Are you bored...

[sabaidee 0]

let's TALK about our feelings...AGAIN".

I think that if Abdel and I had only talked about our feelings we would have gone crazy and we had a very short wait. When you look at all there is to explore about each other - life experiences, dreams, goals, interests, loves and hates, etc..., you have so much more to talk about, and you truly start to know the other person.

Good point. That reminds me. I had actually bought a book of questions for couples last year. I should dig that out and use it. I'd completely forgotten about it. Duh.

There are several books available along the lines of "101 questions for couples", etc. I think the one I have is "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married".

By the way, my fiancee do talk about more than our feelings. We always ask what each other did during the day, etc. (of course, there's not usually a ton of variation in activities from day to day (work, dinner, games, television, sleep)). It's just so frustrating, only being able talk on the phone.

:sabaidee:

[Mrs.J06 4]

Before we got married I was able to take a day or two off but now if I don't call him every night he panics. If I don't call by 9pm my time I get a phone call asking what happened to me. If I tell him I want to take a breather he asks a million questions why. Last night he could tell I wasn't feeling the conversation and he was kinda quiet and seemed sad. I just need a break! I'm online all day during the week at work. We use MSN as interoffice communication so I'm on all day. I have to confess that I've blocked him a couple times. Sometimes we get so bored that we start arguments about the stupidest #######. I suppose that's our way to spice things up. I can't deal with that while I'm at work. So I'll block him on my crabby days. We used to play games or send each other music. But now that we only chat while I'm at work we can't do that anymore. We have our steamy conversations to add spice but even those are getting routine and dull.

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in this. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings I love you guys!

I'm only a visitor to the ME/NA forum and hope you don't mind me chiming in here...

My own experience during our LDR was surprisingly more positive if we did NOT talk every day! Due to time difference and the fact that my husband travels a lot for work we were not able to do that anyway. We usually sent each other a quick email each morning, just to make sure all was fine, and we would talk for hours on the weekend.

That way, we never ran out of things to tell each other. We were both so much looking forward to be able to talk, and it was never a "burden". I was actually making notes during the week about things I wanted to tell him and ask him etc.! Everybody is different, some couples have to talk every day to feel close - I just needed to know that he was fine and roughly what was going on that day, and we would catch up later, luckily he felt the same.

It took us a while to figure that out, though! At the beginning, we though it would be NORMAL to talk every day, and felt strange if we didn't ....

Hang in there, it will work out in the end!

[ya falaha! 0]

Thanks, Mrs. Johnson! Of course I don't mind you commenting. I love all the comments and advice I have gotten so far today.

So we just finished talking on MSN..our usual. I was kinda hinting around about taking a break. He didn't really like that idea so much. I think I'm gonna talk to him about it further tonight on the phone. I want to explain that a break isn't a bad thing. It doesn't mean I don't love him or care for him.

[Caladan 19]

moody, I hear ya.

Chad and I are mostly past it now, but there was a time about a year and half ago where we nearly broke up because I could not stand that I was 25, young, and sat home nearly every night talking on the phone to someone who had little more to say most nights than 'love you miss you what are you doing.' Basically, we were too wrapped up in each other, and frankly, living only on the net is a very limiting life.

A couple things changed. Both of us started to go out more. I'm not talking about wild partying, just seeing friends, getting out of the house, having coffee, going out with colleagues. We also decided to read a book together (a chapter a night) and started following the same TV shows. And we also realized if there wasn't anything more to say, it was okay to hang up. Because we could always talk tomorrow.

You don't need space, exactly, but you need to live so you have *something* you can share with him. What do you do besides work?

[morocco4ever 63]

You don't need space, exactly, but you need to live so you have *something* you can share with him. What do you do besides work?

You hit the nail on the head! My husband and I spend many hours online, but that doesn't mean we are glued to the computer. Sometimes my kids and I play games while he watches, sometimes his friends come over and play ps2 while I watch. Sometimes he goes out for awhile, sometimes I go shopping and to a movie. We even leave the computers and webcams on, but we aren't glued to our seats either.

Take the time to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

[Yasi 0]

I'm there with you. I thought we're the only ones whose conversations get boring at times since he doesn't like to talk about his feelings and he rather shows them. He doesn't like chatting and refuses to write letters (don't blame him… he has a horrible handwriting ). So it only leaves us talking on the phone mostly, emailing sometimes, and text messaging for emergency.

The other day we talked for 2 hours about nothing... well mostly about when we're going to get an answer. Sometimes I hear myself repeating and repeating things. If he is in the mood he jokes and teases me. If he is not it's like pulling teeth to make him talk. So I end up talking and telling him about what I do. Then I get to another issue... he gets jealous that I get to go out with our friends (he knows them from Iran) and the fact that I sometimes don't get a chance to call him because I'm not around. I tell him I rather be with him and I wish he was here than I be out with friends. He still doesn’t like it.

I send him books and music so at least we can discuss the books for a whole 5 minutes... yippee...

Anyhow, long distant relationships are hard and add immigration issues to it... oh boy, book me 10 sessions with the shrink... maybe more...

It seems we're all in the same boat... hopefully soon we all get to our destinations. Hang tight every body and hope for the best.

P.S. Great topic....

[Visa4habibi! 0]

I just realized yesterday that I'm just really bored of the way we have to have a "marriage". We were chatting on MSN yesterday and I found I had really nothing to say. Most of the conversation was him asking me..are you there? And me saying, yes. Then we talked on phone at night as usual and again I had nothing to talk about. He said, we can talk about our feelings for each other. This may sound bad but...yay fun, let's TALK about our feelings...AGAIN. I told him I'd rather show him how I feel than talk about it. I'm just getting really bored and frustrated with talking about feelings. Usually I can't wait to get home to talk to him at night but lately I just haven't been feeling it. I'm all talked out.

Same here - all we talk about I already know. It's been said millions of times. Sometimes I just don't feel like calling and he's not coming to chat with me. I feel like, what's the use? It's frustrating, the whole process and it's taking way too long. I wish we could start living our lives together, but thanks to somebody who doesn't even look at our paperwork and keeps it here - we're stuck....

[Veiled Princess 1]

OK, so for those of you who are now with your SOs, if you experienced this feeling during your "internet marriage", did it improve once you were reunited in person or do you find that you still don't really have anything to talk about?

What I'm trying to get at is... is it just because there's only so much to discuss online?

[ya falaha! 0]

I'll tell you in the summer it was so much better. I had my boys during the week and my ex had them on the weekends so I went out with friends pretty much every weekend. Now that school is back in session I have the boys from Friday until Monday. So during the week I work, go home, eat dinner, talk to Mohamed, watch a little ####### tube and go to bed. Sometimes I don't even do that much. Once in awhile I will have dinner with a friend after work or I'll go visit a friend at home or vice versa. That's like a couple times a month or so. On the weekends I hang out with the kids. When I had the kids all week and did stuff with friends on the weekend I felt less alone. Now I only feel less alone on the weekends. I do have a life besides Mohamed but I feel like part of my life is on hold because of this process.

I remember when we used to make each other laugh and laugh but it seems that laughter is kinda lost. We used to really enjoy our "time" together. As if we were actually together. That was pre-visa process. When I visit we have a great time together. Hell I even sleep better in Egypt because for that short time I forget this process. This may sound terrible but sometimes I wish I could for one day forget all this ever happened.

moody, I hear ya.

Chad and I are mostly past it now, but there was a time about a year and half ago where we nearly broke up because I could not stand that I was 25, young, and sat home nearly every night talking on the phone to someone who had little more to say most nights than 'love you miss you what are you doing.' Basically, we were too wrapped up in each other, and frankly, living only on the net is a very limiting life.

A couple things changed. Both of us started to go out more. I'm not talking about wild partying, just seeing friends, getting out of the house, having coffee, going out with colleagues. We also decided to read a book together (a chapter a night) and started following the same TV shows. And we also realized if there wasn't anything more to say, it was okay to hang up. Because we could always talk tomorrow.

You don't need space, exactly, but you need to live so you have *something* you can share with him. What do you do besides work?

[~ Karima ~ 0]

OK, so for those of you who are now with your SOs, if you experienced this feeling during your "internet marriage", did it improve once you were reunited in person or do you find that you still don't really have anything to talk about?

What I'm trying to get at is... is it just because there's only so much to discuss online?

I'll let ya know next week .

I remember when we used to make each other laugh and laugh but it seems that laughter is kinda lost. We used to really enjoy our "time" together. As if we were actually together. That was pre-visa process. When I visit we have a great time together. Hell I even sleep better in Egypt because for that short time I forget this process. This may sound terrible but sometimes I wish I could for one day forget all this ever happened.

I completely felt the same way, like can we go back to the way things "used" to be. This whole visa process just drags you down so far it's hard to see anything positive sometimes.

[jordanianprincess 0]

You would be surprised how many hours of fun "Yahoo Doodle" can provide.

[roundbo 0]

Well I agree with many of you. There is no way around it and I think for most of us we realize its just part of the process. Lets face it in any relationship you are not talking all the time. Some days it may be just small talk. For sure chatting for hours everyday will make it even harder to find things to talk about. You are apart so you don't talk about things like we need groceries, car fixed, etc. the day to day things of living together. We have found that we try and have only one really long chat day and that is sunday. We both work 6 day weeks and with 13hr time difference one of us always at work. What we make sure of is that we at least send a short email to the other to let them know you are thinking of them. Also found text messaging I can text from yahoo IM to her CP and works great. We actually work as each others alarm clocks in the morning. We found this to be a great idea. When she gets to the office we text for a little and before I go to work same thing. So maybe just try not spending so much time online or phone.

One mans opinion and we all know about opinons

[Bunnyqr 0]

Amazing the timing on this thread. I feel like I am in such a rut. Our daily phone calls are now every other night. He is getting more and more busy with work and I am getting more and more used to not getting daily phone calls. I have been waiting 6 months for his divorce papers and they are on their way to me now. But I am just tired of it all. I want to start our lives together so bad. I day dream of the day he tells me that he has his Visa, I think of our wedding day, I look at Bridal magazines, I tell everyone that asks "still waiting". It's all so frustrating and draining on the emotions.

I physically feel weak now. Before I was so gung ho and energized, now I just feel like a dead horse who keeps getting kicked. Ugh!

We still talk about our days, what we have had for meals, the family, the weather, our days at work, etc.

I just hate sleeping every night without him. I hate this LDR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the only thing that keeps us going is the big picture. I am praying for a November approval and pray he will be here by January. Hopes, dreams, positive thinking and most of all praying is what gets me through.

I know this sounds strange but I also pray for the Immigration employee that is handling our case. That they feel our love for each other through our paperwork and that everything we submitted is surrounded with God's love.

B

[Caladan 19]

OK, so for those of you who are now with your SOs, if you experienced this feeling during your "internet marriage", did it improve once you were reunited in person or do you find that you still don't really have anything to talk about?

What I'm trying to get at is... is it just because there's only so much to discuss online?

We're not together yet, but we do visit relatively often, and my sense is, yes, it's just an online problem. Part of what creates closeness is being able to be together and be silent, and that's what's missing. In our case, we don't have a webcam (at the moment, he doesn't always have computer access, either), so it's not even catching someone's pauses or expressions or sighs. If we're not feeling verbal long distance, we don't communicate. In person, we can just go and get dessert or something.

When we're together, when there are silences, they're comfy silences.

moody, maybe you could... I dunno, join a knitting group or a ballet class or something that got you out of the house and chatting with people during weeknights? Gets you real human adult non-work contact, and you can tell your husband you're knitting him a sweater or show him the dance steps via webcam or whatever. I'm thinking activities, as it structures the mind and I find that's helpful, but it sounds like anything that breaks your routine at this point would help.

[sarah and hicham 3]

OK, so for those of you who are now with your SOs, if you experienced this feeling during your "internet marriage", did it improve once you were reunited in person or do you find that you still don't really have anything to talk about?

What I'm trying to get at is... is it just because there's only so much to discuss online?

No... it does change when you are together. Well at least for us we're always talking about something that happened during the day or explaining something or learning English or asking "If I get shot do I have to pay if I go to the hospital?". That's my favorite.