not that happy...

[gzbabi 2]

thanks guys... i really wish il feel better soon. its my bday this week end... maybe thats the reason behind this emotional stuff. it feels so terrible..

Adjusting to a new culture is truly hard. My wife has not even arrived yet and I worry that. I think finding local similar couples will help. I already reached out to many asian-american couples in my area, so when wifey finally arrives down the road, she will be with similar other wifes to share experience.

[kev_n_jena 89]

Don't be afraid to confide in you husband. Let him know how you are feeling and talk to him about it. Assure him that you love him and don't want to leave, but that you need more help adjusting and keeping busy.

Find some Filipinos near you, Christmas is coming and there will probably be a party near you somewhere. That's a good place to meet your fellow countrymen. There will be at least 100 Filipinos at our local Catholic church hall for the Christmas party. You don't need to be Catholic to attend. Everyone is welcome. I'm sure it's that way in most places.

Good Luck!

[dwheels76 5,468]

You are hardly stupid don't say that. You need a support group. Go online and google. maybe a church or something has a community of people from the Philipines you can talk with.

Also do join the Facebook group mentioned. I know for me I am in a few for Nigerian wives and it helps to know you are not alone.

You just need to adjust but also do sit down and tell your husband how you are feeling so alone and you want to be more of a helpmeet.

Give it time you will make it through. At least now you are with the love of your life alll things are possible.

[timmytiny 1]

Its pretty normal that youre still in the stage of adjusting..and dont rush yourself into adapting to the new culture you have with you.... I myself went through that stage on my internship before.... Youll be able to adapt eventually just relax sis... Call home as much as u can... Do viber.... Facetime...skype.... So you wont feel like your family is sooo far away....i kmow its not the same...but itll help you....

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

Hang in there Maybe ask your hubby for a bus ticket for Christmas to go see your dad? It's normal to miss everything when you move to a new country and feel so far away. You're learning, you're not stupid. I wish you a happy birthday and many good experiences to come

[Darnell 8,478]

so, when your husband leaves for work for the day,

ask him to take you with him, but

drop you off at the largest university in the city

Then, once there, go find the asian or philipino student association,

and talk to one of the officers about their event calender.

They probably have a sitting area as well, you can sit there and meet new people.

Give it a try - come on - it gets you out of the house and meeting people who might be ethnic PI folk.

make sure your husband picks you up each day, as well.

Edited November 14, 2012 by Darnell

[TeddyHoney 42]

Do you have webcam? I thik the two biggest factors in my wife's adjustment were:

#1 - My family anticipating her coming for so long and then welcoming her, spending time wiith her like shopping and even just visits when I was at work and my mom would come and get her and take her around when I was at work. This includes my 12 year old daughter whom I have with my Filipina ex, when she comes for her visitation.

#2 - Webcam. Just like I did during the time we courted and were waiting all the papers, etc and even before, my wife used to webcam/web chat with her family in the Phils EVERYDAY! And why not because its free! If you have computer here and your family has there int he Phils. My wife has been working the past 3 months so now she only web chats them on the weekends, but still i can tell the affect it has on her to be able to do that - from the beginning.

I bought her family a desk top computer before Chie came here for the purpose of their communication. Best money I ever spent. But even my first Filipina wife, her adjustment here was made s o much easier because of my families acceptance of her and their willingness to extend and make her feel welcome and at home. Also she had a 2 yr old son wen we met and married and I patitioned him also so she had his company when she first came and I was at work and then she was pregnant with our daughter within the first year also. (Maybe you need to get pregnant!) just joking cuz i don;t know if that is in your plans.

Anyway what you are experiencing is normal and as everyone else has mentioned, you will adjust and you're not stupid or any of that. you're a foreigner and we Americans are used to foreigners (or most of us who have had lost of exposure to them are), and what you are self-concious of, most people aren't even aware.

My wife got a job about 2 weeks after she got her EAD. It was via temp agency. She doesn't drive yet so I drop her before I go to my work and then pick her up after. Its a factory job abd is physical labor but for now she doesn't care cuz she feels more independant. It's not a lot of money but she is not responsible for any of the housold bills like utilities or mortgage, etc (except her cell phone bill!), but she buys the groceries and helps with other financials. She's not responsible for them but she always helps cuz as you know the K-1 process can set you back a bit. But she has been helping the ends meet - willingly. I never have to ask.

You'll be fine. God bless!

[Karl and Olga 3]

Though I'm from Ukraine, I was in the same position as you. looking at your post I see that you know English well, to get used to the native Americans talking is really hard. my advise is to find interesting shows on TV and watch them, though you may not understand everything at once. I even was afraid to pick up the phone a year ago , give it time. the second - that you don't know how to drive....... well, being here you should realize that it's the only chance not to be at home all of the time. ask your husband to teach you, pass the exam and soon you'll be driving extremely good. I was shaking as a leaf knowing that I should drive somewhere this spring. now even to remind myself about this is funny.

the third to find a job...... well.. right now there are a lot of opportunities to find seasonal job. you should start somewhere. I found the job at Khols though I'm stressed with it right now. too much information, unknown people and everybody wants something........brrrrrr

to get over the fear is not so hard - just begin doing something, but give it time, you shouldn't expect a lot at once.

being far away from my motherland.... well. here I wouldn't be able to give any advise, I didn't have such problem, I didn't miss it. I have everything I wanted to have - my beloved husband near me. ask yourself - do you want to come back home forever having left your husband here? will you be happy then? if the answer is - no, just be happy that you have him, that there is a man in this world who loves you, supports you and always will.

Just be happy. and use skype to speak with your mom, sister and father.

Good luck!!!

[iluvmy_hubbybunny 9]

aw .. that is sad.. I can say I'm adjusting well .. ('coz I love just being at home .. so im kinda used to it) and one more thing that makes me not home sick is my soon-to-be-husband .. get me this unlimited call to my family in the philippines.. so normally in the morning after doing all the chores I will talk to my mom one hour or more.. or maybe find other things to do.. read books. I can relate in how hard to understand English here .. I experience the same thing like I need to look at their mouth as they speak so I can read their mouth and understand what their saying .. I'm having hard time understanding the accent and ofc .. American loves to use idioms which I'm not that familiar.. keep on adjusting.. I hope you find a way to not lessen what you feel now ..

-cath

Edited November 14, 2012 by iluvmy_hubbybunny

[scott76 22]

i actually dont know how to start. .. im happy being with my husband, we waited to be together for years and during those times of waiting i thought this was the greatet dream i ever had... and i still do believe in that though... only the part of adjusting to this new enviromnent makes me feel sad despite the fact that i had my dream to be with hubby came true now...

right now i cant stop crying coz i really miss being home. i miss our home in the phil especially my mom and my sister. my dad lives here in the US too but he's quite far, he in CT. It costs much to visit him.. Though I really wanna see him. I think seeing my dad might make my homesickness come off a li'l bit. But its costly to travel there. I really feel sad being alone at home while hubby is at work. Im trying to fight off the feeling but its too strong that I cant help but cry alone... I dont have anyone else to talk to when he's out and Im feeling bored doing the same things at home over and over.. Though Im kind of thankful with the chores coz thats only effin thing that makes me a li'l busy... II even feel so dumb here. I dont even know how to go to burger king alone. and besides I dont have any money so I definitely cant go anywhere. Hubby is taking care of all my needs and he's supportive but its also different to have your own money. I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything. I cant drive, I cant go out alone, I'm stuck being home. And one more thing, I do speak englis well enough to communicate but I sopmetimes find it hard to understand native english speakers when they talk too fast. I feel so dumb and stupid. How am I supposed to get a job if Im this dumb?!!! And I dont even applied for my AOS and EAD at this point! (more than a month now in CA) Our marriage certificate hasnt arrived yet... Uggghh evrything is a mess and I so feel like going home (Phil).. Im so lonely here... Im just staying here because of my hubby. Nothing else... What am I gonna do?

I understand you very well. I am going through the same situation. I am in the US since August and it is really hard. Now after 3 months it seems better, I am starting to gain confidence, to go somewhere by myself. I like a lot to exercise, so I was running and riding the bike during the day and spending the evenings with him and sometimes with his friends, and now because it is cold and I can't exercise outside we go to the gym. I am lucky because he has good friends, and some of them take me out, for shopping, to the gym, etc. because I can't drive it is really helpful. When I came I started to take English classes at the library and there I met others who go through the same process and we keep in touch. I read a lot now because I want to improve my English and learn something new. I research what I need to know for a future job and it keeps me busy. I want to do so many things that I don't feel so bored. You are right about the money, I feel the same way. I was always independent and now I hate that he has to pay for everything, I just want to work and feel satisfied with what I have done. I know I just need to be patient. Find something that you really enjoy doing and fill out your time, you will get used and you won't feel so homesick. It just takes time. Good luck!

[Not a user 0]

allow me to say that your english as far as writing goes is magnificent! like others said, take advantage of the internet and chat with your old friends and family! good luck!

[egarcia 1]

I'm in the same boat as you Scarlet and I can relate very well. I got here in the US only last September 2012. We didn't waste time and got married as soon as possible. We filed the Adjustment and is still waiting for any results. Everyday before I got married is such a pain. Even with the use of Skype, cellphone, Yahoo, etc. I'm really going crazy. I try to live each day at a time. I also don't have money so I can move around. I'm in the suburbs and there is no way to commute. I also hated the cold. The only thing keeping me sane is by joining forums and reading more of everything. Perhaps only time will help us both.

There was even a time that I purchased airline tickets online and decided to go home and leave this lonely place. I just thought that with all the things we went through, why surrender now? Don't give up like what I am doing now.

[mtcmk1 37]

Be strong! This is just an adjustment period. It'll get better! In the meantime, maybe look up Filipino groups in your area. It could be running, crafting, whatever... Join a group and start making friends.

[kintu 4]

be proud of yourself , you are awesome

[Birdysboy 5]

I remember when my wife got here it was a challenge. Then one step after another she started working part time, she kept in touch with her family via the internet, she got involved in a Filipino community here in Charlotte (a rosary group) and I actually started doing Filipino stick fighting and made even more Filipino friends. Every once in a while she gets a little homesick, but most of the time she has adjusted well. Be positive, make some friends, have some fun.