MENA BICKERING

[Fandango 1,439]

i don't believe anyone here makes the choice in a SO to please someone else, do they? it's to make themself happy and certainly not you.

if you believe this, then why does Sarah's comment upset you?

the comment above was in regards to her mother picking someone younger, and given that, there is no need for a person need to make comments about who a person chooses.

you're hardly one to not take offense about things, lisa. it seems you've taken offense with just about everyone on this board at one time or another, including me. one day we hear you remark negatively about the snowflakes, gumdrops and unicorn brigade and now i'm hearing i should not be offended when someone makes a comment which directly includes my relationship with nessa as being "gross" and 'abnormal" due to her and my age difference. i'm certain that such a remark, if floated in certain regional rooms, would generate an uproar.

Im asking you why you're offended when you have clearly stated that your happiness depends soley on you and Nessa and is not motivated by pleasing others....therefore others' opinions, following YOUR train of thought, shouldn't matter.

Maybe everyone on this board has taken offense to me, but deffo not the other way round. I don't see how you're recreating history, Charles. Yes, it's true that I was offended by your Christ crucifixion smiley, and I asked you to remove it....I didn't go on a board and say how nothing matters but what I think, then take offense in the same post.

[Veiled Princess 1]

One thing that has always bothered me is when people tell me that what I'm about to eat looks gross. I used to eat some funky ethnic foods and I would get, "OMG, you're actually gonna eat that? That looks nasty." I can't imagine saying that to someone as they're about to put the food in their mouth. Does it ultimately matter whether you think what I'm eating is gross? No. But would I prefer not to hear it? Yes.

Now if I feel this way about someone telling me what I'm eating is gross...you fill in the rest.

My ex husband and I used to work in the same factory when we first got married and people would do that to us in the breakroom all the time.... when anyone asked "what is that? " We would just calmly explain which breed of DOG it was!

[CarolineM 0]

I mean - there are people that told me my relationship was abnormal. The people where I live are traditional, stuck up, and VERY old fashioned...very closed. When I told them I was marrying a foreigner, and importing a husband - they made VERY mean remarks...BUT...

I don't CARE what other people say about my relationship. They can tell me ANYTHING they want - they did say it was ABNORMAL, but I don't feel the need to defend my relationship against other people....I knew, in my heart, what my relationship was or was not...

so why the need to validate it?? It's not cause I'm not sensitive, or uncaring or whatever...it's MY faith in MY relationship.

[Bosco 1]

I am not trying to stir up a new debate.... but I am curious as to how everyone is defining abnormal.

I think there's a big difference between abnormal and gross. Abnormal to me means, "out of the norm" or "not common". Not an insult in itself, IMO.

That is how I take it too. All of the relationships with MENA men could be considered abnormal by American standards because they are out of the norm. I don't think abnormal is necessarily bad.

Wow its so good to see you girls at at your usual standard.... topics are closed and you just move it on to the next and continue as if nothing should change....

You amaze me....

Kezzie

Seems to be there are just as a many non-"girls" participating

Edited November 1, 2006 by Bosco

[tmma 467]

no, i'm not debating both sides.

um not only older women/younger men, but vice versa. as i'm older than nessa by almost 18

years, i do find that blanket statement below to be offensive. the fact remains that each person

is free to choose who they wish to be with and to denigrate that choice opens the speaker to

criticism in kind. in essence, such statements about a persons relationship being "gross" could

be considered to be a personal attack and impolite, and such needs to come to a screeching

halt.

i don't believe anyone here makes the choice in a SO to please someone else, do they? it's to

make themself happy and certainly not you.

uhmmmmmmmmm.....OK...........

BTW, Charles you did not appear too " offended" yesterday both when the original comment was expressed and in the "poll" you started on this very subject..

Edited November 1, 2006 by tmma

[doodlebug 3]

i'm really not interested in fighting with you lisa, so i'll just let this pass by. you're right, as always.

You are going to make a wonderful husband. This is what all hubbies should say to their wives to end all arguments!!! Just take out the Lisa and add in name of wife.

[Jenn! 918]

i don't believe anyone here makes the choice in a SO to please someone else, do they? it's to

make themself happy and certainly not you.

uhmmmmmmmmm.....OK...........

BTW, Charles you did not appear too " offended" yesterday both when the original comment was expressed and in the "poll" you started on this very subject..

I believe Charles' quote above is speaking to why would you go around telling people that their relationship is gross if it really has nothing to do with you, rather than, as you've interpreted it, you should ignore what other people say about you because it doesn't matter.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I am not trying to stir up a new debate.... but I am curious as to how everyone is defining abnormal.

ab·nor·mal (b-nôrml)

adj.

Not typical, usual, or regular; not normal; deviant.

Put abnormal and gross together and the definition swings toward "deviant".

Charles, I commend you for standing up for your right to have your relationship with a younger woman treated with respect on the boards. There is no reason to shrug and allow others to disrespect you in such a manner. Those of us who have formed proper boundaries and defend them can do no less.

If someone says you should just ignore what others say about you on the boards, it would be wise to start with ignoring them.

Edited November 1, 2006 by szsz

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

i don't believe anyone here makes the choice in a SO to please someone else, do they? it's to make themself happy and certainly not you.

if you believe this, then why does Sarah's comment upset you?

the comment above was in regards to her mother picking someone younger, and given that, there is no need for a person need to make comments about who a person chooses.

you're hardly one to not take offense about things, lisa. it seems you've taken offense with just about everyone on this board at one time or another, including me. one day we hear you remark negatively about the snowflakes, gumdrops and unicorn brigade and now i'm hearing i should not be offended when someone makes a comment which directly includes my relationship with nessa as being "gross" and 'abnormal" due to her and my age difference. i'm certain that such a remark, if floated in certain regional rooms, would generate an uproar.

Im asking you why you're offended when you have clearly stated that your happiness depends soley on you and Nessa and is not motivated by pleasing others....therefore others' opinions, following YOUR train of thought, shouldn't matter.

Maybe everyone on this board has taken offense to me, but deffo not the other way round. I don't see how you're recreating history, Charles. Yes, it's true that I was offended by your Christ crucifixion smiley, and I asked you to remove it....I didn't go on a board and say how nothing matters but what I think, then take offense in the same post.

ah glad you brought that up. let's revisit that shall we? i had a smiley crucifix for an avatar. you were offended by it. i find it most humorous that you were offended by it and pm'ed me asking that i remove it, yet i'm not supposed to be offended by sarah characterizing age differences between couples like she did? are you the only one who can be offended here? or is it only ok to be offended by smileys and not someone making remarks about a person's relationship?

Exactly Charles, so stop worrying about Sarah's comments as they have nothing to do with yours and Nessa's happiness.

so why are you worrying about my comments now? am i just your designated flavor of the day to bicker with?

uhmmmmmmmmm.....OK...........

BTW, Charles you did not appear too " offended" yesterday both when the original comment was expressed and in the "poll" you started on this very subject..

maybe you missed the hidden message, eh?

[Veiled Princess 1]

That is how I take it too. All of the relationships with MENA men could be considered abnormal by American standards because they are out of the norm. I don't think abnormal is necessarily bad.

It seems to me that abnormal just got lumped in this with gross because gross truly was offensive to many people here... if anyone used gross to describe any other type of relationship on this board those people who it described would have probably been offended too.

Furthermore, the offender in this case just happens to make a habit of insulting others and disguising it as her "curiosity" so some may not know how to take her comments.... was that an insult or just an accident?

I also don't think having a thread to bicker about the bickering here is helping any... there has been nothing but more bickering for 20 pages now. I'm not the post police so I really don't care what anyone says but it's not productive.

ETA: And this has now become the stage for others to bring their fights here.

Edited November 1, 2006 by Veiled Princess

[tmma 467]

i don't believe anyone here makes the choice in a SO to please someone else, do they? it's to

make themself happy and certainly not you.

uhmmmmmmmmm.....OK...........

BTW, Charles you did not appear too " offended" yesterday both when the original comment was expressed and in the "poll" you started on this very subject..

I believe Charles' quote above is speaking to why would you go around telling people that their relationship is gross if it really has nothing to do with you, rather than, as you've interpreted it, you should ignore what other people say about you because it doesn't matter.

But Sarah said clearly that FOR HER that idea was "gross" or whatever.... She did not say " hey xyz YOUR relationship is gross". I think that maybe people took Sarah's opinion on what her preferences are and personalized it to apply directly to them ( thus taking offense) instead of accepting it for what it was....an opinion of what she thought was right FOR HER.... Not others.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

That is how I take it too. All of the relationships with MENA men could be considered abnormal by American standards because they are out of the norm. I don't think abnormal is necessarily bad.

It seems to me that abnormal just got lumped in this with gross because gross truly was offensive to many people here... if anyone used gross to describe any other type of relationship on this board those people who it described would have probably been offended too.

That as exactly my point with the question why is it ok to disparage age difference relationships but one cannot say the same things about racially mixed or religiously mixed relationships because that would be considered offensive. You, VP, were one of the very, very few to get this, God bless you!

[Fandango 1,439]

Charles is the one who said what I quoted about making yourself happy and not worrying about others....if he truly believes this, then where is the issue???

Whatever, I'm so tired of the same old same old. LisaD is right my ###.

Careful, you might upset me

Well, I guess I don't agree with Charles about everything then. I'll back up, I agree with Stina way back when.

I am sat here trying to have a discussion, and it's hard enough without your petulant antics. What are you trying to gain here? How is Stina's opinion from 'way back when' remotely relevant in any way to what we're talking about? Jenn, you are free to think whatever you wish about me...and guess what....you don't need a bandwagon to validate that opinion!

Huzzah!

Oh, and if you were trying to 'lash out' and hurt me, it failed....so either try harder, or give up

I find it simply amazing that one cannot have a discussion without it denigrating into a name calling biotch fest.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

But Sarah said clearly that FOR HER that idea was "gross" or whatever.... She did not say " hey xyz YOUR relationship is gross". I think that maybe people took Sarah's opinion on what her preferences are and personalized it to apply directly to them ( thus taking offense) instead of accepting it for what it was....an opinion of what she thought was right FOR HER.... Not others.

of course, since it can't be applied to you in any way, that could be why you fail to be offended.

now what if i said something about us-dutch relationships, from my own perspective? i bet you'd be offended then! and rightly so too.

do try on these shoes i'm wearing

[Sofiyya 1,687]

But Sarah said clearly that FOR HER that idea was "gross" or whatever.... She did not say " hey xyz YOUR relationship is gross". I think that maybe people took Sarah's opinion on what her preferences are and personalized it to apply directly to them ( thus taking offense) instead of accepting it for what it was....an opinion of what she thought was right FOR HER.... Not others.

Yes, she did; she did it to me and to Charles, not to mention repeating her abhorance. That's one of the problems with you Johnny comes lately, this is not my situation folks from other boards. You have no real knowledge of what happened, but you're so ready to tell everyone else what to do. Sit back and listen for a while so you can have some idea why anyone was offended. Otherwise, you have nothing substantial to offer us.