abnormal and gross

[sarah and hicham 3]

I wouldn't date someone 20 years younger than myself. If I did I would be arrested. How is that insulting?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

... you are obviously not interested in how anyone who sees what you say as insulting feels about it.

szsz,

I am sure, if asked, sarah would say she doesn't want to hurt or offend you.

But how can she help the fact that her personal preferences offend you?

We're all entitled to our own preferences, aren't we? Lots of people will say they prefer to date people of a certain race. Most people will say they prefer to date people of a certain gender. Should that offend people too?

[Caladan 19]

The cases aren't parallel.

That is, there are reasons that one might give for finding relationships with large age gaps problematic that aren't derived from an irrational dislike of older people:

1) a worry about the difference in collected life experience

2) a worry about the plausibility of either partner finding the other attractive, all things considered (i.e., is the younger partner mature enough, can they possibly share the same interests, is the older woman/man being used.)

3) worries about the power dynamics in a relationship (i.e., 55 year old rich American male, 18-year-old impoverished foreigner.)

4) worries about what happens when one partner becomes elderly while the other is just entering middle age.

All of these would worry me for myself if I or someone I cared about were dating someone much older or younger.

And if someone says, "I don't like interfaith marriages because it's against my religion, and I don't think people should mix races because of [some Biblical quote]", well, that's not really insulting to me. And that I think is closer to the age difference case, where it's just a matter of personal beliefs and preferences.

[chri'stina 190]

... you are obviously not interested in how anyone who sees what you say as insulting feels about it.

szsz,

I am sure, if asked, sarah would say she doesn't want to hurt or offend you.

But how can she help the fact that her personal preferences offend you?

We're all entitled to our own preferences, aren't we? Lots of people will say they prefer to date people of a certain race. Most people will say they prefer to date people of a certain gender. Should that offend people too?

Mr. Gupta,

Just wondering though if you think there is a line between a personal preference and saying that it's gross for someone else to prefer it. Is there a line where it becomes less of an opinion and more of an insult? I think so. But maybe I am taking it too far. I cannot understand the big age gap, which is my opinion. But if I say that it's gross, doesn't it imply an insult to those who are in that type of relationship currently?

[jordanianprincess 0]

... you are obviously not interested in how anyone who sees what you say as insulting feels about it.

szsz,

I am sure, if asked, sarah would say she doesn't want to hurt or offend you.

But how can she help the fact that her personal preferences offend you?

We're all entitled to our own preferences, aren't we? Lots of people will say they prefer to date people of a certain race. Most people will say they prefer to date people of a certain gender. Should that offend people too?

Mr. Gupta,

Just wondering though if you think there is a line between a personal preference and saying that it's gross for someone else to prefer it. Is there a line where it becomes less of an opinion and more of an insult? I think so. But maybe I am taking it too far. I cannot understand the big age gap, which is my opinion. But if I say that it's gross, doesn't it imply an insult to those who are in that type of relationship currently?

So if you like marshmallows and I think they are gross is that offensive?

[sarah and hicham 3]

... you are obviously not interested in how anyone who sees what you say as insulting feels about it.

szsz,

I am sure, if asked, sarah would say she doesn't want to hurt or offend you.

But how can she help the fact that her personal preferences offend you?

We're all entitled to our own preferences, aren't we? Lots of people will say they prefer to date people of a certain race. Most people will say they prefer to date people of a certain gender. Should that offend people too?

Mr. Gupta,

Just wondering though if you think there is a line between a personal preference and saying that it's gross for someone else to prefer it. Is there a line where it becomes less of an opinion and more of an insult? I think so. But maybe I am taking it too far. I cannot understand the big age gap, which is my opinion. But if I say that it's gross, doesn't it imply an insult to those who are in that type of relationship currently?

Correction! I said I think it's gross... meaning I wouldn't do it. I never named someone and said I think their relationship is gross.

[Alex+R 0]

The cases aren't parallel.

That is, there are reasons that one might give for finding relationships with large age gaps problematic that aren't derived from an irrational dislike of older people:

1) a worry about the difference in collected life experience

2) a worry about the plausibility of either partner finding the other attractive, all things considered (i.e., is the younger partner mature enough, can they possibly share the same interests, is the older woman/man being used.)

3) worries about the power dynamics in a relationship (i.e., 55 year old rich American male, 18-year-old impoverished foreigner.)

4) worries about what happens when one partner becomes elderly while the other is just entering middle age.

5) worries that it's abnormal and gross

(especially in the context of #3)

[chri'stina 190]

... you are obviously not interested in how anyone who sees what you say as insulting feels about it.

szsz,

I am sure, if asked, sarah would say she doesn't want to hurt or offend you.

But how can she help the fact that her personal preferences offend you?

We're all entitled to our own preferences, aren't we? Lots of people will say they prefer to date people of a certain race. Most people will say they prefer to date people of a certain gender. Should that offend people too?

Mr. Gupta,

Just wondering though if you think there is a line between a personal preference and saying that it's gross for someone else to prefer it. Is there a line where it becomes less of an opinion and more of an insult? I think so. But maybe I am taking it too far. I cannot understand the big age gap, which is my opinion. But if I say that it's gross, doesn't it imply an insult to those who are in that type of relationship currently?

So if you like marshmallows and I think they are gross is that offensive?

If I was marrying a marshmallow, then possibly yes.

[Caladan 19]

'Gross' is a strong word, but I think most people who answered were thinking of themselves and who they would be dating.

If you be marryin' a marshmallow, you not just icky, you sticky.

[Alex+R 0]

'Gross' is a strong word, but I think most people who answered were thinking of themselves and who they would be dating.

You know what? I think it IS gross when much older men date 18-year-old Filipinas. The power thing, etc. just seem to suggest the guy can't handle a woman who is his equal. Blechhhhh. VJ is full of these relationships, and they turn my stomach as a general rule.

I don't see this as gross with the older woman scenario, which is what you frequently have in ME/NA.

[sarah and hicham 3]

'Gross' is a strong word, but I think most people who answered were thinking of themselves and who they would be dating.

You know what? I think it IS gross when much older men date 18-year-old Filipinas. The power thing, etc. just seem to suggest the guy can't handle a woman who is his equal. Blechhhhh. VJ is full of these relationships, and they turn my stomach as a general rule.

I don't see this as gross with the older woman scenario, which is what you frequently have in ME/NA.

oh no you di'int.

[~Jackie~ 30]

This thread sux azz. Let's move it to a different regional forum and see how the rest of VJ feels about the subject.

I'm damned if I respond, I would be accused of being 'sensitive' about the age difference in my husband and I. We certainly don't see an issue and I don't think anyone around us even notices.

Everyone here is entitled to their own opinion. Here is mine: Mean people are abnormal and gross.

Jackie

[sarachid 0]

Age difference relationships weren't being compared to interracial and interfaith marriages. It was what could be said about them that was being compared. Why is it deemed acceptable to say someone's age difference relationship is gross and abnormal (in general, not as one's own preference), but to say the same thing about an interracial or interreligious relationship is despicable? For some reason, I could not get a civil and comprehendable answer to this question for all the hostility aimmed at me for asking.

All are personal choices and to defend smearing one while the other two are off limits is a double standard.

There is no reason why age difference women here should be subjected to insults under the guise of "personal preference" any more than racially diverse or religiously diverse couples should be. Calling one of you in such a marriage gross and abnormal would be deemed hostile, as it should be.

Why isn't that so for us who are merely much older than our husbands? Why aren't our choices respected as are yours? Why should we feel safe coming here knowing that people are holding their noses when we discuss our marriages? Older men don't take this ####### as much as do older women, and here, we have to take it from other women!

You still don't get it? Not my problem.

I think you have missed something. I never insulted anyone for being involved with a younger man. I wouldn't do it, I think it's gross. If I did it it would be against the law. I can't imagine myself marrying someone 20 years younger than myself even when I am 50. That's my opinion that I have the right to say it. Those are not insults but obviously you are very sensitive about marrying someone 20 years younger than yourself.

Sarah if you were 50 and married a man 20 years younger.... how cool is that... damn you'll be pimpin then

the current discussion prompted this - yes or no answers!

Question... is this pole words from a 4 year old? hint-"gross".... or adult? hint-"abnormal" because I don't know a 4 year old that uses the word "abnormal" or an adult that uses the word "adnormal" also use the word "gross"

[jordanianprincess 0]

I'd be willing to be that some people here would consider a lesbian relationship "gross and abnormal" and would not worry about what Lesbians felt while expressing that.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

No lesbians commenting so far.