How did your wife adapt to your work schedule?

[khwaidee1 196]

This may have been discussed before, if so I'll apologize in advance. I am sure some of you met your wife while on holiday or a dating web site. Visits were probably all fun and games. In the three years we dated I spent probably 90 days in her country initially doing all the tourist things and then just hanging out in her village and making the occassional run to Bangkok. We discussed many, many times the transition here and that the U.S. is not the land of milk and honey.

We're in AOS right now so she can't get a drivers license or job. The intial boredom and homsickness has begun to wear off. She goes shopping frequently, chats with her friend on the phone and online and spends heaps of time on the computer. I have a super friendly big dog that keeps her company. The house is always clean and the laundry clean and ironed.

Here's my dilemma: I have a pretty heavy work schedule. I am a trial attorney so I work 10-12 hour days which takes me away from her a lot. I can and do come early a few days a week and then will just go in earlier the next day. We had a wonderful thanksgiving with some family. However, I know it is hard for her to get used to me leaving and coming home when it's dark. It's getting better but, it has caused a few bumps along the road. So I'm just curious as to how your wife adapted to your work schedule. Thanks.

[EminTX 131]

Here are some threads that might help you out:

Dying to live -- Adjustment to being a wife in an unfamiliar territory

How long to have friends

Husband not adjusting well

Spouses of immigrants--help! Depressed hubby is hard to deal with

Do relationships survive this?

Hang in there. Marriage is a lot of work and adding the immigration flavor to that particular stew only makes it that much "tastier".

[Karee 4,191]

This may have been discussed before, if so I'll apologize in advance. I am sure some of you met your wife while on holiday or a dating web site. Visits were probably all fun and games. In the three years we dated I spent probably 90 days in her country initially doing all the tourist things and then just hanging out in her village and making the occassional run to Bangkok. We discussed many, many times the transition here and that the U.S. is not the land of milk and honey.

We're in AOS right now so she can't get a drivers license or job. The intial boredom and homsickness has begun to wear off. She goes shopping frequently, chats with her friend on the phone and online and spends heaps of time on the computer. I have a super friendly big dog that keeps her company. The house is always clean and the laundry clean and ironed.

Here's my dilemma: I have a pretty heavy work schedule. I am a trial attorney so I work 10-12 hour days which takes me away from her a lot. I can and do come early a few days a week and then will just go in earlier the next day. We had a wonderful thanksgiving with some family. However, I know it is hard for her to get used to me leaving and coming home when it's dark. It's getting better but, it has caused a few bumps along the road. So I'm just curious as to how your wife adapted to your work schedule. Thanks.

Doesn't sound like much you can do at this point. Maybe get a FTA sattellite dish so she can watch Thai TV if she's into that. My wife does alot of arts and crafts, cross stitch etc.

She works part time now with other Thais so that keeps her somewhat busy. She didn't get her drivers license until she had been here for 3 years.

[KyleAndrea 1]

Coming from a wife like me who just sits around at home while hubby is at work, my advice is to appreciate what she does for you. If she says she wants to cook you dinner, tell her yes and what you want to eat. If she wants to do things together, say yes and find time to do them. I guess what I'm saying is make her feel like she is still a participant to the relationship and is much needed in your life.

Yeah, I wish my husband would do these. It is starting to get harder as time goes on and it has only been a month and married just last Saturday.

[Andy and Pui 16]

Since Pui got here I've worked a few different shifts and or schedules. Like Karee said my wife taught herself how to knit and she already knew how to crochet before she came here so she made serveral things when I was at work and has sold and or gave away some of the things she has made. You said she cannot drive yet and if you are looking into having her drive then I would suggest having her study your states driver's manual either by printing it online or drive someplace and pick it up if your state has that option. I know in MN you must wait 90 after you pass your permit to get your drivers license so you might want to check your state as well. Another thing that helped pass the time for Pui was she went to esl classes 3 times a week before she got her job and it was free for her to go. Another suggestion is maybe a gym membership or some other type of excerise other then just sitting alone in the house or maybe taking the super friendly big dog for a long walk everyday you are at work if it is a safe area where you live.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

She might also try some volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen. There are also Stitch & Bit** meetup groups. Go to meetup.com and try and find something that might occupy her time.

Maybe do some volunteer work from abroad? A Thai family friend used to collect English text books and materials to send back to her village.

Gardening is also another great time killer.

If I didn't have a home-schooled kid at home, I'd probably be at a loss for what to do too as a foreign wife.

Edited November 29, 2012 by Nola123

[The Mean Lady 604]

I work from home right now so my husband is going to have a pretty tough time adjusting when we finally move and I have to be in the office again.

My response to that will be 'get a job'

I want him to work for the same company as I do.

I think it would be the type of work he enjoys, however he doesn't like my boss so there's pretty much no chance of that happening.

Either that, or we'll have a baby and that will occupy him.

[khwaidee1 196]

Doesn't sound like much you can do at this point. Maybe get a FTA sattellite dish so she can watch Thai TV if she's into that. My wife does alot of arts and crafts, cross stitch etc.

She works part time now with other Thais so that keeps her somewhat busy. She didn't get her drivers license until she had been here for 3 years.

She can already watch as much Thai TV as she wants on the internet. I found a local Thai paper that comes out once a week and got her a subscription to that. I know this will pass once she has a bit more freedom. At least she now can walk to the shops whenever she wants and understands how to use a debit card now!

[khwaidee1 196]

Since Pui got here I've worked a few different shifts and or schedules. Like Karee said my wife taught herself how to knit and she already knew how to crochet before she came here so she made serveral things when I was at work and has sold and or gave away some of the things she has made. You said she cannot drive yet and if you are looking into having her drive then I would suggest having her study your states driver's manual either by printing it online or drive someplace and pick it up if your state has that option. I know in MN you must wait 90 after you pass your permit to get your drivers license so you might want to check your state as well. Another thing that helped pass the time for Pui was she went to esl classes 3 times a week before she got her job and it was free for her to go. Another suggestion is maybe a gym membership or some other type of excerise other then just sitting alone in the house or maybe taking the super friendly big dog for a long walk everyday you are at work if it is a safe area where you live.

When went to the DMV two weeks ago and got the driver's handbook. She is studying up on it for when she gets her AP/EAD card. She's learning to walk the dog, he's a 98ilb American Staffordshire Terrier and my wife weighs 92lbs, she's learning! He's super obedient too!

She might also try some volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen. There are also Stitch & Bit** meetup groups. Go to meetup.com and try and find something that might occupy her time.

Maybe do some volunteer work from abroad? A Thai family friend used to collect English text books and materials to send back to her village.

Gardening is also another great time killer.

If I didn't have a home-schooled kid at home, I'd probably be at a loss for what to do too as a foreign wife.

Being a farmers daughter, she has transformed the back yard with heaps of flkowers and all the necessary herbs for cooking. Thanks for your suggestions.

[khwaidee1 196]

Coming from a wife like me who just sits around at home while hubby is at work, my advice is to appreciate what she does for you. If she says she wants to cook you dinner, tell her yes and what you want to eat. If she wants to do things together, say yes and find time to do them. I guess what I'm saying is make her feel like she is still a participant to the relationship and is much needed in your life.

Yeah, I wish my husband would do these. It is starting to get harder as time goes on and it has only been a month and married just last Saturday.

Thank you. I am very appreciative of all she does although I do most of the cooking LOL! We try to cook one meal together on the weekends which is always good fun! We go out walking with the dog every night and then walk to the shops on the weekends so she knows the way, who have thought that square blocks would be so hard to navigate! (no landmarks and everything looks the same!)

[Karee 4,191]

She can already watch as much Thai TV as she wants on the internet. I found a local Thai paper that comes out once a week and got her a subscription to that. I know this will pass once she has a bit more freedom. At least she now can walk to the shops whenever she wants and understands how to use a debit card now!

YIKES!! I hope you sat her down and explained that Obama doesn't give us unlimited amounts of money because we're farangs. Joking of course, but I'm convinced alot of people in Thailand think something like that is true.

[khwaidee1 196]

YIKES!! I hope you sat her down and explained that Obama doesn't give us unlimited amounts of money because we're farangs. Joking of course, but I'm convinced alot of people in Thailand think something like that is true.

Yes, she understands that. I did note vote for him and I explained why. Now that she's part of a farang household she has a better sense of what it costs to live here!

[rlogan 2,036]

I am very appreciative of all she does although I do most of the cooking LOL! We try to cook one meal together on the weekends which is always good fun! We go out walking with the dog every night and then walk to the shops on the weekends so she knows the way, who have thought that square blocks would be so hard to navigate! (no landmarks and everything looks the same!)

That's bizarre. I've been cooking since I was a child, but when she moved in with zero skills in the kitchen she quickly took over and is an amazing cook now. Two children put an end to any possibility of boredom.

If I worked at an office away from home I would be spending every lunch with her.

[khwaidee1 196]

That's bizarre. I've been cooking since I was a child, but when she moved in with zero skills in the kitchen she quickly took over and is an amazing cook now. Two children put an end to any possibility of boredom.

If I worked at an office away from home I would be spending every lunch with her.

She does cook, phenomenal Thai food but, most Thais don't cook that much as it's almost always cheaper to buy hot food than to cook it yourself. She has been creative with our Thanksgiving leftovers, fried turkey with chiles, fried turkey skin, etc.

And, I live 40 minutes from the office so that kind takes that option out of play and work through lunch anyway!

[Karee 4,191]

She does cook, phenomenal Thai food but, most Thais don't cook that much as it's almost always cheaper to buy hot food than to cook it yourself. She has been creative with our Thanksgiving leftovers, fried turkey with chiles, fried turkey skin, etc.

And, I live 40 minutes from the office so that kind takes that option out of play and work through lunch anyway!

Yeah it's pretty hard, especially in Bangkok, to walk more than 10 feet without running into a food stall or a food cart. My wife used to just by everything on the street in Thailand

Edited November 30, 2012 by Karee