them when I feel down and make up a list of suggestions that I can work through. Cannot thank you enough - honestly.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Ok, seriously, this one suggestion is very good. It is going to take you hours and hours to figure out the american tax system.

The best way to maximize your tax return the first year... Did your husband change his W2's when you got married? (Of course mine forgot...)

Unfortunately there is no tutorial... And I wouldn't be able to tell you where to start...

I actually had to take a day off to manage some phone calls and stuffs... You really really want to figure this out now and not in panic mode next April!

Also in the US, the more you know about taxes the less you pay, I find it to be a very unfair system in that way.

It's late but I want to tell you that I think it's better to start this way and go "crescendo".

Some people fall off their pink cloud after 6 months and it hurts a lot more.

The tax stuff is actually my goal this year I've signed up online for turbotax (you don't pay until you submit and it walks you through the process) and I'm hoping to file our taxes this year myself. We filed our 2009 - 2011 taxes via H&R block and while they're good, I've seen what he does enough to know that our situation isn't complex (just the two of us, 2 incomes, one house) so I think I should be able to do it.. and if I can't (or I don't think the return is enough that turbotax shows me) then I'll go to H&R Block again... but. It'll cost $40 to file taxes ourselves via turbotax, and it costs usually $150 or so for H&R block so... certainly doesn't hurt to try... and use our other taxes for examples if I need to

[True Brit 10]

So many amazing replies and suggestions. May I please thank everyone for their kindness in replying. Last night for the first time my husband took me out to a function at his workplace. It was absolutely fantastic - I loved it! Ladies were saying that they will now call me to go to lunch and everyone we met was so friendly and welcoming. Of course you never know if people mean what they say and whether or not they will actually get in touch, but just the offers, coupled with the replies on here have made me feel so much better. Many, many thanks to all xxxxxxxxx

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Actually unlike the UK people in the US actually do mean it when they say they will be in touch for lunch etc. That's one of the nice surprises over here.

Setting up a blog for yourself can be very simple. Blogger.com is very user friendly for a beginner. Wordpress.com is also nice to use. PM me if you need any help with anything like that.