I asked him to leave. Best decision ever...

[MAO36 30]

HELLOOOO VJ,

This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

[hamigirl710 112]

HELLOOOO VJ,

This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

your story has touched my heart and you are a strong woman! May God bless you always!!

[MAO36 30]

your story has touched my heart and you are a strong woman! May God bless you always!!

Thanks hami,

Thats what they say..Sometimes one has no choice.

[SamanthaL 45]

Good for you! Keep your head up!

[MAO36 30]

Good for you! Keep your head up!

Thanks Sam!

[M_&_R 77]

Stay strong and god bless you for doing the right thing for both your kids and yourself.

M

[reese1 68]

You speak words of wisdom that have only come from loving yourself first and knowing your worth. And for that alone you are truly blessed. You are a wonderful mother for what you are showing them and teaching them, that noone is more important than them. What love is and what it is not. So many people stay in bad situations hoping that the other person changes, or if they do more, or do better they will change. Well guess what, you can hope, but you can't make a person change no matter what you do. And yes sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they change and some hit rock bottom and still never do. You are a strong women and whatever the future holds for you, you and your children will be fine!

[MAO36 30]

You speak words of wisdom that have only come from loving yourself first and knowing your worth. And for that alone you are truly blessed. You are a wonderful mother for what you are showing them and teaching them, that noone is more important than them. What love is and what it is not. So many people stay in bad situations hoping that the other person changes, or if they do more, or do better they will change. Well guess what, you can hope, but you can't make a person change no matter what you do. And yes sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they change and some hit rock bottom and still never do. You are a strong women and whatever the future holds for you, you and your children will be fine!

Thanks reese,

True words spoken, at some point you have to take a stand for what's right, no matter how scary it seems. God will always support the right decision!.

Thanks for the encouragement!

[hamigirl710 112]

Thanks hami,

Thats what they say..Sometimes one has no choice.

yes I had an ex like that and what made it worse after we got divorced and to this day he calls me and asks me to meet him...mind you he is remarried and I told him that he is the skum of the earth and how could he even ask me that...if he is doing it now to his new wife I would hate to think what he was doing while married to me Some role model for our children

[MAO36 30]

Stay strong and god bless you for doing the right thing for both your kids and yourself.

M

Thanks M!

[MAO36 30]

yes I had an ex like that and what made it worse after we got divorced and to this day he calls me and asks me to meet him...mind you he is remarried and I told him that he is the skum of the earth and how could he even ask me that...if he is doing it now to his new wife I would hate to think what he was doing while married to me Some role model for our children

Sorry Hami,

I don't know who I responded to earlier, lol. Anyway.... that is absolutely crazy, I'm glad he is now your ex. You certainly deserve better.

[ndu26 114]

keep your spirit strong. you sound like you wnt let the past stop the future so pls dnt.

Edited November 11, 2012 by ndu26

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

I can't tell you how proud of you I am. I read your post with tears yet I salute your courage and strength. I have traveled the road you have as well. When I kicked him to the curb I felt such relief and liberation. NO I was not married to a Nigerian at the time, he was Hispanic. This goes to show you that a scum is a scum no matter what and where he is from. As women we need to stand up for what is right for us and for our children. Again, I stand by you once again dear sister for you are setting the right examples for your son and daughters.

No one is perfect, but no one deserves to be treated less then they deserve. One day you will find the man who deserves you completely and appreciate the wonderful person you are. Stay blessed and know you are not alone in this. I wish you all the best and happiness. Hugs

Edited November 11, 2012 by LoveNigarmostyle

[MAO36 30]

I can't tell you how proud of you I am. I read your post with tears yet I salute your courage and strength. I have traveled the road you have as well. When I kicked him to the curb I felt such relief and liberation. NO I was not married to a Nigerian at the time, he was Hispanic. This goes to show you that a scum is a scum no matter what and where he is from. As women we need to stand up for what is right for us and for our children. Again, I stand by you once again dear sister for you are setting the right examples for your son and daughters.

No one is perfect, but no one deserves to be treated less then they deserve. One day you will find the man who deserves you completely and appreciate the wonderful person you are. Stay blessed and know you are not alone in this. I wish you all the best and happiness. Hugs

I really appreciate all the love and support you have shown me over the years. Thanks so much and let's still keep in touch as I now you are still on your journey. I wish you nothing but success!

[MAO36 30]

keep your spirit strong. you sound like you wnt let the past stop the future so pls dnt.

Thanks ndu26,

I won't let it stop me. We live, learn and hopefully grow from our experiences, I have.