dragging feet to come to the US

[rkk1 34]

I just wanted to know if most of the foreign spouses were excited to come to the US and be with their husband/wife, or if it felt like they were more content to procrastinate as long as possible to come here. I told my husband back in April, to ensure that he gets me his passport, PCC work by end of July. Now it's end of October, and the work is still not done. And I do not think he'll have his documents ready for me until the end of the year, the way things are going. To his credit, he has made some efforts, and has also had some setbacks that have delayed things... but just not enough effort to satisfy me. His work and making money for his parents (who he lives with) is his priority right now. He owns his coaching business, but doesn't not want to take too many days off to do the visa work, as he is afraid that if he does so, the students will leave and go elsewhere. Most of the few days he has taken off have been used to take his mom to her medical appointments. And the two days he has taken off for me (or 'us' rather) since August to do visa work have unfortunately not panned out, as he had setbacks, which were not his fault.

My parents are fully aware of the situation, and are also very much troubled by the fact that he isn't making me a priority. I'm his wife, and I'm a full time student... but he does not send me any money, though he works. He laughed when I told him that as my husband, he should want to provide for me. He says he lives in a poorer country and has less than I do, so it doesn't make any sense for him to send me money. Rather he though that I should be the one trying to send him money as he is financially strapped taking care of his parents' expenses. I agreed that I had more than he does, but my money comes from student loans, which have to be paid off later with interest.

Edited October 21, 2012 by rkk1

[Ihavequestions 419]

How long have you been married?

[Ihavequestions 419]

Never mind. I just looked in your profile and I see you'll be married a year next month.

If he drags the visa process out so you've been married two years, he won't need to adjust status.

Get my point?

[wilfon 30]

I just wanted to know if most of the foreign spouses were excited to come to the US and be with their husband/wife, or if it felt like they were more content to procrastinate as long as possible to come here. I told my husband back in April, to ensure that he gets me his passport, PCC work by end of July. Now it's end of October, and the work is still not done. And I do not think he'll have his documents ready for me until the end of the year, the way things are going. To his credit, he has made some efforts, and has also had some setbacks that have delayed things... but just not enough effort to satisfy me. His work and making money for his parents (who he lives with) is his priority right now. He owns his coaching business, but doesn't not want to take too many days off to do the visa work, as he is afraid that if he does so, the students will leave and go elsewhere. Most of the few days he has taken off have been used to take his mom to her medical appointments. And the two days he has taken off for me (or 'us' rather) since August to do visa work have unfortunately not panned out, as he had setbacks, which were not his fault.

My parents are fully aware of the situation, and are also very much troubled by the fact that he isn't making me a priority. I'm his wife, and I'm a full time student... but he does not send me any money, though he works. He laughed when I told him that as my husband, he should want to provide for me. He says he lives in a poorer country and has less than I do, so it doesn't make any sense for him to send me money. Rather he though that I should be the one trying to send him money as he is financially strapped taking care of his parents' expenses. I agreed that I had more than he does, but my money comes from student loans, which have to be paid off later with interest.

Wow, I am not here to judge anyone, but I would think that he would be working his butt off to be with you, no matter what it takes. I know I would be disappointed if my fiance wasn't making a good effort to get everything done in order for us to be together. To her credit, she is and has been doing anything and everything possible to ensure that we have everything done to make this process as quickly as possible. She even wanted to work abroad to help pay for any expenses, but we decided against it, because of too many things that could go wrong if she went to work abroad.

I hope your husband starts to make you and this process a priority. Good Luck to you.

[rkk1 34]

If he drags the visa process out so you've been married two years, he won't need to adjust status.

I have the dates listed in my signature. I filed AOS for him already back in August.

[Marilyn. 340]

how could you have applied for AOS if he is still in India?

[Ihavequestions 419]

I have the dates listed in my signature. I filed AOS for him already back in August.

Perhaps I wasn't clear, so I'll try again.

If he drags the visa process out so you've been married two years, he won't need to adjust status and remove conditions.

[rkk1 34]

how could you have applied for AOS if he is still in India?

I'm not sure if we are referring to the same thing or not. I am referring to the $88 I paid, and the I-864 and tax documents I mailed to the NVC. I don't understand the significance of AOS or removal of conditions beyond that context.

Edit to Add: If you just look at my signature, it might clear things up as to where we are at in the process, as I don't really understand all of this beyond where I'm at right now.

Edited October 21, 2012 by rkk1

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

People stop confusing the OP,

They are waiting to submit the last documents, i.e PC, and etc. Husband will need his passport for the interview, which he doesn't have yet because husband is dragging his feet. Hubby probably knows more about the immigration process than those who are questioning the OP. He is waiting on the 2 year marriage mark, he knows he will get a 10 year GC when he enters the US.

It looks as if hubby has a plan, which in the end maynot be including you. You have been given plenty of advise and opinions on your previous post. The ball is in your court, only you can play the ending of this.

Good luck.

Edited October 21, 2012 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[let-it-be 36]

I'm not sure if we are referring to the same thing or not. I am referring to the $88 I paid, and the I-864 and tax documents I mailed to the NVC. I don't understand the significance of AOS or removal of conditions beyond that context.

Edit to Add: If you just look at my signature, it might clear things up as to where we are at in the process, as I don't really understand all of this beyond where I'm at right now.

It is of significance. If at the time of his interview you have been married for 2 years, then they will issue/grant him 10 yr green card instead of a 2 yr green card (which will be mailed weeks after his arrival here in the states). He will no longer file for removal of conditions if he has the 10 yr GC.

[rlogan3030 6]

I'm not sure if we are referring to the same thing or not. I am referring to the $88 I paid, and the I-864 and tax documents I mailed to the NVC. I don't understand the significance of AOS or removal of conditions beyond that context.

Edit to Add: If you just look at my signature, it might clear things up as to where we are at in the process, as I don't really understand all of this beyond where I'm at right now.

the AOS you are referring to is the fee for the Affidavit of Support, you are talking about 2 different things, the response you received was talking about Adjustment Of Status

[Marilyn. 340]

It is of significance. If at the time of his interview you have been married for 2 years, then they will issue/grant him 10 yr green card instead of a 2 yr green card (which will be mailed weeks after his arrival here in the states). He will no longer file for removal of conditions if he has the 10 yr GC.

actually it is at the time when he uses the visa at the POE...

[Moomin 292]

I think you're missing a few steps in the whole grand picture.

Firstly, if he's taking care of his family/parents, taking them to medical appointments etc., I'm somewhat sure that he will be missed when leaving. He won't be around when they need help and can't just up and leave the US. It's a sacrifice for anyone overseas. You have to understand that before pushing him.

You were the one who chose to study. Unless he was your spouse when you made the choice and unless you arranged that he'd provide for you, then IMO, you can't really expect him to have ONE income and pay for TWO households with less income than what had been the case had his salery been according to US standards.

He's paying for all the papers, documents, visa process or you are? And is he the sole provider for his parents?

I'm not trying to be harsh - dragging the process out for several months is not okay and he - of all people - needs to know that. But imagine you were providing for your parents and you had a company and on top of that, you had to take care of everything plus starting up in a new country. It's all about perspective.

My personal thoughts before leaving was being excited about leaving and sad about leaving at the same time.

[rkk1 34]

They are waiting to submit the last documents, i.e PC, and etc. Husband will need his passport for the interview, which he doesn't have yet because husband is dragging his feet. Hubby probably knows more about the immigration process than those who are questioning the OP. He is waiting on the 2 year marriage mark, he knows he will get a 10 year GC when he enters the US.

Yes, it's very much possible... as my husband has both a bachelor's in law and is almost finished with his master's in law from India. He knows plenty about US laws. He has seemed pretty ignorant of this process, though possibly it's convenient for him, as I've been the one doing all his paperwork for him (despite me being a busy medical student who lacks time to do all the work that he should be doing for himself).

the AOS you are referring to is the fee for the Affidavit of Support, you are talking about 2 different things, the response you received was talking about Adjustment Of Status

Thanks so much for clearing that up!

Edited October 21, 2012 by rkk1

[rkk1 34]

He's paying for all the papers, documents, visa process or you are? And is he the sole provider for his parents?

I'm paying all the visa fees. He justifies it, because he mailed me his tax documents, so that I could file joint taxes this year. Although I'm still waiting to receive that $2,200 from the government, he says that since he helped me get that money returned to me, I can apply it to his visa fees.

He and his brother are the sole providers for his parents (though they often borrow money from relatives... as his aunts and uncles are working, but his parents don't work). The issue is that my husband earns 3x as much money as his brother, so he is the primary breadwinner over there. They've had more expenses this year due to his mother's medical situation, thus they've barely managed to make ends meet.

I'm not trying to be harsh - dragging the process out for several months is not okay and he - of all people - needs to know that. But imagine you were providing for your parents and you had a company and on top of that, you had to take care of everything plus starting up in a new country. It's all about perspective.

My personal thoughts before leaving was being excited about leaving and sad about leaving at the same time.

I never asked him to pay for all of my expenses here. I have told him even sending me $150+ a month would be a huge thing. Even though it wouldn't buy all that much for me, at least it shows that he sees his wife as his responsibility. (Though he simply says it isn't cost effective for him to send money, and that the conversion fees aren't worth it. Although I get that, I think he still should man up and stop being such a 'boy', which he refers to himself as.) I don't like his attitude that he doesn't feel he has any responsibility towards me. He says that when I visit him in India (which I did last in February) that he pays my local bills, but I tell him that I'm still his wife whether I'm there or here. Furthermore, my problem is that he doesn't respect my money. He's been hoping that I would mail him a tablet computer (which I purchased for him to use AFTER he gets here to the US), but he wants me to mail that computer to him despite the $150 shipping cost, which I'm unwilling to spend. It disturbs me that he would never want to waste $150 of his own money, but he doesn't care to waste $150 of my money. Thus I feel like him being expected to provide for me in some way would only teach his some responsibility, which he appears to lack.

Edited October 21, 2012 by rkk1