6 years later

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Just wanted all of you to know that I am fine. I am very sick with auto immune disease and on disease modifying drugs. I filed for divorce (finally...yes..I know.. its a very long story as to why I waited....It was just a whole lot of money 1500.00 for the attorney and for the filing)

Word of precaution. Having a house before you are married DOES NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE IN THE EVENT OF YOU GETTING A DIVORCE. The only thing you can do is have a pre nuputal agreement. I had to literally wait out a hellish situation until my significant other calmed down enough to get to a point to agree to sign off on rights to my house (and he still has not signed off on it, I am waiting for papers to be drawn up as we speak and if he decides at the last minute NOT to sign, I will have to face him in court.)I married someone and brought them here from North Africa and for whatever reason, I believed that because I owned my house before I knew him, that somehow I was protected. Absolutely NOT true. In Florida, there is a homestead law and YES you have some measure of protection but not from increase of value. Thank god there has been a decrease but values are rising again. It took me avoiding reality and living separately but still married and finally coming to the conclusion I had to do something to meet with a lawyer and my mother was so traumatised by what he told her about my spouse having rights to my house, this is after I paid his whole way here and supported him for years, that she ponied up the money to get me the hell out of this.

I am happy other wise but my family will be happily when this is legally over, either next month or in January and I can start the new chapter of my life, post being a greencard/passport.

The kids are great. My health sucks but emotionally I am ok.. Hugs to all of you

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Otkay so this is why I encourage all married folks to have separate finances (they can have a joint checking account for othe rnon HOUSE bills and stuff).

So let's say you have a house before you married. Technically that house is protected UNLESS the opposing party can prove that they have contributed to it financially somehow.

So for example you should have paid every last single dime or stuff to the house and not allow them to pay a cent, mortgages, insurance, repairs, bills etc

So in this case the EX does not really ahve part of the house but has part of the equity in the house since the marriage.

I'm not a Lawyer.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Otkay so this is why I encourage all married folks to have separate finances (they can have a joint checking account for othe rnon HOUSE bills and stuff).

So let's say you have a house before you married. Technically that house is protected UNLESS the opposing party can prove that they have contributed to it financially somehow.

So for example you should have paid every last single dime or stuff to the house and not allow them to pay a cent, mortgages, insurance, repairs, bills etc

So in this case the EX does not really ahve part of the house but has part of the equity in the house since the marriage.

I'm not a Lawyer.

Thats what I thought about according to law, if the house went up in value, they have rights to half of that equity. Prices in my area are stabilizing and rising. He has half the rights to any equity over the original value. Not fair.. but legal and I am getting out with my house. They dont tell you that ( who they are.. I am not really sure...LOL) but when you bring someone over here and 5 years later you want to get out and you owned a house going into it, if you didnt get a pre nup they have rights to your equity.. I was horrified.. but its true.. not fair but true..

[rade2rising 205]

very sad story. Well I knew a woman from USA who married a guy from Trinidad and soon as he got his green card he divorced her and try to take half of everything including her house and this is in Florida. Well she got a good lawyer and kicked him out and he got nothing. not sure if the dude was just stupid about his rights or what.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

very sad story. Well I knew a woman from USA who married a guy from Trinidad and soon as he got his green card he divorced her and try to take half of everything including her house and this is in Florida. Well she got a good lawyer and kicked him out and he got nothing. not sure if the dude was just stupid about his rights or what.

I think its more a reflection on really not understanding property law. Florida does have a law that these guys DO have a right to part of the equity. I finally realised that no matter what I was facing financially, that it was better to work through it in court than beat myself up emotionally about it. I know a woman married to a moroccan who divorced at the height of the good prices and she DID lose her house.. so I think it depends on the housing market at the time of the divorce. She was forced to sell her house as he would not sign off. I felt really sad for her but he took the proceeds and invested in a stupid flea market schemed and lost all the money. I was L M A O.. served him right

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Sorry to hear about your health. Glad to hear that your kids are doing well. Hopefully everything will work out in the divorce and you can move on with your life accordingly. I've seen this advised in the past for those VJ members going through a divorce that if it's not final and financial issues still need to be resolved don't post too much on VJ about it or anywhere else online if you're concerned about your significant others behavior. Lawyers can use your online posts in court. Sending you my best wishes.

[justashooter 430]

I'm not a Lawyer.

obviously.

in most states the marriage fixes a reference point in which all assets are valued. any value increase after that point is considered marital property, regardless of who made the money or paid the bills, from whatever account.

what you need is a pre-nup in which both parties agrees to waive any interest in the accrued value of real property belonging to the other party after the moment of marriage. any decent family law attourney will have this kind of document in template form.

discuss this agreement with intended spouse before they arrive stateside, and make your marriage contingent upon it. do not waiver when they get here and try to bulldoze you. lots of scammers have been informed that they can walk away after getting green card with a significant portion of your assets to finance their "new life". they actually have websites and info networks in certain countries that teach the ins and outs of this kind of thing. don't be a victim.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

obviously.

in most states the marriage fixes a reference point in which all assets are valued. any value increase after that point is considered marital property, regardless of who made the money or paid the bills, from whatever account.

what you need is a pre-nup in which both parties agrees to waive any interest in the accrued value of real property belonging to the other party after the moment of marriage. any decent family law attourney will have this kind of document in template form.

discuss this agreement with intended spouse before they arrive stateside, and make your marriage contingent upon it. do not waiver when they get here and try to bulldoze you. lots of scammers have been informed that they can walk away after getting green card with a significant portion of your assets to finance their "new life". they actually have websites and info networks in certain countries that teach the ins and outs of this kind of thing. don't be a victim.

My understanding is different from yours.

I walked away with my house because my Lawyer mounted a good defense based on the fact that the Ex never contributed directly to the house (I made sure of that).

YMMV.

Some readings:

<LI>Property purchased with commingled funds : If you purchase or maintain items with a mixture of separate and community property, it is likely that a court will decide it is community property. If you want to keep your property separate, you need to work to keep it completely separate, otherwise it will become commingled and converted to community property.

My Source

Edited November 20, 2012 by Gowon

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

obviously.

in most states the marriage fixes a reference point in which all assets are valued. any value increase after that point is considered marital property, regardless of who made the money or paid the bills, from whatever account.

what you need is a pre-nup in which both parties agrees to waive any interest in the accrued value of real property belonging to the other party after the moment of marriage. any decent family law attourney will have this kind of document in template form.

discuss this agreement with intended spouse before they arrive stateside, and make your marriage contingent upon it. do not waiver when they get here and try to bulldoze you. lots of scammers have been informed that they can walk away after getting green card with a significant portion of your assets to finance their "new life". they actually have websites and info networks in certain countries that teach the ins and outs of this kind of thing. don't be a victim.

I didnt co mingle BUT Florida law DOES allow for spouses to sue for increased equity EVEN if its a premarital asset with no comingling. Trust me, I know.. and NO was too retarded to get a pre nup..

[Love To Teach 161]

Just wanted all of you to know that I am fine. I am very sick with auto immune disease and on disease modifying drugs. I filed for divorce (finally...yes..I know.. its a very long story as to why I waited....It was just a whole lot of money 1500.00 for the attorney and for the filing)

Word of precaution. Having a house before you are married DOES NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE IN THE EVENT OF YOU GETTING A DIVORCE. The only thing you can do is have a pre nuputal agreement. I had to literally wait out a hellish situation until my significant other calmed down enough to get to a point to agree to sign off on rights to my house (and he still has not signed off on it, I am waiting for papers to be drawn up as we speak and if he decides at the last minute NOT to sign, I will have to face him in court.)I married someone and brought them here from North Africa and for whatever reason, I believed that because I owned my house before I knew him, that somehow I was protected. Absolutely NOT true. In Florida, there is a homestead law and YES you have some measure of protection but not from increase of value. Thank god there has been a decrease but values are rising again. It took me avoiding reality and living separately but still married and finally coming to the conclusion I had to do something to meet with a lawyer and my mother was so traumatised by what he told her about my spouse having rights to my house, this is after I paid his whole way here and supported him for years, that she ponied up the money to get me the hell out of this.

I am happy other wise but my family will be happily when this is legally over, either next month or in January and I can start the new chapter of my life, post being a greencard/passport.

The kids are great. My health sucks but emotionally I am ok.. Hugs to all of you

I had a prenup, thank God. According to a lawyer, the spouse DOES have some rights to some of the house if they have lived in it for a good while. It occurred to me that the sad news is that you are stilll responsible for him for 10 years if he goes on the dole, even if he remarries. Your out is if he becomes a citizen. Mine is doing that right now, thank God and he's been here for 5 years, we're divorced for 2. Thankfully, for the moment, we are still friends, which helps. People need to think about all these things BEFORE they get married, because, believe me, the person can be totally different once you get married.

I know 4 couples with men from a certain NA'can country. One was with 3 different men before she gave up on that country's men, all the same, wanting money, green card,etc. Another one is still married, although he cheated on her. Another's hubby has cheated and wants out, but she wants him to stay. Another got his green card and left, all the while looking for another woman while he waited for the green card. I wish I could say I knew of a happy couple in this situation, but I don't. We all want to believe that our guy is sincere and honest, but we do need to be realistic if it turns out otherwise. I wish everyone well....

[Love To Teach 161]

Just wanted all of you to know that I am fine. I am very sick with auto immune disease and on disease modifying drugs. I filed for divorce (finally...yes..I know.. its a very long story as to why I waited....It was just a whole lot of money 1500.00 for the attorney and for the filing)

Word of precaution. Having a house before you are married DOES NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE IN THE EVENT OF YOU GETTING A DIVORCE. The only thing you can do is have a pre nuputal agreement. I had to literally wait out a hellish situation until my significant other calmed down enough to get to a point to agree to sign off on rights to my house (and he still has not signed off on it, I am waiting for papers to be drawn up as we speak and if he decides at the last minute NOT to sign, I will have to face him in court.)I married someone and brought them here from North Africa and for whatever reason, I believed that because I owned my house before I knew him, that somehow I was protected. Absolutely NOT true. In Florida, there is a homestead law and YES you have some measure of protection but not from increase of value. Thank god there has been a decrease but values are rising again. It took me avoiding reality and living separately but still married and finally coming to the conclusion I had to do something to meet with a lawyer and my mother was so traumatised by what he told her about my spouse having rights to my house, this is after I paid his whole way here and supported him for years, that she ponied up the money to get me the hell out of this.

I am happy other wise but my family will be happily when this is legally over, either next month or in January and I can start the new chapter of my life, post being a greencard/passport.

Also meant to say sorry about your health issues...That makes is so much harder to deal with life....good luck!!!

The kids are great. My health sucks but emotionally I am ok.. Hugs to all of you

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had a prenup, thank God. According to a lawyer, the spouse DOES have some rights to some of the house if they have lived in it for a good while. It occurred to me that the sad news is that you are stilll responsible for him for 10 years if he goes on the dole, even if he remarries. Your out is if he becomes a citizen. Mine is doing that right now, thank God and he's been here for 5 years, we're divorced for 2. Thankfully, for the moment, we are still friends, which helps. People need to think about all these things BEFORE they get married, because, believe me, the person can be totally different once you get married.

I know 4 couples with men from a certain NA'can country. One was with 3 different men before she gave up on that country's men, all the same, wanting money, green card,etc. Another one is still married, although he cheated on her. Another's hubby has cheated and wants out, but she wants him to stay. Another got his green card and left, all the while looking for another woman while he waited for the green card. I wish I could say I knew of a happy couple in this situation, but I don't. We all want to believe that our guy is sincere and honest, but we do need to be realistic if it turns out otherwise. I wish everyone well....

He has signed off on the house. I am actually despite having a TON of problems with him, on extremely very good terms with him. I am waiting for a court date but he finally agreed after 4 years of literally scaring me to death with the house to sign off on it, provided I did not go after him for the thousands of credit card debt he sacked me with. The lawyer said that I could go after him for both alimony but also credit card debt and he laid it out for him on paper. That convinced him. He quickly signed when faced with that. Until then it was constantly do this or I will ask for part of your house. I did NOT protect myself adequately from the situation. Had I known, I would not have married him, period.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had a prenup, thank God. According to a lawyer, the spouse DOES have some rights to some of the house if they have lived in it for a good while. It occurred to me that the sad news is that you are stilll responsible for him for 10 years if he goes on the dole, even if he remarries. Your out is if he becomes a citizen. Mine is doing that right now, thank God and he's been here for 5 years, we're divorced for 2. Thankfully, for the moment, we are still friends, which helps. People need to think about all these things BEFORE they get married, because, believe me, the person can be totally different once you get married.

I know 4 couples with men from a certain NA'can country. One was with 3 different men before she gave up on that country's men, all the same, wanting money, green card,etc. Another one is still married, although he cheated on her. Another's hubby has cheated and wants out, but she wants him to stay. Another got his green card and left, all the while looking for another woman while he waited for the green card. I wish I could say I knew of a happy couple in this situation, but I don't. We all want to believe that our guy is sincere and honest, but we do need to be realistic if it turns out otherwise. I wish everyone well....

I know plenty of very good men from North Africa. I also know that while people from there would date me, I am not marriage material due to age and kids. If someone ever approached me, I would question motivation. That being said, I love people from there and honestly I feel that most people from N A are wonderful people. Papers make people do stupid ######. Secondly, papers are not everything but people usually dont figure that out until they have hurt the person they married to abuse for them. Its then that they wax on and on about how nice she was ( I get told I was so nice now...NOW that its too late)

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Thanks to the people in this thread, I'm having my husband sign a post-nuptial agreement in America before I buy the house.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thanks to the people in this thread, I'm having my husband sign a post-nuptial agreement in America before I buy the house.

That is a VERY good idea. It would have saved me literally 3 years of my life. I had no idea just how much trouble I was in.. the true DEPTH of the trouble until Monday of this week. I had had a lot of jailhouse advice.. well meaning people who THOUGHT they knew but until you actually sit in front of a lawyer, you dont know.

Another thing you can do in the post nuptual is also negotiate the property settlement in case of a divorce... it will serve as the financial agreement. The lawyer writes in verbage, in case of a divorce, this post nuptual serves as the final property settlement. It different in each state you live in. I advise any woman who owns a house, property or has any kind of substantial assets like an IRA to absolutely NOT marry without one. Marrying overseas does not protect you. Previous assets DO NOT PROTECT YOU. Nothing protects you from a demand from the divorcing spouse for both alimony and or homesteaded property or the IRA. Does not mean they will get it but with a good enough attorney on the other side, your rights go right out the window. I was held hostage and did not know to the complete extent I was in trouble until I actually sat in front of an attorney. Listening to people on the boards or should have would have or could have is useless. The only person who can help you is an attorney and if you are going overseas to marry someone, if you dont have any assets, who cares. But if you do, you are in trouble if the marriage breaks down and you did not protect yourself. AND people act much different when they are exiting a relationship than they do in the throes of love. ALSO my husband already got his immigration benefit out of me. If someone is in the middle of the process and they want to keep the american spouse in the marriage to complete the process, the financial threat is a very real and effective threat. It was in fact , other people from his country who coached him on what to threaten me with and what to do with me so when I wanted out, it was as if he had 30 different advisors all telling him what to do to me. It was just horrific. Had I done that paperwork BEFORE marriage, I would have been able to exit out safely. Now with the paperwork signed, my first meeting with him 6 years ago, and almost 5 years this spring since arrival, I am exhausted and emotionally spent but because of proper planning , keeping my mouth shut and working with an attorney, he was able to word it in such a way that set me free but also front loaded things on his side, my credit card debt and alimony if he refused to sign. If they can go after our stuff, then if they screw with us, we go after them.

In conclusion, the only advice I could give to someone in good faith is this. If you have no assets, then your only asset is a child you have with a person and what you buy together. There is no need for anything. If you have something, protect it, because many of these marriages do not last and its not worth having everything you built before you met a person being used against you.