Complicated K-1 situation

[Karee 4,191]

Possible, but not plausible. Reason being, she is still asking for money. Plus once she got over to her country, she could have easily dissapeared if she wanted to get out of the marriage, since by her account, it's not registred in Brazil. She could have broken it down for him over the phone and there would be nothing he could do but accept it and move on, yet he is paying her medical bill, and she is telling him she still loves him. By doing it this way, she keeps him in a constant state of confusion/anticipation, he wants to hold on, but her actions say otherwise, so she says she still wants to be with him so the love/money keeps flowing.

Wow! That's straight out of the Thai bargirl handbook. Have you spent time in Thailand?

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Wow! That's straight out of the Thai bargirl handbook. Have you spent time in Thailand?

Actually I have, our ship pulled into Pattya for the New Years celebration(Apr 17-12 2010). But I didn't read that, (I did read Private Dancer thought before we pulled in, that's a good read and I recommend it to anyone that travels alot). Most of my advice on relationships are based off of my own personal experience or seeing people close to me going through the same thing. I try to look at it objectively and make a choice based on the evidence I see in front of me. In this case, the OP is having a hard time seeing what we see becasue his feelings are involved, he wants it to work out, and who wouldn't? I've dated a bar girl once from Korea and I had to go through the whole sending money to her because someone was sick, or she needed something for about a month before I came to my senses and cut her off. It can happen to anyone, I just hope the OP sees this in time, I don't want him to keep spiraling down this path, it won't lead him to a good place.

[Karee 4,191]

Actually I have, our ship pulled into Pattya for the New Years celebration(Apr 17-12 2010). But I didn't read that, (I did read Private Dancer thought before we pulled in, that's a good read and I recommend it to anyone that travels alot). Most of my advice on relationships are based off of my own personal experience or seeing people close to me going through the same thing. I try to look at it objectively and make a choice based on the evidence I see in front of me. In this case, the OP is having a hard time seeing what we see becasue his feelings are involved, he wants it to work out, and who wouldn't? I've dated a bar girl once from Korea and I had to go through the whole sending money to her because someone was sick, or she needed something for about a month before I came to my senses and cut her off. It can happen to anyone, I just hope the OP sees this in time, I don't want him to keep spiraling down this path, it won't lead him to a good place.

Yeah I read Private Dancer as well. They should have it in the seat back pocket on every inbound Bangkok aircraft. I went through the same thing with the first girl I met there. I lived there, and still got taken for a ride, Can happen to anyone I guess. I lived there for 3 years, and at the end I was broke and unemployed. My current wife took care of me on a $175 a month salary while all her friends were telling her to get rid of my poor a$$. Tough times, but in the end I knew she wasn't in it for the $. She just had her citizenship oath a couple weeks ago. So it all worked out for the best. Stickman is also a good website for such matters.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Yeah I read Private Dancer as well. They should have it in the seat back pocket on every inbound Bangkok aircraft. I went through the same thing with the first girl I met there. I lived there, and still got taken for a ride, Can happen to anyone I guess. I lived there for 3 years, and at the end I was broke and unemployed. My current wife took care of me on a $175 a month salary while all her friends were telling her to get rid of my poor a$$. Tough times, but in the end I knew she wasn't in it for the $. She just had her citizenship oath a couple weeks ago. So it all worked out for the best. Stickman is also a good website for such matters.

Funny you should mention Stickman, I just started reading his website about a month ago, guess I miss the ship life a little bit It should be required reading for anyone travelling overseas. I spent three years in Japan, so we hit up all of the asian countries at least twice. One of my shipmates got taken for a ride by a bar girl from Vietnam, got her a $10k engagement ring and everything, tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted on going through with it. Once I transferred here to the states, he came with my old command to our base for a conference. We went out for lunch and I asked him about her, just the look he gave me, I said "got it". He said I should have listened to you. It's all part of the game they play, and we will believe what we want to if it looks good enough to us. I'm glad my wife worked as a souvinir shop manager, I didn't want to go through all that mess all over again. There's bad people in every job, but when you hook up with bar girls or working girls, the chances of getting played are much higher.

[Karee 4,191]

Funny you should mention Stickman, I just started reading his website about a month ago, guess I miss the ship life a little bit It should be required reading for anyone travelling overseas. I spent three years in Japan, so we hit up all of the asian countries at least twice. One of my shipmates got taken for a ride by a bar girl from Vietnam, got her a $10k engagement ring and everything, tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted on going through with it. Once I transferred here to the states, he came with my old command to our base for a conference. We went out for lunch and I asked him about her, just the look he gave me, I said "got it". He said I should have listened to you. It's all part of the game they play, and we will believe what we want to if it looks good enough to us. I'm glad my wife worked as a souvinir shop manager, I didn't want to go through all that mess all over again. There's bad people in every job, but when you hook up with bar girls or working girls, the chances of getting played are much higher.

Yeah the latest I've seen is Thai girls taking the K-1 process all the way up to the interview (getting money sent the entire time) and then bailing out. Seen it happen a few times here on VJ, as well as some people I know locally. I don't bother trying to talk sense into them. With the first girl, people in Thailand were telling me to bail out. Of course I didn't listen. Have to learn those lessons the hard way I guess.

ETA: At least I only spent $3500 on the first girls ring. My wife bought our wedding rings in Thailand for $8 total. We both still wear them.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Karee

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Yeah the latest I've seen is Thai girls taking the K-1 process all the way up to the interview (getting money sent the entire time) and then bailing out. Seen it happen a few times here on VJ, as well as some people I know locally. I don't bother trying to talk sense into them. With the first girl, people in Thailand were telling me to bail out. Of course I didn't listen. Have to learn those lessons the hard way I guess.

ETA: At least I only spent $3500 on the first girls ring. My wife bought our wedding rings in Thailand for $8 total. We both still wear them.

One of my favorite sayings of all time is, "experience is the hardest teacher, becasue the test comes first, then the lesson comes afterwards." If someone asks for advice or my opinion I will give it, what they do with it is up to them. It's all you can do.

Glad you didn't spend your life savings on the ring, my shipmate will feel that sting for the rest of his life. I spent around $3000(got it from Kay's on credit, just paid it off) and she is good. My ring cost her no where near that much, but it was what she could afford and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[rlogan 2,036]

OP is either victim of classic scam or pretty decent troll.

But the situation described is not complicated at all. It isn't a marriage. It is only the belief that it is a marriage that makes it "complicated".

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

OP is either victim of classic scam or pretty decent troll.

But the situation described is not complicated at all. It isn't a marriage. It is only the belief that it is a marriage that makes it "complicated".

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Hope OP gets the message.

[nprmass 0]

I'd like to thank all the users that showed respect and took the time to post an opinion or advice. I'd like to especially thank member Su and Marvin for their original posts. I will be deleting this post soon because the comments have turned somewhat disrespectful towards me lately. As an update, my wife ended up clearing things and gave me some sort of closure. Su and Marvin was right about no sickness to mother. She still claims loves me but has decided to dedicate her present and immediate future to her mother. I guess she couldn't face her decision to leave her mother behind in her country.....so instead of telling me because it would hurt me she kept coming up with reasons to stay...... as for my wife's own health, I finally did see a some documentation about it. she wants to be away from me through that......and vows that in the future, after dust settles she wants live her life with me........but as you all can understand.....I done all I could through a lot obstacles. I loved her with heart and soul and getting married I felt like happiest man in the world.......it truly doesn't matter at all if I'm not a priority.....I can't wait forever. I have started immigration paperwork and divorce proceedings and will move on as best as can. I have faith things will get better eventually and I won't feel like this. To those helping members thank you so much for words.....to those insulting me and calling me a troll......well, go fly a kite. Take care.

[rlogan 2,036]

I'd like to thank all the users that showed respect and took the time to post an opinion or advice. I'd like to especially thank member Su and Marvin for their original posts. I will be deleting this post soon because the comments have turned somewhat disrespectful towards me lately. As an update, my wife ended up clearing things and gave me some sort of closure. Su and Marvin was right about no sickness to mother. She still claims loves me but has decided to dedicate her present and immediate future to her mother. I guess she couldn't face her decision to leave her mother behind in her country.....so instead of telling me because it would hurt me she kept coming up with reasons to stay...... as for my wife's own health, I finally did see a some documentation about it. she wants to be away from me through that......and vows that in the future, after dust settles she wants live her life with me........but as you all can understand.....I done all I could through a lot obstacles. I loved her with heart and soul and getting married I felt like happiest man in the world.......it truly doesn't matter at all if I'm not a priority.....I can't wait forever. I have started immigration paperwork and divorce proceedings and will move on as best as can. I have faith things will get better eventually and I won't feel like this. To those helping members thank you so much for words.....to those insulting me and calling me a troll......well, go fly a kite. Take care.

You have to be hurting, but thank God you are ending it.

It will take a while before you can look back on this with a clear mind. There is reason for hope because you are divorcing her. But also reason for worry, by not recognizing the problem.

This girl ripped your heart out and ate it right in front of you. But you don't seem to recognize this as abuse, excusing it because she loved her mother so much. She lied to you, took your money, left you... because she didn't want to hurt you. You've been quick to lash out at people saying you might be a troll, which is a huge signal to you that the story is so abusive it is hard to believe - but hold this scammer in high regard and give solace to yourself because you "did all you could."

Actually, no: our first duty is self-preservation. Doing all we can means to look at actions instead of listening to words. Marriage is not about being a martyr. The martyr dies and you're no good to anyone dead. The giddy feeling you had getting married tells us you did not see the red flags we all know were there but that you did not recognize. Go back over this relationship and look for places where you had a gut feeling something was amiss, but you allowed it to be explained away. It turns out those are the most important things to be paying attention to.

Develop that radar.