Don't Hide Things from your Fiancée'

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

If any of you guys have some skeletons in the closet I suggest you clear them before your fiancée gets to the U.S. Embassy interview. My fiancée said there was a Pinay there who just found out from the consulate that her man had a criminal record and prison time. My fiancée' said she broke down in complete tears and shame. You need to understand that a criminal record in the Philippines is a much more shameful event than most other countries.

The Embassy immediately put her case on review based on her reaction to the events they shared with her. That automatically adds another 60 days to your wait time.

Another girl had found out that her fiancée was owing the federal government more than $45 in back taxes and she was having withdraw discussions with other Filipinas in the Embassy too.

Therefore --- if you love this woman, you better let her know everything about yourself before she finds out from your background checks. ALSO - Make sure she has every single bit of paperwork she needs because there were several 221G cases documented for lack of evidence.

Good advice. But 'um, I think you meant more than $45.

[rlogan 2,036]

You do have one thing right, my fiance does not use this site. Not because I don't want her to, but because she doesn't want to come to the US. I might have tried a little too hard to make sure I found a girl with out US eyes and she could care less about the visa. She wants me to move there so she doesn't have to leave her family, which would mean I leave mine...

I have already prepped mine that she will change a ton when she gets here.

So you're drinking while posting, and contradicting yourself. She's not interested in coming to the US... wants you to move there...except she's going to get here soon?

So now you have to explain again how you didn't mean what you said. Don't blame me again for this. Manipulative people are experts at wording things so that they can mean or not mean anything, and their stories change when people point out the contradictions. Honest people are so straightforward that their words cannot be misunderstood.

I notice now you are claiming to tell her these things that previously you questioned worthy of telling.

I could just as easily paint you as the guy who hides a girl in a small community like a prison to keep her un americanized so she won't leave you when she realizes you aren't an alpha male. To me that is sad. I have already prepped mine that she will change a ton when she gets here. I'll be just fine though if things don't work out for me, can you honestly say the same? Good luck!

Mine is laying down next to me in bed watching me type this, and we're closing in on five years now. I don't fall for these relentless attempts to attack my self-esteem. It is however a classic sign of a manipulator, and Filipinas need to see this in an Americano they are having a relationship with.

Edited November 4, 2012 by rlogan

[adiiann 163]

Just to quote what my husband said when I told him about this post.

He said that information that will possibly affect the relationship esp. should be disclose to your partner esp all the legal matters as your partner will share that burden with you once you get married.

My thought.... it's understandable that you can't tell everything to your partner as some you will forget esp fringe stuffs but important information or details about your individuality are hard to forget unless you've got amnesia and partner have the right to know.

I think some people avoid to disclose those matters to their partner because they think that their partner will not accept them anymore when they find out.

Edited November 4, 2012 by adiiann

[Hank_ 9,174]

Nice Hank... Florida is a pretty friendly gun state, I manufacture guns also so I'd say it is a little cheaper for me but with the cost of ammo it's still very expensive. I'm from up north and there people go hunting with a rifle to shoot a big @ss deer... down here people use assault rifles to shoot something not much bigger than a dog. I'm a target guy myself though I could never gut an animal.

Ya up in Minnie-snow-da I hunted deer with a rifle for a time, then switched to using a .44, down here I use the .44 for piggy hunting and on occasion shooting targets.

[rlogan 2,036]

Just to quote what my husband said when I told him about this post.

He said that information that will possibly affect the relationship esp. should be disclose to your partner esp all the legal matters as your partner will share that burden with you once you get married.

My thought.... it's understandable that you can't tell everything to your partner as some you will forget esp fringe stuffs but important information or details about your individuality are hard to forget unless you've got amnesia and partner have the right to know.

I think some people avoid to disclose those matters to their partner because they think that their partner will not accept them anymore when they find out.

Exactly. What a manipulator does is take this reasonable position everyone understands: that fringe, irrelevant matters are not worthy of talking about - and uses that as an excuse for not telling someone about a criminal record, bankruptcy, divorces, etc.

And that is exactly why the Pinays cry at the interview. It is not because they are immature. It is because they discover their fiance is a con-man.

[madtownguy 164]

I never said purposely hide things, I just said you can't possibly tell someone everything so better they be prepared and not over react when they hear something they didn't know. It'd be kind of dumb to not tell someone about a divorce, but there's some things that I wouldn't think that important. If you owed the IRS a bit of money I don't find that worth while. You usually don't tell people how much you have on your credit card... same thing. I don't try to hide things, I didn't even think about my bankruptcy until this post so then I told her. I'm trying to point out that you could have something on your record that you are unaware of, it happens and sometimes it is a mistake. So better to be calm than over react and start crying over something a stranger tells you.

I might have screwed up posting last night. She isn't going to be here anytime soon, still 6 months or so I would imagine. And she could change her mind, she really doesn't want to leave her family. I will be there in 2 weeks though. I'm not trying to attack your self esteem just pointing out that you could be what I warn foreigners about. You live in Alaska which screams cabin in the woods hidden away from our real culture... I look forward to my fiance changing and becoming americanized, it will be very interesting...

[DaRoq 36]

How do you all feel about revealing these items from question 7 of Form I-134, Affidavit of Support? Is it mandatory that we divulge this information?

Savings on deposit

Value of personal property

Value of stocks and bonds

Life Insurance benefit amount

Value of real estate

[rlogan 2,036]

I never said purposely hide things, I just said you can't possibly tell someone everything so better they be prepared and not over react when they hear something they didn't know. It'd be kind of dumb to not tell someone about a divorce, but there's some things that I wouldn't think that important. If you owed the IRS a bit of money I don't find that worth while. You usually don't tell people how much you have on your credit card... same thing. I don't try to hide things, I didn't even think about my bankruptcy until this post so then I told her. I'm trying to point out that you could have something on your record that you are unaware of, it happens and sometimes it is a mistake. So better to be calm than over react and start crying over something a stranger tells you.

I might have screwed up posting last night. She isn't going to be here anytime soon, still 6 months or so I would imagine. And she could change her mind, she really doesn't want to leave her family. I will be there in 2 weeks though.

You don't have to keep re-explaining what you "really" mean if you are straight with people.

I'm not trying to attack your self esteem just pointing out that you could be what I warn foreigners about. You live in Alaska which screams cabin in the woods hidden away from our real culture... I look forward to my fiance changing and becoming americanized, it will be very interesting...

Thanks! This is a kind of denial psychologists point out where you deny the thing you are about to do right before you do it. eg "I don't mean to be rude...[followed by rude statement]". Alaska isn't "real" culture. That's hilarious. But no, you aren't attacking me - it's actually a compliment. Heh.

This is a great example of the whole point of the OP: being honest about who you are. I do live in a log cabin on the edge of the wilderness. She got hundreds of pictures, videos, maps, google earth - my God I was eager to tell her about shooting bears trying to get in the cabin or attacking me trying to steal my moose, wolves eating one of my dogs, heating and cooking on a wood stove, crashing two of my airplanes in the wilderness - this is the real deal here.

Instead of hoping someone would change when she got here I sought out someone who wanted very much to live like this, and had that life experience already. I was doing expeditions on the Amazon, the Mekong, Siberia, the Andes, and remote mountain provinces in the Philippines and met girls who grew up living much like I do - wood fire every day, tough accomodations, bugs, gutting fish, often without electricity or running water, etc.

I would not have accepted a girl who wanted to live a different way. Relationship 101 is taking people for who they are instead of hoping they will change. That seems to be what you are saying, wanting yours to change, but in the next post of course you will be saying that you really mean something else...

[TnJ 131]

How do you all feel about revealing these items from question 7 of Form I-134, Affidavit of Support? Is it mandatory that we divulge this information?

Savings on deposit

Value of personal property

Value of stocks and bonds

Life Insurance benefit amount

Value of real estate

Only if you need assets to make up for a shortage in annual income.

[DaRoq 36]

Only if you need assets to make up for a shortage in annual income.

Thanks, TnJ!

[Hank_ 9,174]

How do you all feel about revealing these items from question 7 of Form I-134, Affidavit of Support? Is it mandatory that we divulge this information?

Savings on deposit

Value of personal property

Value of stocks and bonds

Life Insurance benefit amount

Value of real estate

Nope don't need to reveal any of that as long as you income meets OR exceeds the poverity guidelines. http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-864p.pdf

[Confusedchopstix 4]

You can't tell them "everything", so omitting major facts is OK? This is exactly the kind of rationalization a person needs to flee from.

Yeah, girls are stupid. I'm thinking this is a trolling post, not serious.

Not telling something important is called a lie by omission. That is why the oath in a courtroom is to tell the WHOLE truth. You can be prosecuted for purjury by leaving out something pertinent.

So I just want to make it clear that this lie by omission is a concept formally recognized for centuries by society, and it is only a con-man who makes up this excuse for lying to his fiance. We also understand this is a rationalization is a lie. The truth is that the con-man conceals who he really is because the fiance would reject him if he was honest.

So it is a lie to conceal. It is a lie to tell this rationalization for the lie. And the person doing this can be counted on to lie, lie, lie about far too much to be trusted.

Can I get an AMEN for this one?

Quoted for emphasis

[Confusedchopstix 4]

That actually won't fly with the US Embassy in Manila. They will fully expect your fiance to know and understand what you do for a living. Your employment is one of the primary concerns of the Consuls when they do the interview. If your fiance hesitates or doesn't understand just what you do I can almost guarantee your case will go into review and she'll be asked how well she really knows you.

The idea that your wife or fiance can't know everything is patently false. There is not a single thing I have not revealed to my wife concerning my past and my views of the world. She knows me better than anyone else, including my family.

One thing for sure though, the USEM sure do know how to do their jobs.

I was asked if I'm aware that my fiance's family was being accused of being a mafia. I told him my family was accused of the same thing being Chinese and all. I further told him that being accused of being a mafia is better than being accused of being a communist and a republican! (Good thing he laughed most likely he is not a Republican otherwise I am so fooked.)

Anyway, he approved my visa but he made me submit "other documents" such as business licenses and updated federal tax return. He was blunt enough to inform me that the bank statement was not sufficient proof. They want to make sure where my fiance got the money etc.

[Hank_ 9,174]

both the embassy letter and the I-134 state you need a copy of your tax return, opps'ed on that one....

as for the other.... hmm.

[Artisan 138]

How do you all feel about revealing these items from question 7 of Form I-134, Affidavit of Support? Is it mandatory that we divulge this information?

Savings on deposit

Value of personal property

Value of stocks and bonds

Life Insurance benefit amount

Value of real estate

As we are discussing revealing information to the spouse or fiance it is definitely something you should let him/her know about. As for letting the Department of State know, if you have significant resources and don't declare them (one of the reasons they prefer a tax transcript and not just a W-2) they may wonder if you are hiding. If it is just a few thousand and a single home the Embassy doesn't care. If you have a multi-million dollar portfolio and real estate all over the country it might be a good idea to include that information.