I asked him to leave. Best decision ever...

[MAO36 30]

You are scaring me... My husband has been here for 2 months now and he is still loving to me and my little boy. How soon did the disrespect and cheating start? You are not the first person that has warned about this. But I keep telling myself that my situation is different, but you best believe I am going to be watching him now. I am sure there are others on this site that feels the same. "Ladies lets watch". There will be no second chance if it happens to me. My eyes are open, but I think I am pretty safe cos he is always telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me. I am just glad you are at peace now. God Bless you!

Hello Olami!

I'm sorry..... I did not mean to scare you. Please remember this is "My" story and yours may be different. By all means continue to enjoy your Hubby and take away whatever you can from my journey if it will be beneficial to you. You sound like a smart lady. If there is ever something for you to be concerned bout, the writing will be on the wall. If things are going well for you, enjoy it!

Thanks for responding. Much sucess to the both of you!

[Zee Bee 61]

MAO!!

I haven't been on VJ for some time and just saw this. I am sorry to hear what you are going through but happy you have made the decision that is best for yourself and your kids.

God bless and all the best to you.

[ajigglin 0]

HELLOOOO VJ,

This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

sad story, but it looks like you made the right decision. women don't listen to their instincts enough. i'm glad you did. wishing you and your family the best in the new year.

[MAO36 30]

MAO!!

I haven't been on VJ for some time and just saw this. I am sorry to hear what you are going through but happy you have made the decision that is best for yourself and your kids.

God bless and all the best to you.

Thanks Zee! It's been a long time. Glad you're doing well!

sad story, but it looks like you made the right decision. women don't listen to their instincts enough. i'm glad you did. wishing you and your family the best in the new year.

Thanks so much. Happy New Year to you also!

[Neema 4]

HELLOOOO VJ,

This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

I wish all women had your strength to move on, its sad to think of how many suffer silently because its hard for them to make the first step.

[MAO36 30]

I wish all women had your strength to move on, its sad to think of how many suffer silently because its hard for them to make the first step.

Thank you Neema. It has not been easy, we still occasionally speak but I try to limit the communication so I don't become illogical in my senses. What I realized is that you HAVE to take a stand in life to do what's right for you and your children, even it it hurts like crazy. Time heals all.