Question for the women who moved here for marriage.

[St&Sv 33]

My Fiance, who is from Russia, and I are in the process of getting our K1 stuff together. I know she's been doing a lot of reading and what not and I think some of it fuels her ups and downs. She reads a few goods things about moving here, and then she finds a few horror stories. I tell her ever situation is different, but that I will make sure when she is here that I fully immerse her in everything. I would want her to make friends, and to find things she enjoys here, and would like to minimize her time sitting at home. So my question to all the girls who have moved here, what were some of the questions you had before moving? What did your husbands do to help you adapt to the change? and would you do it again? I love my fiance, but i want her to be happy, I can't imagine bringing her someplace just because of me and not have her be happy.

[Reyan 56]

How is you're fiancee's English skIlls?

[vinnylc 2]

im in the same spot you are....mine will be coming soon and ive had a lot of sleepless night over this same questions.... but honestly you wont know until she get here, you dont want to make it so much like russia by buying russian tv and having russian friends and only speaking russian, but you cant have no russian culture at all either, gotta find a happy grey area for both of you to adapt to and be comfortable, but you wont know it until she arrives.... good luck

[vinnylc 2]

also you dont want to build unreal expectations about america or the place you live , dont try to pacify her with everything great kind of stuff and paint a picture of perfection of your living environment. ive shown mine , hundreds of photos of everything i do and see in everyday life, my work and home and local 711 , all these little things mean alot to them, if they want to see monuments they can just google it, but showing them where they will be is something else and will ease her mind, get the app VOXER for your smart phone if you have one its great ..... i text her and share photos and voice walkie talkie her all day and night and she loves it and its free (if you both have smart phones) when she asks watcha doing? i just take a pic and shoot it over and she gets a feel for everyday life. it will calm those up/down moments i know very well too

[St&Sv 33]

Her English skills are excellent, and was her main focus in school. She even corrects me on the way I use my English sometimes too, though she would still say her English isn't good. I've done my best to keep everything in perspective for us, i've showed her a lot of photos of the area, I've taken my GoPro and mounted it to my car and drove around, and even took it out kayaking so she could see everything. Neither of us have sugar-coated anything, and as I told her I believe in telling the truth and showing the truth right off the bat, so that nothing is hidden. We've talked about it before and as she has told me she doesn't mind not having Russian things because she doesn't see herself as being your typical Russian. What I've done though is created and Q&A form for her and I on google docs, so that we can keep all our research in one area. If she has a question she'll put it in there and I'll find an answer, or the other way around. I'm trying to think of more questions to add to it, and though I think of it from my perspective (as a guy who could be moving to Russia), its still different. So I was curious what kind of questions anyone here had before they moved, and if they found their answers. Can be anything from the moving process, to the culture differences, or anything you thought of.

Though we have good intent, we are actually trying for a tourist visa for her first so she can see the area. No we will not attempt to get married on it or anything of that nature, as we both understand that could ruin the whole thing. However, I want to be able to answer her questions that I cannot, and I only see her getting them by actually living it and experiencing it. So hopefully she will get the tourist visa and come see first hand, at least I'd like it to be that way. I can understand that moving from one's country cannot be an easy thing to do, and I want her to be dead set on it.

[St&Sv 33]

also you dont want to build unreal expectations about america or the place you live , dont try to pacify her with everything great kind of stuff and paint a picture of perfection of your living environment. ive shown mine , hundreds of photos of everything i do and see in everyday life, my work and home and local 711 , all these little things mean alot to them, if they want to see monuments they can just google it, but showing them where they will be is something else and will ease her mind, get the app VOXER for your smart phone if you have one its great ..... i text her and share photos and voice walkie talkie her all day and night and she loves it and its free (if you both have smart phones) when she asks watcha doing? i just take a pic and shoot it over and she gets a feel for everyday life. it will calm those up/down moments i know very well too

Thanks man I appreciate the advice. I've been trying to find more ways to interact with her when she or I aren't home. Sprint use to let me text message Tele2 service but for some reason it stopped. I'm trying to find alternate ways to text her throughout the day, but she doesn't have a smart phone (android or Iphone). Also sprint charges 2.99/min for a call, so i've been thinking of canceling my contract and going with AT&T since my iphone is unlocked.

[Karl and Olga 3]

Hi. I came here a year ago from Ukraine though my native language is Russian. The only advise from me is - to stop reading anything, especially forums. believe me if I'd read something before came here - I wouldn't probably came. so horrible everything is discussed. for me the most important was to talk with my future husband via skype. He even wanted me to talk with his frien's wives who came here from Russia and Ukraine. But I didn't want - I trusted mu husband and the only person with whom I wanted to talk was him. He was extremely honest, he told about everything, he should pictures and videos of his home. And coming here wasn't a stress, though I came with my kids and even a cat. We loved it here, nobody even wants to visit Ukraine :yes:. But for me the most important was always my family, my husband, and when I got, what I was dreaming about, I didn't want anything else. So just talk to her as much as you can, support her when she comes here, love her, don't expect everything at once, maybe for her it won't be so easy as it was for my family, who knows. Just tell her not to read a lot information in the internet, it may rise unnecessary thoughts and feelings in her mind.

Good luck!!!!

[St&Sv 33]

Hi. I came here a year ago from Ukraine though my native language is Russian. The only advise from me is - to stop reading anything, especially forums. believe me if I'd read something before came here - I wouldn't probably came. so horrible everything is discussed. for me the most important was to talk with my future husband via skype. He even wanted me to talk with his frien's wives who came here from Russia and Ukraine. But I didn't want - I trusted mu husband and the only person with whom I wanted to talk was him. He was extremely honest, he told about everything, he should pictures and videos of his home. And coming here wasn't a stress, though I came with my kids and even a cat. We loved it here, nobody even wants to visit Ukraine :yes:. But for me the most important was always my family, my husband, and when I got, what I was dreaming about, I didn't want anything else. So just talk to her as much as you can, support her when she comes here, love her, don't expect everything at once, maybe for her it won't be so easy as it was for my family, who knows. Just tell her not to read a lot information in the internet, it may rise unnecessary thoughts and feelings in her mind.

Good luck!!!!

Thanks for the awesome advice!

Let me ask you Olga, my fiancee and I were talking about this last night. Sometimes she gets tried of speaking english (though she is very good at it) and said that there are days she doesn't want to feel herself this way. She said there are days when she just wants to come home and be silent or speak her native language. Here, as she put it, she wouldn't have the option and would always have to speak english. She doesn't want to be silent around people and feel herself dumb. Did you ever have this issue here? Where you just want to stop speaking English, maybe the day was stressful or you were tired, but had no choice but to? Did it just fade with time? Doing what I can to lessen her stress. She just started a new job 3 weeks ago, and now has to wake up early (she's a late raiser like me), working on putting together dance classes for Cape Breton style, and of course the bus is wearing her out too. This all leads to days where she just wants to come home, want me near, and just be silent but as she says all we can do is F***ing skype. Which can't blame her for the attitude, and I want her to be out and about away from being tied down to a computer all the time. Though of course that means less of us time, and she worries about that. Thanks for any more advice you can give me.

Edited November 16, 2012 by MaxMirage