More kids with second marriage?

[AngelK96 0]

Hello all, happy Saturday.

I've been thinking for a long time about this subject and I see that there are other people here who must have thought about it as well.

I have a son from my first marriage and he'll be 12 next month.

His father and I share custody so we each have him about half the time.

I know that it's common or expected for married women in the middle east and surrounding areas to start having kids once they get married. At least, that's my impression.

However, I'm in my mid-late 30's at this point, and with a 12 year old, I'm really not that eager to start the child rearing process all over again.

My fiance and I have talked about this ALOT and have come to a decision, however I know that no matter what we decide, the final decision is up to Allah.

Anyways, it seems that there are several other women around here who are getting remarried who already have kids and I'm wondering how you feel about having more kids with a second marriage?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts on this.

Getting back to Melly's questions.

The important thing is that you and your fiance have talked about it. It seems like you are still opened to the idea of having more children from your comment of it's up to allah.

So I would say to you enjoy your upcoming marriage first and be with your husband and then decide. I was married over a year and a few months before i got pregnant. i also have two sons around your son's age and also share custody with my ex husband.

I chose to wait to get pregnant until he was actually here with me in the states. I didn't want to go through a pregnancy alone. We were both in agreement to wait until we were together. We both talked about having children prior to marriage. I felt at the time I didn't want to have anymore considering the ages of my sons, but once he came here and we were together at last it just seemed natural to want to have a child with my husband. Even though it is common in the middle east to have children right away. It differs from family to family and besides you won't be living in that enviroment you will I assume be living here in the states.

So good luck in whatever you decide !

[morocco4ever 63]

As far as women conceiving in their 60's, it happens. My husband said he knows of many women there in Morocco that have, and also I have seen it on the news. Of course it isn't common, but it happens more than most people know about. When I say all over, maybe you thought I meant that it is happening often, that is not the intention. All over, as in all over the world.....

I don't know what part of Morocco your husband is from, but my husband nearly fell out of his seat laughing when I asked him this. He asked if they were coming from outerspace and kept muttering "crazy"

He was speaking of the berber region. Maybe your husband doesn't know of anyone personal, it doesn't mean it hasn't happened. To assume he is aware of everyone's situation in Morocco, now that is what is crazy.

Where did I say he knew everyone's situation? I asked if he knew of many women getting pregnant after 60 in Morocco. He found it laughable.

I seem to recall the words "outer space" and "crazy". Maybe I am wrong, but the way I read it is that he is saying that it has never happened. Please correct me if I am wrong.

He thinks it is crazy to say that a large number (large number = many) of Moroccan women are having children over the age of 60, especially given the life expectancy there and the quality of medical care.

The word "many" isn't quite the same as "a large number". Many could be 3 considering that it isn't the norm. The term "a large number" is more of a statement of a high percentage. Its all a matter of interpretation.

Hello all, happy Saturday.

I've been thinking for a long time about this subject and I see that there are other people here who must have thought about it as well.

I have a son from my first marriage and he'll be 12 next month.

His father and I share custody so we each have him about half the time.

I know that it's common or expected for married women in the middle east and surrounding areas to start having kids once they get married. At least, that's my impression.

However, I'm in my mid-late 30's at this point, and with a 12 year old, I'm really not that eager to start the child rearing process all over again.

My fiance and I have talked about this ALOT and have come to a decision, however I know that no matter what we decide, the final decision is up to Allah.

Anyways, it seems that there are several other women around here who are getting remarried who already have kids and I'm wondering how you feel about having more kids with a second marriage?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts on this.

Getting back to Melly's questions.

The important thing is that you and your fiance have talked about it. It seems like you are still opened to the idea of having more children from your comment of it's up to allah.

So I would say to you enjoy your upcoming marriage first and be with your husband and then decide. I was married over a year and a few months before i got pregnant. i also have two sons around your son's age and also share custody with my ex husband.

I chose to wait to get pregnant until he was actually here with me in the states. I didn't want to go through a pregnancy alone. We were both in agreement to wait until we were together. We both talked about having children prior to marriage. I felt at the time I didn't want to have anymore considering the ages of my sons, but once he came here and we were together at last it just seemed natural to want to have a child with my husband. Even though it is common in the middle east to have children right away. It differs from family to family and besides you won't be living in that enviroment you will I assume be living here in the states.

So good luck in whatever you decide !

Sorry, I did go off topic on this one.

[Bosco 1]

As far as women conceiving in their 60's, it happens. My husband said he knows of many women there in Morocco that have, and also I have seen it on the news. Of course it isn't common, but it happens more than most people know about. When I say all over, maybe you thought I meant that it is happening often, that is not the intention. All over, as in all over the world.....

I don't know what part of Morocco your husband is from, but my husband nearly fell out of his seat laughing when I asked him this. He asked if they were coming from outerspace and kept muttering "crazy"

He was speaking of the berber region. Maybe your husband doesn't know of anyone personal, it doesn't mean it hasn't happened. To assume he is aware of everyone's situation in Morocco, now that is what is crazy.

Where did I say he knew everyone's situation? I asked if he knew of many women getting pregnant after 60 in Morocco. He found it laughable.

I seem to recall the words "outer space" and "crazy". Maybe I am wrong, but the way I read it is that he is saying that it has never happened. Please correct me if I am wrong.

He thinks it is crazy to say that a large number (large number = many) of Moroccan women are having children over the age of 60, especially given the life expectancy there and the quality of medical care.

The word "many" isn't quite the same as "a large number". Many could be 3 considering that it isn't the norm. The term "a large number" is more of a statement of a high percentage. Its all a matter of interpretation.

I suggest looking up the definition of "many".

[mybackpages 0]

The word "many" isn't quite the same as "a large number". Many could be 3 considering that it isn't the norm. The term "a large number" is more of a statement of a high percentage. Its all a matter of interpretation.

I'm confused. How could 3 be many when you are talking about 1000s of women?

[sarah and hicham 3]

I am literally laughing at this discussion.

I guess when you want to convince yourself of something so badly you can just make up anything you want to make yourself feel better.

I asked Hicham if he thinks 60 year olds can have babies and he wouldn't even take me seriously. First he laughed, then he laughed some more, then a little more, then he smiled, and laughed a little more.

To say that Moroccan men will be selective of the women they choose is silly. Ok so if they do actually select a younger woman than to me that means they actually are looking for love since they are being selective. How many Moroccan couples are there here and how many are both close in age? If a man just wants a greencard then he will not be selective he will go after the first woman who bites.

I just can't believe this discussion has come to this point.

Sad sad sad.

[melly 0]

Thanks to everyone who shared their views. It's nice to be able to see some of what other people think.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

To say that Moroccan men will be selective of the women they choose is silly. Ok so if they do actually select a younger woman than to me that means they actually are looking for love since they are being selective. How many Moroccan couples are there here and how many are both close in age?

Women get to do some selecting, too. Sarah. It's not only about what the men want.

If a man just wants a greencard then he will not be selective he will go after the first woman who bites.

And who is to say which of us is immune from that, including you, sis? Age does not preclude being used.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I'm going to be honest here and say that some of you guys have just lost about 99% of your credibility. I'm sad to say that I really respected most here and enjoyed reading your opinions but at this point some here have spiraled out of control. It's too bad really that some are convincing themselves of the most absurd things I have ever heard.

To say that Moroccan men will be selective of the women they choose is silly. Ok so if they do actually select a younger woman than to me that means they actually are looking for love since they are being selective. How many Moroccan couples are there here and how many are both close in age?

Women get to do some selecting, too. Sarah. It's not only about what the men want.

If a man just wants a greencard then he will not be selective he will go after the first woman who bites.

And who is to say which of us is immune from that, including you, sis? Age does not preclude being used.

That's true... so why do you guys like younger men? Why did you choose younger men?

I am not saying I am not immune I am saying that I think a man with a plan is going to not be too picky.

[Bosco 1]

That's true... so why do you guys like younger men? Why did you choose younger men?

I am not saying I am not immune I am saying that I think a man with a plan is going to not be too picky.

Sarah,

My husband is almost six years younger. I don't like younger men as much as I love my husband who happened to be younger. I wasn't looking to remarry and our relationship did not start in a chat room. I was attempting to improve my Arabic, he his English. We got to know each other in a "non-relationship" setting before we even considered anything else. However, his age was an issue for me, not because I think any less of him for being younger or than I am any less of a woman for being older, but because I realize it is still very much an issue for a substantial part of Moroccan society. If it had been in a chat room or something else, I don't think we would have gotten beyond the age exchange. I grew up well aware of marriage fraud and I never thought I would take this "gamble" myself, and the 6 year age difference odds alone made me uneasy.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

That's true... so why do you guys like younger men? Why did you choose younger men?

Sarah, I'm stuck at how you speak to and about us as tho we are aliens from another planet who don't have the same feelings or needs as younger women. Why did you like or choose Hicham? Was it because of his age?

I am not saying I am not immune I am saying that I think a man with a plan is going to not be too picky.

So, not being picky means that he will choose a lesser woman, aka an older woman? Being picky means that he will choose a younger woman?

I'm going to assume that your age makes you think this way.

[sarah and hicham 3]

That's true... so why do you guys like younger men? Why did you choose younger men?

Sarah, I'm stuck at how you speak to and about us as tho we are aliens from another planet who don't have the same feelings or needs as younger women. Why did you like or choose Hicham? Was it because of his age?

I am not saying I am not immune I am saying that I think a man with a plan is going to not be too picky.

So, not being picky means that he will choose a lesser woman, aka an older woman? Being picky means that he will choose a younger woman?

I'm going to assume that your age makes you think this way.

You can take what I said however you want... obviously you want to twist my words into saying that older women are inferior. Sorry, I love my Mom and she's even older than you! I think she's a wonderful woman and have nothing against the older generation.

ps. Morocco4Ever is the one that said they would choose a younger man, not ME. Morocco4ever said that a guy with a greencard wouldn't want an older woman because it would make the consulate suspicious. So you can take that up with M4ever. Thanks!

one more thing... I want nothing to do with a man 20 years older than myself. Gross!

Edited October 30, 2006 by sarah and hicham

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You can take what I said however you want... obviously you want to twist my words into saying that older women are inferior. Sorry, I love my Mom and she's even older than you! I think she's a wonderful woman and have nothing against the older generation.

I would expect nothing less, Sarah. But your mom isn't us and the way you talk about us is not the way you talk to your mom, thank God.

ps. Morocco4Ever is the one that said they would choose a younger man, not ME. Morocco4ever said that a guy with a greencard wouldn't want an older woman because it would make the consulate suspicious. So you can take that up with M4ever. Thanks!

I don't have a problem with M4E, but you do, so you can take it up with her.

one more thing... I want nothing to do with a man 20 years older than myself. Gross!

Fine. No one's making you. But, insha'allah, one day you will be much older and hearing harsh words about your age from those younger than you. It may take you that long to understand.

Good night, all!

Edited October 30, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

I am not wishing anything bad upon you and it's too bad you are wishing it upon me.

I don't see anything wrong with me posting my concerns about certain relationships.

I find it very interesting that the only people saying that the age difference is normal is the couples where the woman is older than the man...surprise surprise!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I am not wishing anything bad upon you and it's too bad you are wishing it upon me.

I haven't wished anythig bad on you, just telling you that one day you will be old, insha'allah. Or would you rather die?

I don't see anything wrong with me posting my concerns about certain relationships.

It's not that you do it, it's how you do it.

I find it very interesting that the only people saying that the age difference is normal is the couples where the woman is older than the man...surprise surprise!

It's not at all interesting that it's young, inexperienced women who are saying it isn't. It's quite predictable.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I am not wishing anything bad upon you and it's too bad you are wishing it upon me.

I haven't wished anythig bad on you, just telling you that one day you will be old, insha'allah. Or would you rather die?

I don't see anything wrong with me posting my concerns about certain relationships.

It's not that you do it, it's how you do it.

I find it very interesting that the only people saying that the age difference is normal is the couples where the woman is older than the man...surprise surprise!

It's not at all interesting that it's young, inexperienced women who are saying it isn't. It's quite predictable.

I never though bosco was a young inexperienced woman, sorry.

If you don't liek how I post then I would reccoment using the ignore button. I am blunt and if you don't like it then you can choose to put your blinders on along with Liz and crazyinegypt.

Edited October 30, 2006 by sarah and hicham