How did your wife adapt to your work schedule?

[rlogan 2,036]

She does cook, phenomenal Thai food but, most Thais don't cook that much as it's almost always cheaper to buy hot food than to cook it yourself. She has been creative with our Thanksgiving leftovers, fried turkey with chiles, fried turkey skin, etc.

And, I live 40 minutes from the office so that kind takes that option out of play and work through lunch anyway!

I've been all over Thailand and lived outside Chaiyaphum for a while. Spent several months in Hill Tribe villages outside Chiang Dao. Trekked all over the north, spent a month on the Mekong, into Laos too. Myanmar. Rented apartments here and there. Chiang Mai, Sattahib - but it's way different in rural areas, especially where I was. No street vendors. Even in Chiang Mai though I found it cheaper to cook myself, with a kilo of rice generally costing less than one meal at a street vendor. But Street vendors were way cheaper than restaurants. Every baht mattered to me then.

If you can't do lunch then call.

[Ning 619]

She does cook, phenomenal Thai food but, most Thais don't cook that much as it's almost always cheaper to buy hot food than to cook it yourself. She has been creative with our Thanksgiving leftovers, fried turkey with chiles, fried turkey skin, etc.

And, I live 40 minutes from the office so that kind takes that option out of play and work through lunch anyway!

Dont know where you got the idea we dont cook much. Food is huge in our culture and we love to cook with our family and then share the food with others.

You are asking what she can do to adapt to your work schedual. My husband never expected me to do that. He asked me to retain my Thai culture in any way I want but to adapt to American lifestyle because it is the only way to learn to be content here. I have worked on the language, political situations, driving, career, banking, computers ect to make my life here similar to other Americans. I have worked toward the day when I will become an American citizen.

I would suggest you ask your wife to work toward the freedom we cant attain in Thailand as people nor women. That includes being free from feeling we have to adapt to what a male requires from us. If we cant find peace of mind here we may not stay in that situation.

[himher 634]

LOL it's been 5 years and I'm still waiting for her to adapt to it but I'll let you know when she does LOL

This may have been discussed before, if so I'll apologize in advance. I am sure some of you met your wife while on holiday or a dating web site. Visits were probably all fun and games. In the three years we dated I spent probably 90 days in her country initially doing all the tourist things and then just hanging out in her village and making the occassional run to Bangkok. We discussed many, many times the transition here and that the U.S. is not the land of milk and honey.

We're in AOS right now so she can't get a drivers license or job. The intial boredom and homsickness has begun to wear off. She goes shopping frequently, chats with her friend on the phone and online and spends heaps of time on the computer. I have a super friendly big dog that keeps her company. The house is always clean and the laundry clean and ironed.

Here's my dilemma: I have a pretty heavy work schedule. I am a trial attorney so I work 10-12 hour days which takes me away from her a lot. I can and do come early a few days a week and then will just go in earlier the next day. We had a wonderful thanksgiving with some family. However, I know it is hard for her to get used to me leaving and coming home when it's dark. It's getting better but, it has caused a few bumps along the road. So I'm just curious as to how your wife adapted to your work schedule. Thanks.

[khwaidee1 196]

Dont know where you got the idea we dont cook much. Food is huge in our culture and we love to cook with our family and then share the food with others.

You are asking what she can do to adapt to your work schedual. My husband never expected me to do that. He asked me to retain my Thai culture in any way I want but to adapt to American lifestyle because it is the only way to learn to be content here. I have worked on the language, political situations, driving, career, banking, computers ect to make my life here similar to other Americans. I have worked toward the day when I will become an American citizen.

I would suggest you ask your wife to work toward the freedom we cant attain in Thailand as people nor women. That includes being free from feeling we have to adapt to what a male requires from us. If we cant find peace of mind here we may not stay in that situation.

First, I didn't mean to say that all Thais don't cook that much, maybe an over generalization. And yes, I understand the signifigance of food in Thai culture, first thing I bought my wife before she got her was a new pok pok and rice cooker. This weekend she made amazing somtam and kha nom jeen, tom yam, and some cucumber salad. We spent most of Sunday at the tepmle to celebrate Loy Khratong, plenty to eat. However, my observation, and mine soley, is that it is very cheap to stop by a food stall and bring home hot food. Whenvever we go into the city we would would bring home heaps of food for our house and her parents/family.

I am not asking my wife to change, you misunderstood what I was asking. I want her to retain her culture, roots, independence etc. I just meant adapting to being apart when we spent every minute together while we were dating over the past three years. She has Thai friends, gets a local Thai newspaper, talks to family almost every day, is working on her English on line etc. I was not asking her to "adapt to what a male requires from us" (somewhat presumptious of you), just how to deal with the intial seperation since we are waiting on her AP/EAD card and she can't get a license until then. We are partners in our relationship. I am supportive of my wife, her ways, her indepence and I would typically be offended by what you suggest but I will chalk it up to maybe not understanding what I said or trying to read between the lines.

Edited December 3, 2012 by khwaidee1

[khwaidee1 196]

I guess what I was trying to ask was how did your wife adjust to being apart from you once she got to the U.S. and you went back to work. My wife is independent, walks to the shops etc. and we're waiting on getting her driver's license. But, seeing as how we spent all of our dating time together, how did your wife get used to you being at work all day? I am not asking her to change her ways, just curious on how others who have come before me made it through this transitional phase. Thanks.

[rlogan 2,036]

I think you missed the part where the wife has to adapt to whatever the male requires in terms of his work schedule. Maybe this will clarify:

If she's reasonably attractive she's going to quickly receive attention as an exotic girl from guys that are willing to show a little effort in taking time out of their all-important schedule. They'll call her on the phone during their lunch or send text messages, emails, and such. Things that take only seconds but let her know she's a priority, and break up the monotony of her day.

Some will go so far as to ask her questions about how her studying for the license is going, as if the things she was doing herself were actually as important as what the man was doing. Over time you'll start to notice she's adapting just fine, and even has a fresh flush on her rosy face when you get home, but strangely is totally uninterested in sex. She not only stops cooking altogether, but stops doing the housework too, because after all its cheaper to have someone else do it.

You hear for the first time her encouragement to stay at work even longer because she's now come to the realization how important it is, and your retirement account grows even faster than you had planned. So when you take early retirement it comes as a shock that she's shacking up with a 20 year old cable tv installer. But he calls her every day while he's in the van, at every break time 10,12, and 2. It's almost like they are not even apart. And they have a comfortable life on account of the handsom settlement acquired from the trial attorney ex-husband.

Does that bring things into a little sharper relief?

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I think you missed the part where the wife has to adapt to whatever the male requires in terms of his work schedule. Maybe this will clarify:

If she's reasonably attractive she's going to quickly receive attention as an exotic girl from guys that are willing to show a little effort in taking time out of their all-important schedule. They'll call her on the phone during their lunch or send text messages, emails, and such. Things that take only seconds but let her know she's a priority, and break up the monotony of her day.

Some will go so far as to ask her questions about how her studying for the license is going, as if the things she was doing herself were actually as important as what the man was doing. Over time you'll start to notice she's adapting just fine, and even has a fresh flush on her rosy face when you get home, but strangely is totally uninterested in sex. She not only stops cooking altogether, but stops doing the housework too, because after all its cheaper to have someone else do it.

You hear for the first time her encouragement to stay at work even longer because she's now come to the realization how important it is, and your retirement account grows even faster than you had planned. So when you take early retirement it comes as a shock that she's shacking up with a 20 year old cable tv installer. But he calls her every day while he's in the van, at every break time 10,12, and 2. It's almost like they are not even apart. And they have a comfortable life on account of the handsom settlement acquired from the trial attorney ex-husband.

Does that bring things into a little sharper relief?

You really think that women want to be called 3 times a day while the man is at work? I'd probably think he has some sort of weird controlling side if he did that and it would be a total red flag! My husband never calls me from work unless I text him a specific question or something.

I don't think smothering a woman is a way to make sure she isn't hooking up with a "20 year old cable tv installer." How about just being respectful and man enough yourself to keep her?

[khwaidee1 196]

I think you missed the part where the wife has to adapt to whatever the male requires in terms of his work schedule. Maybe this will clarify:

If she's reasonably attractive she's going to quickly receive attention as an exotic girl from guys that are willing to show a little effort in taking time out of their all-important schedule. They'll call her on the phone during their lunch or send text messages, emails, and such. Things that take only seconds but let her know she's a priority, and break up the monotony of her day.

Some will go so far as to ask her questions about how her studying for the license is going, as if the things she was doing herself were actually as important as what the man was doing. Over time you'll start to notice she's adapting just fine, and even has a fresh flush on her rosy face when you get home, but strangely is totally uninterested in sex. She not only stops cooking altogether, but stops doing the housework too, because after all its cheaper to have someone else do it.

You hear for the first time her encouragement to stay at work even longer because she's now come to the realization how important it is, and your retirement account grows even faster than you had planned. So when you take early retirement it comes as a shock that she's shacking up with a 20 year old cable tv installer. But he calls her every day while he's in the van, at every break time 10,12, and 2. It's almost like they are not even apart. And they have a comfortable life on account of the handsom settlement acquired from the trial attorney ex-husband.

Does that bring things into a little sharper relief?

Not at all. Good effort though. Maybe I used the wrong word but I just meant getting through intial phase once she gets here, I believe it is a diificult transition for both spouses. We do talk and text throughout the day. We're doing just fine and will continue to do so.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

You really think that women want to be called 3 times a day while the man is at work? I'd probably think he has some sort of weird controlling side if he did that and it would be a total red flag! My husband never calls me from work unless I text him a specific question or something.

I don't think smothering a woman is a way to make sure she isn't hooking up with a "20 year old cable tv installer." How about just being respectful and man enough yourself to keep her?

Ditto. If I were 16, I'd think it was cute. Being called 3 times a day while we're both at work would be irritating and disruptive for us both. When we want to have a brief and idle natter when we're at work, we communicate through Google Chat. Much less intrusive, since we can address each other as we have time. If something is truly urgent, then we call.

[Holly2234 66]

Im the foreign wife and im at home all day with our daughter while my husband is at work for 13 hours a day, 4 days a week.

I do get very bored and it can be lonely at times but i spend time with my mother in law on her days off and one of my husbands friends comes by every now and then to keep me company or bring me anything i need from the store that is too awkward or heavy to carry (I dont have a car). So i do think it is very important for you to introduce her to family members or friends who can help her out and spend some time with her. Just getting out of the house and having somebody to talk to makes so much difference.

Being a house wife is not about cooking or keeping the house tidy. As long as she is doing her fair share, leave it at that. Do not suggest that she spends her day polishing the silverware for something to do. Some wives may be happy to do this, but for me, my husband would get the silverware in his eye!

Maybe suggest little every day things she can accomplish each day. Such as asking an assistant in a store to help her find something. I tend not to do this because I seem to have to repeat everything i say to be understood. But when it happens and is a success, it feels good. Or work on getting drivers licences etc. This is my next goal and im looking forward to some independence!

Edited December 3, 2012 by Holly2234

[khwaidee1 196]

Im the foreign wife and im at home all day with our daughter while my husband is at work for 13 hours a day, 4 days a week.

I do get very bored and it can be lonely at times but i spend time with my mother in law on her days off and one of my husbands friends comes by every now and then to keep me company or bring me anything i need from the store that is too awkward or heavy to carry (I dont have a car). So i do think it is very important for you to introduce her to family members or friends who can help her out and spend some time with her. Just getting out of the house and having somebody to talk to makes so much difference.

Being a house wife is not about cooking or keeping the house tidy. As long as she is doing her fair share, leave it at that. Do not suggest that she spends her day polishing the silverware for something to do. Some wives may be happy to do this, but for me, my husband would get the silverware in his eye!

Maybe suggest little every day things she can accomplish each day. Such as asking an assistant in a store to help her find something. I tend not to do this because I seem to have to repeat everything i say to be understood. But when it happens and is a success, it feels good. Or work on getting drivers licences etc. This is my next goal and im looking forward to some independence!

Thanks, that was more what I was looking for. Now that she can venture out on her own and do some shopping she is much happier. While her English is quite good she gets nervous without me. The other day they asked her for her ID when using a debit card (they never do that) and she got a bit flustered but called me and we got it squared away. She has been buying little Christmas things to decorate the house and she is really enjoying that. We tend to share the house chores. My (our) dog is a huge help in keeping her company as well. My mom lives pretty far away but will stop by when she can. I guess I miss her during the day too since we waited so long to be together but, things keep getting better and better!

Edited December 3, 2012 by khwaidee1

[Ning 619]

First, I didn't mean to say that all Thais don't cook that much, maybe an over generalization. And yes, I understand the signifigance of food in Thai culture, first thing I bought my wife before she got her was a new pok pok and rice cooker. This weekend she made amazing somtam and kha nom jeen, tom yam, and some cucumber salad. We spent most of Sunday at the tepmle to celebrate Loy Khratong, plenty to eat. However, my observation, and mine soley, is that it is very cheap to stop by a food stall and bring home hot food. Whenvever we go into the city we would would bring home heaps of food for our house and her parents/family.

I am not asking my wife to change, you misunderstood what I was asking. I want her to retain her culture, roots, independence etc. I just meant adapting to being apart when we spent every minute together while we were dating over the past three years. She has Thai friends, gets a local Thai newspaper, talks to family almost every day, is working on her English on line etc. I was not asking her to "adapt to what a male requires from us" (somewhat presumptious of you), just how to deal with the intial seperation since we are waiting on her AP/EAD card and she can't get a license until then. We are partners in our relationship. I am supportive of my wife, her ways, her indepence and I would typically be offended by what you suggest but I will chalk it up to maybe not understanding what I said or trying to read between the lines.

Maybe it was when I read " most Thais dont cook" where I seemingly "misunderstood". Or " So I'm just curious as to how your wife adapted to your work schedule". I mean that is what it says.

If you are offended you cant try to get over it and I will try to overlook what I see in your offensive posts about Thais. Chalk it up to anything that satisfies your ego.

[khwaidee1 196]

Maybe it was when I read " most Thais dont cook" where I seemingly "misunderstood". Or " So I'm just curious as to how your wife adapted to your work schedule". I mean that is what it says.

If you are offended you cant try to get over it and I will try to overlook what I see in your offensive posts about Thais. Chalk it up to anything that satisfies your ego.

Agreed, I over generalized based on my limited experience. Did not mean to be offensive. And I was trying to see how people dealt with intial transition/seperation period. Poor choice of words.

[rlogan 2,036]

You really think that women want to be called 3 times a day while the man is at work? I'd probably think he has some sort of weird controlling side if he did that and it would be a total red flag! My husband never calls me from work unless I text him a specific question or something.

I don't think smothering a woman is a way to make sure she isn't hooking up with a "20 year old cable tv installer." How about just being respectful and man enough yourself to keep her?

lol. I guess you don't understand caricature for effect.

And I guess he is "smothering" his wife and "controlling" her with these calls and texts he says he's sending daily "throughout the day". I guess he's 16.

the maven - wow, you too: those google chats might be cute at 16. But professional adults need to focus on work. You should cut back on that.

Now both of you make sure to selectively ignore the caricature for effect statement. That was a fairy tale for effect whereas what I actually recommended was calling her at lunch, since he can't see her. I don't think these were misunderstandings on your parts though. Just opportunities to sneer.

kwaidee - that's exactly what I was recommending, what you now say you are doing. Going from 24/7 togetherness to cold turkey is pretty extreme.

My wife uses yahoo chat with family. I don't know what her family situation is there but I built a house with her father because I've got a construction background, and we installed computer with high-speed internet. So they yahoo chat every day.

Edited December 3, 2012 by rlogan

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

lol. I guess you don't understand caricature for effect.

And I guess he is "smothering" his wife and "controlling" her with these calls and texts he says he's sending daily "throughout the day". I guess he's 16.

the maven - wow, you too: those google chats might be cute at 16. But professional adults need to focus on work. You should cut back on that.

Now both of you make sure to selectively ignore the caricature for effect statement. That was a fairy tale for effect whereas what I actually recommended was calling her at lunch, since he can't see her. I don't think these were misunderstandings on your parts though. Just opportunities to sneer.

Okay, personally I would not like to be called three times a day and would find it irritating and distracting. Google Chat is a nice way to send a little note or a reminder. Neither of us expects a reply unless the context seems to call for it. He sent me a link this morning from Ars Technica, and I just sent him a picture of J Mascis and Jonny Marr comparing guitars. We might discuss these later, maybe not. Just little waves "hello" throughout the day, interesting things, teasings, jokes, and the occasional "MWAH!"

I'm not sneering at anything, only expressing my opinion about being called multiple times a day. However, you're sneering at what I happen to do at work. My boss knows that I communicate throughout the day with my SO via chat and has no problem with it, since it isn't excessive and I'm highly productive. He prefers to send emails to his wife. She prefers to call him. Horses for courses.

Honestly, I didn't read that as a "fairy tale" at all.

Edited December 3, 2012 by the maven