6 years later

[momof1 205]

The same thing can happen , and does happen quite often, with a US born spouse. This isn't specific to immigrant husbands. Having said that I am happy you're finally getting out, Kat.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The same thing can happen , and does happen quite often, with a US born spouse. This isn't specific to immigrant husbands. Having said that I am happy you're finally getting out, Kat.

I think it applies to any woman marrying with assets.. good point. I do think however a pre nup is a little harder to pull off when you are bringing someone here.

Yes Mom of one, it took too long.. seriously. I have my hearing I think in 2 weeks. I still am crying a little bit in the middle of the night each night .... I am overwhelmed at all of it, frankly. Its not a joke for me. My mom said she will believe it when she sees it... She wont believe it until I am out of the courthouse with my papers...I could not have done this alone.. I tried for over a year but I couldnt get the strength NOR did I know what to do or what to write to straighten out my house title, name change or assets. I really needed legal help. A lawyer was my only hope and they are not cheap but I was in over my head. And yes, its ridiculous how long this took. I wasnt strong enough.. I am just NOW strong enough to deal with it

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I know plenty of very good men from North Africa. I also know that while people from there would date me, I am not marriage material due to age and kids. If someone ever approached me, I would question motivation. That being said, I love people from there and honestly I feel that most people from N A are wonderful people. Papers make people do stupid ######. Secondly, papers are not everything but people usually dont figure that out until they have hurt the person they married to abuse for them. Its then that they wax on and on about how nice she was ( I get told I was so nice now...NOW that its too late)

I guess it depends on the dating circle but IMHO every Woman is dating material when the meet the person that is looking for similar situation.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I guess it depends on the dating circle but IMHO every Woman is dating material when the meet the person that is looking for similar situation.

I think so too. As my court day approaches, I mourn the loss of the years of my life. I know that I wish I would have done what was best for me and everyone around me years ago. I just was not ready to be strong and wise and at this point, its too late to claim wisdom. I am just honorably defeated and eeking out with my house and some street smarts. I refused to use even a bit of common sense and I am one journier who should have thrown out the pipe dreams 6 years ago. My journey from start to finish lasted almost exactly 6 years. If I look back at my entire life and group it into years, this has been the worse 6 years of my entire life and I am looking for some relief.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I think so too. As my court day approaches, I mourn the loss of the years of my life. I know that I wish I would have done what was best for me and everyone around me years ago. I just was not ready to be strong and wise and at this point, its too late to claim wisdom. I am just honorably defeated and eeking out with my house and some street smarts. I refused to use even a bit of common sense and I am one journier who should have thrown out the pipe dreams 6 years ago. My journey from start to finish lasted almost exactly 6 years. If I look back at my entire life and group it into years, this has been the worse 6 years of my entire life and I am looking for some relief.

Don't be so hard on yourself over it. Users and everywhere and it isn't your fault that it happened. Heck, I remember at some point over 4 years ago thinking the same thing when I got divorced, "Why did I waste all this time on this person and lose some of the prime years of my youth when he could have cared less about me?"

Left being a single mom I honestly thought I would never find love...but I did and he is more amazing, loving, and giving than I could have ever dreamed of. Don't give up hope.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Don't be so hard on yourself over it. Users and everywhere and it isn't your fault that it happened. Heck, I remember at some point over 4 years ago thinking the same thing when I got divorced, "Why did I waste all this time on this person and lose some of the prime years of my youth when he could have cared less about me?"

Left being a single mom I honestly thought I would never find love...but I did and he is more amazing, loving, and giving than I could have ever dreamed of. Don't give up hope.

I am doing much better. I am very kind to him even now but as I approach my court date, I am not exactly melacholy. Just resolved to survive it.

I was used 100 percent just for papers. I know that. Everyone knows that. But after a while, I think he even figured out, papers are not everything. Someone having your back and loving you for you is what matters. I had his back when I gave 3 years of tax returns, flew him here and pretty much have financially supported him the whole time. I spent years feeling furious, watching similar things happen to other women in the same position but as things are winding down, and I am NOT leaving the situation with FURY, I have been better able to process things. Some people have to leave situations in a messy way. For me, I needed closure and knowing that I was kind and amenable gave me my closure. It was a mistake to sponsor him or bring him here but I made the decision and perhaps its because I am a responsible person, I wanted to make sure that I left the situation as compassionately as I could have. He did FAR worse things than I have ever really seen on here. My story, beginning to end is horrific all around and honestly, I do not know what has brought me to this place. I think I had to work through my anger, my rage, the rejection, knowing I was scammed to finally accept that things were what they were and that if I was kind to him while exiting and compassionate, that in the long run, I would survive all of this better. I think what was left of my ego went out the window. Knowing you were a scam victim all along does that to you. But watching over several years how things turned out, my job recovered.. my kids recovered.. and I got my family back.. I know longer wondered if there was a love out there that I missed out on. I had the party, the life, the big story. I had the big crash, the heartbreak. I am not a better person for getting screwed. But I am a whole lot wiser about me and even though he did bad, I was able to somehow work through my role in marrying someone, YOUNGER THAN ME, with little education and no similar interests. It was recipe for disaster born in loneliness.. I should NOT have done what I did.. but no one would have been able to tell me DONT because I wasnt having it.

So now on to the closure of my journey in a few weeks.. 6 years ago I was packing to leave..now I am gathering up the remnants of my life to leave in another way,,but not on a plane

[Staashi 371]

I am doing much better. I am very kind to him even now but as I approach my court date, I am not exactly melacholy. Just resolved to survive it.

I was used 100 percent just for papers. I know that. Everyone knows that. But after a while, I think he even figured out, papers are not everything. Someone having your back and loving you for you is what matters. I had his back when I gave 3 years of tax returns, flew him here and pretty much have financially supported him the whole time. I spent years feeling furious, watching similar things happen to other women in the same position but as things are winding down, and I am NOT leaving the situation with FURY, I have been better able to process things. Some people have to leave situations in a messy way. For me, I needed closure and knowing that I was kind and amenable gave me my closure. It was a mistake to sponsor him or bring him here but I made the decision and perhaps its because I am a responsible person, I wanted to make sure that I left the situation as compassionately as I could have. He did FAR worse things than I have ever really seen on here. My story, beginning to end is horrific all around and honestly, I do not know what has brought me to this place. I think I had to work through my anger, my rage, the rejection, knowing I was scammed to finally accept that things were what they were and that if I was kind to him while exiting and compassionate, that in the long run, I would survive all of this better. I think what was left of my ego went out the window. Knowing you were a scam victim all along does that to you. But watching over several years how things turned out, my job recovered.. my kids recovered.. and I got my family back.. I know longer wondered if there was a love out there that I missed out on. I had the party, the life, the big story. I had the big crash, the heartbreak. I am not a better person for getting screwed. But I am a whole lot wiser about me and even though he did bad, I was able to somehow work through my role in marrying someone, YOUNGER THAN ME, with little education and no similar interests. It was recipe for disaster born in loneliness.. I should NOT have done what I did.. but no one would have been able to tell me DONT because I wasnt having it.

So now on to the closure of my journey in a few weeks.. 6 years ago I was packing to leave..now Im gathering up the remnants of my life to leave in another way,,but not on a plane

Peace be with you, Kat.

[Cathi 5,784]

Just wanted all of you to know that I am fine. I am very sick with auto immune disease and on disease modifying drugs. I filed for divorce (finally...yes..I know.. its a very long story as to why I waited....It was just a whole lot of money 1500.00 for the attorney and for the filing)

Word of precaution. Having a house before you are married DOES NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE IN THE EVENT OF YOU GETTING A DIVORCE. The only thing you can do is have a pre nuputal agreement. I had to literally wait out a hellish situation until my significant other calmed down enough to get to a point to agree to sign off on rights to my house (and he still has not signed off on it, I am waiting for papers to be drawn up as we speak and if he decides at the last minute NOT to sign, I will have to face him in court.)I married someone and brought them here from North Africa and for whatever reason, I believed that because I owned my house before I knew him, that somehow I was protected. Absolutely NOT true. In Florida, there is a homestead law and YES you have some measure of protection but not from increase of value. Thank god there has been a decrease but values are rising again. It took me avoiding reality and living separately but still married and finally coming to the conclusion I had to do something to meet with a lawyer and my mother was so traumatised by what he told her about my spouse having rights to my house, this is after I paid his whole way here and supported him for years, that she ponied up the money to get me the hell out of this.

I am happy other wise but my family will be happily when this is legally over, either next month or in January and I can start the new chapter of my life, post being a greencard/passport.

The kids are great. My health sucks but emotionally I am ok.. Hugs to all of you

I have 2 autoimmune diseases and I know from experience how much they can suck the life out of you, physically, and emotionally. Between the pain and exhaustion you endure on a daily basis, the damn meds and in my case even chemotherapy for my disease, most days you don't want to get out of bed, let alone deal with such an emotional divorce. I divorced my first husband about a year after I was diagnosed and it was just pure torture. I am in a wonderful marriage now, with a pretty amazing guy, but it took a long time to be able to move forward with my life. In the end I can say that I am more happy than I have ever been. Happier even though I no longer own my own home, and I have far less financially. But you know the old saying "money can't buy you happiness"..such a cliche' but oh so true. Once your divorce is final and a little time has passed you will be OK. I wish you the best as you start this new chapter in your life, things will be better for you.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have 2 autoimmune diseases and I know from experience how much they can suck the life out of you, physically, and emotionally. Between the pain and exhaustion you endure on a daily basis, the damn meds and in my case even chemotherapy for my disease, most days you don't want to get out of bed, let alone deal with such an emotional divorce. I divorced my first husband about a year after I was diagnosed and it was just pure torture. I am in a wonderful marriage now, with a pretty amazing guy, but it took a long time to be able to move forward with my life. In the end I can say that I am more happy than I have ever been. Happier even though I no longer own my own home, and I have far less financially. But you know the old saying "money can't buy you happiness"..such a cliche' but oh so true. Once your divorce is final and a little time has passed you will be OK. I wish you the best as you start this new chapter in your life, things will be better for you.

Ive done chemo. Right now I am in the hospital with an abnormally high white count...trying to find out why right now

#tryingtomoveforwardwithmylifeandtakethebestpartsofthiswithme

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Peace be with you, Kat.

At 852 this morning my journey ended. My heart felt a tug , a pull and 6 years flew out of my chest.

At 852 my name was no longer arabic.

At 852, I said goodbye, standing with my lawyer, to a suitcase full of dreams and was returned to being just me again.

Now I guess, I have to heal, to bury my pain, to recover.

To find meaning in my life...perhaps no longer smina, khanza, kahba, rhoula,sharmoota,ajoouza

Now just me again.. I hurt so badly from all of this am no longer legally entangled or tied. 1500 dollars and 3 weeks took me back to owning my own home again with no threats of taking my equity. 1500 dollar was all that stood between me and figuring out I had to find a way to recover.

I got nothing out of the last 6 years. I wish I could tell you I learned a fabulous lesson or that somehow I came out unscathed. I did not. I was used and absued for citizenship and papers and terrorised with financial threats to keep on with the paperwork or else. It was when I had a meeting with an attorney in November and the attorney told me my husband did indeed have equity rights that I knew I had to start running.

As Patton said

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.

George S. Patton

US general (1885 - 1945)

I cannot say that it was violent but I can say it was very last minute.

And so it seems I am now single..

Now on to the rest of my life

I could not begin without telling you guys when it ended because all of you were there when it began..

I love you all.

Your friend

[abbi627 43]

I don't know you but that was so heartbreaking to read. I pray you find peace and happiness in your life.

[momof1 205]

At 852 this morning my journey ended. My heart felt a tug , a pull and 6 years flew out of my chest.

At 852 my name was no longer arabic.

At 852, I said goodbye, standing with my lawyer, to a suitcase full of dreams and was returned to being just me again.

Now I guess, I have to heal, to bury my pain, to recover.

To find meaning in my life...perhaps no longer smina, khanza, kahba, rhoula,sharmoota,ajoouza

Now just me again.. I hurt so badly from all of this am no longer legally entangled or tied. 1500 dollars and 3 weeks took me back to owning my own home again with no threats of taking my equity. 1500 dollar was all that stood between me and figuring out I had to find a way to recover.

I got nothing out of the last 6 years. I wish I could tell you I learned a fabulous lesson or that somehow I came out unscathed. I did not. I was used and absued for citizenship and papers and terrorised with financial threats to keep on with the paperwork or else. It was when I had a meeting with an attorney in November and the attorney told me my husband did indeed have equity rights that I knew I had to start running.

As Patton said

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.

George S. Patton

US general (1885 - 1945)

I cannot say that it was violent but I can say it was very last minute.

And so it seems I am now single..

Now on to the rest of my life

I could not begin without telling you guys when it ended because all of you were there when it began..

I love you all.

Your friend

Congratulations on you divorce. Not the kind of thing that you normally congratulate anyone on, but I'm still happy for you. Lots of positive thoughts going your way. You've been through a lot and deserve some peace.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Congratulations on you divorce. Not the kind of thing that you normally congratulate anyone on, but I'm still happy for you. Lots of positive thoughts going your way. You've been through a lot and deserve some peace.

Thanks Mom of 1. I am not happy about it but I am relieved that my house is back 100 percent in my name. I have plans for the future. I am writing a book about my experiences and did about 1000 words yesterday at a cuban cafe drinking Cafe Americanos. I spent about 2 years living under the same roof with no physical affection, not even my hand held but ironically, some very karmic things have happened to him this year that hit him harder than I ever would ever wanted to. I was very kind and gentle towards him in the end and I think that surprised him. I did not leave this with a whole lot of burdens. I am deeply sad because I really did get very used and mistreated but looking back, I did learn things and I think the biggest one was not to be a doormat. Making the final move to aggressively file, get an attorney and stop messing around helped me a great deal but I am still sad about it. This is NOT how I went into this nor did I want this but it was a direction I had to take to protect myself and my family. I learned alot. The biggest thing I learned that if someone treats you badly then immediately says sorry, immediately break up with them and do not keep excusing their behavior nor accept it. People treat you like you let them. Period

[Mithra 1,185]

I'm glad to hear things went in your favor, Kat. You handled things better than most as far as not being vengeful towards your ex. I don't know how you held it together all those years with the way he was treating you but I do understand how being threatened could paralyze you into inaction. Congratulations on your divorce. I wish you the best.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

People treat you like you let them. Period

^^^^^

This.

Congrats, Kat - on losing more than 150 pounds of ugly Algerian fat (Just an estimate - might be more.)

I'm so glad to hear you are letting it all out in your writing... you're a gifted writer and you can touch many people with your story. I think you learned a lot about life over the past 6 years, but especially about yourself and the incredible strength you maybe never realized you had inside.