Don't Hide Things from your Fiancée'

[TnJ 131]

See TnJ has a perfect example, you can't tell someone everything. It's not a lie when you don't tell someone something, I don't know what world you live in rlogan, oh Alaska figures... Well here in the real world mistakes happen, things get on your record by accident sometimes. It's better to get your fiance to trust you and if she or he finds out you're a killer not to over react. Obviously I'm being dramatic, but still point being there are lots of things the government might think to tell your fiance that you might not thing is important. It's not a lie to not tell someone every single detail about your life, I don't like talking about the past it bores me. I certainly don't think my fiance would appreciate me telling her about every girl I've dated, so I tell her about important ones and leave the rest out. What about DUIs? Lots of people have them, should you tell your fiance something so trivial? BTW when you go to court you only have to tell the truth, not the truth about everything that happened in your entire life. If you trust each other you should be able to rationally hear a story about the other person and either say yes I knew or play it off like it's no big deal and address it with that person. Owing back taxes in my opinion is like having a missed payment on your credit record, who cares? Should I tell my fiance I filed bankruptcy 3 years ago? I don't think so my credit score is already over 700 and it was a financially smart decision. My fiance and I have one common goal, to have kids and start a family. Unless her or I have a child abuse record nothing else should matter...

I'm glad you appreciate my example, but my points were being made more in agreement with what others posted. Not remembering every detail and omitting details are two different things. I remember things about myself that my fiancee should be aware about. You are trying to reason with something by your own opinions, but this is not how it works with immigration. Yes, I agree. I find some things to be trivial. The one charge on my record happens to be a DUI from 10 years ago. I don't even drink anymore! Still, I can't go by what I think in this. By my own opinions, I would tell her about this anyway, but it doesn't matter what I think. The point is that the conviction is on my record. Failing to provide my fiancee with this information puts us in jeopardy. Would the embassy ask anything about it? I can't say for sure, but if they do, she will know. I can see them asking simply because it is drunk driving! For all the embassy or my fiancee knows, I could be an alcoholic putting other lives at risk including my own! It is the CO's job to make sure we are a real couple, and neither one of us is a life risk to the each other or the population at large. The DUI was my only one. I learned my lesson and no big deal, right? Yes, it is no big deal now, but it is a big deal if I hid this from my fiancee. The CO would more than likely see this as omitting pertinent information from the woman I am supposed to be marrying. This in turn would raise doubts and suspicion within the person responsible for determining the genuineness of our relationship. Not a very wise path to choose in my opinion.

Mark-n-Luz posted objective observation and information. If someone was held under suspicion or a relationship was ruined because the CO asked about credit debt, I'd say that is good indicator of letting the fiancee in on it huh. Relationships vary. My fiancee could not care less if I owed a little bit of money to the state, but apparently, the CO cares about whether my fiancee knows about it. That is all that matters in this. Not what we think.

Edited October 31, 2012 by TnJ

[TnJ 131]

EDIT: I meant tax debt.

[Artisan 138]

I thought you couldn't do a visa with a criminal record... You can't possibly tell your fiance everything, I think it's better to just have them prepared so if they hear something they don't over react... then you're covered! I don't think my fiance knows what I do really, it's not important and she will never understand it just like any other girl I've dated. I think the correct response if someone says did you know your fiance.... is to say no we didn't talk about that but I'm sure he or she will bring it up when it makes sense. You should trust the other person, not telling someone something is not lying. It's a good prep for interview this post, who knows what the heck they could have in government files or what they feel is note worthy.

That actually won't fly with the US Embassy in Manila. They will fully expect your fiance to know and understand what you do for a living. Your employment is one of the primary concerns of the Consuls when they do the interview. If your fiance hesitates or doesn't understand just what you do I can almost guarantee your case will go into review and she'll be asked how well she really knows you.

The idea that your wife or fiance can't know everything is patently false. There is not a single thing I have not revealed to my wife concerning my past and my views of the world. She knows me better than anyone else, including my family.

[Artisan 138]

What about DUIs? Lots of people have them, should you tell your fiance something so trivial? BTW when you go to court you only have to tell the truth, not the truth about everything that happened in your entire life. If you trust each other you should be able to rationally hear a story about the other person and either say yes I knew or play it off like it's no big deal and address it with that person. Owing back taxes in my opinion is like having a missed payment on your credit record, who cares? Should I tell my fiance I filed bankruptcy 3 years ago? I don't think so my credit score is already over 700 and it was a financially smart decision. My fiance and I have one common goal, to have kids and start a family. Unless her or I have a child abuse record nothing else should matter...

You are a perfect example of the type of person the people down at the CFO warn pinays about when they take their exit seminar. Even if you haven't submitted details about your bankruptcy they are going to ask your fiance if she knows about it and what that will mean concerning her financial standing. If you have a DUI (which by the way, few people 'in the real world' actually have on their record) it will be asked about. The whole purpose of this long process, up to and including the interview, is to red flag every possible problem which, based on your responses in this thread, are likely to be numerous.

[Hank_ 9,174]

That actually won't fly with the US Embassy in Manila. They will fully expect your fiance to know and understand what you do for a living. Your employment is one of the primary concerns of the Consuls when they do the interview. If your fiance hesitates or doesn't understand just what you do I can almost guarantee your case will go into review and she'll be asked how well she really knows you.

The idea that your wife or fiance can't know everything is patently false. There is not a single thing I have not revealed to my wife concerning my past and my views of the world. She knows me better than anyone else, including my family.

All he was saying is that "what he does is not easily understood", not that he doesn't tell anyone what he does....

[Artisan 138]

All he was saying is that "what he does is not easily understood", not that he doesn't tell anyone what he does....

Notice I didn't say she wouldn't know. I said she might hesitate or not fully understand and that will be a red flag for the consul.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I'm glad you appreciate my example, but my points were being made more in agreement with what others posted. Not remembering every detail and omitting details are two different things. I remember things about myself that my fiancee should be aware about. You are trying to reason with something by your own opinions, but this is not how it works with immigration. Yes, I agree. I find some things to be trivial. The one charge on my record happens to be a DUI from 10 years ago. I don't even drink anymore! Still, I can't go by what I think in this. By my own opinions, I would tell her about this anyway, but it doesn't matter what I think. The point is that the conviction is on my record. Failing to provide my fiancee with this information puts us in jeopardy. Would the embassy ask anything about it? I can't say for sure, but if they do, she will know. I can see them asking simply because it is drunk driving! For all the embassy or my fiancee knows, I could be an alcoholic putting other lives at risk including my own! It is the CO's job to make sure we are a real couple, and neither one of us is a life risk to the each other or the population at large. The DUI was my only one. I learned my lesson and no big deal, right? Yes, it is no big deal now, but it is a big deal if I hid this from my fiancee. The CO would more than likely see this as omitting pertinent information from the woman I am supposed to be marrying. This in turn would raise doubts and suspicion within the person responsible for determining the genuineness of our relationship. Not a very wise path to choose in my opinion.

Mark-n-Luz posted objective observation and information. If someone was held under suspicion or a relationship was ruined because the CO asked about credit debt, I'd say that is good indicator of letting the fiancee in on it huh. Relationships vary. My fiancee could not care less if I owed a little bit of money to the state, but apparently, the CO cares about whether my fiancee knows about it. That is all that matters in this. Not what we think.

In the example from the OP, the poor Sap that owed $45, did his Fiancee got denied because she didn't know about the tax debt or was it because you can't file if he owed back taxes?

I'm trying to decide if it's a moral issue (VJers seems to always want to jump on the morality bandwagon) or a USCIS/DOS policy issue.

[actob99 156]

You are a perfect example of the type of person the people down at the CFO warn pinays about when they take their exit seminar. Even if you haven't submitted details about your bankruptcy they are going to ask your fiance if she knows about it and what that will mean concerning her financial standing. If you have a DUI (which by the way, few people 'in the real world' actually have on their record)

it will be asked about. The whole purpose of this long process, up to and including the interview, is to red flag every possible problem which, based on your responses in this thread, are likely to be numerous.

CFO warned my wife about Swinger's, don't know why we brought that up here?

I attended the interview and I was questioned about why I was still living at my ex wifes address also and did I know it was in forclosure. I havent had any ties to that house in 8 years and the divorce decree sitting in front of his face could validate that. If I wasn't at the interview, it would have been asked to my the fiancee. That could have very well freaked the ####### out of her. Was I suppose to tell her about this when I had no idea?

I think the point being made is we can't possibly tell our fiancee's every detail about our lives and also what kind of info(true or false) that the government might come up with. If there is a solid relationship and trust, there will be no issues. My wife knows we well enough to know what is true or not. And if we have questions, we ask.

[madtownguy 164]

Yes Acto gets it, you can't possibly tell everything because you can't tell what you don't know. Trust is the main factor, and not over reacting like a child. No normal guy tells their girlfriend or wife about every detail of their life. Artisan unfortunately you live in a world that doesn't exist. To think your fiance knows every single detail about you is impossible. Either you lead the most boring life in the world or you are out of touch with reality. Luckily yours is a bachelor party I don't think I will mind missing. I will definitely not be telling my fiance what happens at the bachelor party:) I've told my fiance everytime I have left the country this year, but if they ask her where I went she will have a hard time answering just like I would cuz I travel so often. Either way the post helped me cuz I can prep her now to be prepared for anything that might hit a nerve. I'm honestly not too worried about the whole process, I've dealt with immigrations before and if anything they were too lax. I'm friends with a US ambassador so if I hit a bump I will ask for help, until then I'm enjoying the few single days I may have left.

[DaRoq 36]

That actually won't fly with the US Embassy in Manila. They will fully expect your fiance to know and understand what you do for a living. Your employment is one of the primary concerns of the Consuls when they do the interview. If your fiance hesitates or doesn't understand just what you do I can almost guarantee your case will go into review and she'll be asked how well she really knows you.

The idea that your wife or fiance can't know everything is patently false. There is not a single thing I have not revealed to my wife concerning my past and my views of the world. She knows me better than anyone else, including my family.

This is actually one of my biggest concerns. I haven't really been able to explain what I do for a living to my past relationships, family and friends who aren't in the Information Technology (IT) field, so how can a [self-described] simple "Probinsyana" be expected to show true understanding? Seriously, I sometimes don't know myself...

On the positive side, does being gainfully employed, financially secure, etc. help a person's case? As in, will it speed things up since the primary concern is supposedly that the beneficiary will not become a burden to the government? Or does it send up a red flag that the relationship is about money?

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Owing the federal government $45 is a ludicrous reason for denial or withdrawal. It is perfectly legal to file late and perectly legal to not have the money that you owe. In either case the IRS will eventually assess a penalty of a certain percentage owed and will notify you. But notification can take a month or two, so it is possible that a person thinks that they owe nothing and in fact owe something.

And what about anulled or sealed records? Many people have minor criminal records (I'm not talking felonies) and most states have procedures for sealing or anulling the charges (depending upon the state). To comply with the letter of the requirements would require asking a Judge to un-seal or un-anull the criminal record as no record will be produced while the record is sealed (such records are ONLY visible to a Judge). If a petitioner requests that such a record be un-sealed, voila! that person who had "no criminal record" now has a record.

I'm not sure, perhaps someone here can say, but in my state in America there is a CORI (Criminal Offender Record Information) and when I apply for a RN license I must sign a CORI release. I've never seen what it says and I wonder, what does Immigration use to check a person's record and can one request their own?

Several decades ago, in a rather funny sort of story, I was arrested for "criminal trespass" (during normal business hours, mind you) at MacDonalds (the Ronald MacDonald burger place). I can't even remember if I paid a fine and if I did it might have been $10. That's "a criminal record" but I wonder does it even exist anyplace? Now I'll have to confess to my fiancee--I'm a criminal, I once trespassed at Macdonald's. Good that I read this!

[Hank_ 9,174]

Primary concern with the embassy is that the relationship is real and NO fraud. The Beneficiary knows her fiance/spouse at a personal level.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

This is actually one of my biggest concerns. I haven't really been able to explain what I do for a living to my past relationships, family and friends who aren't in the Information Technology (IT) field, so how can a [self-described] simple "Probinsyana" be expected to show true understanding? Seriously, I sometimes don't know myself...

On the positive side, does being gainfully employed, financially secure, etc. help a person's case? As in, will it speed things up since the primary concern is supposedly that the beneficiary will not become a burden to the government? Or does it send up a red flag that the relationship is about money?

There, you just described what you do: You work in IT (Information Technology). Simple, that's all that's required.

Being gainfully employed, or meeting the current requirements (in assets if not currenty employed) is de rigeur - essential. If you don't meet it = denied.

[rlogan 2,036]

See TnJ has a perfect example, you can't tell someone everything. It's not a lie when you don't tell someone something, I don't know what world you live in rlogan, oh Alaska figures... Well here in the real world mistakes happen, things get on your record by accident sometimes. It's better to get your fiance to trust you and if she or he finds out you're a killer not to over react. Obviously I'm being dramatic, but still point being there are lots of things the government might think to tell your fiance that you might not thing is important. It's not a lie to not tell someone every single detail about your life, I don't like talking about the past it bores me. I certainly don't think my fiance would appreciate me telling her about every girl I've dated, so I tell her about important ones and leave the rest out. What about DUIs? Lots of people have them, should you tell your fiance something so trivial? BTW when you go to court you only have to tell the truth, not the truth about everything that happened in your entire life. If you trust each other you should be able to rationally hear a story about the other person and either say yes I knew or play it off like it's no big deal and address it with that person. Owing back taxes in my opinion is like having a missed payment on your credit record, who cares? Should I tell my fiance I filed bankruptcy 3 years ago? I don't think so my credit score is already over 700 and it was a financially smart decision. My fiance and I have one common goal, to have kids and start a family. Unless her or I have a child abuse record nothing else should matter...

Thanks because this is precisely what the interviewers/CFO counsellors are trained to spot: Shifty excuses for not telling your fiance about your criminal record or bankruptcy. If the interviewer sees that your fiance doesn't know, people are telling you by experience your chances of getting rejected suddenly go way up.

Gotta love this kind of manipulative reasoning: "I'm not going to tell my fiance about my criminal record because it's like telling her about all my old girlfriends". We get it, alright. Your fiance has a lot of this to deal with in her future.

My wife doesn't have a college degree and I have a PhD. But she knew what kind of work I did within a day of meeting me. The inablity to explain your work in a technical field to someone else outside of it shows a complete lack of empathy for them. That's a sign of YOU having a problem, not HER. My wife does not understand nonlinear regression. But she can understand me saying that I forecast energy prices. Or that I evaluate the feasibility of hydroelectric dams, ports, and other projects.

It's more of a put-down people like to use that others "couldn't understand" what you do. Everyone has things they do better than others. So what.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Now if you could forecast the correct jetting for the carbs on my bike!