How to deal with leaving

[abbi627 43]

I think some of you might think this is such a silly post and you are probably right. But I know that most all of you have visited with your fiance or spouse and have had to leave. I have been here in Morocco for five weeks and am leaving next week. And I am very fortunate to be coming back in just over two months. I know all of that in my mind but in my heart the thought of leaving next week is more painful than I have ever imagined. I know that we have a long road ahead of us and will have many times we will have to be separated while we go through the visa journey. We are both completely committed to each other and we have talked so much about the future and our plans and making backup plans in case we need them. So I am just asking those of you who have been through this or are currently going through this how do you deal with having to leave your loved one behind when your visit is over? I keep telling myself I have a ton of things to do when I get back in the United States. I have to go back to work and I have all of this paperwork to do to get ready to get married in January. But I still feel sad right now. I think more than anything I needed to just write this down to sort out my feelings and I appreciate you listening to me. So now I will stop whining and go and spend the time I have left here with my sweetheart. Thanks again. You guys are the best.

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I used to push it out of my mind when i'd start to be sad or i'd be a mess. Kinda the same thing when I am at work and want to cry because I miss my babies (just started back to work this month). I push it out immediately or i'd be a total mess you know? I know on the plane it was super hard to push things away because I was alone (well, kinda lol) and esp when id go tot he bathroom on the plane that's where i'd let it all out...oh going back was the hardest yes. It sucked. Then i'd get back into my routine at home and try to prepare for his homecoming. Now, 4-5 years later and that is history, but Is till remember those good ol' days...aaaaaahhh Sad time, but also a very exciting and romantic time.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Funny it gets slightly easier each time...

[MedRoni 161]

It DOES suck, plain and simple.

Leaving can feel like it tears your heart out - however once you get past the flight home, it does get easier as you get back to the daily grind. Once you are back in the swing of things... your wedding day will be here before you know it!

Just don't waste your precious time there worrying about it. Just enjoy while you can, treasure the time.

[abbi627 43]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I am trying really hard to just focus on the time I have left here and put leaving out of my mind. But sometimes like this morning I woke up thinking in a few more days I will be waking up in Florida and not here and I will not be seeing the person that I love most in this world each day. That got me all upset this morning. But I have a few days left and I am determined to enjoy them and not let the thought of the upcoming trip back to the USA spoil this time we have left. I will try to save the whining and crying for the plane ride.

Thanks again for the support. Like I said before you guys are the best!

[Peace.... 281]

All 5 visits were never easy for me leaving him. The hardest part was the train ride from Casa to the Airport. I remember holding his hand and leaning my head on his shoulder and wanting to cry. The wait at the airport was mostly silent and sad as we both were feeling lonely though we still were together until my departure. I always told him to please leave before I had to depart through the line in customs so I could gather myself before boarding. While boarding the plane, I always looked back hoping to see his face but I knew it was impossible but I always looked. I swallowed my heart every single moment while on that damn plane during take off. I am sorry to say, but it never go easy for me.

That final visit was the best day of my life. I was so excited to bring him home with me and life as been so blessed for the two of us. I wish you a safe journey home...............

[GAFL 16]

Hi All,

I totally understand how you feel. My 2nd visit to my fiance a few days prior I started to just cry and I mean cry without ceasing because I knew what I was coming back to here in Florida as well. It was the hustle and grind of work without any down time to share a hug with the man that touched my inner spirit. Start preparing your mind now, but definitely enjoy the moments while you're there.....We started a tradition before we leave each other. Maybe you two can start one too...Best of luck and safe travels on your journey back stateside...

Remember this pain will fade as soon as you two are in the same area....

[Cathi 5,755]

Funny it gets slightly easier each time...

Really? For me each time I left it became much more difficult. When I had to leave in August after my husband's interview and he was put in AP, it was gut wrenching!! We had no idea when the AP would be over and when we would see each other again. The entire trip home I don;t think I stopped crying.

[Cathi 5,755]

I tried my best to stay as busy as I could, and spent as much time as I could with him online. When he wasn't working we would spend all of our time on webcam, I would carry my laptop around the house as I cooked, cleaned, watched TV, even put it on the kitchen table as I ate meals with my children so my husband could feel like he was part of the family. I would even bring my laptop to family functions and turn the webcam on and my entire family would talk to him like he was there, it was actually pretty fun.We made the best of a difficult situation. My husband just arrived in the US a week ago and he has adjusted amazingly well so far. My kids love him, my family adores him. It was worth every tear and every heart breaking moment of separation. Good luck

Edited October 21, 2012 by mimolicious

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Really? For me each time I left it became much more difficult. When I had to leave in August after my husband's interview and he was put in AP, it was gut wrenching!! We had no idea when the AP would be over and when we would see each other again. The entire trip home I don;t think I stopped crying.

Well bare in mind, I am in Morocco right now living with my husband...so I am far far from that "first time leaving" as OP is going through....

But YES it is SLIGHTLY better then when I remember back the first time us parting.

There were so many what if's, and normal uncertainties with the beginning stage of any new relationship in addition to the physical distance... that are nonexistent anymore after 3 years.

Yes a wave good bye while in line to him walking out the doors, teary eyed and having a sick feeling in the tummy really was not as sweet as the feeling of first arriving.

But tending to business at hand when back to the states and home really helped. Planning the paperwork and taking it on as a task ahead (with daily internet contact) made the time apart less a downer and more of process of something to look forward to in the end.

And STILL looking for the END as I post, tending to be not a cry-ish person helps. If someone passes or is hurt I understand this...but this is a wonderful start of what OP says is a loving real relationship.

What is there to cry about? A great trip to MOROCCO? Seeing new things, meeting new people? Experiencing good food? Being with a person that has interest and care for you?

Looking at the bright side of things and staying positive increases inner strength.

Personally, There was a higher reason for our unfair K1 denial, maybe we would not have grown SO strong together if we were just handed the Visa at that time.

Maybe, it was planned for my family to become more accustom to the thought of me remarrying and grow to accept a big change with this added extra time apart.

HECK....What is four years out of ones life?

Maybe we did not need those extra THOUSANDS of dollars in our bank account, instead spent on the extra 4 trips,

and maybe I really wanted to endure the long flights, ALONE ...

Honestly, maybe I want to scream and post mean and sarcastic replies, each time I read about another easy and fast approval on VJ from a country that has no founded fraud (as of yet)...

Maybe I want to say to the younger women in certain regions,that found there OLDER male Petitioners, not congrats, but hey NOT FAIR.....JK, I joke out of boredom right now.

Really just kidding. It is all good and OP you are in a very nice country and I hope u stay positive and have great memories to take back with you as I did the first time we parted. Get excited!!! Though I dont know you personally....This is an amazing, adventurous time in one's life. Enjoy.

[Mithra 1,185]

When it got to be a couple days before my departure day I would feel sad and think about the long period of time we would be apart again. The day of I would be so busy making sure I packed everything to go home I didn't have time to be sad. I would cry a bit before leaving the house but usually on the ride to the airport I would be thinking about home and my kids and that helped. By the time I would get on the plane I was ok and looking forward to seeing my kids and getting back into my daily life. I missed my husband and I would get anxious and irritated by the wait but I kept myself busy. After we married I disconnected the internet at home in order to save money so we rarely chatted online. We would speak on the phone a couple times a week. Honestly, I think that helped. It helped me focus on my kids, work, and getting out with friends instead of sitting at home in front of a webcam all day, everyday. that's no way to live IMO. I only visited my husband twice. Once when we married and again 5 months later. By the time he got here it had been about 9 months since we saw each other last.

[abezyo 35]

When I left my wife back in August, it was one of the hardest things ever...of course it is when she is youe other half. We both promised each other we would stay strong and look at this as a positive and no crying. Well I kinda kept to my part...not so much here but what can you do? About a week and a half left I realized I was going to leave and thats when the tears were falling and it got tough. But I took every opportunity to spend every second with her, and for that last week and a half we did. Not only was it hard to leave her, but also her family. They treated me better than any son-in-law could be treated! I remember my mother-in-law in tears but she didnt want to cry in front of me. But I had forgotten something and saw her. It was tough for sure! But the hardest part was being in the airport and seeing her thru the glass window of the bank in Amman....and knowing I couldn't go out and get a hug that one last time. What helps me is not the fact that ill be going again this winter to see her but that I'm here back to my daily routu ne busting my butt for us so that when she gets here we will be comfortable and have no worries. We tango as I left my iPhone with her everyday and always talk so this helps. You gotta stay strong for your future and not break down in hard times like these. Just keep your head up and fight the good fight because in the end it will be worth it all! Allah (god) has a plan for everyone and this is ours! Good luck to everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to hug their other half everyday....your day will be very soon, god willing!

[abbi627 43]

Thank you all for the replies. I came back on today to read them and I really do appreciate them. I am doing the best I can to enjoy every minute that I have left here. I know it is going to be hard to leave. I am an emotional person and I am going to cry. But I know I will be back in January and I feel so fortunate to have that opportunity. I know this is not an easy process to go through and that separations from our loved ones are part of the visa journey. I know all that in my mind. But that does not help much when it is time to say goodbye as you know.

Also you guys have helped me since the first day I came on this site. And I intend to try to help anyone that I can. There is much I do not know yet but I have realized how important it is to try to reach out and help each other.

Now back to enjoying my last days here.

[JLSBMF 16]

Thank you all for the replies. I came back on today to read them and I really do appreciate them. I am doing the best I can to enjoy every minute that I have left here. I know it is going to be hard to leave. I am an emotional person and I am going to cry. But I know I will be back in January and I feel so fortunate to have that opportunity. I know this is not an easy process to go through and that separations from our loved ones are part of the visa journey. I know all that in my mind. But that does not help much when it is time to say goodbye as you know.

Also you guys have helped me since the first day I came on this site. And I intend to try to help anyone that I can. There is much I do not know yet but I have realized how important it is to try to reach out and help each other.

Now back to enjoying my last days here.

I feel your pain it destroys me each time I leave him and each time i pray i will be stronger.. we try to stay strong for each other but its gut wrenching to say the least... i am getting ready to go back being apart for almost 10 months .. we will only have a week together but i plan on savoring every second and holding on to the fact that eventually he will be here with me and there will be no more goodbyes or ( see you laters ) all the other times i left i did not know for sure what was coming .. when we would see each other again... i always feel like a shell being back here - my heart, soul and mind were with him and just my body here....

just know you are not alone .. we are all in the same boat ...

wish you the best

[JLSBMF 16]

When I left my wife back in August, it was one of the hardest things ever...of course it is when she is youe other half. We both promised each other we would stay strong and look at this as a positive and no crying. Well I kinda kept to my part...not so much here but what can you do? About a week and a half left I realized I was going to leave and thats when the tears were falling and it got tough. But I took every opportunity to spend every second with her, and for that last week and a half we did. Not only was it hard to leave her, but also her family. They treated me better than any son-in-law could be treated! I remember my mother-in-law in tears but she didnt want to cry in front of me. But I had forgotten something and saw her. It was tough for sure! But the hardest part was being in the airport and seeing her thru the glass window of the bank in Amman....and knowing I couldn't go out and get a hug that one last time. What helps me is not the fact that ill be going again this winter to see her but that I'm here back to my daily routu ne busting my butt for us so that when she gets here we will be comfortable and have no worries. We tango as I left my iPhone with her everyday and always talk so this helps. You gotta stay strong for your future and not break down in hard times like these. Just keep your head up and fight the good fight because in the end it will be worth it all! Allah (god) has a plan for everyone and this is ours! Good luck to everyone who doesn't have the opportunity to hug their other half everyday....your day will be very soon, god willing!

the airport in Amman scene... how many tears i openly shed in front of everyone.. mascara running down my cheeks trying to keep my eyes glued to his till the last second..... I feel your pain - I am headed back in three weeks for a week after 9 months apart and im trying so hard not to think about those last moments - inshallah god willing we will all have our loved ones with us soon. Thank God for Tango and Viber