Adoption

[govols 0]

Just thinking about adoption in general. Wondering how it would fit it now that Tony and I have been married for 1 year now. I'm 39. He's 48. Not thinking about adopting an infant, mainly because of our ages. Tony has an 18 year old son and my children are 8 and 12. I know there are so many children that really need to be loved and need a good home.

Also, what would be involved legally? Would we be able to adopt either in the USA or in the UK?

[mmb 0]

It's a while since I worked with Social Services here in the UK but it would certainly have not been possible to adopt a child in the UK without actually living there. I don't know if you need citizenship or pemanent residency to adopt in the US you would have to find that out locally, this link may be useful Adoption Law as it covers different states and interstate adoption.

Good luck if you do go ahead, it sounds like you are considering this based on the needs of the child rather than yourself, if you find a child he or she will be very lucky.

[Arazia 0]

I would encourage you to adopt a child locally in the United States if that's possible for you to do so. Especially if you're interested in an older child. So many children in the U.S. get overlooked and it's quite sad.

In my own experience, a cousin of mine adopted a baby girl. It was an arrange adoption before she was born, but there were still a lot of inspections and verifications before the process could go through. They will check to see if you have sufficient income. They may speak with your current children. They will most certainly interview you and inspect your home. There will most likely be checks on your criminal records (if any).

I wish I could give you more specifics, I know most of this second hand through my cousin and her daughter (now six years old).

[chri'stina 190]

I think adoption is great.

But, be very informed during the process.

I know two families who were in the process of adopting children through the state, and were not given some important info regarding the child's past or mother. One child ended up being a walking time bomb, at 4 years old, did things I'd never hear of a 4 yr old doing. They couldn't finish the adoption because of the situation. Then they found out that very important info was held from them on purpose, about him and his past behaviors. He needed to be on medication but the state didn't approve it at that time. It was very very sad. They loved him but were not able to provide the care he needed, they could not handle it. He was violent towards them at only 4 yrs old. The other couple adopted a boy when he was 7, and he has been real trouble as well since that time. He now is in and out of jouvenille detention centers at age 16 for various things, including threatening violence against his adoptive mom. And his adoptive parents were always very nice to him. This isn't to scare you, but to let you know that you have to be informed and you have to make it known what you can and cannot handle.

But also I know of other families who adopted children through the state or private adoption who had a wonderful time and the kids are doing great.

If I ever found out that I can't have kids, I would want to adopt. I'd just learn from the situations I have seen to be well informed through out the whole thing.

[Garfield fan 0]

Coming from a not-so-much-of-a-kids person, adoption is not for me. But if you do want to pursue with adoption, it's better to do it locally. International adoption is a bit spendy (I heard it's about 20 grand) and the paperwork will be much more complicated.

[rebeccajo 14]

But if you do want to pursue with adoption, it's better to do it locally. International adoption is a bit spendy (I heard it's about 20 grand) and the paperwork will be much more complicated.

Not necessarily true. That really depends on the international agency you work with and the country the child is coming from.

The number one issue you are going to have with any adoption is, unfortunately, your age. Age and health of the parents are taken into account by agencies.

My best friend and her husband adopted 2 children from India through the Holt Agency, which is a highly reputable long-established Christian based international agency. One reason they chose to adopt from India was because the Indian government had less stringent criteria about the age of the parents. I also know they didn't pay 20 grand to do this. But....it wasn't cheap.

I personally wouldn't do a domestic adoption. Ever. There are too many times that momma or daddy change their mind and decide they want the child back. It really does happen - not just in the movies.

If you want to do some good in the lives of older children, why not consider being a foster parent? Loads of good can come of that..........

[raymaga 25]

I agree with one of the previous posters that you need to be very careful about the child's "past". I know of a few couples who adopted older children, only to find out that these children had many "issues" and made their lives a living hell. Lots of children that don't get adopted as infants, end up in numerous foster homes where they don't get the best care and even have abuse issues.

Your desire to adopt in order to give a child a good life is a very good thing, but do give it lots of thought and do your research before you make the final decision.

Good luck.

[Garfield fan 0]

But if you do want to pursue with adoption, it's better to do it locally. International adoption is a bit spendy (I heard it's about 20 grand) and the paperwork will be much more complicated.

Not necessarily true. That really depends on the international agency you work with and the country the child is coming from.

The number one issue you are going to have with any adoption is, unfortunately, your age. Age and health of the parents are taken into account by agencies.

My best friend and her husband adopted 2 children from India through the Holt Agency, which is a highly reputable long-established Christian based international agency. One reason they chose to adopt from India was because the Indian government had less stringent criteria about the age of the parents. I also know they didn't pay 20 grand to do this. But....it wasn't cheap.

I personally wouldn't do a domestic adoption. Ever. There are too many times that momma or daddy change their mind and decide they want the child back. It really does happen - not just in the movies.

If you want to do some good in the lives of older children, why not consider being a foster parent? Loads of good can come of that..........

My friend wanted to adopt a child from The Phillipines, she asked around and talked to several lawyers and agencies, almost all of them quoted her a $20,000 total cost (as they need to fly over there and do all the checks). I know it depends on the country where you want to adopt from, so don't quote me on that, I just shared some info that I heard from a friend. Regardless, international adoption is not cheap, so do thorough research.

[rebeccajo 14]

But if you do want to pursue with adoption, it's better to do it locally. International adoption is a bit spendy (I heard it's about 20 grand) and the paperwork will be much more complicated.

Not necessarily true. That really depends on the international agency you work with and the country the child is coming from.

The number one issue you are going to have with any adoption is, unfortunately, your age. Age and health of the parents are taken into account by agencies.

My best friend and her husband adopted 2 children from India through the Holt Agency, which is a highly reputable long-established Christian based international agency. One reason they chose to adopt from India was because the Indian government had less stringent criteria about the age of the parents. I also know they didn't pay 20 grand to do this. But....it wasn't cheap.

I personally wouldn't do a domestic adoption. Ever. There are too many times that momma or daddy change their mind and decide they want the child back. It really does happen - not just in the movies.

If you want to do some good in the lives of older children, why not consider being a foster parent? Loads of good can come of that..........

My friend wanted to adopt a child from The Phillipines, she asked around and talked to several lawyers and agencies, almost all of them quoted her a $20,000 total cost (as they need to fly over there and do all the checks). I know it depends on the country where you want to adopt from, so don't quote me on that, I just shared some info that I heard from a friend. Regardless, international adoption is not cheap, so do thorough research.

I wasn't implying you were 'wrong'. Just offering what I knew from my friends experience.

[mawilson 2,133]

My friend wanted to adopt a child from The Phillipines

Why? Are they somehow better than American children?

Just curious -- why do people have this obsession with the Philippines that

they go halfway across the globe to get married and adopt children?

[CarolineM 0]

If you want to do some good in the lives of older children, why not consider being a foster parent? Loads of good can come of that..........

Absolutely!

Just curious -- why do people have this obsession with the Philippines that

they go halfway across the globe to get married and adopt children?

I wonder this EVERYDAY on this website.

[rebeccajo 14]

While we're at it, just another tidbit per my friend who adopted two babies 'later' in life (early 40's).

She once told me, in a moment of extreme honesty that only occurs between two people who have known each other a very long time, that had she to do it over again, she probably wouldn't have adopted the younger two. It was a soul-baring type of moment - she declared how much she loves her adopted children but she didn't realize when they were filing how much more difficult it would be to raise babies at their age. Having two natural children who are much older than the two adopted, she said it was like raising two families - an emotional, physical and financial challenge.

She said her emotions were hard to describe. She likened it to simply not realizing at the time of the adoptions how her patience would be thinner as she got older, and how much more tired she would be at the end of the day. She said she was grateful for the children and loved them dearly, but she felt she just wasn't the mom she used to be when she was younger.

[govols 0]

Thanks for all the comments and different opinions. I'm not so sure that I would want to be a foster parent though. It would be hard for me to let them go when it was time.

[chri'stina 190]

Thanks for all the comments and different opinions. I'm not so sure that I would want to be a foster parent though. It would be hard for me to let them go when it was time.

There are also foster care programs that can lead to adoption. Maybe if you check out something like that it would be good.

That way, it gives everyone a chance to know each other and how you are able to handle things with that child. Unfortunately we are not all capable of dealing with certain issues that a child may have, such as behavioral/anger issues.

It is very very sad to see children passed around through the foster care system, and it's not the child's fault.

But at the same time, some kids are getting placed just anywhere, without the system even caring if the foster parents can handle any issues that may arise, such as bad anger problems from the child. If two very sweet people decide to become foster parents, no matter how sweet they are, they will not be able to handle some of the issues that could arise if lied to about the child.

So I feel the state needs to do a much much better job of placing children with the right people, specific for that particular child, not just with anyone. Because even if the child has anger problems or mental problems, they still deserve a loving family. But the family has to be equipped to handle such a thing or it becomes hell for both the parents and the child.

[rebeccajo 14]

Thanks for all the comments and different opinions. I'm not so sure that I would want to be a foster parent though. It would be hard for me to let them go when it was time.

There are also foster care programs that can lead to adoption. Maybe if you check out something like that it would be good.

That way, it gives everyone a chance to know each other and how you are able to handle things with that child. Unfortunately we are not all capable of dealing with certain issues that a child may have, such as behavioral/anger issues.

It is very very sad to see children passed around through the foster care system, and it's not the child's fault.

But at the same time, some kids are getting placed just anywhere, without the system even caring if the foster parents can handle any issues that may arise, such as bad anger problems from the child. If two very sweet people decide to become foster parents, no matter how sweet they are, they will not be able to handle some of the issues that could arise if lied to about the child.

So I feel the state needs to do a much much better job of placing children with the right people, specific for that particular child, not just with anyone. Because even if the child has anger problems or mental problems, they still deserve a loving family. But the family has to be equipped to handle such a thing or it becomes hell for both the parents and the child.

I love this post...............