dragging feet to come to the US

[let-it-be 36]

actually it is at the time when he uses the visa at the POE...

Oh, I stand corrected.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Your Indin sisters here in the US, who have married tradional Indian husbands have told me to part these words of wisdom to you. HE is not going to change what you see is what you will have; here in the US or back in India. If you wish for him to be someone different, that's not going to happen.

[chelsea09 0]

Your Indin sisters here in the US, who have married tradional Indian husbands have told me to part these words of wisdom to you. HE is not going to change what you see is what you will have; here in the US or back in India. If you wish for him to be someone different, that's not going to happen.

[kzielu 1,149]

OP - I keep reading your posts for a while and very honestly can't believe you haven't file for divorce long time ago. Sorry - that's how I see it. Find husband that truly cares about you - from your posts I can tell you're truly worth it.

Edited October 21, 2012 by kzielu

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

If he is paying 2/3 of support for his parents now who will pay after he arrives here. Will he continue to send support home after he arrives here ? Have you discussed this yet ?

[AugHem 2]

I just wanted to know if most of the foreign spouses were excited to come to the US and be with their husband/wife, or if it felt like they were more content to procrastinate as long as possible to come here. I told my husband back in April, to ensure that he gets me his passport, PCC work by end of July. Now it's end of October, and the work is still not done. And I do not think he'll have his documents ready for me until the end of the year, the way things are going. To his credit, he has made some efforts, and has also had some setbacks that have delayed things... but just not enough effort to satisfy me. His work and making money for his parents (who he lives with) is his priority right now. He owns his coaching business, but doesn't not want to take too many days off to do the visa work, as he is afraid that if he does so, the students will leave and go elsewhere. Most of the few days he has taken off have been used to take his mom to her medical appointments. And the two days he has taken off for me (or 'us' rather) since August to do visa work have unfortunately not panned out, as he had setbacks, which were not his fault.

My parents are fully aware of the situation, and are also very much troubled by the fact that he isn't making me a priority. I'm his wife, and I'm a full time student... but he does not send me any money, though he works. He laughed when I told him that as my husband, he should want to provide for me. He says he lives in a poorer country and has less than I do, so it doesn't make any sense for him to send me money. Rather he though that I should be the one trying to send him money as he is financially strapped taking care of his parents' expenses. I agreed that I had more than he does, but my money comes from student loans, which have to be paid off later with interest.

Hi, I am almost experiencing the same situation. I got married in Aug 2011 and filed for visa in Sep 2011. My husband passport was about to expire in Sep 2012 so I asked him to apply for renewal in Jan 2012. He dragged and applied for renewal in May only after the NOA2 in April. I have been waiting since April 2012 to submit the valid passport copy and PCC. He had some issues with getting the new passport and finally got it last week. He just mailed me the original documents last week to submit them to NVC. It took 6 months to get the new passport and the PCC. I felt like he did not make enough efforts to get them sooner and get here to be with me. He felt like I pushed him and blamed me that he had to struggle because of me to get the new passport. He clearly said that he did not want to rush to come here. He is not happy about leaving his good pay job and leaving India. Sometimes I feel like asking him, "Why did you marry me if you do not want to leave India and start your life in US"? I understand it is very difficult to leave the home country and start the life in a foreign country but he should have considered all these before the wedding.

I currently live with my parents. I asked him to live in the same house until he gets a job. I want to move out separately after he gets a job but he wants me to move out now and live separately. He said he will only come if I live in a separate apartment or house. I told him several times that I can't afford an apartment but he wants me to get a high pay job or second job to afford it. He wants me to work hard until he gets a job. I tried to convince him to adjust in my parents' house for few months but he is not willing to do that. He said I can take my time to save money and move out separately. Then he will come to live with me. Otherwise, he will stay in India until I move out. I felt like he is threatening me emotionally and again he is not rushing to come here.

Edited October 21, 2012 by AugHem

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Hi, I am almost experiencing the same situation. I got married in Aug 2011 and filed for visa in Sep 2011. My husband passport was about to expire in Sep 2012 so I asked him to apply for renewal in Jan 2012. He dragged and applied for renewal in May only after the NOA2 in April. I have been waiting since April 2012 to submit the valid passport copy and PCC. He had some issues with getting the new passport and finally got it last week. He just mailed me the original documents last week to submit them to NVC. It took 6 months to get the new passport and the PCC. I felt like he did not make enough efforts to get them sooner and get here to be with me. He felt like I pushed him and blamed me that he had to struggle because of me to get the new passport. He clearly said that he did not want to rush to come here. He is not happy about leaving his good pay job and leaving India. Sometimes I feel like asking him, "Why did you marry me if you do not want to leave India and start your life in US"? I understand it is very difficult to leave the home country and start the life in a foreign country but he should have considered all these before the wedding.

I currently live with my parents. I asked him to live in the same house until he gets a job. I want to move out separately after he gets a job but he wants me to move out now and live separately. He said he will only come if I live in a separate apartment or house. I told him several times that I can't afford an apartment but he wants me to get a high pay job or second job to afford it. He wants me to work hard until he gets a job. I tried to convince him to adjust in my parents' house for few months but he is not willing to do that. He said I can take my time to save money and move out separately. Then he will come to live with me. Otherwise, he will stay in India until I move out. I felt like he is threatening me emotionally and again he is not rushing to come here.

Well, I wouldn't want to live with the In-Laws too but what is he doing to change that? Can he himself work two jobs or work harder so that he can migrate with money for you GUys to get into an apartment of your own?

Not a bash but I'm really surprised that you and the OP are allowing this to happen.

[Enigma11561 336]

I think you're missing a few steps in the whole grand picture.

Firstly, if he's taking care of his family/parents, taking them to medical appointments etc., I'm somewhat sure that he will be missed when leaving. He won't be around when they need help and can't just up and leave the US. It's a sacrifice for anyone overseas. You have to understand that before pushing him.

My wife's mother lives alone and has Parkinson's disease. But she lives with me. It is very difficult for her since she can only visit once a year to take of things like making sure she is seeing the right doctors, getting the right medicine, ensuring all is ok with her flat and so forth. But she is my wife and that is her priority. I fully support her in her need to be in constant contact with her mom, but when we became engaged, she understood that her life was going to change and that her home is now in another country. And her mom understood this as well.

[AugHem 2]

Well, I wouldn't want to live with the In-Laws too but what is he doing to change that? Can he himself work two jobs or work harder so that he can migrate with money for you GUys to get into an apartment of your own?

Not a bash but I'm really surprised that you and the OP are allowing this to happen.

No he is not willing to bring money to afford our own place. He thinks that it is my responsibility to support him until he gets a job. I agree with that but I seriously can't afford an apartment. I can afford food and clothes for him.

Well I don't want to divorce him since I love him so much and can't live with out him.

Edited October 21, 2012 by AugHem

[Mark + Melissa 49]

he says that since he helped me get that money returned to me, I can apply it to his visa fees. I have told him even sending me $150+ a month would be a huge thing. Even though it wouldn't buy all that much for me, at least it shows that he sees his wife as his responsibility.

Not knowing your history, I'm afraid that it sounds like you may have married too soon before knowing his priorities, culture and personal believes. Are you sure this is the behavior you want to put up with for the rest of your married life together?

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

No he is not willing to bring money to afford our own place. He thinks that it is my responsibility to support him until he gets a job. I agree with that but I seriously can't afford an apartment. I can afford food and clothes for him.

Well I don't want to divorce him since I love him so much and can't live with out him.

I truly find this surprising since in India most grown children lives with their parents, and most understand the tradition of living with their in-laws. I quess too much Bolly-wood has chnaged the family value and norm.

Since you don't at this time have a high profile carreer job, go to him and live with him and his family for a period of time.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

What a lot of people don't know is rkk1 has posted MANY times about her husband. The gist of it is this:

- He will NOT help her with household finances once he's here and earning in US currency. He said he will send it all home to care for his family

- At one time, with the tax refund, he demanded she send him a portion seeing it was thanks to him that she got so much of a return (there was a lot more to this, with him constantly changing amounts and trying to use emotional blackmail on her)

- She was pressured to marry him and wasn't ready at the time (from her previous posts) but she's trying to make it work because of family pressure.

There are many previous posts of rkk1 which show severe issues in the relationship. I have no doubt she is being used, that his delay is due to getting the 10 year card so he doesn't need her anymore, or something else nefarious.

.

.

[Alex&Manny 16]

What a lot of people don't know is rkk1 has posted MANY times about her husband. The gist of it is this:

- He will NOT help her with household finances once he's here and earning in US currency. He said he will send it all home to care for his family

- At one time, with the tax refund, he demanded she send him a portion seeing it was thanks to him that she got so much of a return (there was a lot more to this, with him constantly changing amounts and trying to use emotional blackmail on her)

- She was pressured to marry him and wasn't ready at the time (from her previous posts) but she's trying to make it work because of family pressure.

There are many previous posts of rkk1 which show severe issues in the relationship. I have no doubt she is being used, that his delay is due to getting the 10 year card so he doesn't need her anymore, or something else nefarious.

.

.

WELL.

That explains a lot.

I guess love IS really blind.

Sorry, rkk1, but it seems like the red flags are all there and they have been from the beginning.

[Jahwaree 83]

Not everyone in the world is in a hurry to leave their home for the US, also he maybe tied to the apron strings, or savvy enough to wait and aquire his 10 yrs GC, whatever

it is he will obviously comes out the winner, if OP family pressures her to stay in the marriage then they should go marry him.She should have found out from beginning what the setup was going to be.

[kzielu 1,149]

What a lot of people don't know is rkk1 has posted MANY times about her husband. The gist of it is this:

- He will NOT help her with household finances once he's here and earning in US currency. He said he will send it all home to care for his family

- At one time, with the tax refund, he demanded she send him a portion seeing it was thanks to him that she got so much of a return (there was a lot more to this, with him constantly changing amounts and trying to use emotional blackmail on her)

- She was pressured to marry him and wasn't ready at the time (from her previous posts) but she's trying to make it work because of family pressure.

There are many previous posts of rkk1 which show severe issues in the relationship. I have no doubt she is being used, that his delay is due to getting the 10 year card so he doesn't need her anymore, or something else nefarious.

.

.

One I liked most was demanding rkk1 sends him money so he can buy his family a car while she wanted to start building her own family. I feel truly sorry for her.