More kids with second marriage?

[melly 0]

Hello all, happy Saturday.

I've been thinking for a long time about this subject and I see that there are other people here who must have thought about it as well.

I have a son from my first marriage and he'll be 12 next month.

His father and I share custody so we each have him about half the time.

I know that it's common or expected for married women in the middle east and surrounding areas to start having kids once they get married. At least, that's my impression.

However, I'm in my mid-late 30's at this point, and with a 12 year old, I'm really not that eager to start the child rearing process all over again.

My fiance and I have talked about this ALOT and have come to a decision, however I know that no matter what we decide, the final decision is up to Allah.

Anyways, it seems that there are several other women around here who are getting remarried who already have kids and I'm wondering how you feel about having more kids with a second marriage?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts on this.

[sarah and hicham 3]

This is a good question, I am interested to see how people answer.

I think you are right that it is expected for newlyweds to start having kids soon after they are married. I think generally speaking it would be abnormal for a man to marry a woman who is not capable of having kids as family is so highly valued in the ME/NA. This is something I wonder about when we see younger men marrying women who are 15 or 20 years older than the man. I know not everyone in these countries wants kids but it is pretty much expected by the families in most places.

Good question!

[honeyblonde 0]

I have 2 sons - 25 and 21 and had my tubes tied after my second son was born, so I hadn't even considered having another child, even divorced my last husband when he wanted kids. Abdel knew all this when he married me and never expected kids. Now that we're married, I realize what a great dad he would be and if he still wants kids when I graduate in 2 1/2 years, we will get my tubes untied and try. I never in my life wanted kids, but then again, I never in my life expected to have a marriage like this either. I think having the right partner makes the whole world change.

I wouldn't say have another kid just for a man, but if you can see yourself being a mom again, and it's something you want to do together, then why not consider it?

[Veiled Princess 1]

I do want to have more kids with my husband and I pray God blesses us with many... just not while we're still here coz it's just too expensive.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't have any perspective on the MENA aspect of this issue, but I'd thought I'd just mention my experience. My parents had me when they were very young - I was the only child out of their marriage. They both remarried several years later and now I have four brothers and sisters ranging in age from 8 to 13.

When my mom got pregant with my sister I was 16. She was worried about how I'd feel about it. I love my little sister so much, but I will admit that at times I felt like an outsider in the "new family", especially when returning home during school breaks and such. I'm well over that now though.

[dollface41601 0]

Your right about women becoming preggo after marrying in ME/NA countries...i can remember two weeks after i married Sofyan his mom use to pat my stomach wishing for a baby to be there, I would laugh it off as they all know i was still young when we married....we will try next year inshallah....and i pray god blesses us with 3 or 4 beautiful children

[~Jackie~ 30]

Really Sarah, abnormal? I never thought it to be that.

Jackie

[dollface41601 0]

Actually Jac, i was under that impression too like sara, I know many people who married a second wife because their first could not have children....its sad, but i guess alot of men over there feel that they are not men without children to carry on their name

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Really Sarah, abnormal? I never thought it to be that.

I never thought it to be that either, and I'm Arab. There is a stereotype at work here.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Hachemi knew from the very beginning of our relationship that I could not have any more children. After spending the last 3 days with my two, 3 yr old granddaughters and my 7 week old grandson. He was very happy about playing with them and spoiling them and sending them back to their moms.

Meriem

[Veiled Princess 1]

Yousuf and I have discussed the possibility and "what ifs" in case I'm not able to have more children and he says it wouldn't affect our relationship... he also says he never wants another wife even if it means he doesn't have children of his own. He says my children are like his children and he loves them like they're his.

Of course there's always the argument that our men would say anything to get a GC but seriously I don't think it's quite as big a deal as is being made here.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Good thing for me Mohammed is not 'over there'

Jackie

[sarah and hicham 3]

Really Sarah, abnormal? I never thought it to be that.

Jackie

I also stated that I'm sure there's just some who don't want kids.

I have talked about this a lot with Hicham and he said in Morocco what he knows is that people who get married have kids and that starting a family is highly valued in their culture. Maybe it is different in Jordan I will have to ask JP but from what I have learned from her it seems like both her and her fiance have huge familes.

I don't think this is a sterotype and I am sure that others would agree that family is valued much more (generally) in the ME/NA than in the US. I have heard many stories like the one Kelly said about how after they got married her Mother in law was ready for some grandkids.

I'm just saying what I saw in Morocco and what Hicham has told me about family and children. It wasn't meant to be taken as an insult and I hope it wasn't.

Maybe szsz and JP or any other Arabs or those of you who have lived abroad can share your experiences with family in the ME/NA?

[True Love at Last 15]

Hello all, happy Saturday.

I've been thinking for a long time about this subject and I see that there are other people here who must have thought about it as well.

I have a son from my first marriage and he'll be 12 next month.

His father and I share custody so we each have him about half the time.

I know that it's common or expected for married women in the middle east and surrounding areas to start having kids once they get married. At least, that's my impression.

However, I'm in my mid-late 30's at this point, and with a 12 year old, I'm really not that eager to start the child rearing process all over again.

My fiance and I have talked about this ALOT and have come to a decision, however I know that no matter what we decide, the final decision is up to Allah.

Anyways, it seems that there are several other women around here who are getting remarried who already have kids and I'm wondering how you feel about having more kids with a second marriage?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts on this.

I have a child from my first marriage , my son is now 10. I plan on having more children (inshaAllah). We have decided to wait a few years to get our lives started together. I pray that Allah will bless us with a daughter the first time around....

[Aymerlu 3]

I think generally speaking it would be abnormal for a man to marry a woman who is not capable of having kids as family is so highly valued in the ME/NA. This is something I wonder about when we see younger men marrying women who are 15 or 20 years older than the man. I know not everyone in these countries wants kids but it is pretty much expected by the families in most places.

Not really that abnormal. I know many women married to ME/NA men that have children from a previous marriage and due to reasons, they choose not to have more children. I'm still young, have 2 children from a previous marriage and due to reasons beyond my control, had to have a partial hysterectomy at a young age. My husband knew this from the moment we began talking along, with his family. He considers my children his own. I do have many friends that have said they would be a surrogate for us, but we're not going to rush into anything at this point. My hubby loves me for who I am and not if I can/cannot reproduce.