Been here two weeks and its soooo hard .....

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I'm really glad to have found this thread, I'm British and in my twenties and planning to move to Mass. next year to be with the love of my life. I've been worried about fitting in, driving, culture shock etc so this thread has been really informative. Thanks everyone :-)

[True Brit 10]

I'm really glad to have found this thread, I'm British and in my twenties and planning to move to Mass. next year to be with the love of my life. I've been worried about fitting in, driving, culture shock etc so this thread has been really informative. Thanks everyone :-)

Hi Holly! Well from where I am standing you seem to have everything you need to be totally fine here. Firstly you are in your twenties (you lucky, lucky thing!!!), secondly you are going to be with the love of your life and thirdly it sounds as though Mass is lovely (according to Scotinmass!). You will probably find the driving easy at your age - I didn't learn until I was 34 and got my first car at 35! The very, very best of luck and as you have seen, there are so many kind people willing to give of their time and knowledge on this site that you really cannot go wrong :thumbs:

[pgmsc 3]

Has he tried applying for a Capital One secured card? I too was "nobody" and I'm good to go now!

Give it a shot. Costs $49 for a $200 limit and then he'll be on the map

I finally got him added to my credit union checking account and credit card as we managed to get him a state-issued ID. CapitalOne and Ally Bank were no-go's as he had no history.

[pgmsc 3]

We had a bit of a time getting Paul established as well. We tried the BlueBird thing at WalMart and a couple of other prepaid credit cards. Nothing! They kept saying he wasn't showing up at all. I finally ended up taking him down to the local bank here and taking out a small loan and co-signing with him just to get him some credit history going(not the route we wanted to go, but hey). I'd added him to my credit card as an authorized user but that was also of little use. Good luck with getting him established, it will take some time, but it will happen. Within a month of him having his EAD/AP card he had a full-time job so that was fantastic!

We, too, are in Georgia. We had to wash the pollen off our cars last week...in January.

Finally got him added to my credit union accounts and got him an ID, so that's a start. He needs to get cracking on his driving permit now, so with luck he'll be ready to get a driver's license by the end of summer (he never had to drive in the UK, so never bothered to learn). He's having a horrible time finding a job, so that has also been discouraging. Congrats on him landing a job so quickly!

And the pollen is ridiculous. I'm really allergic and get shots. The pond outside where I work is already getting that yellow film. I fear for a bad allergy season this year!

[Donna & Paul 4]

Finally got him added to my credit union accounts and got him an ID, so that's a start. He needs to get cracking on his driving permit now, so with luck he'll be ready to get a driver's license by the end of summer (he never had to drive in the UK, so never bothered to learn). He's having a horrible time finding a job, so that has also been discouraging. Congrats on him landing a job so quickly!

And the pollen is ridiculous. I'm really allergic and get shots. The pond outside where I work is already getting that yellow film. I fear for a bad allergy season this year!

When did he get his ID? That could have been a major obstacle in him finding a job. Also, does he have a specialized field he is trying to stay within or is he looking for any job(within reason)? It might be a good thing he didn't drive in the UK so he's not overlapping rules and laws and having to overcome an intense desire to drive in the left-hand lane.

[pgmsc 3]

When did he get his ID? That could have been a major obstacle in him finding a job. Also, does he have a specialized field he is trying to stay within or is he looking for any job(within reason)? It might be a good thing he didn't drive in the UK so he's not overlapping rules and laws and having to overcome an intense desire to drive in the left-hand lane.

He did take lessons in the UK, but I don't think he'd been driving long enough to mess him up (too much!). He doesn't have a specialized field, so he's looking for pretty much anything. I think part of the problem is that a lot of the places he's applied used software to validate SSNs since he's been applying online, and since his SSN is brand new, he comes up blank and probably bumps him to the bottom of the applicant pile, He got his ID about two weeks ago, now (which is so much fun to do in Georgia). It's just frustrating to have to work so hard to make him "exist" in the US!

[Donna & Paul 4]

He did take lessons in the UK, but I don't think he'd been driving long enough to mess him up (too much!). He doesn't have a specialized field, so he's looking for pretty much anything. I think part of the problem is that a lot of the places he's applied used software to validate SSNs since he's been applying online, and since his SSN is brand new, he comes up blank and probably bumps him to the bottom of the applicant pile, He got his ID about two weeks ago, now (which is so much fun to do in Georgia). It's just frustrating to have to work so hard to make him "exist" in the US!

Ugh! I definitely feel your frustration! The company where Paul found a job wanted a lot of extra information. They didn't say such but I assume he didn't show up in the eVerify system because they asked for a SSN verification letter from the Social Security office(even though he had his SSN and his EAD/AP card in his hand), a copy of his long form birth certificate, and a copy of his driver's license and only after all that did they want a copy of his EAD/AP card even though he'd offered it to them several times.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Ugh! I definitely feel your frustration! The company where Paul found a job wanted a lot of extra information. They didn't say such but I assume he didn't show up in the eVerify system because they asked for a SSN verification letter from the Social Security office(even though he had his SSN and his EAD/AP card in his hand), a copy of his long form birth certificate, and a copy of his driver's license and only after all that did they want a copy of his EAD/AP card even though he'd offered it to them several times.

That's against the law, by the way.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Thank you! Can anyone reading this who has been in the States for more than, say 10 years, tell us if the homesickness ever goes away completely?

Well, my husband has been here almost 8 years. Will this count?

He had just turned 42 when he arrived.

He has never had days where he longs for the UK. But - he is from Northern Ireland and lived through the Troubles. So he was keen to get away from all that.

From day one though he maintains certain "connections" to his old country. He takes all his news from the BBC online. He watches any British telly he can find. I put away the coffee pot when he got here and we keep a kettle and pot going.

He hates US politics - he leaves the room if I have any of it on.

He frequently walks to the "wrong" side of the car.

He misses the NHS. A lot.

He wants to go home, but not sure where. He'd like to take his US job with him. Not because of the money because - well he doesn't earn a lot. But he likes the job.

He's a very simple man. He sort of deals with things, wherever he is, at that moment in time. He knows he has the curse of the expat. But he doesn't let it bother him.

[True Brit 10]

Well, my husband has been here almost 8 years. Will this count?

He had just turned 42 when he arrived.

He has never had days where he longs for the UK. But - he is from Northern Ireland and lived through the Troubles. So he was keen to get away from all that.

From day one though he maintains certain "connections" to his old country. He takes all his news from the BBC online. He watches any British telly he can find. I put away the coffee pot when he got here and we keep a kettle and pot going.

He hates US politics - he leaves the room if I have any of it on.

He frequently walks to the "wrong" side of the car.

He misses the NHS. A lot.

He wants to go home, but not sure where. He'd like to take his US job with him. Not because of the money because - well he doesn't earn a lot. But he likes the job.

He's a very simple man. He sort of deals with things, wherever he is, at that moment in time. He knows he has the curse of the expat. But he doesn't let it bother him.

Bless him! So is the 'curse of the expat' that we never feel at completely at home anywhere any more???

I know one lovely Scottish lass who lives near me and who has been here 21 years, who feels just exactly that. Like your husband, she wants to return 'home' but that doesn't seem to be Scotland anymore - she dreams of places like Cornwall or Devon for reasons that even she doesn't understand! She has children who have grown up here and likens herself to the image of Gulliver, tied down by the little people, and fears she will be kept here forever because her husband and children are so happy in the States.

I, like your husband, also watch any British tv I can, bemoan the lack of a good NHS, try to find British news/food etc etc just as you describe. But I can't help wondering how healthy that is, really. Shouldn't we be immersing ourselves in all things American (including the politics) in order to really integrate?

And, here's the last, slightly gloomy, scary thought - we have come here to be with the one(s) we love - is the price of that to live forever a 'half life'? One foot in this country and the other, along with our heart, in our home country?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Bless him! So is the 'curse of the expat' that we never feel at completely at home anywhere any more???

I know one lovely Scottish lass who lives near me and who has been here 21 years, who feels just exactly that. Like your husband, she wants to return 'home' but that doesn't seem to be Scotland anymore - she dreams of places like Cornwall or Devon for reasons that even she doesn't understand! She has children who have grown up here and likens herself to the image of Gulliver, tied down by the little people, and fears she will be kept here forever because her husband and children are so happy in the States.

I, like your husband, also watch any British tv I can, bemoan the lack of a good NHS, try to find British news/food etc etc just as you describe. But I can't help wondering how healthy that is, really. Shouldn't we be immersing ourselves in all things American (including the politics) in order to really integrate?

And, here's the last, slightly gloomy, scary thought - we have come here to be with the one(s) we love - is the price of that to live forever a 'half life'? One foot in this country and the other, along with our heart, in our home country?

Well, if you are in this kind of romantic situation, ONE of you is going to have to move, right?

I was the one who didn't move, and I go through these mental gymnastics all the time. I was the one who didn't give up my family, country, friends and familiarity. He did. What does that make me? Could I have done it? Can I do it - if circumstance changes?

I think we try to make choices based upon the best information we have at the time. Who has the most family where; who has the most assets; who has more career flexibility, etc. It's not just about being a loving couple. I mean, "domestic" couples make the same choices. But for people like you and me, the consequences are higher and not so easily reversible.

Assimilate or be damned? I don't agree. Sure, in Rome one needs to do as the Romans do. But this is an age of choice. We DO have the internet and cheap phone service. You aren't a WWII bride, stuck in the US with no way to contact home save for slow letters. All that forced assimilation didn't make those women pine less for a good cuppa or a Woodbine. Besides, since you and my husband CAN so easily touch daily bits of your old life, it makes it easier to walk away from the new bits you can't stand - like he does US politics. He can retreat to old pleasant familiarity, rather than feeling trapped into a new mindset he finds intolerable. For him, that actually helps make the good bits of US life better.

Someone once said to me that the problem with my international relationship was that we (husband and I) both spoke too much English. It was tongue in cheek, but it's somewhat true. Our countries and the lives we come from are both modern and pampered. There are pluses and minuses to either shore, to either culture. You can even try the physical exercise of making lists of these pluses and minuses and you'll probably just get more confused. Factor in how life changes and there you have it - the curse of the expat. It will always be there as long as both are from different shores.

So - I have thrown away my crystal ball, for it's broken anyway. He and I - we try to live for now. Make the most of where we are, at the moment. Because we know we are stronger together, wherever we are. The rest is up to fate anyway, really isn't it?

[True Brit 10]

Rebecca Jo what an extremely well-written and thought out reply (above)! Lots of food for thought! What do others think?

[Donna & Paul 4]

That's against the law, by the way.

Can you be more specific?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Can you be more specific?

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=29da7f5c13f2e210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=29da7f5c13f2e210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

Preventing Discrimination in the Form I-9 Process

Employers must accept any document an employee presents from the Lists of Acceptable Documents, as long as the document reasonably appears to be genuine and to relate to the employee. Employers must not:

[*] Demand that an employee show specific documents

[*] Ask to see employment authorization documents before an individual accepts a job offer

[*] Refuse to accept a document, or refuse to hire an individual, because a document will expire in the future

[*] Refuse to accept a receipt that is acceptable for Form I-9 purposes

[*] Demand a specific document when reverifying that an employee is authorized to work

[Donna & Paul 4]

Bless him! So is the 'curse of the expat' that we never feel at completely at home anywhere any more???

I know one lovely Scottish lass who lives near me and who has been here 21 years, who feels just exactly that. Like your husband, she wants to return 'home' but that doesn't seem to be Scotland anymore - she dreams of places like Cornwall or Devon for reasons that even she doesn't understand! She has children who have grown up here and likens herself to the image of Gulliver, tied down by the little people, and fears she will be kept here forever because her husband and children are so happy in the States.

I, like your husband, also watch any British tv I can, bemoan the lack of a good NHS, try to find British news/food etc etc just as you describe. But I can't help wondering how healthy that is, really. Shouldn't we be immersing ourselves in all things American (including the politics) in order to really integrate?

And, here's the last, slightly gloomy, scary thought - we have come here to be with the one(s) we love - is the price of that to live forever a 'half life'? One foot in this country and the other, along with our heart, in our home country?

I'm clearly the American here. But I don't think it's unhealthy to retain your heritage. Paul wants to understand the politics here and he mostly likes what America has to offer, but much like you and Rebbeca Jo's husband, he laments not having the NHS, having to search for British TV programs, and he watches the BBC News. He misses his pork pies and good bangers and mash. While I agree you should try to assimilate that doesn't mean forgetting where you came from nor missing what you left behind. I know if I were the one to move country I would certainly miss things from here and long for some of the culture I was raised in and a part of for 40+ years. I don't know how you wouldn't, really. I just can't imagine it. I would think that anyone who is transplanted, whether it be across the world or across the country would feel like they had one foot here and the other foot "there". I do hope for you in time that the feelings grow less intense. I suspect that in time you will consider this your home and if you were to move back to the UK you'd miss things from here and have some of those same longings for the US.