The Ukranian Navy is training dolphins to kill people

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Can you imagine a pistol-wielding dolphin squeaking out “Go ahead, make my day?” Does that make you sad? Well, we’re sorry, but we’re not here to throw a party for the fantasy world you wished you lived in. We’re here to tell you that the Ukrainian military is training dolphins how to kill people. Isn’t that wonderful news? Doesn’t that just give you such hope for humanity? In case you’re not sobbing yet, here are some details: The Ukrainian Navy has recently restarted a marine mammal program. The program includes other military sh¡t dolphins are good at and have already done, like searching for mines and marking them with buoys. But it also includes strapping knives and guns to their cute, soft, pewter-toned dolphin heads to make them killing machines.

Dragging innocent marine animals into the dark and nefarious world of military strategy is nothing new. They’re good at stuff like searching for buoys and so on. And this is not the first time they’ve been trained to kill. The Soviet navy armed dolphins with hypodermic syringes filled with carbon dioxide. Soviet dolphins were also trained to attach mines to ships. The U.S. supposedly has or had something called the MK6 Attack Dolphin Program. But this is the first time that the dolphins are literally going to be packing heat. Which is kind of why there’s some question if it’s true or just a tall tale of the sea. First of all, as smart as dolphins are, it’s unclear if they have the capacity to discern proper targets — and they definitely can’t pull a trigger. So the Ukrainian Navy might really want dolphins to be able to off people, but they are some ways from actually pulling this off. Oh well: It’s the thought that counts!

http://grist.org/list/the-ukrainian-navy-teaches-dolphins-how-to-kill-people-maybe/

Edited October 21, 2012 by Commie Appeaser

[Danno 1,228]

Thats an interesting but not new idea.

We were told Dolphins were like smarter than us..... I'm surprised they are they falling for this>?

My favorite was the one where you train the dog to run to the tank to find food.

Once you got em trained you strap the bomb on his back and off he goes.

Just think of the lives that saves.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I am married to a Ukrainian. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

There was a movie about that.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069946/plotsummary

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

An average sized dolphin eats 22-50 pounds of fish and squid every day of its life.. For every Dolphin killed there will be ten thousand or so fish that will live. Thank you Ukraine - I'm smelling a possible Nobel Peace prize in your future.

[david'sgirl 134]

Weapons don't kill people. Dolphins kill people.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

An average sized dolphin eats 22-50 pounds of fish and squid every day of its life.. For every Dolphin killed there will be ten thousand or so fish that will live. Thank you Ukraine - I'm smelling a possible Nobel Peace prize in your future.

Then they will probably endorse Obama for President.

Articles like this are the result of too many news outlets in existance and really poor writers that can't get published anywhere else.

Brought to you by the King of Mediocrity

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

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[OnMyWayID 1,489]

http://grist.org/about/

About

Laugh now — or the planet gets it.

You know how some people make lemonade out of lemons? At Grist, we're making lemonade out of looming climate apocalypse.

It's more fun than it sounds, trust us!

I spent about 30 minutes going through other articles from the author of the OPs post. I especially like this one: A single sticker turns your bus commute into a monster rampage

Edited October 21, 2012 by OnMyWayID

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I spent about 30 minutes going through other articles from the author of the OPs post. I especially like this one: A single sticker turns your bus commute into a monster rampage

I have to ask. Why did you do that?

[Pooky 3,781]

I have to ask. Why did you do that?

Slow news day

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

I have to ask. Why did you do that?

My wife asked the same thing.. Originally I clicked the authors name to see what other articles she had written since this one seemed straight out of the onion - one of her first articles involves the company I work for (the car running on compressed air) so it dragged me in a tad.. then there was the chia keyboard, and the mechanical turtle (probably to keep an eye on the Dolphins) , and the guy that makes all the beer for a small brewery from the yeast in his beard. How could I click away?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Slow news day

Really, The dolphins probably cannot agrree which language to click and squeel in...Russian or Ukrainian, I guess it depends if they are from the western Black Sea or the Eastern Black Sea

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Weapons don't kill people. Dolphins kill people.

we must ban dolphins

Because of the many things this planet is running out of, sanctimonious tree-huggers ain’t one of them.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

and the guy that makes all the beer for a small brewery from the yeast in his beard. How could I click away?

Keep me away from there!