more on age differences

[Veiled Princess 1]

It's about to get good in here!

Also, if you want to get into conversations outside of this forum, this could really get interesting. Is that where you want to go Liz?

[Ban Hammer 13,337]

It's about to get good in here!

Also, if you want to get into conversations outside of this forum, this could really get interesting. Is that where you want to go Liz?

shup and pass the

[honeyblonde 0]

Also, if you want to get into conversations outside of this forum, this could really get interesting. Is that where you want to go Liz?

I quit your group because I got tired of you and one of your friends attacking for everything I said that you didn't agree with, remember? Is that why you're having to come here to attack me now?

Sorry, I refuse to play your game any more.

[morocco4ever 63]

I remember well in school, and writing book reports, and I always stressed because I could see the different ways we would view the book itself. I found this a hard task for the teacher to grade since everyone that reads a specific book is going to interpret it differently.

Okay, you have a basic theme, but doesn't some points of a book strike more importance in one persons heart that it will in another?

This debate seems a little odd to me, we each have a right to interpret books as we choose, can't we respect our differences?

[Bosco 1]

Also, if you want to get into conversations outside of this forum, this could really get interesting. Is that where you want to go Liz?

I quit your group because I got tired of you and one of your friends attacking for everything I said that you didn't agree with, remember? Is that why you're having to come here to attack me now?

Sorry, I refuse to play your game any more.

Liz,

Someone addressing your words is not an attack.

I won't even get into the group thing Liz because you know what you said to me yesterday.

I remember well in school, and writing book reports, and I always stressed because I could see the different ways we would view the book itself. I found this a hard task for the teacher to grade since everyone that reads a specific book is going to interpret it differently.

Okay, you have a basic theme, but doesn't some points of a book strike more importance in one persons heart that it will in another?

This debate seems a little odd to me, we each have a right to interpret books as we choose, can't we respect our differences?

I understand it may seem odd. However, this isn't really about interpretation.

Women in this forum have marriages/engagements with men that are realized relationships. The two characters in the book in fact illustrate the very opposite. They don't even think a relationship is possible due to their age differences and make passing references to "another lifetime" which goes to the actual theme of the book.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Who else has a large age difference here?

Jackie

My husband and I have a nearly 21 year difference. It used to bother me that younger men were presenting me so many opportunites while men my own age were interested in much younger women; I really resented it. There was one older man, now 55, whom I met and considered having a relationship with, but he felt that he had the perogative of women 35-45. When he learned that I had married a man in his 30s whom I had met when he was 26 and I was 46.5, he had a fit. I was a fool, he declared, destined to be used by this conniving young man. It was like that for all of the older men who wanted to be just friends while pursuing women one-third to one-half their ages.

Over time, what I have learned about too many older men is, no matter how good you look, how well you take care of yourself, they don't want a woman their own age, but they don't want younger men to want us either. Men over 50 frown and get snarky; they don't like competition that disadvantages them. Too bad. Single women over 40 smile with envy and congratulate me. They know what the deal is. I'm happy to have escaped the games insecure older men play.

I'm wondering if there are any women over 40 with comparable age MENA men here?

[honeyblonde 0]

From http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/dandelion/characters.html:

Bill Forrester - A boarder in Douglas's grandparents' house. Bill gets along very well with everyone. Grandpa Spaulding teaches him the beauty of mowing a lawn. Bill spends several weeks enchanted with Helen Loomis before she dies, and her keen, inquisitive mind is a match for his.

Miss Helen Loomis - The ninety-five-year-old Helen Loomis has a lifetime of adventures and a belief in true love that she shares with Bill Forrester. She believes that the love that they share, that of the mind, is the greatest love, and that someday some version of the two of them will meet at the right time and share a lifetime of love.

Everything that occurs can be looked at as a blessing. But Bradbury is not saying that there are not sad things in life; he is not denying that evil occurs. Rather, Bradbury points out that there are always many beautiful and grand things occurring in life, from the cutting of grass and the bottling of dandelion wine to the love between Bill Forrester and Helen Loomis. And even in sad situations we still have so much around us that is beautiful and magical, so happiness comes naturally. Bradbury paints a picture of humans as essentially happy creatures.

I think the fact that the age difference in the book was so extreme (95 and 30), not to mention the fact that Miss Loomis dies, is the reason it never developed into something more. The essence of the relationship was what I thought the women here would enjoy.

You asked - there's one source. By the way, Mr. Bradbury is still living and I found a site with his e-mail address, so I asked him about it. Let's see what he has to say.

No, addressing my words politely is not an attack. The way you did it is.

szsz - I am 44 and my Moroccan husband is 39. I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone so close to my own age who is not a jerk. I found pretty much the same issues you did when trying to date older men, which is why I ended up with younger ones. The young ones appreciate a mature older woman that they can discuss life with and not have to listen to her worrying about her hair and nails and what the other girls think of her outfit. Many of them told me they were with me because we could talk about anything they wanted to and I understood and could talk to them intelligently. How can a woman not want to be around men who appreciate her mind, as well as her body?

[Bosco 1]

Who else has a large age difference here?

Jackie

My husband and I have a nearly 21 year difference. It used to bother me that younger men were presenting me so many opportunites while men my own age were interested in much younger women; I really resented it. There was one older man, now 55, whom I met and considered having a relationship with, but he felt that he had the perogative of women 35-45. When he learned that I had married a man in his 30s whom I had met when he was 26 and I was 46.5, he had a fit. I was a fool, he declared, destined to be used by this conniving young man. It was like that for all of the older men who wanted to be just friends while pursuing women one-third to one-half their ages.

Over time, what I have learned about too many older men is, no matter how good you look, how well you take care of yourself, they don't want a woman their own age, but they don't want younger men to want us either. Men over 50 frown and get snarky; they don't like competition that disadvantages them. Too bad. Single women over 40 smile with envy and congratulate me. They know what the deal is. I'm happy to have escaped the games insecure older men play.

I'm wondering if there are any women over 40 with comparable age MENA men here?

szsz,

I have a friend who is 40 who is attracted to older men. The men she dates are usually in their mid to late 60's. I think my friend is incredible, but what they seem focused on is not her personality and intellect but her age.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

szsz - I am 44 and my Moroccan husband is 39. I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone so close to my own age who is not a jerk. I found pretty much the same issues you did when trying to date older men, which is why I ended up with younger ones. The young ones appreciate a mature older woman that they can discuss life with and not have to listen to her worrying about her hair and nails and what the other girls think of her outfit. Many of them told me they were with me because we could talk about anything they wanted to and I understood and could talk to them intelligently. How can a woman not want to be around men who appreciate her mind, as well as her body?

You know, Liz. I was trying hard not to go there! Too many older men don't want a woman who will challenge them intellectually. I need intellect in a relationship, and they were too willing to coast, which is dull for someone with life experience, but new, perhaps, to someone just starting out. Superficiality and perkiness have a strong appeal for men who aren't willing to grow mentally or emotionally anymore than they already have.

[Bosco 1]

From http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/dandelion/characters.html:

Miss Helen Loomis - The ninety-five-year-old Helen Loomis has a lifetime of adventures and a belief in true love that she shares with Bill Forrester. She believes that the love that they share, that of the mind, is the greatest love, and that someday some version of the two of them will meet at the right time and share a lifetime of love.

Everything that occurs can be looked at as a blessing. But Bradbury is not saying that there are not sad things in life; he is not denying that evil occurs. Rather, Bradbury points out that there are always many beautiful and grand things occurring in life, from the cutting of grass and the bottling of dandelion wine to the love between Bill Forrester and Helen Loomis. And even in sad situations we still have so much around us that is beautiful and magical, so happiness comes naturally. Bradbury paints a picture of humans as essentially happy creatures.

I think the fact that the age difference in the book was so extreme (95 and 30), not to mention the fact that Miss Loomis dies, is the reason it never developed into something more. The essence of the relationship was what I thought the women here would enjoy.

You asked - there's one source. By the way, Mr. Bradbury is still living and I found a site with his e-mail address, so I asked him about it. Let's see what he has to say.

No, addressing my words politely is not an attack. The way you did it is.

So now it is the essence of the relationship, not the theme, not a theme? What revision is this, 3? BTW, this does not state that older woman/younger men is a theme of the book. On the contrary, it backs what I have been saying.

My way is attack? Hmm, seems to me you first took on the condescending tone. Also the one to bring in outside things, which I have not done.

Anyway, I am done Liz. Your way of responding to my "attack" by bringing in outside things (as you did in the past by dragging in the fact that I keep track of what I read and plan to read on 360 along with the things you have said today) is not how I choose to engage. Additionally, your re-writing of your statements is tiring, and it not worth my time to respond every time you do so.

Edited October 30, 2006 by Bosco

[Sofiyya 1,687]

szsz,

I have a friend who is 40 who is attracted to older men. The men she dates are usually in their mid to late 60's. I think my friend is incredible, but what they seem focused on is not her personality and intellect but her age.

I hear ya. This is all too often the way it is with older men. I have a wonderful, high-energy friend in her early 60s who has been looking for many years for a polished older man with means. So far, what she gets are good-time guys or 80 year olds who will marry. Sadly, not much in between for her. Despite the pleadings of everyone from friends to family, even her kids, to consider younger men she continues to troll the depths of older men hoping for a break. I wish her well, but will not hold my breath!

Edited October 30, 2006 by szsz

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Who else has a large age difference here?

Jackie

My husband and I have a nearly 21 year difference. It used to bother me that younger men were presenting me so many opportunites while men my own age were interested in much younger women; I really resented it. There was one older man, now 55, whom I met and considered having a relationship with, but he felt that he had the perogative of women 35-45. When he learned that I had married a man in his 30s whom I had met when he was 26 and I was 46.5, he had a fit. I was a fool, he declared, destined to be used by this conniving young man. It was like that for all of the older men who wanted to be just friends while pursuing women one-third to one-half their ages.

Over time, what I have learned about too many older men is, no matter how good you look, how well you take care of yourself, they don't want a woman their own age, but they don't want younger men to want us either. Men over 50 frown and get snarky; they don't like competition that disadvantages them. Too bad. Single women over 40 smile with envy and congratulate me. They know what the deal is. I'm happy to have escaped the games insecure older men play.

I'm wondering if there are any women over 40 with comparable age MENA men here?

As i said before older than most of with a younger man from Morocco, for us we are not the ones that have the problem it is our society. I didnt go looking to find this younger man we started as just friends, talking and enjoying our interest. After my divorce i had a variety of acquaintances as friends, but soon found men here more than once would tell you they enjoy living alone at this time of life and are only interested in as some might say (friends with benefits) this is not the life i want. Not every younger man will be able to accept the differences as im sure not every older man will fall in this group. All i could ask is just dont pass judgement on two people you know nothing about, its a personal choice to each their own. Everyone should be free to find happiness as they can with whomever they choose and in no way can someone read a few forms and papers and know the true people

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Now my big question, we will be sending in our papers this week or next how many of u (older women) have had problems in getting the visa process completed. I am sure as most of you have said the age will cause red flags to go up, what problems have you already had and has anyone been just completely denied because they thought fraud with the age? Hopefully they will see us for the two people we really are and not question just because we dont fit the (norm)

Here is a list of common issues regarded to be red flags in visa petitioning. Others may add to the list as their situations may have brought others to light:

• Large disparity of age

• Family and/or friends unaware of the marriage

• Inability of petitioner and beneficiary to speak each other's language

• Vast difference in cultural and ethnic background

• Marriage arranged by a third party

• No cohabitation since marriage

• Petitioner has filed previous petitions in behalf of aliens, especially prior alien spouses.

• A marriage ceremony arranged only a short time after petitioner arrives in the beneficiary’s country, and they meet for the first time.

• No marrige ceremony and/or pictures of the ceremony.

• Petitioner resides with, is employed by, or has a business relationship with a relative of the beneficiary.

I would suggest addressing all of these in your petition as an addendum to the forms. The rule is, if they approve a petition knowing about these issues before the consulate interview, they cannot use them to deny a visa. Supply evidence in your petition so they have to address it beforehand. Unfortunately, I didn't know this when I filed, so I'll be sneaking it in with NVC paperwork.

I hope this helps.

[honeyblonde 0]

A friend just told me this morning that one of her husband's friends had an interview today in Casa - 34 year age difference (woman older), K3 - they told him to come back for his visa tomorrow.

Just thought you ladies would want to know there is still hope of getting a visa out of Casa, even with the age difference.

[doodlebug 3]

Here is a list of common issues regarded to be red flags in visa petitioning. Others may add to the list as their situations may have brought others to light:

• Large disparity of age

• Family and/or friends unaware of the marriage

• Inability of petitioner and beneficiary to speak each other's language

• Vast difference in cultural and ethnic background

• Marriage arranged by a third party

• No cohabitation since marriage

• Petitioner has filed previous petitions in behalf of aliens, especially prior alien spouses.

• A marriage ceremony arranged only a short time after petitioner arrives in the beneficiary’s country, and they meet for the first time.

• No marrige ceremony and/or pictures of the ceremony.

• Petitioner resides with, is employed by, or has a business relationship with a relative of the beneficiary.

I would suggest addressing all of these in your petition as an addendum to the forms. The rule is, if they approve a petition knowing about these issues before the consulate interview, they cannot use them to deny a visa. Supply evidence in your petition so they have to address it beforehand. Unfortunately, I didn't know this when I filed, so I'll be sneaking it in with NVC paperwork.

I hope this helps.

So would you suggest addressing these when you first submit the K-3 form?