Filipina wife got greencard, child, education and divorced me

[ca_babe 129]

Good luck with that. West coast wages tend to inflate the median RN wage. I also have no idea whether CRNA/NP wages are included. (Good luck finding a job, btw on the west coast as RN -- I believe the stats are that 55% of new nursing grads in CA do not find nursing jobs.)

I'm a nurse. I make about $26.50/hr working nights and this is a really, really good wage for my area. My dad is a doctor. He makes about $450,000/year.

$26.50 is a lot of money for Kansas City. Lots of people would probably be envious of you. You should appreciate your job more. It takes a long time to be a doctor. It also takes a long time to pay off student loans unless you have rich parents.

[rlogan 2,036]

you certainly do appear to have the attitude that a wife is a possession-

This is the oldest, lamest "gotchya" on this forum where we try to pretend someone claims a person is a slave of theirs by interpreting their words in the worst light possible. This is so easy to do, and it takes no intelligence - just a mean spirited attitude to attack a fellow who was treated like a disposable thing instead of a husband.

The marriage vows "to have and to hold" can be distorted EXACTLY like you have along with so many others. Oh God, it must mean to "have and hold" like a stock certificate to be sold when the price is high... The whole point is to put them on the defensive and make them say that they know people are not commoddities, which puts us up in the judgement seat, commandeering the thread and making him bow down before you.

So I apologize to the OP for the lack of decency after getting so thoroughly trodden down, what hope can a person have to attain what so many of us want which is a partner in life and a decent living. Yes you can get another one. USCIS can't use that against you - we have seen serial foreign bride shoppers that bring in one after another despite huge red flags. Some of the high-fraud countries have tougher interviewers but Philippines does not appear to be too bad. If it is a genuine relationship you will be able to document it. I met mine in the Philippines and lived with her family for three months on a second trip before even applying K-1. I see people meeting on the internet, and I have to admit that seems to work but IMHO there is no substitute for staying with her family and getting to know their whole life first-hand.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

I have learned a valuable lesson after having read the book "The Millionaire Next Door" -- twice, albeit rather late in life: it doesn't matter how much money you make; what matters is how much money you have left after you paid the bills. Smart people, people who got smart earlier than I put away 10 to 15% of their income since they had their first paper route. These guys now own several homes and don't have to worry about not being able to survive when they retire.

In contrast, there are people who make silly money, yet they all p*ss it away like there's no end to it. Those who show up with a brand new car and a shiny gold watch or a big rock on their finger are those who often spend more than they make, and they are in debt over the eyeballs.

I make good money, yet with a wife who doesn't work and a daughter in college, unfortunately I spend more money than I'd like to, but I am working on spending even less and putting away more into my retirement account.

Now to the interesting part. I have a friend who's 58, although he looks 10 years younger. He worked for decades for a local newspaper and is as thrifty a guy as it gets. He was once married to a girl from Thailand and she outright told him that she was poor in Thailand and wouldn't want to be poor in America. She wanted to enjoy life, have a nice car, do things that cost money. So eventually they got divorced, she found another guy, this time a rather wealthy fellow, and she's as happy as it gets.

My friend, however, the thrifty one, quit his job in 2008 when the paper moved to a town about 20 miles away. He never looked for another job. He had rented a fabulous house in a fabulous location at only $1,000 per month, but when the owners' heirs wanted to raise the rent, he purchased a midtown home close to mine for $330K, cash. All cash. He has still about 300K in savings invested, and he lives off the interest. He has a car, but doesn't drive it very often. He rides his 3 bicycles almost ever day, and he walks about 3,000 miles a year. In fact, he's my walking buddy. He picks me up 3 times a week, and we do some power walking for an hour and a half, and when I am ready to vomit and hop in the shower, he walks a few hours more, sometimes a total of 6 hours a day. Just because. He purchases his groceries at the dollars store, clothing mostly at the thrift store, and he's extremely happy with his life. When I first met him and he told me that he lives off $700 a month, I tough he was kidding, as that doesn't even cover my grocery bill. Not even close. But it's true.

We all have different ways of enjoying life, and while he's as extreme as the guy who buys a new car every year, there must be a golden middle somewhere. The secret is to find a spouse who's on the same page, and apparently, that's not the case with the O.P.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Brother Hesekiel

[zahrasalem 114]

I am sorry for the OP and his child, nobody deserves to be dumped because of money.

And this is not meant to be harsh towards the OP, but I'm wondering if she had a clear idea of his finances and level of lifestyle and what he could/could not afford, compared to what she was expecting when she got here. It doesn't excuse her actions, but I wonder if they had clear conversations about money, how much things cost vs. how much he earns, and the level of lifestyle she is looking for, etc.

You can love someone, but it doesn't mean you should marry them if there are major differences such as how important money is to each person.

[hkl 9]

If you do it again I would give you an advice to google for the statistical divorce rates of marriages between US citizens and women from different Asian countries. They vary immensely. Of course one cannot always generalize nor give any guarantee, but if you do your homework before you decide to meet someone you can significantly increase your chances of success.

[Ron and Rhea 42]

'Where I can find another one'....after reading that I jumped off the bay bridge. I'm thinking the change you seek may have to start within yourself my friend...change how you see people and the world, then it will change for the better.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Ron and Rhea

[decocker 7,198]

This is the oldest, lamest "gotchya" on this forum where we try to pretend someone claims a person is a slave of theirs by interpreting their words in the worst light possible. This is so easy to do, and it takes no intelligence - just a mean spirited attitude to attack a fellow who was treated like a disposable thing instead of a husband.

and you're trying to pretend you know how this man acted as a husband. good one.

to clarify - i don't know either of these people personally, so my posts were derived only from the words in the op's post. i know some of you once burnt fellas feel the need to rally round the newly burnt fellas, i get that. sorry you guys have sh*tty exes. i've got one too. and i've never asked him for a single cent - not for me and not for his child. and i never will.

Edited November 2, 2012 by val erie

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

and you're trying to pretend you know how this man acted as a husband. good one.

to clarify - i don't know either of these people personally, so my posts were derived only from the words in the op's post. i know some of you once burnt fellas feel the need to rally round the newly burnt fellas, i get that. sorry you guys have sh*tty exes. i've got one too. and i've never asked him for a single cent - not for me and not for his child. and i never will.

Based on your rants on the OP for a simple misuse of words (that OP has already apologised for) but I don't beleive you.

You've exhibited the same traits that you described and I highlighted above. What I read is that you are a selfish person that's not allowing the other parent of your child the opportunity to particiapte financially in the childs upbringing (see how posted words can be twisted around?)

[decocker 7,198]

Based on your rants on the OP for a simple misuse of words (that OP has already apologised for) but I don't beleive you.

You've exhibited the same traits that you described and I highlighted above. What I read is that you are a selfish person that's not allowing the other parent of your child the opportunity to particiapte financially in the childs upbringing (see how posted words can be twisted around?)

okay..

anyway. if the words "get another one" had been used by a filipina in regards to an american man, your opinion would be different.

also, serious question: how could i keep my ex from providing for his son financially?

Edited November 2, 2012 by val erie

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

okay..

1) anyway. if the words "get another one" had been used by a filipina in regards to an american man, your opinion would be different.

2)also, serious question: how could i keep my ex from providing for his son financially?

1) You don't know me so you cannot judge what my opinion would be. But your assumption would be wrong and if the poster apologised afterwads then I would understand and stop carying a charade on about it.

2) Numerous ways. Someone, not saying you for Gods sakes, could be hiding the kid from him under an assumed name, forged documentation to terminate his parental rights, the daily news is filled with stories of child owning Jezibels that have done even worse in acts of selfishness.

Listen, it's okay to be a feminist, just be prepared to be called out on it when you start to brow beat a poor Sap that is in an emotional situation just because he's a Man.

[decocker 7,198]

1) You don't know me so you cannot judge what my opinion would be. But your assumption would be wrong and if the poster apologised afterwads then I would understand and stop carying a charade on about it.

2) Numerous ways. Someone, not saying you for Gods sakes, could be hiding the kid from him under an assumed name, forged documentation to terminate his parental rights, the daily news is filled with stories of child owning Jezibels that have done even worse in acts of selfishness.

Listen, it's okay to be a feminist, just be prepared to be called out on it when you start to brow beat a poor Sap that is in an emotional situation just because he's a Man.

okay guy, i'll let you get back to your business. must be rough with that chip on your shoulder.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

okay guy, i'll let you get back to your business. must be rough with that chip on your shoulder.

Sorry, I'm not your Husband/Fiance as such you don't get to boss me around. I know it hurts but you'll get over it.

Getting ready to go deep sea fishing tonight, racing in SCCA at Willow Springs on Sunday yeah I have it rough alright

[rlogan 2,036]

I am sorry for the OP and his child,

Good God, yes.

but I'm wondering if she had a clear idea of his finances and level of lifestyle and what he could/could not afford, compared to what she was expecting when she got here. It doesn't excuse her actions, but I wonder if they had clear conversations about money, how much things cost vs. how much he earns, and the level of lifestyle she is looking for, etc.

You can love someone, but it doesn't mean you should marry them if there are major differences such as how important money is to each person.

The fact she's 30-ish gives little room for thinking she was the kind of naiive you might see in a teen bride.

It is pretty simple these days to give an extremely accurate picture of your life and the expectations one would have about living here. So I agree about there being some question about this, especially given the ages.

Gowon - just a friendly disagreement about something: the OP didn't misuse words. He used literally correct English, "get another one" CLEARLY referring to wife and not box of detergent. If you allow these bullies the victory over this as a "misuse" of words then you have conceded an infinite field to them in assuming guilt as the default position and making you go out of your way to cow-tow to them with every single word you utter.

The misuse of words is clearly on the people interpreting "one" to be a commoddity instead of "wife", and that a man over 50 doesn't know a wife isn't a commoddity. This is a huge artificial construction. But people (not just feminists) have seen it practiced in our PC-policed media culture so they adopt it as a stupid badge of "look how I am this great fighter for human rights".

But the fact they dispense with this guys feelings - not one word of empathy through all these posts - tells you what they're all about. We need to keep the thread on track and it seems to me one of the more pertinent comments is above: if you are poor here in the US you better make that pretty clear to your fiance. In my case I live in a log cabin in the woods of interior Alaska and life is wildly different from anything else in the USA, even rural west because of the extreme cold and darkness. I had to get one that was excited about doing this, and she did so by taking me to her favorite place to show me what kind of life she wanted. It was a remote high mountain place near Ozamis on the edge of a national park. No electricity, cold, far from any town, simple mountain people - standing there together as she said so was proof to me she meant business.

Are there Filipinas who aspire to living in a trailer park? I would think so. Plenty of Americans are doing just that and are happy as peas in a pod.

[decocker 7,198]

i don't consider myself a bully. or a champion of humanity. not at all. i hardly consider myself a feminist but since i'm female and stick up for myself - i get that a lot.

i also get that the op (who hasn't been back..) wanted sympathy for his situation. and i empathize with getting the shaft. i really honestly do. no pun intended. but this guy - seemed real deft in using the term "get another one" and that is why in my first post i said that i hoped he was a troll. i see posts on vj day in and out that are in keeping with the commodity aspect of 'paying fees' in order to manifest a living relationship and i don't say anything at all - because it isn't relevant to any advice that i may give. so i don't. but in this case - i felt i was calling a spade a spade. if you don't see where i was coming from..well, maybe let the op post something in response.

[aamirpearl 47]

'Where I can find another one'....after reading that I jumped off the bay bridge. I'm thinking the change you seek may have to start within yourself my friend...change how you see people and the world, then it will change for the better.

lol i was thinking the same thing, OP dont be rush in trying to find another one and get your life back together first. Good luck