More kids with second marriage?

[Bosco 1]

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

Morocco4Ever - I don't know how a man (or woman), Muslim or not can use a person this way. You would think even if they didn't believe in God, their conscience would get the better of them. I also think some of these men miss out on really great women because they have entered into it with their mind set that it is about the green card and close themselves off to any other opportunity.

[Veiled Princess 1]

Anyway...innteresting....using a younger woman.....

If gambling were not haraam I would bet this is the case sometimes.... even here on VJ

Younger women can be a little more naive than those who have "been around the block a few time" I'm not talking about anyone specifically and I'm not saying this is the case in all or even most instances.... just that the possibility isn't really so laughable if you think about it.

2. Some assume that men are always fertile, thus women are the cause for a lack of procreation.

All very good points but this one stuck out most to me... why is it that people (even women it seems) always blame the woman when there are no kids? It takes three to make a baby... GOD... a woman and a man

[Sofiyya 1,687]

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men relationships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships, as happened here almost immediately after the OP. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

Edited October 29, 2006 by szsz

[morocco4ever 63]

You know, the laugh was not intended in a way that I would make fun of a man using a younger woman, I would never condon or make fun of a woman, or man, being used for a gain, and I see now how it could be viewed that this is what I intended...I am sorry, that is certainly not what I meant by it. It was more of a laugh that it is so commonly assumed that the older woman is being used, but the young women aren't.

Realistically a man of intelligence that intends to use a woman for a greencard will know that an age difference will be a red flag to the consulate, especially if they have done their homework on the subject. I would think a man using a woman for that purpose would try to find a woman closer to his age, but insecure, so he can easily manipulate that person. I am not easily manipulated. I was as a young girl with my first marriage however. It certainly won't happen again.

[Jenn! 918]

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

I agree with this.

Alright, I'll be totally honest. I'll admit I do hold some stereotypes when it comes to relationships with large age differences, particularly through Morocco. It's a combination of different things of course. When I see a young Moroccan male (who typically, though not always will want to have children) meet an older USC female (often online because that's the easiest way) and marry her within a short time, I can't help but be suspicious. Call me narrow minded, that's just how it is.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men relationships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships, as happened here almost immediately after the OP. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

I agree this is implied a lot here.

I think one reason may be that in our culture (US) large age differences are frowned upon by the majority. If a young man is married to an older woman then he's her boy toy and he's just in it coz she's got money and vice versa... Anna Nicole couldn't have loved that man coz he was old... she must have been using him for the money

maybe she's not a good example but you get my drift.

[morocco4ever 63]

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men relationships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships, as happened here almost immediately after the OP. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

I have seen it as well. I don't take it personally because the women that assume it are still young. I know a lot more about the way men think now than I did when I was younger. I know that there are men that fantasize about the "older woman", and I have been hit on by younger men since I was in my early 30's. I have male friends that are very open with me about how the males brain works. There are a lot of women that are older these days that take their looks very seriously...and Damn Gina...they look pretty good. Men on a whole aren't looking at the woman and thinking "I wonder how old she is? Can she bear children?" He is thinking "I really want to get into those pants!"

Now to us women that way of thinking is disgusting, but I tell you, if we knew what men think and talk about with each other we probably wouldn't want anyting to do with them.

Think about when we were young, and our first crush. What was it we were thinking? We are picturing holding hands, being in love, having children together. Now think about the young man with his first crush, do you really think he is thinking the same? Not hardly.

Edited October 29, 2006 by Morocco4ever

[Bosco 1]

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men realtionships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

Well I am older than my husband. I don't take offense to what is implied or said outright about age differences. I think it is a real factor to consider. It is one I weighed heavily. Not only the age difference, but the fact that I was divorced previously. I needed to understand why these would not be issues in our marriage before going ahead. I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

When discussing the whole green card issue, we only have superficial things to look at and the few things that are shared here. We don't see the inner workings of a relationship. People are looking at what the "norm" of a desirable wife is in Morocco (or elsewhere) and if a marriage seems far from that norm here, they suspect the likelihood of fraud is probably higher.

Realistically a man of intelligence that intends to use a woman for a greencard will know that an age difference will be a red flag to the consulate, especially if they have done their homework on the subject. I would think a man using a woman for that purpose would try to find a woman closer to his age, but insecure, so he can easily manipulate that person. I am not easily manipulated. I was as a young girl with my first marriage however. It certainly won't happen again.

That is assuming it is somehow easy to find ANY woman to marry from another country. It is far from it. The number of marriage and fiance visas coming out of Morocco is quite small. I don't think the men are in any position to be selective and are darned lucky if they even find one that will board the plane to visit.

[morocco4ever 63]

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men relationships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships, as happened here almost immediately after the OP. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

I agree this is implied a lot here.

I think one reason may be that in our culture (US) large age differences are frowned upon by the majority. If a young man is married to an older woman then he's her boy toy and he's just in it coz she's got money and vice versa... Anna Nicole couldn't have loved that man coz he was old... she must have been using him for the money

maybe she's not a good example but you get my drift.

I teasingly called my husband a boy toy once, I got a very bad reaction. I won't make that mistake again!

One more assumption that is taken as a "given" - that an ME/NA man who marries a young woman isn't using her, even if she can have kids.

I have never seen this assumption made. I think everone realizes there is a risk in these relationships regardless of how "normal" one may seem on the surface. I do think people feel that when there is a large age difference, the risk may be higher but not that it is exclusive to those relationships. I also think that people would say the same if the guy is Muslim and the women shows disdain for Islam (as has been debated here in the past).

I'm not talking about exclusivity, but, watch the discussions a bit more closely because there is no doubt a skewed perspective about age difference relationships manifested here. There is rarely an opportunity missed to call into question older women/younger men realtionships in deference to younger women/younger men relationships. The onus is always on the former, but far less often on the later. Maybe older women just notice it more.

Well I am older than my husband. I don't take offense to what is implied or said outright about age differences. I think it is a real factor to consider. It is one I weighed heavily. Not only the age difference, but the fact that I was divorced previously. I needed to understand why these would not be issues in our marriage before going ahead. I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

When discussing the whole green card issue, we only have superficial things to look at and the few things that are shared here. We don't see the inner workings of a relationship. People are looking at what the "norm" of a desirable wife is in Morocco (or elsewhere) and if a marriage seems far from that norm here, they suspect the likelihood of fraud is probably higher.

Realistically a man of intelligence that intends to use a woman for a greencard will know that an age difference will be a red flag to the consulate, especially if they have done their homework on the subject. I would think a man using a woman for that purpose would try to find a woman closer to his age, but insecure, so he can easily manipulate that person. I am not easily manipulated. I was as a young girl with my first marriage however. It certainly won't happen again.

That is assuming it is somehow easy to find ANY woman to marry from another country. It is far from it. The number of marriage and fiance visas coming out of Morocco is quite small. I don't think the men are in any position to be selective and are darned lucky if they even find one that will board the plane to visit.

From what I have seen that isn't the case. I have seen a man there that I would never have given a second glance to get money out of these women, and since he started less than a year ago he has had several women fly out to meet him. He thoroughly disgusts me.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

I doubt he'd be looking in America if that's what he was looking for

I teasingly called my husband a boy toy once, I got a very bad reaction. I won't make that mistake again!

And I wasn't saying or implying that anyone here has a 'boy toy'... just stating how I see it is viewed here.

My husband and I are the same age but my ex is a good bit older than me and I was always considered his "sweet young thang". It irritated the heck out of me.

Edited October 29, 2006 by Veiled Princess

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

I doubt he'd be looking in America if that's what he was looking for

I do find it sad that American's on a whole don't value their morality more. I know a girl that once told me that she made a promise to herself that if she got pregnant out of marriage that she wouldn't marry the man unless she loved him. I couldn't help myself, I said it, "why didn't you promise yourself that you wouldn't sleep with a man unless you loved him".

[Bosco 1]

From what I have seen that isn't the case. I have seen a man there that I would never have given a second glance to get money out of these women, and since he started less than a year ago he has had several women fly out to meet him. He thoroughly disgusts me.

It may not be what you have seen, but compared to the packed cyber cafes, few men are finding success if you look at the visa numbers. I don't think a man whose intention is fraud is holding back to find a younger woman once he has an older one because he is worried about the consulate. Once has the golden ticket, he is probably going to take his chances. Besides, a good number of 15+, 20+ and even a few 30+ age difference couples have been approved.

For 2005

Morocco

194 K1 visas

190 K3 visas

Egypt

171 K1 visas

215 K3 visas

Jordan

97 K1 visas

61 K3 visas

[morocco4ever 63]

I teasingly called my husband a boy toy once, I got a very bad reaction. I won't make that mistake again!

And I wasn't saying or implying that anyone here has a 'boy toy'... just stating how I see it is viewed here.

My husband and I are the same age but my ex is a good bit older than me and I was always considered his "sweet young thang". It irritated the heck out of me.

I never really thought of that. Is that really what people here are thinking? That these are boy toys for us? To me my marriage is sacred, not that I have a new play thing.

[Veiled Princess 1]

I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

I doubt he'd be looking in America if that's what he was looking for

I do find it sad that American's on a whole don't value their morality more. I know a girl that once told me that she made a promise to herself that if she got pregnant out of marriage that she wouldn't marry the man unless she loved him. I couldn't help myself, I said it, "why didn't you promise yourself that you wouldn't sleep with a man unless you loved him".

I was just joking to lighten the mood a little bit... I'm sure there are plenty of virgins in Amreeka and many many folks with very high morals...

I know someone is gonna get mad now and I'm really sorry IT WAS JUST A JOKE

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I don't think we can really dispute that the young, never married virgin is still highly valued.

By whom?

This discussion only serves to prove how little women value themselves. A younger, never married virgin is not highly prized by me or most other women, but to a lot of men, perhaps. Why is it that we automatically calculate the innate worth a woman by what some men prefer and let it go at that? There is a resignation inherent in many comments that what men define as desirable by some men is what women define themselves by. That is sad to me and goes to show that discussions about what life for women is like in the Third World has only a small degree of separation by how women in more "progressive" societies still think of themselves, no matter how advanced their opportunity for upward mobility.

Edited October 29, 2006 by szsz