MENA BICKERING

[jordanianprincess 0]

The difference is, someone making a general statement about certain kinds of relationships and you making a direct statment to me. Not hard to figure out dear.

Sarahs "gross and abnormal" statement was not directed at anyone, its just how she feels about that type of situation.

Your comments are directed as insults to me, what an honor!

You take everything as an insult. No honor in that, it's so easy.

And if I say that I think that relationships between Arabs and white American women are gross and abnormal, is that ok because that's just how I feel about their situation (I don't, but this illustrates my point)? You would accept that as a swipe against no one, just a general statement?

Be consistant now.

The only thing I take as an insult is what is intended to be. Do I care? No Does it affect me? No Will I stop talking to you? No You can feel whatever you want about anything you want and I really don't care. Unless you are directing your comment to a specific person. "Jane I think you are gross because of this" then no I don't take offense to it. No matter what comment you make someone is gonna fit into that shoe. I definitly accept alot of what is said here as a general statment when it is made that way.

Now lets say you do feel that Arab men marrying Non-Arab women is gross, well thats your right to feel that way. I'm not gonna hang you because you feel that way. Maybe someone in that category may decide to communicate with you, also their choice. However I don't see why someone in that category would have to change your mind and make you accept Arab men marrying Non-Arab women. What is the point?

Sarah may see your age difference as gross and abnormal maybe you see it another way. Maybe you think she is too young to be married, maybe she thinks its ok. The bottom line, all that matters in your relationship is what you think.

So, JP, if you feel good about such comments, directed at no one, everyone should, right?

And we should all feel free to express our marriage preferences in terms such as as "gross and abnormal", as long as no names are inserted, directing it as anyone in particular?

Just getting clarification. If this is so, I'm don't understand why you got so upset about my poll. Afterall, I named no one when applying race and religion to the question. You should have been cool with it under your now stated rules.

I replied to you post but I did need more than the 5 minutes you allowed me.

So, what I am getting from you is that such terms are fine when referring to other people's relationships, as long as no names are used.

No one should be offended by this.

If they are ofended, they should keep quiet about it or risk being accused of forcing their view on others.

Am I off or right on target about the posting rules according to JP?

They are not posting rules, but you can call them as you want. Others have come and told you the same thing I just said. If you want to be offended that is your choice. If you feel the need to change others peoples minds to justify your relationship go right ahead. I never said people wouldnt be offended, and that is not implied anywhere in my post. Like I said, there is always gonna be a shoe that fits.

I think one thing you definitly have a problem with is agreeing to disagree. Its like you want the entire world to think the way you do and agree with everything you say like you are some super power. I think the sooner you realize that there are always going to be differing opinions, the easier it will be to cope.

[~kiyah~ 14]

I will be honest that there is more arguing in this forum than any other by far. More reported posts, etc. Something needs to stop soon please.

I absolutely agree and this is the very reason why I do not post as much as I used to on this site.

VJ certainly is not my life either, but it has played a part in our visa process. While I may not let it get to me personally for the most part, it does get irritating especially when a valid thread is hijacked and members are putting each other down in front of everyone right in the middle of someone actually needing help or information others may be able to provide.

It's not intellectual discussions or different opinions I am talking about, that is what makes us so diverse and I enjoy reading and taking part in a discussions and polls that interest me. It is the outright immature cattyness that I am speaking of. It is giving this forum a bad name...a bad reputation.

Some may say: "if you don't like it then don't come here" or "you don't have to read" Well, there are other places on the internet for content like of that sort, and I don't feel VJ or this forum is the appropriate place.

When I first came to this site over 1 year ago, it was not like this at all, I was able to get good information from this forum. I actually made good contacts who shared similar situations and interests, of course we did not always agree and certainly had different opinions...but what was not happening was the kind of thing happening in this forum every day now in regards to the constant bickering and comebacks putting other members down. I really feel any bickering between members should be taken off line and out of threads actually targeted to help people.

I find that sorting through the bickering to get to the information I came for is getting more and more difficult as time goes by. I am even more sure that it is harder for others to even ask for help or information because of this.

~Kiyah~

[morocco4ever 63]

I will be honest that there is more arguing in this forum than any other by far. More reported posts, etc. Something needs to stop soon please.

I absolutely agree and this is the very reason why I do not post as much as I used to on this site.

VJ certainly is not my life either, but it has played a part in our visa process. While I may not let it get to me personally for the most part, it does get irritating especially when a valid thread is hijacked and members are putting each other down in front of everyone right in the middle of someone actually needing help or information others may be able to provide.

It's not intellectual discussions or different opinions I am talking about, that is what makes us so diverse and I enjoy reading and taking part in a discussions and polls that interest me. It is the outright immature cattyness that I am speaking of. It is giving this forum a bad name...a bad reputation.

Some may say: "if you don't like it then don't come here" or "you don't have to read" Well, there are other places on the internet for content like of that sort, and I don't feel VJ or this forum is the appropriate place.

When I first came to this site over 1 year ago, it was not like this at all, I was able to get good information from this forum. I actually made good contacts who shared similar situations and interests, of course we did not always agree and certainly had different opinions...but what was not happening was the kind of thing happening in this forum every day now in regards to the constant bickering and comebacks putting other members down. I really feel any bickering between members should be taken off line and out of threads actually targeted to help people.

I find that sorting through the bickering to get to the information I came for is getting more and more difficult as time goes by. I am even more sure that it is harder for others to even ask for help or information because of this.

~Kiyah~

Ahhhh....the good ole days.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Since I started reading this forum in January and I joined in February, it has always been this way. Constant bickering.

When I asked for the religious threads to be kept to a minimum, I am told not tp read them and to skip over it which I have. It is the same members telling me this that are complaining now about the bickering. Take your advice, don't read it. Is it ok to give advice that you won't do?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

They are not posting rules, but you can call them as you want. Others have come and told you the same thing I just said. If you want to be offended that is your choice. If you feel the need to change others peoples minds to justify your relationship go right ahead. I never said people wouldnt be offended, and that is not implied anywhere in my post. Like I said, there is always gonna be a shoe that fits.

I think one thing you definitly have a problem with is agreeing to disagree. Its like you want the entire world to think the way you do and agree with everything you say like you are some super power. I think the sooner you realize that there are always going to be differing opinions, the easier it will be to cope.

I dont have a big problem with disagreement. I have a problem with illogic. Considering the fact that disagreements go on everyday here without me, it can hardly be said that I am the source of them, nor that I always fight when diagreements arise. I know I don't.

We have discussed before how no one should care what others say, but it seems that many do. That, however, is such an ugly notion that those how do care do not want to admit it. This is apparently seen as a weakness and poses one to be attacked. I made the mistake of admitting that I was insulted and was attacked for it. So, logically, that is the pattern. Now that I know that it is diagreeable to express insult because there are no insults unless the group concurs that there has been an insult.

As they are ever so narrowly defined, no persons should ever feel a need to defend themselves. I will watch the fights on the board with even more interest now, for they should not exist at all.

Edited November 1, 2006 by szsz

[jordanianprincess 0]

They are not posting rules, but you can call them as you want. Others have come and told you the same thing I just said. If you want to be offended that is your choice. If you feel the need to change others peoples minds to justify your relationship go right ahead. I never said people wouldnt be offended, and that is not implied anywhere in my post. Like I said, there is always gonna be a shoe that fits.

I think one thing you definitly have a problem with is agreeing to disagree. Its like you want the entire world to think the way you do and agree with everything you say like you are some super power. I think the sooner you realize that there are always going to be differing opinions, the easier it will be to cope.

I dont have a big problem with disagreement. I have a problem with illogic. Considering the fact that disagreements go on everyday here without me, it can hardly be said that I am the source of them, nor that I always fight when diagreements arise. I know I don't.

We have discussed before how no one should care what others say, but it seems that many do. That, however, is such an ugly notion that those how do care do not want to admit it. This is apparently seen as a weakness and poses one to be attacked. I made the mistake of admitting that I was insulted and was attacked for it. So, logically, that is the pattern. Now that I know that it is diagreeable to express insult because there are no insults unless the group concurs that there has been an insult.

As they are ever so narrowly defined, no persons should ever feel a need to defend themselves. I will watch the fights on the board with even more interest now, for they should not exist at all.

Actually you took a general statement about one personals feelings as an attack towards you and then you proceeded to attack that member for her personal feelings and changed her words to mean" I have old people"

[Jenn! 918]

" I have old people"

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

changed her words to mean" I have old people"

well give them back!

[jordanianprincess 0]

changed her words to mean" I have old people"

well give them back!

LOL, hahahaha typonese!

[morocco4ever 63]

I fit into the group of abnormal and gross (just teasing with ya Sarah ), but I don't see the point of making this such a big deal. Sarah spoke her mind, and we spoke ours. We disagree. Some are grossed out and some support our way of life. Some old, some young.

Really, it doesn't matter what anyones opinions are of our relationships, period, end of story. My kids are forever teasing me about the age difference between me and my husband. I don't take it seriously, in fact I join in and throw in a few jokes myself about it. Wouldn't that take the edge off all of this, to be able to laugh about ourselves?

I value JP's opinions, and I have also seen benefit to szsz. You both have valid things to say, so this one you 2 will never agree on. Why not agree to disagree?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Actually you took a general statement about one personals feelings as an attack towards you and then you proceeded to attack that member for her personal feelings and changed her words to mean" I have old people"

This is something else that is distasteful about our exchanges. I said that Sarah had ageist attitudes; I never once said she hated anyone. You people turned it into hate. Now, by denying that, I'm sure another debate will ensue because, although I am not to care what someone says, it seems that what I say is subject to much scrutiny.

Also, I do not accept her statements as general. Although she did not name anyone, she made it clear that there is something inferior in her mind about relationships like mine and others. And, lest you forget, I was not the only one to object, although I am the only one whose statements are distorted and the only one under attack for objecting.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I fit into the group of abnormal and gross (just teasing with ya Sarah ), but I don't see the point of making this such a big deal. Sarah spoke her mind, and we spoke ours. We disagree. Some are grossed out and some support our way of life. Some old, some young.

Really, it doesn't matter what anyones opinions are of our relationships, period, end of story. My kids are forever teasing me about the age difference between me and my husband. I don't take it seriously, in fact I join in and throw in a few jokes myself about it. Wouldn't that take the edge off all of this, to be able to laugh about ourselves?

I value JP's opinions, and I have also seen benefit to szsz. You both have valid things to say, so this one you 2 will never agree on. Why not agree to disagree?

I have asked this question over and over.

Actually you took a general statement about one personals feelings as an attack towards you and then you proceeded to attack that member for her personal feelings and changed her words to mean" I have old people"

This is something else that is distasteful about our exchanges. I said that Sarah had ageist attitudes; I never once said she hated anyone. You people turned it into hate. Now, by denying that, I'm sure another debate will ensue because, although I am not to care what someone says, it seems that what I say is subject to much scrutiny.

Also, I do not accept her statements as general. Although she did not name anyone, she made it clear that there is something inferior in her mind about relationships like mine and others. And, lest you forget, I was not the only one to object, although I am the only one whose statements are distorted and the only one under attack for objecting.

Correction, you are the only one making attacks.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have asked this question over and over.

You have spent some time instructing about how to feel about what has been said, JP. Why do this if I you believe that I can continue to disagree with you and have you accept it?

Correction, you are the only one making attacks.

whenever I say anyhing, you correct me. Is it only you who gets to define what is happening? Do I get to have a viewpoint that disgrees with yours? You have been so invested in defending Sarah's thoughtless comments, JP, you cannot see the forest for the trees today.

Edited November 1, 2006 by szsz

[jordanianprincess 0]

I have asked this question over and over.

You have spent some time instructing about how to feel about what has been said, JP. Why do this if I you believe that I can continue to disagree with you and have you accept it?

I am not instructing, this is my opinion if you don't like, agree to disagree. End of story. Unlike you I am not relentless in making people agree with me nor does it even matter.

[Veiled Princess 1]

Is there going to be another 14 pages to see who gets the last word? Someone has to be the bigger person and drop it and stop responding.