Medical

[PhilC 5]

Wife and stepson had their medical in Kiev today 10-30-2012. Everthing is good. Just waiting for Nov.27...her interview.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Wife and stepson had their medical in Kiev today 10-30-2012. Everthing is good. Just waiting for Nov.27...her interview.

Good luck

[bigdog 376]

Making progress Good Luck.

[PhilC 5]

Good luck

Thanks, Love your pictures. Phil

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Thanks, Love your pictures. Phil

Thanks!

We are in the process of an I-130 for my MIL so I was checking out your timeline. We filed the I-130 in May. No word yet but it will happen when it happens. Momma is taking English lessons. I am thrilled she will be with us. I really love her and respect her and she really does not need to be living alone much longer. It will be time for another medical and interview for us pretty soon.

Edited October 31, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[PhilC 5]

I saw your post about to Rubs in the same house. Good luck. Might want to build your MIL a apt. I know there is a age different between you and your wife has it caused many problems?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I saw your post about to Rubs in the same house. Good luck. Might want to build your MIL a apt. I know there is a age different between you and your wife has it caused many problems?

Our age difference is not so great actually. Alla looks much younger than she is and if I told you her age she would slice my throat in my sleep. She finished college and began her teaching career during the Soviet Union. I think I can say she is "in her 40's" and leave it at that. I am in my early 50's.

To answer the question, NO it has not been a problem. There are other members here who are doing well with much larger age differences than us. I think we are both mature adults with mature adult interests. If our age difference were the same and she was "in her 20's" then I don't know. We are pretty focused on family and have similar interests. I think we are both devoted to our family and she would have absolutely no doubt that I make her and the boys my #1 priority in life and if you know RUB women, you know that is everything to them.

[PhilC 5]

There is a 22 year diff. I am 54 she is 32. She found me I wasn't looking for a RUB. She has a 6 year old son and his father is in jail(she has sole custody). I have three grown children and two grand children(9 and 5). My kids weren't to happy at first but I think they got used to it. She is a good women much diff. the AW I have dated. She seems older and the age diff. doesn't bother her. She wants a good father for her son and someone to take the pressure off her. Hope she is here for Christmas.. Christmas is all about the young children.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There is a 22 year diff. I am 54 she is 32. She found me I wasn't looking for a RUB. She has a 6 year old son and his father is in jail(she has sole custody). I have three grown children and two grand children(9 and 5). My kids weren't to happy at first but I think they got used to it. She is a good women much diff. the AW I have dated. She seems older and the age diff. doesn't bother her. She wants a good father for her son and someone to take the pressure off her. Hope she is here for Christmas.. Christmas is all about the young children.

You and I are the same age, Alla is considerably older than your fiancee. Alla was diagnosed with some arthritis in her hip this year, nothing bad but it explains the occasional pain. She said "must be premature arthritis" Um, Alla, sweetheart... ...your hip only LOOKS like it is 22 years old.

In our circle of Amer/Rus friends we have the 2nd smallest age difference. We have two couples as friends with 30 years age difference and both seem to be doing fine. Actually all of them seem to be doing fine together. None of the women, and certainly not Alla, seem to make anything of people's age differences. It just is what it is.

RUB women definitely cherish things of lasting value and care little about your stomach or hair but more about you being a good father and husband. If you are a good father and husband then you are GOLD and have nothing to worry about.

The thought that RUB women are submissive sex toys is just so wrong. Being married to one is not "easy", it is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility because they just expect you to pick up the "man" things and run with them, so to speak. It is a two way street and they are very strong headed, stubborn, have well developed double standards and will say so directly, BUT you do your man things and leave them to their woman thing and life is a thing of beauty! The level of directness and acceptance of the facts of life will probaby surprise you at first. Get used to it. They do not mince words and consider it insulting to not be direct.

Children, to me, are a huge blessing and great fun. You are lucky. Make hers the same to you and you will always be happy. Never say anything bad about his father. I have never mentioned that operson to our children. Treat him like he is yours. Make sure she is on board with that, make sure you have similar ideas and goals and standards. Ukrainian Mom's tend to be strict. Alla is. We have never had an issue of me disciplining the boys, they really do not need any, but I will occasionally get after them to do their chores and Alla is all for that, in fact prefers that I do it so SHE is not the "bad guy"

The age difference is not likely to be a problem in itself. Our marriage has not been without challenges, I assure you. We did a lot to be together and we are not going to throw it away and our relationship has had HUGE, enormous benefits for our children. The value of our marriage to our family is without measure. Nothing is a deal breaker, so to speak. But the challenges have never been related to age difference and there is no need they should be.I can also say we have never had any problems do to culture differences and we find the sulture differences to be interesting, exciting and sometimes funny as all hell! What challenges we have had are pretty mundane, run 'o the mill things that every faily has just keeping afloat nowadays. Just something to work through and fix. We always have.

[PhilC 5]

Thanks for the reply and I value your insite. Leane and I married Feb.21,2012 while I was in Kiev. I think the age diff. is more me then her. I will treat her son like my own. I look forward to watching a child grow and become a man.

If I can ask: how old were the boys when they came to the U.S. Her son(my son now) is six. We worrie about him learning English. People I have talked to(teachers) said give him two months and he will be speaking English fine.Thanks, Phil

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Thanks for the reply and I value your insite. Leane and I married Feb.21,2012 while I was in Kiev. I think the age diff. is more me then her. I will treat her son like my own. I look forward to watching a child grow and become a man.

If I can ask: how old were the boys when they came to the U.S. Her son(my son now) is six. We worrie about him learning English. People I have talked to(teachers) said give him two months and he will be speaking English fine.Thanks, Phil

Pasha was 13, just starting 8th grade. Sergey was 17 when Alla came and we got married but he delayed his arrival for school and was 18 when he arrived.

Sergey spoke very good English already, at least a "7" on a scale of 1-10. Alla spoke very good English also and had a masters degree in English from her university in Donetsk. Pasha was VERY basic. He had a little English in school and we had him in tutoting classes beginning in January 2008, even before we filed the petition, but he was still very rudimentary. We tossed him right into 8th grade here with an ESL class every morning and he signed up for basketball. He arrived in September and by Christmas break the school called us in and said they needed to bump him TWO grades to 10th grade! We agreed but only if he still maintained a four year HS program, we wanted him to have the English experience and we did not want him graduating HS at age 15, just too young. As it is he has taken every class available for above the 9th grade and now is taking 2 classes per week at the University of Vermont which the HS pays for. He gets both HS and college credit for it. He took one class there his last semester of Junior year. He only goes to the HS 2 days per week, then to UVM 2 days per week.

So what can you expect? From a 6 year old, he will be speaking English better than you in 3-4 months! e will be telling you and mom what it means to "hook up" Get him in with kids and they learn fast! I think the basketball team did more for Pasha than the ESL classes. Put him in REGULAR school right away, sink or swim. He will do better. It is the total immersion theory and highly recommended by professional linguists.

Pasha is the most Americanized of the three. He learned all the slang. He also was hot to have a job and buy a car, go skiing, play lacrosse, etc. He has matured into a very handsome young man, now 17, going on 18. We recently had some photos done of him for the family and I should post some soon. Incredibly good looking young man, tall (taller than me and tallest in the family)slender, looks great and works out and runs every day, lifts weights. He is truly a lady-killer and he has his sights set on a Ukrainian wife! He really is a good kid. He has a very healthy diet, avoids junk food, soda and all that stuff Ukrainian moms warna against. I can only occasionally corrupt him with a Coca Cola. We get along great and sometimes we sit and talk for long periods of time about stuff. When Alla arrived I started teaching her to drive. Pasha was 13 and didn't speak English well and in a new place. I guess I felt bad for him and offered to teach him to drive also. Alla will still not ride with either of the boys but Pasha is a better driver than she is.

We lived in a very rural area on an island and there weren't many innocent bystanders so he began driving lessons a couple days after he arrived. This was all strictly illegal but it is Vermont and rural Vermont at that and no one gives a damn about parents teaching their kids to drive. By the time he was old enough for a "legal" learners permit (15) he was already a good driver. He spent a year serving as my "chauffer" driving me everywhere and got his drives license on his 16th birthday. He is an excellent driver and has never had an accident or ticket.

Sergey finished his masters degree in Russia and is now getting his doctorate at Rice University in Houston and working as an assistant professor...of physics. At age 21!

So what can you expect for her son...whatever you want to put into it. He will do fine. With two parents to love him and guide him, a wonderful place of opportunity to grow in , heck the kid has it made! I hope you keep his Russian active. We speak mostly Russian at home to keep Pasha active and he also speaks to his frineds and girlfriend in Donetsk by skype.

A couple of our "secrets" Always refer to your wife to him as "Mom" not "your mom" I am "dad" and we had the discussion with them (they were older) about the difference between a "dad" and a "father". I am not their father. I am their Dad. You need to avoid speaking in a way that creates a separation. This will be easier with a 6 year old. You are a "family", and we are the "parents" We will not speak of it otherwise. Neither Alla nor I speak of past relationships, good or bad. I have two children from a previous marriage and they are my sons as well. I have four sons. I do not refer to them as "my sons" I refer to them by name just as I do for Pasha and Sergey. Everyone knows who everyone is. There is no "Yours", "mine", etc. It is all OURS. We just had this talk to begin with and got over it right away, it was easy, even with teenagers. Their father is MIA so he was not a hard act to follow, admittedly. Once he sees that you are the "go to guy" you wil be fine. Once they understand you would never hurt them and always try to help, you are GOLD.

Good luck

[baron555 934]

Alla and I are 17 years apart and I am in my mid 50's. The age difference is not an issue and never has been. Our collective first priority is Leonid who is now 5.5 yrs and is in Kindergarten.

We all are very happy with our lives and devote everything to the family and to our collective happiness. I am the only Papa that he has known and Mama is the only one he has known even though she adopted him before she left Russia (think about that carefully, a single Russian woman adopting a small child within the Russian internal adoption system....think about all the tests and hoops they had to go through......this USCIS visa stuff pales in comparison).

It is very amusing to me to hear Alla instructing Leonid, during one of her "Mama's School" sessions, how to talk in English while conducting it in Russian.

He can freely switch between languages!

Edited November 1, 2012 by baron555

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Alla and I are 17 years apart and I am in my mid 50's. The age difference is not an issue and never has been. Our collective first priority is Leonid who is now 5.5 yrs and is in Kindergarten.

We all are very happy with our lives and devote everything to the family and to our collective happiness. I am the only Papa that he has known and Mama is the only one he has known even though she adopted him before she left Russia (think about that carefully, a single Russian woman adopting a small child within the Russian internal adoption system....think about all the tests and hoops they had to go through......this USCIS visa stuff pales in comparison).

It is very amusing to me to hear Alla instructing Leonid, during one of her "Mama's School" sessions, how to talk in English while conducting it in Russian.

He can freely switch between languages!

I am glad you chimed in Baron. Your son is more the age of what he can expect. And also your age difference is closer to his than ours is. I just do not see the age difference as an issue, ever. I brought it up once shortly after we met and Alla acted as though it was a silly topic to discuss and we never have since. Not an issue.

I am glad he is switching easily between languages, so do our kids. Very important and cannot be anything but good for the future.

Children are great, of that there is no question.

[james&olya 1,121]

Alla and I are 17 years apart and I am in my mid 50's. The age difference is not an issue and never has been. Our collective first priority is Leonid who is now 5.5 yrs and is in Kindergarten.

We all are very happy with our lives and devote everything to the family and to our collective happiness. I am the only Papa that he has known and Mama is the only one he has known even though she adopted him before she left Russia (think about that carefully, a single Russian woman adopting a small child within the Russian internal adoption system....think about all the tests and hoops they had to go through......this USCIS visa stuff pales in comparison).

It is very amusing to me to hear Alla instructing Leonid, during one of her "Mama's School" sessions, how to talk in English while conducting it in Russian.

He can freely switch between languages!

My step-daughter Valeriia was only 17 months old when I met her. She has been here since she was 26 months old and now speaks both English and Russian. At 3 and 1/2 y/o her English is sometimes better than her mother's! She occasionally combines them but she knows the difference and will translate when asked. Her mother only speaks in Russian with her so her Russian is more fluent. When she starts regular school that will probably change.

Roma was 13 when he arrived. He jumped from being in 7th grade in Russia to 9th grade here. English was a challenge the first few weeks but it has been a long time since he needed any help with language issues. He got straight A's in 9th grade, even though he was in the regular English class, no ESL available here. Now, as a 10th grader, he is taking 12th grade math, Physics, Chemistry, and Biology. He will need to take classes at the University next school year to get anything more in math or science. He will probably be able to graduate in 3 years if he wants though his goal is Harvard so he will do whatever boosts his chances there.

I am sure that not all Russians and Ukrainians are as smart as some of our step-kids are but it does make me wonder how they might kick our a$$ geo-politically if they ever got an honest and competent government system!

Edited November 1, 2012 by james&olya

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My step-daughter Valeriia was only 17 months old when I met her. She has been here since she was 26 months old and now speaks both English and Russian. At 3 and 1/2 y/o her English is sometimes better than her mother's! She occasionally combines them but she knows the difference and will translate when asked. Her mother only speaks in Russian with her so her Russian is more fluent. When she starts regular school that will probably change.

Roma was 13 when he arrived. He jumped from being in 7th grade in Russia to 9th grade here. English was a challenge the first few weeks but it has been a long time since he needed any help with language issues. He got straight A's in 9th grade, even though he was in the regular English class, no ESL available here. Now, as a 10th grader, he is taking 12th grade math, Physics, Chemistry, and Biology. He will need to take classes at the University next school year to get anything more in math or science. He will probably be able to graduate in 3 years if he wants though his goal is Harvard so he will do whatever boosts his chances there.

I am sure that not all Russians and Ukrainians are as smart as some of our step-kids are but it does make me wonder how they might kick our a$$ geo-politically if they ever got an honest and competent government system!

So you have had nearly identical results. Did he actually astart 7th grade or did he start out in 9th grade? Pasha entered 8th grade but had already had everything they were teaching him. I was herlping Pasha with his homework every night for 2-3 hours for several weeks. He eventually got to where he did himself and I just checked it and corrected it. Then eventually the corrections became few and far between. It is surprising how well they do.

That time, I think was very good for Pasha and I. I was teaching him to drive and helping him every night with his homework. Alla was doing her homework. I was sometimes answering a question for her also. I was also going to all his basketball games and picking him up from practice every night.

Pasha has also been on the "A" honor roll since his first semester and we send the newspaper announcements to Bahbushka each semester. She was their math and science tutor when they were young.

The good news is the kids can do really well. As James says, they are all individuals but given care and love and support they are going to adapt just fine and do as well here as they would have anywhere else.