dragging feet to come to the US

[DP & TJ 0]

If he really cares and loves you he should be eager to come to US and spend time with you. From my experience either he is having an affair or doesn't wanna move to US either way be ready prince charming!!! I see a huge train wreck!!! Good luck.

[rlogan 2,036]

rkk1 if you think its bad now, just wait till he gets here. He won't need the pretty words any more. The manipulative ploy then will be to attack your self-esteem and grind you down to dust. Nothing he agreed to will be followed. He's played you perfectly. It's going to work.

It's tragic, I find no joy in it. But you are obviously determined to destroy yourself. Oh well.

[zahrasalem 114]

What a lot of people don't know is rkk1 has posted MANY times about her husband. The gist of it is this:

- He will NOT help her with household finances once he's here and earning in US currency. He said he will send it all home to care for his family

- At one time, with the tax refund, he demanded she send him a portion seeing it was thanks to him that she got so much of a return (there was a lot more to this, with him constantly changing amounts and trying to use emotional blackmail on her)

- She was pressured to marry him and wasn't ready at the time (from her previous posts) but she's trying to make it work because of family pressure.

There are many previous posts of rkk1 which show severe issues in the relationship. I have no doubt she is being used, that his delay is due to getting the 10 year card so he doesn't need her anymore, or something else nefarious.

.

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Thanks for shedding light on this story. Individually on his part, I understand his responsibilities to his family, but I can't understand why someone in his situation would want to marry an American if he has no plans to immigrate anytime soon. The only explanation for that like has been mentioned, is that he's waiting out the process there back home, until he doesn't even need her in the visa process anymore......very sad for her and very underhanded and devious of him. I wish she could see it for herself. Plus, any man who thinks it's not any of his responsibility to provide for his wife, or at least work his butt off trying, is not a real husband.

Edited October 28, 2012 by zahrasalem

[Mayarz 4]

I come from an arabic culture, and I married my husband and moved to the US almost 10 months ago.

In some cultures parents always come first ( Even knowing that I'm a girl and my parents are not poor and come from a middle class family). As the eldest daughter, I always felt responsible to help them out with money. My husband understood that when I was still home and I made it clear I will always help my parents out no matter what happens. He used to send me money just so I can help with groceries and stuff ( As I was still student), and when I came here, I got a job the first month and I was sending them around 300 to 400 a month... ( Of course after paying our own bills and making sure everything is covered) Even though my husband sometimes gets frustrated thinking that my priority should always be my immediate family ( Him and our future kids) but where I come from, parents are immediate family as well and it is my responsibility to make sure they are comfortable as they sacrificed a lot during their lives for me and my sisters to get us where we are now.

I finally had to quit my job due to a high risk pregnancy, even if I kept pushing it until I no longer was able to go physically to work only because I wanted to be a provider and make my family proud...and even now I cant afford sending that much anymore, my husband still makes sure to help them or save some aside to send them in case they need it

I struggle every time I think or only imagine that my parents might be in need, the thought drives me crazy, and I totally understand your husband's reaction as well ( He must be freaking out for the idea of leaving his parents if he is the only provider). I think part of your issue is you never really sit and talk about it before marriage because trust me, this will not change anytime soon and he will always consider his parents equal if not first ( not because he doesn't care about you but because it is part of his culture and who he is as a person) Now it is your choice whether to accept it and not expect much out of him or to end it.

Trying to avoid talking about it until he gets there will only cause more drama,and more heartaches to you. Please make up your mind and decide what you really want to do. You have to be totally open in your relationship and stop trying to postpone talking about things or avoiding them hoping that they will vanish, because they WON'T. a hole is going to keep growing between both of you and then by the end you Will find yourself alone soon or late.

I hope you the best luck..and don't forget, I rather be alone and happy than being with someone and completely miserable( Just for the sake of not being alone). Appearance and infatuation eventually get old and marriage is not a game or just something fun. it is built on trust, team work, a lot of patience and love and needs a strong bases to grow and I couldn't see that in any of your posts.

[rkk1 34]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I told my husband recently that if he doesn't get his work done within a short time, then I will be forced to pull the visa (which would inevitably lead to a divorce, as we cannot live in 2 different countries as a married couple). He asked why, and I was reluctant to say much. I still never gave him clear answers, but within a short time, he guessed that by delaying that he would get a greencard rather than a 2 year conditional visa. Although he stated that he never had any intention to hurt me, and was sad that I would think so... he still did seem quite curious about this matter. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts researching about this. Anyways, he knows... and I guess it means that I have to have the courage to pull the visa if he doesn't follow through.

Edited October 31, 2012 by rkk1

[AugHem 2]

This sounds similar to my story now....After my now husband got denied his fiance visa we got married this year... I have to tell him ahead of time to prepare his documents so we don't wait any longer.. He is the only son, however his dad resides here and his mom in India....That being said he prefers to put me on the back burner....Its gotten to the point, that I feel I'm constantly argueing with him or relaying it to his dad to get the ball going...Were married come on, be a big boy and send me all of your documents...He sent me most of the documents and I have been waiting a month for him to the rest he forgot....Still waiting...And am annoyed...

However, I suppose since I quit my job prior to going to India this year, for marriage. He feels its his responsibilty to support me. To the extent he can..He does send me money...However, I use it to pay off this process..Any fees, my plane ticket going back to India in a month....I mean its not a vacation when you go to a country that you never wanted to go to....

Good luck

I am also experiencing the same situation like yours. My husband took 6 months to renew his passport and get PCC due to some issues in providing the sufficient address proof. I had to ask his dad for help in getting the new passport since his passport application got rejected twice. I have been waiting since May to submit the required documents to NVC. He just mailed the documents which I haven't received it yet. He felt like I pushed him and says that he is not going to rush to come here and he will just go with the flow. He even says that he is going to come to US only because of me since he already has a good life in India with good job.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I have to have the courage to pull the visa if he doesn't follow through.

Keep having this courage.

[Darnell 8,478]

is your timeline accurate? if so, don't pay the IV fee bill .

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I told my husband recently that if he doesn't get his work done within a short time, then I will be forced to pull the visa (which would inevitably lead to a divorce, as we cannot live in 2 different countries as a married couple). He asked why, and I was reluctant to say much. I still never gave him clear answers, but within a short time, he guessed that by delaying that he would get a greencard rather than a 2 year conditional visa. Although he stated that he never had any intention to hurt me, and was sad that I would think so... he still did seem quite curious about this matter. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts researching about this. Anyways, he knows... and I guess it means that I have to have the courage to pull the visa if he doesn't follow through.

Well he still gets a greencard either way. One is a conditional 2 year one, one is a 10 year one.

In either case he gets the greencard immediately. In the second instance he doesn't need to "prove" the relationship to USCIS again. He just needs to prove it the first time.

How did he "guess"? It would never enter my mind as an option unless I already KNEW it was an option. I think he already knows about it. He's trying to determine now if he can get some use out of you before you leave him. I would not pursue the visa, but this is of course your life and your choice.

I would suggest telling him that you'll pull the visa and continue with a long-distance relationship until he feels ready to leave India at which time you may start the process again. See how he feels about that.

[rlogan 2,036]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I told my husband recently that if he doesn't get his work done within a short time, then I will be forced to pull the visa (which would inevitably lead to a divorce, as we cannot live in 2 different countries as a married couple). He asked why, and I was reluctant to say much. I still never gave him clear answers, but within a short time, he guessed that by delaying that he would get a greencard rather than a 2 year conditional visa. Although he stated that he never had any intention to hurt me, and was sad that I would think so... he still did seem quite curious about this matter. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts researching about this. Anyways, he knows... and I guess it means that I have to have the courage to pull the visa if he doesn't follow through.

Never explain to the manipulator. We give them choices, and stop talking: do the work or I leave you. Any explaining gives them exactly what they want: to argue with you and wear you down, to work their manipulative magic on you. Oh poor baby, look how bad he feels that you would think he is taking advantage of you.

If he believes you are serious, and he really wants that green card, he'll be here quick and then you will be married to the guy who has made you miserable for soooooo long, and he'll have his green card. You'll get to argue about sending the money home, and he is going to crush your self-esteem even more than it is now. Others who know you are telling you what he has made you into. A decent spouse makes us feel like we are on top of the world and can throw thunderbolts across the universe.

That's why the appearance of having strength here is not something to get too excited about. Because what the manipulative genius does is give you just enough to convince you to stay with him longer when the right decision is to give him the boot.

[Ihavequestions 419]

I still never gave him clear answers, but within a short time, he guessed that by delaying that he would get a greencard rather than a 2 year conditional visa.

The next time you talk to him, could you have him "guess" winning lottery numbers for me? I'll split the proceeds with you.