Abusive Husband

[bjmyrnajourney 1]

First of all please please please don't complain about my english im not so good at it so u don't have to tell me or make any smart comments cos i don't need it and im well aware I don't have a good english but the thing is atleast im trying LOL.

Ok here it goes, I would like to start a post for my friend, she came here in USA last December 2011 and got married early March ( within 90 days) Her husband was a really nice man, very sweet and all. But after they got married he become very abusive. On their wedding day he ask her a wedding present which is ( please excuse the words!!!) ####### sex so she gaved it to him since its their wedding day anyways and she thought maybe he just really like to try that kind of thing. Next is on his bday, he ask if she could pierce her tongue her belly button and her ####### as a gift and in exchange of him feeding her and buyin her clothes stuff for the foods and everything that if she will not do it he will send her back home to Philippines and all that kind of stuff like scaring her, so she called the cops on him cos she got really scared and she didnt wanna do it. When the husband knew she called the cops he apology to her and said they should go take a marriage counseling and blah blah so there for awhile they were okay until recently he got mad and just choke her and physically abusing her.So she called 911 and they went to court but the case got dismiss cos she didn't have any bruises or witnesses cos all the neigbhor who saw what happened is on the husband side, now the question is she already filed for her greencard but is still under review, she has her work permit but not the green card will she be able to stay here in america? domestic abuse actually helped her with the case but since she has not gotten even her 2yrs green card yet is she allowed to stay? Thank you and again sorry for the bad english.

[C-ma'am 684]

**Moved from AOS from family visas to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits. Topic is not related to the AOS procedure.

[bjmyrnajourney 1]

sorry

[Anh map 2,098]

The friend should leave the husband if she is scared. There are advocacy groups that can help if she doesn't have money/resources. Then she can choose the path that is best for her. Divorce, where to live, etc.

Being safe and happy is more important than a green card.

[bjmyrnajourney 1]

She don't have a problem to go home, she is just wondering if she can stay then it would be nice to stay ( shes currently living with a filipina she meet in her place so shes safe now ) but she didnt want to be illegal or something like that cos if shes not allowed here she will be willing to come back home. Thank you tho for the reply really appreciate it.

Edited October 2, 2012 by bjmyrnajourney

[SingleDad2usc 71]

She likely left husband already. But "happy", without status? She needs timely advice to get thru legal jungle quick - not like me not knowing my immigration rights for years

Edited October 2, 2012 by SingleDad2usc

[rodceasar 34]

Leave asap!!!!!!!!!! Also, let your friend know that she should never compromise herself to perform anything that she does not feel good about doing. There is a life and world outside of the US, you know.

[TracyTN 237]

I don't really think comments about the marriage or 'there is life beyond the US' are the point. Surely if she is from outside the US, she knows this full well. It is her right to stay here if she chooses to. It's not her fault she married an abusive louse.

If her green card is in process, I would have her immediately make an Infopass appointment at her local USCIS office and let them know she has left the marital home and why she has left. If the green card were to get approved, it would be mailed to her husband (assuming she used their joint address as the one on the green card application) and she may have a heck of a time getting that from him. She will not be removed or denied her green card because her marriage broke down. She just needs to act in a way to protect both herself and make sure she has her green card in her possession to prove her status here. She'll likely need it as she moves to create a life without him.

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

Did she file for Adjustment of Status yet?

[bjmyrnajourney 1]

Yes she has but it's still under review.

[wilfon 30]

First of all please please please don't complain about my english im not so good at it so u don't have to tell me or make any smart comments cos i don't need it and im well aware I don't have a good english but the thing is atleast im trying LOL.

Ok here it goes, I would like to start a post for my friend, she came here in USA last December 2011 and got married early March ( within 90 days) Her husband was a really nice man, very sweet and all. But after they got married he become very abusive. On their wedding day he ask her a wedding present which is ( please excuse the words!!!) ####### sex so she gaved it to him since its their wedding day anyways and she thought maybe he just really like to try that kind of thing. Next is on his bday, he ask if she could pierce her tongue her belly button and her ####### as a gift and in exchange of him feeding her and buyin her clothes stuff for the foods and everything that if she will not do it he will send her back home to Philippines and all that kind of stuff like scaring her, so she called the cops on him cos she got really scared and she didnt wanna do it. When the husband knew she called the cops he apology to her and said they should go take a marriage counseling and blah blah so there for awhile they were okay until recently he got mad and just choke her and physically abusing her.So she called 911 and they went to court but the case got dismiss cos she didn't have any bruises or witnesses cos all the neigbhor who saw what happened is on the husband side, now the question is she already filed for her greencard but is still under review, she has her work permit but not the green card will she be able to stay here in america? domestic abuse actually helped her with the case but since she has not gotten even her 2yrs green card yet is she allowed to stay? Thank you and again sorry for the bad english.

I hope she gets out of this situation safely and is able to move on without that guy. Your English is very good, much better than a lot of people living here.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

now the question is she already filed for her greencard but is still under review, she has her work permit but not the green card will she be able to stay here in america? domestic abuse actually helped her with the case but since she has not gotten even her 2yrs green card yet is she allowed to stay?

First, your English, while not the best, is still perfectly understandable and better I think than some native English speakers, so good on you for trying!

The wedding night isn't abuse. Obviously we don't know the full story behind it (and I'm not asking) but asking her to do something is different than making/forcing her. The second instance you state was on his birthday. Having no idea when his birthday is, I would assume it was relatively recently given the date of your post. Was there no "abuse" between now and then, and if so, any proof? The birthday thing, asking for a "present" for his birthday isn't abusive, but again we don't know the full story. The threatening to send her home IS nasty but you said she got really scared so I assume there's more to this than your post suggests. Whether they're actually abuse or not isn't really the point anyway, it's more that there is no proof of these alleged abusive incidents.

She will not be removed or denied her green card because her marriage broke down. She just needs to act in a way to protect both herself and make sure she has her green card in her possession to prove her status here. She'll likely need it as she moves to create a life without him.

She WILL have her greencard application denied if she leaves her husband. She would need to try a VAWA claim and without proof of abuse, she would most likely lose that. If she stays with him to get the greencard, aside from that being fraud, she will need to apply for ROC as soon as the divorce is final, and prove that she entered the marriage in good faith and show proof of co-mingling etc.

Honestly she would of course be better off returning to her home country. It MIGHT be possible to stay but it will be a long process. Staying in the relationship isn't a good idea given she is scared of him. He may have already pulled his Affidavit of Support (which is his right) so she might get her greencard denied that way anyway.

Obviously before making a decision she should meet with an attorney to see where she stands. Bearing in mind that many attorneys will claim an unwinnable case is winnable simply to collect fees.

[Laura&Nando 6]

If her green card is in process, I would have her immediately make an Infopass appointment at her local USCIS office and let them know she has left the marital home and why she has left. If the green card were to get approved, it would be mailed to her husband (assuming she used their joint address as the one on the green card application) and she may have a heck of a time getting that from him. She will not be removed or denied her green card because her marriage broke down. She just needs to act in a way to protect both herself and make sure she has her green card in her possession to prove her status here. She'll likely need it as she moves to create a life without him.

Yes - this! The Infopass appointment is the best way to go. She should take all the documentation that she has with her regarding her original visa, her AOS application, and the court proceedings from when he strangled her, 911 phone calls, etc. Survivors of abuse are never treated unfairly, but she must act to protect herself from a possible lapse in her status. Definitely have a CHANGE OF ADDRESS done IMMEDIATELY. Her husband most likely will make this entire thing hard for her - tying her legal status to him. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. He does not own her, he cannot control her. She needs to make sure that the change of address is to a secure place where she knows that she'll have access to the mail. I'm not sure if USCIS allows for PO boxes, but it's not a bad idea in this situation. I'd strongly recommend contacting an organization that works for immigrant survivors of abuse, I'm not sure where you all are located, but google "immigrant survivor of abuse services in...." and include your city/state.

Best of luck to your friend. She's doing the right thing by getting away from him.

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

This is sad. For her safety it is good for her to go back home in Philippines where she is more safer. But its her right also to stay in the US but I dont know much what she needed to do to be able to stay and Im sure it would cost a lot as well. Tell your friend to stay safe and never to go out alone. Safety must be first.

[InHisTime 110]

First of all please please please don't complain about my english im not so good at it so u don't have to tell me or make any smart comments cos i don't need it and im well aware I don't have a good english but the thing is atleast im trying LOL.

Ok here it goes, I would like to start a post for my friend, she came here in USA last December 2011 and got married early March ( within 90 days) Her husband was a really nice man, very sweet and all. But after they got married he become very abusive. On their wedding day he ask her a wedding present which is ( please excuse the words!!!) ####### sex so she gaved it to him since its their wedding day anyways and she thought maybe he just really like to try that kind of thing. Next is on his bday, he ask if she could pierce her tongue her belly button and her ####### as a gift and in exchange of him feeding her and buyin her clothes stuff for the foods and everything that if she will not do it he will send her back home to Philippines and all that kind of stuff like scaring her, so she called the cops on him cos she got really scared and she didnt wanna do it. When the husband knew she called the cops he apology to her and said they should go take a marriage counseling and blah blah so there for awhile they were okay until recently he got mad and just choke her and physically abusing her.So she called 911 and they went to court but the case got dismiss cos she didn't have any bruises or witnesses cos all the neigbhor who saw what happened is on the husband side, now the question is she already filed for her greencard but is still under review, she has her work permit but not the green card will she be able to stay here in america? domestic abuse actually helped her with the case but since she has not gotten even her 2yrs green card yet is she allowed to stay? Thank you and again sorry for the bad english.

Hi girl! As what other poster says, for me, your English is good and understandable. No worry about it --you expressed your thoughts very clearly.

The story of your friend is so sad. Is she still wants to stay in the US - I think she has the right to stay since she got married within 90 days and now filed for AOS, though it is still on process. As what others advised here, please tell her to report or explain the incident of abuse to the USCIS. There is nothing to fear as long she is telling the truth and not manipulating or being fraud. No one can force her to do something if she doesn't like or not comfortable about it. Respect is important to have a harmonious and loving relationship. If she won't have her legal stay in the US, it is better she come back home and have peace of mind. Please tell her to know her rights and don't settle for less. Having a GC is not the total solution / happiness in life -- there is so much more and goodness in life. God bless to you and your friend.