Filipina wife got greencard, child, education and divorced me

[Grant PDX 183]

There are good and bad everywhere, and two sides to every story. I married a filipina that I met in the Philippines on work years ago. We have 2 kids, one together and one she had before. Eventually she left me, it wasn't a money issue, I'm compensated reasonably well and her new boyfriend was unemployed. I can tell all the reasons why I think she left, ultimately I really don't know. I'm certainly not perfect but I think I wasn't too bad a husband. Her filipina friends in town are mostly my friends now. After our relationship was over many of them wanted me to meet their sister, or cousin, or niece, or best friend. So they certainly didn't think I'm a bad guy. However, if she were on here telling her story I'm probably the jerk and she's an angel.

My 2 points are: 1) people get divorced for many reasons. It's nearly impossible to say with certainty that only one person was at fault. Most divorces have some culpability on both sides. I certainly think my ex was to blame for most and I could make a very convincing case for that. But she might tell a very different story. If we want our next relationship to work, we probably need to identify those issues we have and try to fix them, or risk the same thing happening again.

2) If a person wants to go "get another one" you most certainly can. The economic realities between the US and 3rd world countries means even minimum wage earners in the US are rich by the other countries' standards. Again, the reality is that this opens doors.

After my divorce I met another filipina. I applied for a K-1 visa (my second) and was approved. That relationship took a nosedive after some unfortunate decisions on her part and I cancelled the process, post petition approval but pre visa approval. Almost immediately I was introduced to a dozen filipinas by my pinay friends who live in my town. I wasn't looking for someone else at that point, I didn't really want a relationship. But one of those girls caught my heart. I don't believe in moving on so quickly, but my fiancee now is just too perfect to let her go. And after my last couple I am very gunshy and cautious, but there is no way I could let Airen go. I guess I "got another one" and am currently in my 3rd K-1 visa process and 2nd in the last year. Hello waiver request.

Sorry about your situation. Life throws curveballs. I am also in the child support boat, even though I have legal custody of my kids (the one we had together and the one she had previously). That's the way the system works. Know the risks before you jump in again, anything can happen. We can rail against the system or understand the system. Either way we can't change it.

It does get easier with time. This is advice that I didn't follow myself, but for what it's worth: take some time before jumping in again. Figure out the parts that you played in making the last one not work and fix them. Be the best person you can for the next one and choose someone who makes you proud. Many marriages don't work, even within the same country and culture. Marrying a foreigner adds complexity to an already complex relationship. And both sides usually have a share of the blame when they don't work.

Best of luck, I hope you get the future that makes you happy.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Grant PDX

[HannahP 119]

How did she get it into her head that RNs make a lot of money? lulz.

/unless you marry a doctor, I guess

[pigmonk 16]

Wow really?

yes really.

[pigmonk 16]

How did she get it into her head that RNs make a lot of money? lulz.

/unless you marry a doctor, I guess

oh, isn't it not true that RN earns a lot of money?

[hawkeyez 45]

Why do so many choose Filipina women? Also Seems you married a much younger lass. I'll bet it was good in the begging. It's the price you pay when you want to play with a younger hotty.

Wouldn't you be better off with a Chinese closer to your own age?

[Love's JAA 100]

Why do so many choose Filipina women? Also Seems you married a much younger lass. I'll bet it was good in the begging. It's the price you pay when you want to play with a younger hotty.

Wouldn't you be better off with a Chinese closer to your own age?

Umm...I did that and it did not go well at all. Chinese ex was controlling, isolating and very money oriented.

I have now found a very nice, warm, loving Filipina.

Edited November 1, 2012 by Love's JAA

[pumpkinpie2 3]

Sorry to read your story.

'I'm wondering if I can get another one from the Philippines after I divorce'

Interesting wording...like a commodity? I should imagine looking for 'another one' should be the furthest thing from your mind right now.

I totally agree Interesting wording maybe if women are only objects to you that is why she left you......

[pigmonk 16]

Why do so many choose Filipina women? Also Seems you married a much younger lass. I'll bet it was good in the begging. It's the price you pay when you want to play with a younger hotty.

Wouldn't you be better off with a Chinese closer to your own age?

I guess because we are playful, warm and caring, and family-oriented

well of course, it doesn't always depend on what race one comes from It still depend on the person's attitude and values.

[TeddyHoney 42]

Okay, I gotcha. Wow, everywhere it is so hard on the man in a divorce but Louisiana seems a ton more so! Thanks for the expanded answers to my questions. I know you were not asking for more questions here but some answers to yours. I'll state again but as you probably already know, care less about her (your ex) and focus on your relationship with your child because that is more important than anything else including whaever you ex, or soon to be ex is doing or going to do. Easier said than done I know. And I know it seems impossible because your ex will always be somewhat in the picture because of your child together. But choose your battles wisely, never put your child in the middle, and at every possible opportunity let your child know that he/she is the most important person in your life now and forever and that will never change!

I know how you feel and that it seems all the more difficult because of your financial situation. But you hang in there and focus on your child. I'm not saying you can just forget about everything else, because that is not realistic, but you know what I mean. Put as much as you can in God's hands and trust as much as you are able and the rest you do the best that you can in things that you actually have some controll over. Let go of the things you can't control cuz they will drain you of energy you need for things you can control. Other men have gone through/are going through this, whether Filipina related or not, and have survived and are surviving. Remember you are not alone. Its all about your relationship withj your child now. Even if you decide to get involved with another Filipina or any woman, your child is first priority now.

Again God bless in this situation and remember you are not alone.

[decocker 7,198]

I dont think all Filipinas are bad, I just got one that was and I want another one....not so young maybe. I'd like to find one already here but there are so few where I live. I'm wondering if I can get another one from the Philippines after I divorce. What will USCIS think about it? What are the rules and pros and cons? Can I even do it even if I can somehow get the money to do it all again?

reading this little bit, i sincerely hope you are trolling. you married a woman who is materialistic and from reading your story, while you might not be after money, you certainly do appear to have the attitude that a wife is a possession- anyway..these types of people come from all sorts of nationalities/ages/appearances so either one of you being from the phillipines has nothing to do with it.. i guarantee you that as long as you have this 'get another one' attitude, you will never find love. but then again - it doesn't look like that is actually what you're looking for. good luck..

[Juliet and Steve 93]

It's a sad story that occasionally happens.

But why not change things? You say you don't have a degree and make only 35k a year. (And by the way that correlates to $16.82@ hour which is nothing to sneeze at these days--so many in America do not even have jobs.

Interestingly I was 52 when I thought: "Oh #######...I have no job, no savings and I'm 52." Well I enrolled in a two year ADN (Associates Nursing Degree) and now ten years later I've gone from earning about $15,000 a year to well....over 4x that much and better, I enjoy my job! And as a side note, I really never graduated properly from High School--I was given a social pass (I only attended maybe 100 days of the entire Senior year). Sure it'd be hard work but might be worth the effort.

Community colleges are cheap, with your child support payments you are likely eligible for scholarships and financial aid (beware of school loans!). Research what you'd enjoy, and go to school part-time/weekends. But also research what is truly in demand, beware of colleges--they lie about job availability. If necessary give up your job, take a lower paying job at a college (maintenance perhaps) ask the Court to lower your child support payments accordingly and go to school FREE. (The absolutely best way to go to college)

If you were interested in medical (nurse, physical therapist, rad-tech (x-ray guy)consider getting a job (at 12@hour) at a hospital laundry, or maintenance or cafeteria and once again..go to school free. A few years later graduated as an ultrsound tech (2 year degree) watch your income jump to double what is is now. These things are all possible. There would even be some poetic justice if you worked for a few year at 1/2 what you make and the Court cuts your support payment.

In several years she'll be remarried and you can ask the courts to lower your child support payments....just some thoughts.

Btw...I'm Steve

Edited November 1, 2012 by Juliet and Steve

[jimandlinie 0]

So sad to hear that but

I wish u all luck on your next chapter in life

GODBLESS

[Juliet and Steve 93]

reading this little bit, i sincerely hope you are trolling. you married a woman who is materialistic and from reading your story, while you might not be after money, you certainly do appear to have the attitude that a wife is a possession- anyway..these types of people come from all sorts of nationalities/ages/appearances so either one of you being from the phillipines has nothing to do with it.. i guarantee you that as long as you have this 'get another one' attitude, you will never find love. but then again - it doesn't look like that is actually what you're looking for. good luck..

'Tis a bit harsh val erie!

There are plenty of non-materialistic women who come to America and become materialistic. I gave up on American woman long ago, and years after my divorce I started dating and an odd thing happened. Seriously--I dated three women, one after another. Each was quite nice, I took each out to dinner and had a good time, there seemed to be a good connection. Each was our first date and we met at a restaurant. When we left and I walked each to her car--each one asked the same question: "Oh...which is your car." When I pointed to my 1992 small Toyota pickup the exact same look came over each one's face--and all they said was "Oh." Needless to say, none wanted another date.

Not one was smart enough to say: "Why do you drive such an old vehicle?" Because if they did I'd have said: "because I prefer to not have any debt."

I'm sad and embarrassed to say that materialism in America rules--even in the face of the financial crash. This is why I turned my sights to Asia, specifically to find a life partner who has similar values, and that's exactly what I've found.

No, this guy is not trolling.... his choice of words may not have been the best but this is a story I've hard before.

Perhaps if he had written more eloquently: "I hope someday to find a Filipina who has traditional values and who places love, family and God over flashy cars and Barbi Dollhouses and BMW's...." Well, that's what I read into what he wrote.

[decocker 7,198]

No, this guy is not trolling.... his choice of words may not have been the best but this is a story I've hard before.

Perhaps if he had written more eloquently: "I hope someday to find a Filipina who has traditional values and who places love, family and God over flashy cars and Barbi Dollhouses and BMW's...." Well, that's what I read into what he wrote.

well that's unfortunate. nothing i said was harsh. i'm american and not at all materialistic. i know plenty of people who are american - and not materialistic. and my gleaning from his post has nothing to do with his lack of eloquence. it has to do with the attitude that wives are a possession to get from a particular country. and that's what i got from his story, nothing more.

[islandgal 74]

Sorry to read your story.

'I'm wondering if I can get another one from the Philippines after I divorce'

Interesting wording...like a commodity? I should imagine looking for 'another one' should be the furthest thing from your mind right now.

I thought the same thing.