How did your wife adapt to your work schedule?

[rlogan 2,036]

I'm not sneering at anything, only expressing my opinion about being called multiple times a day.

Saying "cute at 16" is hurling an insult about being an immature teen which is wonderful hypocrisy by then contradicting yourself in saying you exchange links on idle chit-chat with the husband while you are at work and throughout the day. Does your boss know you post on internet fora while at work too? That's sounds cute at 16, but not for an adult working.

This is a woman unemployed at home who is expressing discontent. So way to go not listening like Holly234 and changing it to someone who is too busy working to be bored and lonely. You know what's even funnier? I was actually thinking about my neighbor who is a cable TV installer. He and his wife, a home-maker, call each other throughout the day because they don't have computers to send links to each other. I guess they're immature and controlling, eh?

Ning - thanks for chiming in. Generally the first thing out of people's mouths is what's on their mind. Notwithstanding the backpedaling that came later I still believe there is an attitude adjustment necessary here.

It simply isn't true that it is cheaper to eat out than to cook yourself. My own experience in Thailand demonstrates this. So when he said that I wondered why. Working Thais in big cities find it more convenient to take lunch at a street vendor, sure. But it isn't "cheaper". If it isn't true in the first place, then it can't be over-generalized, and most especially not to an unemployed housewife in the USA. So I thought that really odd. A rationalization, and when we rationalize there is actually a different reason underneath.

So why is he doing most of the cooking? It isn't the reason stated. I submit to you that this little clue is important. I wonder if he will tell us the real reason for why he is doing most of the cooking. You can say that you appreciate every little thing your wife does for you - but if you tell her by action that you would rather cook yourself than eat her cooking - that speaks a lot louder than the words being said. If you paint a picture of this overworked trial attorney, coming home late so exhausted from work, and then cooking for himself instead of enjoying the wife's food, there is something wrong with that picture.

And the fact someone is on an internet forum asking for advice about this but then dismissing points they don't like because they are actually getting along so wonderfully is yet more demonstration that we have a fellow that is very quick with rationalizations. Very quick with giving them to the wife too I'll imagine.

Edited December 4, 2012 by rlogan

[Ning 619]

Agreed, I over generalized based on my limited experience. Did not mean to be offensive. And I was trying to see how people dealt with intial transition/seperation period. Poor choice of words.

I think I better understand what you were asking now. I did the things I indicated over a period of months and years to adapt to American life and make a life for myself that coincides with my husbands. Your wife will do fine as long as she isnt isolated in her house and has you to guide her. From what I see here you will do fine because you know how to be patient when you need to be. Give this whole thing some time to smooth out and you will find what you seek and so will she.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Saying "cute at 16" is hurling an insult about being an immature teen which is wonderful hypocrisy by then contradicting yourself in saying you exchange links on idle chit-chat with the husband while you are at work and throughout the day. Does your boss know you post on internet fora while at work too? That's sounds cute at 16, but not for an adult working.

This is a woman unemployed at home who is expressing discontent. So way to go not listening like Holly234 and changing it to someone who is too busy working to be bored and lonely. You know what's even funnier? I was actually thinking about my neighbor who is a cable TV installer. He and his wife, a home-maker, call each other throughout the day because they don't have computers to send links to each other. I guess they're immature and controlling, eh?

That's the behaviour of a manipulator, trying to shame someone for having an opinion that doesn't fit with his conception of how people should behave. I was commenting on what I would think of my beloved calling me throughout the day within the context of my own life, my own condition (and my own break time). I was never saying this is what everyone should believe, but what I believe. And now you're attempting to shame me for what is very normal for many people throughout the day, namely chatting, which (in my opinion) is considerably less disruptive to one's working patterns than phone calls. Sorry, it doesn't fly with me that I should be ashamed.

As I said before, horses for courses. If multiple phone calls a day suits you and you are happy with it, cool. If texts are the thing, awesome. Faxes? Why not. Do what suits your life and your comfort level.

PS: He's not my husband.

[rlogan 2,036]

That's the behaviour of a manipulator, trying to shame someone for having an opinion that doesn't fit with his conception of how people should behave.

Not when they are repeating back your own words to demonstrate exactly that, which you identify as "shaming" yourself! So thanks!

Obviously I don't consider this communication childish. It's YOU that did: cute at 16.

Golly, you're so defensive when your own words are turned on you:

I was commenting on what I would think of my beloved calling me throughout the day within the context of my own life, my own condition (and my own break time). I was never saying this is what everyone should believe, but what I believe. And now you're attempting to shame me for what is very normal for many people throughout the day, namely chatting, which (in my opinion) is considerably less disruptive to one's working patterns than phone calls. Sorry, it doesn't fly with me that I should be ashamed.

Thank you very much for proving my point for me: that your attempt to shame me with this "cute at 16" comment is manipulative.

Please tell me what it is called when you accuse someone of the very thing you are doing. Oh, projection.

And now also trying to commandeer my own point as if it were yours! To communicate with your spouse during the day to show they are important. You started by saying how immature that was and now you are pretending it was your own point in the first place.

Well enough. You're on my ignore list now so have the last word.

[Amby 490]

I don't work and I would never want my SO to call me multiple times a day. That would be so annoying. I'd seriously just ignore the calls if it happened. There's actually only 2-3 people I would even consider talking to once a day. When my phone rings I actually sigh and think 'leave me alone!'

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Not when they are repeating back your own words to demonstrate exactly that, which you identify as "shaming" yourself! So thanks!

Obviously I don't consider this communication childish. It's YOU that did: cute at 16.

Golly, you're so defensive when your own words are turned on you:

Thank you very much for proving my point for me: that your attempt to shame me with this "cute at 16" comment is manipulative.

Please tell me what it is called when you accuse someone of the very thing you are doing. Oh, projection.

And now also trying to commandeer my own point as if it were yours! To communicate with your spouse during the day to show they are important. You started by saying how immature that was and now you are pretending it was your own point in the first place.

Well enough. You're on my ignore list now so have the last word.

I will: you've gotten a little hysterical about this. Some people don't like to be called 3 times a day, and I personally think it would be cute at 16 but not at my age. Perhaps some do! I don't!

But alas, I am blocked, so I will never hear your words as to why you object to my personal opinion about this, why my opinion about my own life is somehow not valid. Or another one of your tirades about manipulation and shaming, which I always find so droll and amusing since they're replete with attempts to manipulate and shame. I'd say you might be projecting yourself but then -- oh, the agony! I am blocked.

[Amby 490]

I will: you've gotten a little hysterical about this. Some people don't like to be called 3 times a day, and I personally think it would be cute at 16 but not at my age. Perhaps some do! I don't!

But alas, I am blocked, so I will never hear your words as to why you object to my personal opinion about this, why my opinion about my own life is somehow not valid. Or another one of your tirades about manipulation and shaming, which I always find so droll and amusing since they're replete with attempts to manipulate and shame. I'd say you might be projecting yourself but then -- oh, the agony! I am blocked.

maybe he just needs a vibrator to cure his hysteria

[EminTX 131]

I work 17-hour shifts and am happy to get however many calls from my beloved during that time. If I'm too busy, I call or text him back later. Usually the contact is about questions on how to do something or directions if he is walking around lost.

My husband is shy about accepting help/rides/outings from friends and feels rather lost here in this very different place.

Making sure he has an unlimited calling plan for back home has really helped both him and his parents to adjust easier.

[The Mean Lady 604]

My husband used to be very paranoid.

I stay up here in Canada with him most of the time and he can see me whenever he wants because I work from home when I'm here.

When I used to go back to the office, he would text me CONSTANTLY all of the time and get mad when I wouldn't respond thinking I was leading some double life.

It caused a LOT of major fights and stress for me when I was down there, but I knew this behavior was thanks to a couple of previous crappy girlfriends.

Now, 3 years later, he's SO much better.

He just sends me a few random texts throughout the day, and stopped getting mad when I couldn't respond.

There's a perfect example of how too much contact can be off-putting.

I am going to have to start looking for apts for us when I'm down there in december.

I'm hoping to find something that's either near a forest preserve, or a toysrus/walmart/target.

Any of those would keep him happy until he gets a job.

Go figure, he loves walking around outside, and he loves going to toysrus.

Edited December 4, 2012 by KDubovik

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

Ditto. If I were 16, I'd think it was cute. Being called 3 times a day while we're both at work would be irritating and disruptive for us both. When we want to have a brief and idle natter when we're at work, we communicate through Google Chat. Much less intrusive, since we can address each other as we have time. If something is truly urgent, then we call.

Yay Google chat! My fiance and I always have Google chat on, makes the day less boring. Since we're apart at the moment, we always have latitude on too, then we always know where the other is. And yes, being called or calling multiple times a day...I would hate that!