more on age differences

[Bosco 1]

This can apply to older men/younger women and older women younger men.

I am wondering if the younger partner's current age makes a difference? If if you have 20 years between and you are 50 and he is 30, do you think you would have been open to it when you were 40 and he 20? Lets only discuss legal scenarios.

If you are engaged married to someone much younger, I am wondering if you ever dated or were married to someone that much older, or if that is something you would seriously consider (lets be honest here and not just PC).

On this note, what do people consider a significant age difference these days? Is there a different standard when the woman is older?

Does anyone here rule out dating/marrying someone for age alone?

Edited October 29, 2006 by Bosco

[mybackpages 0]

I know it sounds cliche, but age is really an issue of the mind. I'd have no problem dating/marrying someone 20 years older or 20 years younger at this point in my life. That said, not everyone feels the same way about age as I do so there are probably smaller numbers of of men 20 years older or 20 years younger that I would get involved with because there would be an age gap mentally.

I have a wonderful friend who is 25 years older than me, but put us together and you would think we are twins separated at birth. I am 13 years older than my fiance, but put us together and you would have a hard time spotting the age difference.

Now is finding these age irrevelant relationships easy? I would guess not.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I really cannot relate because if I were to date someone that much younger than myself I would be in PRISON.

I would never marry a man 20 years older than myself no matter how much we loved eachother or how many matching moles we have.

One thing I would consider is that I would probably be alone for many years later in my life if I married someone so much older and I don't like that idea if I can avoid being in that situation.

[Bosco 1]

I would be breaking laws in most states, and with someone more ready to go to prom than get married. I think this is part of the reason why I personally would have a hard time with a significant age difference for myself. The guys that are that much younger seem to be at a totally different place in their life - so even if we had some similar interests, there would be so many gaps that would make it seem vast. I wonder if the cultural differences somehow lessen these differences since there are less parallels in your lives to draw upon. I also think that as you get older, the differences may seem less profound, which is why I posed the question.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have to think about this. Over the years since we met, age has taken on varied significance, and 21 years between us is a significant difference in age. In the beginning, it was a looming presense; I could not get my mind around all of these younger men approaching me, IRL and online. It made me feel insecure, and for a time, I actually lied about my age even tho I looked much younger than my age.

The next stage was probably when I gained the confidence to stop lying about my age, but then convince myself that all younger men were delusional to want to be with a much older woman. Yes, I was devaluing myself.

Then, there was a time when I began to feel rather superior to younger people. That was a when I sent my young man packing setting up a trust scenario we're still dealing with today.

Now, it's not a big thing. It took time for me to deal with the loss of my partner and the changes that had overcome society while I was otherwise engaged. It took time to deal with my own aging and how society saw me as an older single woman. The last time I was single was when I was 18. Big difference between the world of a single woman at 18 and a single woman at 47! Finally, I had to deal with being loved by a man other than my first husband, and that he would be different, not just in age, but in so many things.

Older people have more "baggage" if for no other reason than that we have had more life. That is inevidently part of the package and we all deal with it in our own way, imo.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I would be breaking laws in most states, and with someone more ready to go to prom than get married. I think this is part of the reason why I personally would have a hard time with a significant age difference for myself. The guys that are that much younger seem to be at a totally different place in their life - so even if we had some similar interests, there would be so many gaps that would make it seem vast. I wonder if the cultural differences somehow lessen these differences since there are less parallels in your lives to draw upon. I also think that as you get older, the differences may seem less profound, which is why I posed the question.

[Together4ever 1]

What works for one couple won't for another. There are too many dynamics involved. I am not one to follow many set standards anyway. I like defining my own. Someone else may feel much differently then I do about standards. There is such a plethora of things that come into play in a relationship its hard for me to imagine qualifying it on just a few.

As for the mole comment, Sarah, hahahahahaha. Not playing.

[mybackpages 0]

I would be breaking laws in most states, and with someone more ready to go to prom than get married. I think this is part of the reason why I personally would have a hard time with a significant age difference for myself. The guys that are that much younger seem to be at a totally different place in their life - so even if we had some similar interests, there would be so many gaps that would make it seem vast. I wonder if the cultural differences somehow lessen these differences since there are less parallels in your lives to draw upon. I also think that as you get older, the differences may seem less profound, which is why I posed the question.

I'm likely to attribute complications in a large age gap to experiences more than age. Maybe it sounds like semantics, but i think there is a subtle difference.

Interesting point about the role of cultural differences. Bi-national relationships do have a different dynamic when putting together two lives.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I couldn't date someone 20 years younger than me because there are laws against that in all states and most countries in the world

I could go 9 year younger and still be legal but I'm not sure I would do that... the only reason being that I'm not sure I'd be compatible with an 18 year old... what would we talk about? but if I were older like 50 and he was 30 I don't think I'd have an issue with it... some women look so good in their 50's you wouldn't know they're not in their 30's anyway

I have been married to an older man and it was irritating to me because people treated me like I was his "sweet young thang" more than his wife but I think that's just because people are stupid.

I wouldn't NOT marry a man because he was older than me if I loved him and we were compatible.

[sarah and hicham 3]

What works for one couple won't for another. There are too many dynamics involved. I am not one to follow many set standards anyway. I like defining my own. Someone else may feel much differently then I do about standards. There is such a plethora of things that come into play in a relationship its hard for me to imagine qualifying it on just a few.

As for the mole comment, Sarah, hahahahahaha. Not playing.

hahaha Jean I'm glad you're not mad. I read that and thought it was cute.

[honeyblonde 0]

From the time I was divorced from my first husband until I met Abdel (1990 to 2005) I dated primarily younger men, and married one 10 years younger. Even when I met Abdel, 2 of the 3 most recent men who had been important to me were 21 and 22. One of them turned into an alcoholic and I dumped him, the other I was still seeing whenever he came to Savannah until I met Abdel.

Based on my experiences with younger men, I would never consider marrying a man under 30. I don't think so much about the age difference as I do about HIS age. Before a certain age a guy is just not mature enough for me to tolerate for any length of time. I do think that having a son 21 and another 25 impacts how I see men now.

I think it really is more a matter of how compatible a couple is than age. If the woman isn't terribly mature, or is extremely patient, a guy in his early 20s might be alright for her. I also think that many times men from other countries tend to mature faster than American men in some ways, because our kids can be terribly spoiled, although Abdel's nephew is about the most spoiled kid I know and he's in Morocco. I hate to see the poor girl that has to compete with his mom for his attention.

This can really be only a general discussion, because it is truly a topic that has to be looked at on a case-by-case basis.

[Ban Hammer 13,337]

I really cannot relate because if I were to date someone that much younger than myself I would be in PRISON.

[mawilson 2,133]

Go ahead Charles, laugh, you decrepit old woman

[Caladan 19]

I'm 27, so dating someone too much younger is out of the question. Legally, I could date an 18 year old, but they'd be boring as all get-out and annoying naïve.

I think 20 years would be too much, but I could probably date 15 years older than I am (just based on men I've been attracted to.) Still, I'd worry about long-term compatibility, just because his life experience would be so much greater than mine I think it would be hard to grow. What would be a crisis to me would be old hat to him.

When I was 22, dating someone who was thirty would have been out of the question, for much the same reasons. Not enough in common. The range seems to widen as one ages.

[doodlebug 3]

Ten years older or younger has always been my limit. Just a thing with me but heck if it rocks your boat then I say go with it! Demi Moore seems to be making it work!