dowry and rental car question

[Artisan 138]

The taxi is for traveling outside Manila, I'll be scenic driving. In Manila I definitely take a cab. I was told what is customary by my fiance but had someone else tell me there might be a dowry so just wanted to check. I'm aware of the money getting sent back for family, I already told my fiance whatever she makes she can send it wherever she wants. I do not believe in Obama policies, spread the wealth doesn't work for spouses family either. Who wouldn't want a couple hundred extra dollars a month?

It's likely your wife will be poorly treated back home if that's the case. Children serve as a parents' pension fund. They are fully expected to donate and, as her husband, if you are not donating she's going to bear the brunt of the family's displeasure. You are deliberately marrying into a culture you should know full well expects certain behavior and not fulfilling the duties expected will end up causing a lot of problems back home for her (and you if you ever travel back with her on vacation).

As for a bride price if you wife comes from a more rural region you'll probably be expected to pay for food and entertainment for the whole extended family while you are there as well as the full wedding (unlike the US and most Western cultures, the groom and his family pay for the whole of the weddings in Southeast Asia). For a more urban family you'll just have to cover the expenses of the immediate family. Doing anything less may result in a loss of face for her.

If you want to drive anywhere in the Philippines be aware that if there are any problems or accidents you will be the one automatically at fault no matter who actually caused an accident. The local police will never find fault with a Filipino over a kano. Driving in Manila is amusing to say the least. Stick with taxis and buses. Jeepneys are fun if you are not over 5'6" and don't mind losing a valuable or two to a pickpocket or hold-up. If you are taller or carry anything really valuable you're better off avoiding them like the plague.

Rural areas can be fun to travel by trike, but I avoid them in Manila as they tend to be targeted by crime far more often than Jeepneys. If you do take a taxi either negotiate a fare ahead of time or watch the meter like a hawk. If your fiance is not native to Manila you're even more likely to be taken for a ride, literally and figuratively. Once you are outside Ermita in Manila (including the provinces) you will always be targeted for higher prices as a kano so always have your fiance negotiate in those areas where she is native. Outside areas where she knows the local dialect you're both targets to higher prices.

[ca_babe 129]

I AM a 1% 'er!!!

When I first came here, I was a democrat. I like the idea of the rich helping out the poor. I sent $4k to my family in Philippines within a few months of working over here for emergencies. A few months later, my mom was asking for more money for medicines. I told her why don't you use the $4k that I sent you because that's what I sent it to you for, for emergencies. Apparently, she blew it all away. It got spent on phone bills, electric bills, groceries, water bills, gifts to the extended relatives, random knick knacks. My siblings who were supposed to pay for the utilities and food in exchange for living rent-free at my mom's house decided that they don't have to since I am now married to a kano! I stopped sending money over there. There's always a reason why they don't have money. After several fights over me not sending money, I stopped communicating with them. Several months later, she started sending letters to me again but she didn't ask for money. She haven't asked for it again since then. Not surprisingly, my siblings have awesome jobs with health benefits and they have never lack money. They have more money now than when I was sending money over. That's when I stopped being a democrat.

I've read a book called The Millionaire next door. According to the book, millionaires are common people who didn't take a handout from other people and who are frugal and that those people who were given handouts tend to not have much asset.

We always hired family or a friend of the family

My immediate family were with me. My extended family charge more and expects me to be grateful by helping them out in their emergencies even if I pay them at more than the going rate. Good thing your wife's family are not like that!

[Tahoma 2,292]

When I first came here, I was a democrat. I like the idea of the rich helping out the poor. I sent $4k to my family in Philippines within a few months of working over here for emergencies. A few months later, my mom was asking for more money for medicines. I told her why don't you use the $4k that I sent you because that's what I sent it to you for, for emergencies. Apparently, she blew it all away. It got spent on phone bills, electric bills, groceries, water bills, gifts to the extended relatives, random knick knacks. My siblings who were supposed to pay for the utilities and food in exchange for living rent-free at my mom's house decided that they don't have to since I am now married to a kano! I stopped sending money over there. There's always a reason why they don't have money. After several fights over me not sending money, I stopped communicating with them. Several months later, she started sending letters to me again but she didn't ask for money. She haven't asked for it again since then. Not surprisingly, my siblings have awesome jobs with health benefits and they have never lack money. They have more money now than when I was sending money over. That's when I stopped being a democrat.

I've read a book called The Millionaire next door. According to the book, millionaires are common people who didn't take a handout from other people and who are frugal and that those people who were given handouts tend to not have much asset.

Now that you have more money, you probably don't mind subsidizing corporate welfare, vulture capitalists, and off-shore tax dodgers...like any Republican would!

By the way, I read that book too...back when it was the latest pop-business book. It was found it very basic and very boring. It boiled down to "live within (or below) your means." They really didn't need the other 249 pages.

The book suffers from a double survivorship bias. "Survivoship bias" is what happens when one only pays attention to those who survive a certain activity, peril, or risk, and makes ungounded conclusions about cause and effect from that. One example is Neitzsche's famous saying, "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger". It is based on the survivorship bias that those who survive terrible calamities tend to be stronger than other people. But it doesn't mean the calamity made them stronger...it might mean simply that only those who were strong to begin with survived the calamity.

What survivorship bias do we in the book? First, it interviews only millionaires. It doesn't interview all of those who are frugal, hard-working, and concerned about education...it only interviews those of them who became millionaires. It could very well be (it probably is) that 99% of those who are hard-working, frugal, and concerned about education still fail to become millionaires.

This, of course, doesn't mean that being hard-working and educated is "bad"...it just doesn't mean that it is the cause of becoming a millionaire. If anything, it's only the opposite that's true...if you're lazy, a big spender, and a dropout, you probably won't become a millionaire. But that's not the same thing!

[Hank_ 9,174]

... may you one day become a millionaire.

Edited November 15, 2012 by Hank_

[madtownguy 164]

When I first came here, I was a democrat. I like the idea of the rich helping out the poor. I sent $4k to my family in Philippines within a few months of working over here for emergencies. A few months later, my mom was asking for more money for medicines. I told her why don't you use the $4k that I sent you because that's what I sent it to you for, for emergencies. Apparently, she blew it all away. It got spent on phone bills, electric bills, groceries, water bills, gifts to the extended relatives, random knick knacks. My siblings who were supposed to pay for the utilities and food in exchange for living rent-free at my mom's house decided that they don't have to since I am now married to a kano! I stopped sending money over there. There's always a reason why they don't have money. After several fights over me not sending money, I stopped communicating with them. Several months later, she started sending letters to me again but she didn't ask for money. She haven't asked for it again since then. Not surprisingly, my siblings have awesome jobs with health benefits and they have never lack money. They have more money now than when I was sending money over. That's when I stopped being a democrat.

I've read a book called The Millionaire next door. According to the book, millionaires are common people who didn't take a handout from other people and who are frugal and that those people who were given handouts tend to not have much asset.

My immediate family were with me. My extended family charge more and expects me to be grateful by helping them out in their emergencies even if I pay them at more than the going rate. Good thing your wife's family are not like that!

Yes CA_Babe it is life that usually changes our beliefs. I too have seen major abuses in the manor you saw. I do know a business owner who in his life knew only people who needed hand outs and did not abuse them so he is a Democrat which in my field is very rare. To him I said if I were in your shoes I think I would feel the same. To each their own, I feel if you start giving hand outs to someone they will want more or assume it is normal and easy for you to do. If I give my fiances family a dime they will ask for a quarter next time. But if I leave it in her hands I will not have to feel bad when she comes to me for money and I don't have it. I highly doubt this will ever happen though because she has never asked for a dime, even when meeting me at the airport I offer to wire money for the taxi and she insists she will pay it. Hopefully her family will not get mad if she chooses not to send money back, I am hoping she learns that money would be better saved for our kids.

Thanks for the info everyone. Hopefully I won't run into trouble while renting a car. Philippines is one of the safer places I like to visit, the only thing that scares me there are the malls having no toilet seats... now that's scary.

[Josteve 2]

Generally, it is still wise to rent a car to somebody that your fiancee knows( relative,friend or neighbor )coz often times taxi cabs specially in Manila take advantage to people particularly to foreigners and OFW'S coming back home.( not all of cors ).

About dowry, it's not being observed in the Philippines, and even supporting fiancee isnt common now..As in my case i never did asked my fiancee to support me nor my family.It wouldnt mean having a "kano " finacee would mean you got all the money.For some, perhaps that is their typical thinking to marry a kano to milk them but not all..like me, i work for my own not depend to my fiancee.

[elyhim 41]

hiring a car & driver is still better, even for scenic driving outside Manila, not that expensive either.

This, if you have a big group rent a jeepney. It's always lot's of fun!

Also, I don't mind paying taxes because it supports infrastructure and rule of law. It's no surprise places like Afghanistan aren't hotbeds of invention. No rule of law or infrastructure.

Believe the talking points if you like, not everyone holds the same view. The brown liberal guy from overseas isn't Obama his name was Jesus.

Edited November 16, 2012 by elyhim

[Hank_ 9,174]

This, if you have a big group rent a jeepney. It's always lot's of fun!

Yup have done that too.... that's how we went to the airport as the whole family wanted to come

[Tahoma 2,292]

...I feel if you start giving hand outs to someone they will want more or assume it is normal and easy for you to do...

^^^ That's a very good description of korporate Amerika.

Believe the talking points if you like, not everyone holds the same view. The brown liberal guy from overseas isn't Obama his name was Jesus.

^^^

Forget jeepneys. Hire a comfortable air-conditioned van along with a driver. It's inexpensive in the Philippines. Then you can sit back and relax and enjoy your time with your sweetheart.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I AM a 1% 'er!!!

Hank...If you were a 1%'er, you'd have a decent paint job on that Hog!!!

[Hank_ 9,174]

You wouldn't catch me riding a hog.....

[sjr09 155]

I highly doubt this will ever happen though because she has never asked for a dime, even when meeting me at the airport I offer to wire money for the taxi and she insists she will pay it.

That's a keeper

[rlogan 2,036]

I'm always impressed at how much research people do into the lives and culture of their prospective wives.

There was one here, I think his name was Darren, who went so far as to learn the name of the village she was from.

[Hank_ 9,174]

.... wellllll don't know .... errrr... I will leave it at that.

[mapletree 33]

Set the ground rules for money going back home early and hold fast. There will always be some crisis. A niece that gets sick. A brother that breaks a leg. There is ALWAYS something.

Be careful paying a "bride price." This can get touchy later under US Law. You can't buy people and they should not be for sale. While there are culturally acceptable things to do, if you end up in the USA with a bride you "paid for" and there are issues, you will have trouble defending her claim that she had to marry you because you paid for her and her family forced her to marry you. It can get very messy very quickly. If some DA wants to press charges they could throw on a human trafficking charge and you can end up as a registered sex offender because you bought the family a motorcycle and a bag of rice out of cultural obligation.

If "bride price" is a serious issue in your relationship, odds are you are doomed. Walk away.

And don’t drive in the PI. It is not unheard of for poor parents to throw their kids in front of a car so they get hit and can get money. Though this is certainly not common, you need to be aware of the fact that if you are a foreigner and behind the wheel of a car you might as well be walking around with 1000 php notes hanging out of your pocket. You are just begging people to pick you off. It may be a true accident, or it might be a motorcycle that passes you and then sees who you are only to turn in front of you creating a collision.