I asked him to leave. Best decision ever...

[moon68 2]

Dont know if you remember me but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that things did not work out....I know you tried and gave him all the chances you could but you are right for getting yourself and your children out of a bad situation......You sound like you are doing good and being very strong....May jehovah watch over all of you and give you the comfort to hlep you through this dificult time.....I am sure you will find someone that will love you and respect you the way a husbsnd should....All my love.....

[4theloveofhenry 8]

I just sent you a super long message but it couldnt go through, but the gist of it was I am soo sorry for the loss of your marriage but Jehovah sees all things and he has seen the pain that you and your children have had to go through and he will not forget his faithful ones. You seem like you are handling these devastating conditions stoically so that proves that Jehovah is already blessing you with that peace you need to keep going. You are such an inspiration to me. I pray the kids are doing ok and even though you have moved on from him I pray he too will get a handle on his situation spiritually for his sake. Just hang in there Michelle and know you have a sister in Ohio who is always thinking about you and stopping by VJ to see if you are ok. Girl check that inbox sometimes so I can send you a message from time to time lol.

Agape

Dee

[MAO36 30]

4theloveofhenry Posted Today, 11:33 AM

I just sent you a super long message but it couldnt go through, but the gist of it was I am soo sorry for the loss of your marriage but Jehovah sees all things and he has seen the pain that you and your children have had to go through and he will not forget his faithful ones. You seem like you are handling these devastating conditions stoically so that proves that Jehovah is already blessing you with that peace you need to keep going. You are such an inspiration to me. I pray the kids are doing ok and even though you have moved on from him I pray he too will get a handle on his situation spiritually for his sake. Just hang in there Michelle and know you have a sister in Ohio who is always thinking about you and stopping by VJ to see if you are ok. Girl check that inbox sometimes so I can send you a message from time to time lol.

Agape

Dee

"Dee!!!! Would you believe I am just seeing your message you left me MONTHS ago with your phone #!!!!! I am calling you tonight!!! I've missed you and your encouraging words... Love ya

moon68

Posted 13 November 2012 - 06:24 PM

Dont know if you remember me but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that things did not work out....I know you tried and gave him all the chances you could but you are right for getting yourself and your children out of a bad situation......You sound like you are doing good and being very strong....May jehovah watch over all of you and give you the comfort to hlep you through this dificult time.....I am sure you will find someone that will love you and respect you the way a husbsnd should....All my love.....

"Miss "K" of course I remember you! You are my spiritual sister in Cali. Our husbands spoke on the phone for goodness sake, Of course I remember the woman whose Husband is a gift from GOD! You are blessed K. I am sooooooooo happy he was everything he said he would be. <tears of joy for you>"

Ben and Jill

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:03 PM

Mao36, awwww honey, I am saddened by this, I can't tell a lie, but you sound super fine and I am proud of you for respecting yourself and your children enough to do the right and best thing. God bless you and stay steadfast and strong. So proud of you

"Jill..... yes I'm getting there, took a while but I am almost there. Thank you and I wish you much love and happiness hun."

misskaykay

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:02 AM

Damn i feel your pain mami. am kinda a little bit experiencing the same thing in my own marriage. mine (hubby) is like a bipolar. is sweet this minute the next minute is mean and disrespectful.

Just know if one door closes another will open. take care:)

"Awwwwww misskaykay, I pray that you have a happy ending. Sometimes there is a silver lining. Hold on for as long as you feel it's the right thing t do."

Jahwaree

Posted 13 November 2012 - 01:00 AM

Proud of you, stay strong you will meet the one one that will love and chrish you

"Thank you so much. I do believe this"

[MAO36 30]

I haven't been on VJ since 2007 but when I came aboard last year I did follow your story and I just want to thank you girl for taking the time to be so transparent and real with us...and glad to see you didn't become bitter and call him a scammer (which I don't think he is since apparently he didn't want to leave lol) but instead as you said he wanted his wife and single life too..Nigerian or not...sir this just can't be...smh...yes girl set the standard for your babies...they are watching us...and this isn't what either of them need to see so good for you! I had to decide that about my own two with their father... You seem very strong and at peace and that is what matters most....who knows maybe he'll realize FOR REAL what he had in you..sometimes you gotta let them fall hard... but if he's anything like my ex if he waits to long it may be too late by then because you would have moved on completely...either way girl my hats off to you for sharing your story with us...and keepin' it real! I love that about you! Praying for you and I know that the best for you is yet to come!

[/quote

Thank you for following my story, appreciating my honesty and taking time to respond. I wish you nothing but happiness also!!

[Simply_Uno 1]

Wow. Its been a long time since I've visited VJ. But thats because my situation ended long before it ever got started

Any way, I'm glad you did what you needed to do for you and your kids. I'm just saddened by the fact that his flaws did not show up while he was still in his own country. That way you would not have lost money and vested time and energy into him and his #######. I hope that what ever lesson you learned from this, that you are not destined to repeat; nor have it manifest in the lives of your children.

Take care of you, always

Peace!!

[shefellfromheaven 18]

MAO,

I'm utterly shocked ! Be strong MAO. It takes courage, strength and deep conviction to walk out of a loveless marriage. Hope you find peace and strength

((((((MAO)))))))

[Treva 3]

I haven't known you over the years, but I just wanted to say Congratulations! I think you are a very smart woman who has done the right thing. There are some men who will do whatever we let them get away with. He sounds like one of those. Sometimes having kids makes us stronger and wiser. You sound like a great mother who wants the best for her kids. I have two little girls, and if even just for their sake, I wouldn't put up with that bs either. It sounds like you gave him more than enough chances, and it's clear you'll all be better off without him.

[MAO36 30]

Treva Posted Yesterday, 03:13 PM

I haven't known you over the years, but I just wanted to say Congratulations! I think you are a very smart woman who has done the right thing. There are some men who will do whatever we let them get away with. He sounds like one of those. Sometimes having kids makes us stronger and wiser. You sound like a great mother who wants the best for her kids. I have two little girls, and if even just for their sake, I wouldn't put up with that bs either. It sounds like you gave him more than enough chances, and it's clear you'll all be better off without him.

"Yes, Treva.... I really did give it my all and having kids undoubtedly gives you inner strength, insight and wisdom to do what's best for them. You sound like a no non-sense kind of a woman. Thanks for the response""

shefellfromheaven

Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:41 PM

MAO,

I'm utterly shocked ! Be strong MAO. It takes courage, strength and deep conviction to walk out of a loveless marriage. Hope you find peace and strength

((((((MAO)))))))

"Awh....... I'm sorry you're in shock. Believe me my shock just wore off after 5 long years. Yes.... I have found peace and strength, finally. It was long overdue" Thank you

foy your concern"

Simply_Uno

Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:39 AM

Wow. Its been a long time since I've visited VJ. But thats because my situation ended long before it ever got started

Any way, I'm glad you did what you needed to do for you and your kids. I'm just saddened by the fact that his flaws did not show up while he was still in his own country. That way you would not have lost money and vested time and energy into him and his #######. I hope that what ever lesson you learned from this, that you are not destined to repeat; nor have it manifest in the lives of your children.

Take care of you, always

Peace!!

Hello Simply Uno.

"Those were my sentiments exactly. I just wanted to know why weren't these traits shown in nigeria. I guess this is why I should not have married someone without spending quality time together, to get to know the real person inside. When you date and marry abroad, this can sometimes be the sad reality/outcome. I wish him all the best though, truly. Thanks for your comments"

[OgaMum 4]

HELLOOOO VJ,

This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

Noooooooooooo!!! (sobbing like a baby) I hate bad news!! You keep your head up sister! God is good! Amen!

[patient2010 93]

Wow! Good for you and glad ur confident in yourself

[Kehinde 45]

You are scaring me... My husband has been here for 2 months now and he is still loving to me and my little boy. How soon did the disrespect and cheating start? You are not the first person that has warned about this. But I keep telling myself that my situation is different, but you best believe I am going to be watching him now. I am sure there are others on this site that feels the same. "Ladies lets watch". There will be no second chance if it happens to me. My eyes are open, but I think I am pretty safe cos he is always telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me. I am just glad you are at peace now. God Bless you!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

You are scaring me... My husband has been here for 2 months now and he is still loving to me and my little boy. How soon did the disrespect and cheating start? You are not the first person that has warned about this. But I keep telling myself that my situation is different, but you best believe I am going to be watching him now. I am sure there are others on this site that feels the same. "Ladies lets watch". There will be no second chance if it happens to me. My eyes are open, but I think I am pretty safe cos he is always telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me. I am just glad you are at peace now. God Bless you!

If you have a bad one they will be good to you as long as they need you. Each will have their own timeline . Some will bolt as soon as green card is in hand others will wait until after ROC and some will leave when they have their USC. Don't be a mother hen, if you have a snake in your house it will be evident in it's own time. Just assume that you have a good one and enjoy your time together. You waited so long.

[Kehinde 45]

If you have a bad one they will be good to you as long as they need you. Each will have their own timeline . Some will bolt as soon as green card is in hand others will wait until after ROC and some will leave when they have their USC. Don't be a mother hen, if you have a snake in your house it will be evident in it's own time. Just assume that you have a good one and enjoy your time together. You waited so long.

I don't know what ROC is but my husband already has his 10 year GC. I will do exactly like you said...." I will just assume mine is good and enjoy it while I can."

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

You are scaring me... My husband has been here for 2 months now and he is still loving to me and my little boy. How soon did the disrespect and cheating start? You are not the first person that has warned about this. But I keep telling myself that my situation is different, but you best believe I am going to be watching him now. I am sure there are others on this site that feels the same. "Ladies lets watch". There will be no second chance if it happens to me. My eyes are open, but I think I am pretty safe cos he is always telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me. I am just glad you are at peace now. God Bless you!

My Sister, please be careful. Don't ruin a good thing because you became over critical.

But I'm sure you'll find a good balance. Good luck.

I don't know what ROC is but my husband already has his 10 year GC. I will do exactly like you said...." I will just assume mine is good and enjoy it while I can."

ROC = Removal Of Condition, if he has a 10 year Green Card then he has either removed condition or you Guys applied after 2 years of marriage and received a 10 year Green Card right off the bat.

[Kehinde 45]

My Sister, please be careful. Don't ruin a good thing because you became over critical.

But I'm sure you'll find a good balance. Good luck.

ROC = Removal Of Condition, if he has a 10 year Green Card then he has either removed condition or you Guys applied after 2 years of marriage and received a 10 year Green Card right off the bat.

You are right! We got approved after we had been married over 2 years cos our's was one of the ones that was sent back for review and possible revocation. You can read our devastating journey on my updates (my profile).