Been here two weeks and its soooo hard .....

[True Brit 10]

Hi everyone! I would be so glad to be able to share my feelings with people who have been/still are in a similar situation. I just hope I don't sound like a moaning, ungrateful woman! It just seems that after all the waiting, wading through paperwork, jumping through hoops to get approved; after all the stress of leaving family and friends and favourite possessions behind to get to the US to join my husband - I HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON!! My husband has a new, really demanding job and leaves the house at 6am - I always get up with him so that we can have a coffee together before he leaves. He arrives back around 7pm and I make sure I have dinner ready. I have no car at the moment and would probably be too scared to drive yet even if I had. There are no shops or any facilities within walking distance. The area is beautiful, the rental house is lovely and if I hadn't brought my two little dogs with me from the UK I think I would be hanging from a rope! I pleaded and threw my toys out of the pram until I got tv and the internet so I at least have this. But I have no idea how the US works - how to work out the new money thing - how to do a simple thing like buy a stamp and post a letter! I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to make the best of everything - the weather, for example, has been beautiful recently. Does anyone else remember feeling like this? Does it all come right in the end? I am a middleaged woman and had I been given the choice would rather not have made such a huge change later on in life. The things we do for love, eh? The trouble is that I am now beginning to feel apathetic and not wanting to do anything. Any fellow sufferers woes or good advice welcome!

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

Hi everyone! I would be so glad to be able to share my feelings with people who have been/still are in a similar situation. I just hope I don't sound like a moaning, ungrateful woman! It just seems that after all the waiting, wading through paperwork, jumping through hoops to get approved; after all the stress of leaving family and friends and favourite possessions behind to get to the US to join my husband - I HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON!! My husband has a new, really demanding job and leaves the house at 6am - I always get up with him so that we can have a coffee together before he leaves. He arrives back around 7pm and I make sure I have dinner ready. I have no car at the moment and would probably be too scared to drive yet even if I had. There are no shops or any facilities within walking distance. The area is beautiful, the rental house is lovely and if I hadn't brought my two little dogs with me from the UK I think I would be hanging from a rope! I pleaded and threw my toys out of the pram until I got tv and the internet so I at least have this. But I have no idea how the US works - how to work out the new money thing - how to do a simple thing like buy a stamp and post a letter! I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to make the best of everything - the weather, for example, has been beautiful recently. Does anyone else remember feeling like this? Does it all come right in the end? I am a middleaged woman and had I been given the choice would rather not have made such a huge change later on in life. The things we do for love, eh? The trouble is that I am now beginning to feel apathetic and not wanting to do anything. Any fellow sufferers woes or good advice welcome!

Well it's great that you have the internet! I would do some research and maybe see if there's any expat blogs or websites that can give you tips. Buying a stamp and posting a letter is probably the same as in the UK, just gotta find a post office Research your area online and find out what there is to do and see. When your hubby has a day off, have him take you around town to explore and see where everything is. Maybe even one day, when he goes to work he could drop you off in town - you could have breakfast and explore!

[gioyugo 3]

Well it's great that you have the internet! I would do some research and maybe see if there's any expat blogs or websites that can give you tips. Buying a stamp and posting a letter is probably the same as in the UK, just gotta find a post office Research your area online and find out what there is to do and see. When your hubby has a day off, have him take you around town to explore and see where everything is. Maybe even one day, when he goes to work he could drop you off in town - you could have breakfast and explore!

[/quote I would make sure you share the same feelings with your husband and let him know how you are feeling.You do not want to go threw this without expressing your feelings.Im sure he would want to know.Also what i would do try to take some classes at a local school any thing that will keep your mind sane.Im sure by going out you will make friends.Does he have family near you? maybe go to your new family house.Im sure its noy easy but it will get better.

[reese1 68]

Hi everyone! I would be so glad to be able to share my feelings with people who have been/still are in a similar situation. I just hope I don't sound like a moaning, ungrateful woman! It just seems that after all the waiting, wading through paperwork, jumping through hoops to get approved; after all the stress of leaving family and friends and favourite possessions behind to get to the US to join my husband - I HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON!! My husband has a new, really demanding job and leaves the house at 6am - I always get up with him so that we can have a coffee together before he leaves. He arrives back around 7pm and I make sure I have dinner ready. I have no car at the moment and would probably be too scared to drive yet even if I had. There are no shops or any facilities within walking distance. The area is beautiful, the rental house is lovely and if I hadn't brought my two little dogs with me from the UK I think I would be hanging from a rope! I pleaded and threw my toys out of the pram until I got tv and the internet so I at least have this. But I have no idea how the US works - how to work out the new money thing - how to do a simple thing like buy a stamp and post a letter! I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to make the best of everything - the weather, for example, has been beautiful recently. Does anyone else remember feeling like this? Does it all come right in the end? I am a middleaged woman and had I been given the choice would rather not have made such a huge change later on in life. The things we do for love, eh? The trouble is that I am now beginning to feel apathetic and not wanting to do anything. Any fellow sufferers woes or good advice welcome!

This feeling will not pass until you find things that interest you to occupy your time. I know in a lot of places in the US not having a car can make it almost impossible to get around, and doing the same things everyday gets old really fast to the point were you just don't want to do anything. When you are use to being independent it is HARD to become solely depend on someone else. I suggest you start trying to see if there are any groups in your area scrapbooking, knitting(just suggestions but you get where I am going with this). Maybe you can find people from your home country that live in the area you can do a google search(however do use caution). Have your husband start teaching you how to get around in your area so that you can start driving so that you can at least get out, and once you feel comfortable enough maybe you can start taking him to work so you can have the car during the day while he is at work to run errands anything to get you out of the house and a change of scenery and to help you feel like you are getting your independence back. Or you could volunteer at a hospital in your area, this will help you meet people and the hospitals are always looking for volunteers. No need for an EAD as you are not receiving pay for the work you are doing. What ever you do don't just sit back and think time will fix how you are feeling right now because it will actually get worse and you will become more home sick if you don't get active. Don't for one moment think that it has anything to do with you not being appreciative of the new life you have received, that's not it. But if you don't do things to experience this new life and make it just that a NEW life you will miss the OLD life you had to the point of depression. Things WILL get better, however you have to be active in making it better. Best wishes to you and know that you are not alone in your feelings, take comfort in knowing it's not just you!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

What you are feeling is very common, and it does get better.

It's got to be especially hard that your husband is gone so much. Here are some ideas to try to make things better: Do you have any access to transportation? Can you drive your husband to work and pick him up afterward so you have the car? Where do you live? is there any public transportation? Have you tried something like meetup.org to make friends or have some company?

(You can buy stamps at the post office or grocery or have them mailed to you from usps.com (it's 85 cents for an international letter), you address the letter the same and depending what you have, you either put it in your mailbox and put the flag up, or put it in a blue mailbox on the street-they are blue and shaped differently than in the UK).

[True Brit 10]

Oh my goodness all these kind replies! Thank you so much - I truly do appreciate your taking the time to respond. No, at the moment I do not have access to transportation - my husband has this huge, old, classic Lexus which he adores and I would never be allowed to drive it. He works in the city and when he has driven me there I have been cringing at the amount of traffic. Although I have lived in London, I never drove there either but I am fine in quiet roads in suburban areas or country roads. Surprisingly enough, there are no local buses either - just the little yellow school buses. It seems that everything is geared to transportation - volunteering (because I would have to get there), shopping, exploring, joining clubs. Yes I could go into the City with my husband and be there from early morning until late at night but, and I know this must sound pathetic, I would be far too scared to be there for so long by myself with my feeling so lacking in confidence at the moment. So it seems like I will have to acquire a car, somehow and maybe pay a driving instructor to take me around until I get used to the roads. In the meantime, folks, I might just watch another episode of Homeland or American Horror Story but at least I will do so knowing people care enough to write to me and give me support. Thanks again!

[NY_BX 397]

Hi everyone! I would be so glad to be able to share my feelings with people who have been/still are in a similar situation. I just hope I don't sound like a moaning, ungrateful woman! It just seems that after all the waiting, wading through paperwork, jumping through hoops to get approved; after all the stress of leaving family and friends and favourite possessions behind to get to the US to join my husband - I HAVE LANDED ON THE MOON!! My husband has a new, really demanding job and leaves the house at 6am - I always get up with him so that we can have a coffee together before he leaves. He arrives back around 7pm and I make sure I have dinner ready. I have no car at the moment and would probably be too scared to drive yet even if I had. There are no shops or any facilities within walking distance. The area is beautiful, the rental house is lovely and if I hadn't brought my two little dogs with me from the UK I think I would be hanging from a rope! I pleaded and threw my toys out of the pram until I got tv and the internet so I at least have this. But I have no idea how the US works - how to work out the new money thing - how to do a simple thing like buy a stamp and post a letter! I keep telling myself how lucky I am and trying to make the best of everything - the weather, for example, has been beautiful recently. Does anyone else remember feeling like this? Does it all come right in the end? I am a middleaged woman and had I been given the choice would rather not have made such a huge change later on in life. The things we do for love, eh? The trouble is that I am now beginning to feel apathetic and not wanting to do anything. Any fellow sufferers woes or good advice welcome!

I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but you're not suffering. Sounds to me like you're simply homesick. That's absolutely normal. You've been here only 2 weeks. To some suffering means exactly that, suffering. Meaning getting into an abusive relationship, being scammed, or having health problems. I surely hope that's not your case.

I'll tell you what my husband did: he was exactly like you; bored to tears, lost in translation- let alone simply lost. He started getting 'lost' in the trains. That made me so nervous, but he explored New York on his own while I was at work. Then, he asked me to check if there are any music classes (he plays guitar). He enrolled in a 3 month course and practiced his guitar while meeting new people. All the while he visited different mosques every Friday to meet new people. Within 2 months he had adjusted and felt a little more independent.

Now he has a job and feels very productive.

If you have a gym nearby, enroll. Make a routine of getting out of the house and go to a park with your dogs. You'll meet new people and make friends. It WILL get better. It surely will.

[tearessa 0]

Hi. I'd like to let u know that your not alone having those feelings. And I agree with the poster above that make sure you share what your going through right now with your husband. I have been here in the states for a month. I am basically dependent on my husband for the moment. I want to do some part time voluntering but not possible because I don't even know how to drive. My husband leaves at 5 in the morning for work then comes home at 4pm. I am stuck home all day. I m terrified of going out alone even on daytime maybe because I'm not used to empty streets (we live 15 min away from the city). Back in my home country the streets are busy with cars and people. I am basically still adjusting here. trying to settle in America.

[True Brit 10]

Hi. I'd like to let u know that your not alone having those feelings. And I agree with the poster above that make sure you share what your going through right now with your husband. I have been here in the states for a month. I am basically dependent on my husband for the moment. I want to do some part time voluntering but not possible because I don't even know how to drive. My husband leaves at 5 in the morning for work then comes home at 4pm. I am stuck home all day. I m terrified of going out alone even on daytime maybe because I'm not used to empty streets (we live 15 min away from the city). Back in my home country the streets are busy with cars and people. I am basically still adjusting here. trying to settle in America.

Awwww Tearess I really feel for you - its all so different and therefore so frightening isn't it? I am the opposite to you in one way - I am used to country lanes and empty streets and its the streets filled with cars and people that terrify me!! I understand exactly how you feel and I am thinking about you too, now, and wishing you well xx

[True Brit 10]

I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but you're not suffering. Sounds to me like you're simply homesick. That's absolutely normal. You've been here only 2 weeks. To some suffering means exactly that, suffering. Meaning getting into an abusive relationship, being scammed, or having health problems. I surely hope that's not your case.

I'll tell you what my husband did: he was exactly like you; bored to tears, lost in translation- let alone simply lost. He started getting 'lost' in the trains. That made me so nervous, but he explored New York on his own while I was at work. Then, he asked me to check if there are any music classes (he plays guitar). He enrolled in a 3 month course and practiced his guitar while meeting new people. All the while he visited different mosques every Friday to meet new people. Within 2 months he had adjusted and felt a little more independent.

Now he has a job and feels very productive.

If you have a gym nearby, enroll. Make a routine of getting out of the house and go to a park with your dogs. You'll meet new people and make friends. It WILL get better. It surely will.

Thank you so much for your kind reply, above. No you are absolutely right - I have so much to be thankful for. I think, in a way, it is so terribly hard to get here that when you actually do its almost a bit of an anti-climax! I tried not to have unreal expectations but I guess we do all harbour them secretly. I would love to be near a busy metro system and be able to get around like your husband. I used to do the same thing in London - it teaches you so much! We are renting in a really beautiful surburb of St Louis - lovely wide streets and lovely houses but you might be able to imagine how quiet it is which is precisely why people moved here, of course! No gym within walking distance - no park within walking distance but there is some wild common ground I have found and I have made the acquaintance of at least a dozen Canada geese since I have been using it! The answer seems to be transport so now I will concentrate all my energies working towards the goal of being able to drive and actually get somewhere to either volunteer of possibly work (if anyone would have me). Congratulations to your husband - he sounds a most resourceful, glass-half-full kind of guy!!

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Driving lessons in America are fairly cheap compared to the UK/Europe and the driving test will be super easy by comparison.

Living in a new country is hard, I'm still having trouble after months in Denmark. You'll adjust, don't worry. However, you might want to think about moving somewhere that is a little more walkable and you have a lot of neighbors. Being that you've got a rental, that is something you two could decide to do together in the future.

Look at the bright side in that at least you speak English natively and that gives you a huge headstart versus a lot of other immigrants. I think Denmark would be way more enjoyable for me if I had spoken Danish fluently.

[True Brit 10]

Driving lessons in America are fairly cheap compared to the UK/Europe and the driving test will be super easy by comparison.

Living in a new country is hard, I'm still having trouble after months in Denmark. You'll adjust, don't worry. However, you might want to think about moving somewhere that is a little more walkable and you have a lot of neighbors. Being that you've got a rental, that is something you two could decide to do together in the future.

Look at the bright side in that at least you speak English natively and that gives you a huge headstart versus a lot of other immigrants. I think Denmark would be way more enjoyable for me if I had spoken Danish fluently.

[/quoteYe

Hi Nola123! Yes, you are so right - thank goodness I speak English natively. I don't think I would have dared come here otherwise at the age I am now. I did live in France for a while in my twenties, and although when I first arrived I couldn't understand anything I did get to know what was going on after about 6 months. I had the basic grammar etc from school which really helped. I do feel for you living in a country where you don't speak the language fluently. Hopefully the fact that you are in a 'total immersion' situation will help you learn much more quickly than if you were just taking a course. Do you have the basic grammar structure at all?

All your advice is really good - thank you for your interest and helpful comments. I am wishing you well, too! Good luck xx

[cathy2904 97]

You are making a huge change to your life and what you are feeling is perfectly natural. I know exactly what you mean about not knowing how things work. I have been here a year now (ooh, one year today in fact - that must be worth a celebration later) and I still feel so lost in the system at times. In the UK I owned my own house outright and managed a team of people. Now I can't get a credit card in my own right and nobody at work knows what I am capable of. And of course I miss everybody back in the UK. Have you planned a visit home? That would give you something to look forward to. Are you using Skype to keep in contact? And driving is much easier here. I had to take my test again (after driving for 20+ years) but it was very easy and I love the automatic car, wide roads and lots of traffic lights.

Take care of yourself - it's still very early days. And try to enjoy having some time to yourself.

[True Brit 10]

You are making a huge change to your life and what you are feeling is perfectly natural. I know exactly what you mean about not knowing how things work. I have been here a year now (ooh, one year today in fact - that must be worth a celebration later) and I still feel so lost in the system at times. In the UK I owned my own house outright and managed a team of people. Now I can't get a credit card in my own right and nobody at work knows what I am capable of. And of course I miss everybody back in the UK. Have you planned a visit home? That would give you something to look forward to. Are you using Skype to keep in contact? And driving is much easier here. I had to take my test again (after driving for 20+ years) but it was very easy and I love the automatic car, wide roads and lots of traffic lights.

Take care of yourself - it's still very early days. And try to enjoy having some time to yourself.

Hi Cathy! Yes I can totally identify with you! Maybe even a year isn't a long time, do you think? A friend of mine (who moved to Cyprus) said you had to give it two years and she had had that advice from another friend who had moved to France! I think change is so much easier when you are in your twenties and thirties than when you are older. For one thing, you have so much more to lose when you are older because you have built up your life and are giving up so much more. I haven't had a Skype conversation yet due to my friends and family being a bunch of technophobes, bless 'em! No trips home planned yet but I think its a very good idea to plan for one. People seem to think the driving wont be such a problem when I actually do it which is comforting. Thanks so much for contacting me and adding me to your friends xx

[cathy2904 97]

You are welcome. And yes, it will take much more than a year I think.

I managed to get my 74 year old father to use Skype and I speak to him more now than I have ever done. He spent three weeks with us in October which is the most time I have spent with him since I was 18! We have also had one of my sons and my sister and her family to visit this year. That helps because they now know where I am and what my new life is like. We also have a Vonage home phone and we get free international calls.

I am lucky because my husband works from home so he is here most of the time and I have access to the car whenever I want. He is from the same town as me in England but he has been here since he was in his 20s so he struggles at times to understand how different it is to make that move when you are older.