Any chance that I have HIV/AIDS?

[Wakey86 12]

I agree with what everyone has said- it's human to panic and it's okay to vent- that's what VJ is there for.

But you need to have a serious discussion with your husband even if it means involving a religious leader or someone who you both trust in your marriage who is like a mentor. Do not agree to be intimate with him until he agrees to accompany you to a testing center. Women are the most vulnerable creatures when it comes to STIs and it's not fair what you're going through.

We're praying that everything turns out okay. Please put yourself first, your health especially.

Wishing you God's grace & comfort.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

The marriage has been rocky too. I'm very stressed, to be exact, miserable. I have had many health problems since I moved here because of the stressful living condition. Yet, my husband only let me see the gynecologist because I complained about the pain during and after sexual intercourse. He didn't care about my feelings or health; yet, he doesn't want to be accused of raping. Discussions with him about anything are just impossible.

It's just depressing. Sorry for venting. But I really panic! I wish I could go back in time.

GF this is the root of your problems.

Do you have family or friends here in the U.S? U did great finally getting physical help for your pains but it sounds like u should try to find more help for the other issues u might be quietly enduring. This does not sound right.

[Xanax 349]

Definitely get tested for HIV. Your husband should also be tested. I would be having sex with a condom from now on if you can. 200 women is a lot and STIs/STDs are common.

I hope your HIV , STD and HPV tests come back negative.

[Nick + Elizabeth 54]

It's always a good idea to get tested (both parties) before you go into a monogamous relationship with someone that involves unprotected sex. From one sexual encounter the chances of getting HIV is not that high, probably lower than you would expect. "If your partner is HIV-positive, your chances of getting AIDS after one night are 1 in 5,000 with a condom, 1 in 500 without." Like everyone else said, just stay calm and get yourself tested. And, make sure he gets tested too... Also, I know you didn't ask about this, but I'm just going to throw it in. 200 women is a lot of women and indicative of someone with a voracious sexual appetite. I'm not saying that means he has been unfaithful, or would be unfaithful... but just some food for thought. I had one boyfriend with numbers that high and he had a serious fidelity problem. If someone told me that they had slept with that many women it would be a bit of a red flag.

As far as HPV goes, there are four common strands of HPV that comprise nearly all cases. Only half of those strands contribute to cervical cancer. Your doctor should be able to tell you what strand you have (I'd suspect if you had abnormal cells you had the kind that can lead to cervical cancer). The other strands are the kind that cause genital warts. It's very important if you have the kind that contributes to cervical cancer that you go back for frequent pap smears. Unfortunately, when my ex cheated on me I contracted the HPV that causes cervical cancer. I had to have a very small procedure where they removed the pre-cancer cells. The good news is that most of the time HPV goes away. Six months after I was diagnosed I was deemed 'clean' and no longer carry it or am capable of transmitting it (thank god) and as a bonus you never have to worry about getting that strand again.

[tru_loves_journey 117]

Follow up with your doctor to ask more questions about the abnormal cells, they're are usually cancer causing cells. Most times these can be treated without futher problems. HPV is so common in america that now they give a vaccine to girls and boys age 15 to prevent HPV. That is scary to know your husband has been with so many women. Get tested for HIV to be on the safe side and it would be nice if he agreed to get tested also. Good Luck

[amyandjorge 76]

You should be able to get a print out of the results from all of the tests that they did. If not go back, or go to the local health dept, they might do it for free.

You also should have an appointment with you OBGYN doctor without your husband present at least to discuss everything that is going on. It sounds like you have a few issues here and your OBGYN doctor should be able to help you work through them. If your husband's main concern is being accused of non-consensual sex then he doesn't need to be involved in your health discussions.

Also, demand that your husband have full testing done as well. Not only does this affect the two of you but any possible future children you might have. Even if only one parent has an infection/disease.

In the end, we are all responsible for own health and the consequences. So sorry you are having to deal with this. Please take care.

[NY_BX 397]

Recently I had a Pap test and the doctor told me they found abnormal cells, which are the result of Human Papilloma Virus. This is very likely the cause of cervical cancer. I'm 100% sure I caught the virus from my husband, maybe 2 years ago when he went visit me in my home country and we had sex. I had never had sex before that.

Not until I came here and lived with my husband did I know that he had slept with hundreds of women, he said "more than 200". And he doesn't like condoms.

Now I'm scared. I'm wondering if I have HIV. The nurse at the clinic did take my blood the other day when I got the Pap smear, but I'm not sure if they did an HIV test. It's now too late to call the clinic and I'm too nervous to wait until tomorrow.

Before I came here I had to do a medical exam too, as part of the visa application procedure. I don't really remember if was HIV-tested. If I was then I didn't have HIV back then, that means my husband didn't have HIV when we first met two years ago. He said he didn't sleep with anybody else since.

What do you think?

I'm just panicked!

HPV is very common and it's not life threatening. You'll get a "freeze" treatment of those cells or they will be removed. That's it. Only 4% of those cells turn into cancer. Get tested every 6 months for HPV and please DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND DETERMINE WHETHER YOU CAN GO TO THE DOCTOR OR NOT! Outrageous!

Go to your OBGYN again and ask for a complete physical. You probably already did, hence you were diagnosed with HPV. Ask again for an appointment and get blood work done. HIV tests are free in most hospitals or clinics, so you can also go to one of them.

Don't let the stigma of the number of partners get to your head. Sexual intercourse is not the only method of transmission. Yes, the more unprotected sex you have, the higher the odds of contracting anything. That said, remember, HIV is now a survivable disease. There are many misconceptions about the virus, thanks to fear campaigns. Do a thorough research and you'll find that, more people die of diabetes and obesity related diseases than HIV. In fact, more people die of cigarette smoking, than HIV. It's something NO ONE wants to have or should ever fathom the idea of having. If you do, however, know it can be controlled with proper treatment.

Also, know that, if your husband has been tested and he has been hiding his positive results from you- or any other partner- knowing it may infect you, he is liable. There was a famous case where a man, knowing he was HIV positive, purposely engaged in unprotected sex with many women and infected them. It was a class action and he served time in prison. Hopefully this is not the case and you're just frantic.

You will be ok. If you're in a bad marriage, to the point this is even a problem, you should rethink. No one should live in fear for their lives, whether is domestic violence or disease fears, etc.

Take control of your life and take care, please. Good luck.

Edited October 19, 2012 by NY_BX

[Kanja 201]

I can understand your concern....

However, before people are quick to give health advice...nobody knows what one's "chances" of contracting the virus are, it depends on obviously if the person is infected, what their t-cell count is, as well as what their viral load is, if they are on medication and if they are detectable. So none of us can say if there is a chance that you have HIV/AIDS. If your husband will only allow you to go to the Gynecologist, find a free clinic or a place that does free HIV testing in your neighborhood, go when hes going to work ro tell him your going for follow up for Gyn. Also, some of the other suggestions of a support group, and a discussion with a religious leader are great pieces of advice.

You also can not contract "AIDS" from one encounter, you can only be infected with HIV, which if not properly managed can turn in the disease AIDS.

As far as prosecution, the laws vary by state, please lets be sensitive before giving out information that we are not sure of.

First things first, take the HIV test, have the conversation with your husband with a religious leader or family friend. If you still need to, seek out support groups.

I wish you the best of luck.

[djricky4 67]

Sorry to hear. Make sure ur husband is with you and supporting you if and when u decide to do a HIV test

[DeniseFrance 14]

"Any chance that I have HIV/AIDS? i'm freaked out!"

I have been where you are.

You should be tested right away - but optional

YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO BE TESTED - NOT optional

he is the one who has slept with over 200 women, not you.

so obviosly HE needs to be tested ASAP.

And, yes you will both be nervous until you get the results.

Then 6 months later you both should be tested one more time(just for HIV though) - for peace of mind.

.

Edited October 19, 2012 by DeniseFrance

[mfranc68 31]

I just wanted to add do not be afraid to get a second opinion from a different doctor. Sometimes a doctor or a lab can be wrong. It is always good to get a second opinion. Your doctor can be a source of lots of different information, including if you need help from a abusive relationship. Also a doctor is NOT allowed to discuss ANYTHING that you tell him with ANYONE. This includeds your husband. So, you can feel at ease confiding in him/her. I hope that your husband wakes up and starts treating you in the proper manner. Unfortunately, nothing will change unless you speak up. Stress is a very dangerous thing. It can make you sick, rob you of your spirit, take away your enthusiasm for life, and even kill you. I hope that you are able to find piece of mind with all of your problems.

[Leenie 15]

The marriage has been rocky too. I'm very stressed, to be exact, miserable. I have had many health problems since I moved here because of the stressful living condition. Yet, my husband only let me see the gynecologist because I complained about the pain during and after sexual intercourse. He didn't care about my feelings or health; yet, he doesn't want to be accused of raping. Discussions with him about anything are just impossible.

It's just depressing. Sorry for venting. But I really panic! I wish I could go back in time.

People here have given you good medical advice. Getting tested for HIV and STIs right away should definitely be your first priority. But there's another issue at work that is downright scary, and it's your husband's treatment of you. I couldn't let this go without commenting: He let you see the gynecologist? You have a right to your health, and no one - not even your husband - should stop you from receiving medical care, whether you appear to be in perfect condition or not.

Please do as others have suggested: if you have family or friends in the area, reach out to them for support and protection. If need to see the gynecologist again, you could check into seeing a Planned Parenthood physician, if you have one in your area. They will be able to do confidential exams and testing, so even your husband doesn't need to know, and in many cases they can provide reduced-cost or free services.

You have enough on your plate as it is now, but when you are secure in your health again and things are calm, I urge you to consider you marriage: are you truly equal partners, or has he overstepped his bounds as a husband?

[khwaidee1 196]

You can go to a free clinic and for a nominal charge they can give you an HIV test with immediate results. It involves a swab of the inside of your mouth for HIV antibodies. They can give you the results while you are there.

[AmyWrites 593]

Get tested, get your husband tested, get a lawyer and leave him. That he doesn't want you to see a doctor says a lot about him.

[Sandra G. 5,048]

It seems your husband is a freaking abuser.He had sex with over 200 different women WITHOUT condoms before getting married, it means that he doesn't have any self respect then do not expect he will respect you either...without condoms 200 women? what a jerk... Get tested, and remember you can't travel back in time, but you can make smart choices to protect yourself NOW!. Life is way to short to spend it in poor relationship.

Edited October 19, 2012 by sandranj