Issue with late-stage abortion...

[bobargenis 0]

Regardless of legality and seeking answers from strangers on the internet such as this blog;

DUDE, TRY TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND GROW UP.

BE RESPONSIBLE AND TALK WITH YOUR FIANCEE, FAMILY AND PARISHIONER (IF YOU HAVE A RELIGION). THIS IS A SERIOUS ENDEVOUR; MARRIAGE, PREGNANCY AND ABORTION. SEEK REAL HELP FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOU. Someone you can rely on and more importantly seek within yourself if you really forgiven her. This is not a popularity, survey nor blog issue. Be real, seek real and true help and advice. This is a very sensitive and personal issue that may become nurturing or may destroy individuals forever. Are you serious by seeking help on this matter, on this blog?

Sorry for the tough talk, but Jesus......

FYI; ADVICE, LEAVE YOUR FRIEND; HE WAS NEVER YOUR FRIEND AND NEVER WILL BE TRUSTED. THATS THE BEST ADVICE GIVEN....

Okay, please do not judge as this is a complex situation.

Basically, my fiance and I had a period of a few months where we separated and she was going through a lot of problems and basically slept with a friend. Who, as it turned out, purposely took off his condom without telling her and impregnated her, because at the end of the day he hated the "gringo" (me). Then he forced her to have a relationship with him or he would tell me about the pregnancy, but of course eventually she told me anyways.

Now she wants to do an abortion in Colombia which, you know, may not be so legal (it is legal in the case of rape). It's pretty late-stage (my guess is 6 months). The other consideration is to have the baby, but the baby would never come to the U.S. with us and would essentially grow up with my fiance's mother and we would financially support it. This is all sounds absurd, but this is the bind we are in. I made it clear to here she can do whatever she feels is best for her, but there's no way I am taking that baby into my direct care, ever.

If she performs the abortion, I wonder if a.) The man who impregnated her, who very much knows she is pregnant and knows the hospital where she had her test done, could somehow start a criminal investigation against her (obviously leading her to not have clean police records, etc). It's important to note that no one officially knows he is the father, so I am wondering whether that sort of thing could happen, he comes into the police station and says, "Hey, I impregnated this girl, you can check hospital records that she was pregnant, but now the baby is nowhere to be found. Investigate her!" Could it work like that? b.) What would she do during her medical exam? If she admits to the abortion, will she automatically fail the test when they find no official record of the abortion? Or do they not care to go into that detail? Could she get away with not mentioning it at all?

Someone please give honest advice. To be honest, I am leaning towards her having the baby. I would rather have that happen then take the risk of her running into legal problems, not to mention risk to her own health. On the other hand, that baby is going to have a horrible life in this world. Open to any suggestions. Thank you.

Edited October 1, 2012 by bobargenis

[aws&ndd 103]

3.-"There's no way for you to take care of the baby ever" If you can take her back after what she did to you, cant you take that innocent baby too? I know you are not the father, but for me, if you are marrying a women, you are marry to their kids!

Exactly! A woman is a package deal if she has kids, and you can choose to accept it or not. But if you choose not to accept it, are you really accepting her for all she is? Take time and really discuss with her.

[bobargenis 0]

Regardless of legality and seeking answers from strangers on the internet such as this blog;

DUDE, TRY TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND GROW UP.

BE RESPONSIBLE AND TALK WITH YOUR FIANCEE, FAMILY AND PARISHIONER (IF YOU HAVE A RELIGION). THIS IS A SERIOUS ENDEVOUR; MARRIAGE, PREGNANCY AND ABORTION. SEEK REAL HELP FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOU. Someone you can rely on and more importantly seek within yourself if you really forgiven her. This is not a popularity, survey nor blog issue. Be real, seek real and true help and advice. This is a very sensitive and personal issue that may become nurturing or may destroy individuals forever. Are you serious by seeking help on this matter, on this blog?

Sorry for the tough talk, but Jesus......

FYI; ADVICE, LEAVE "THE" FRIEND (YOU OR HER); WAS NEVER A FRIEND

[Wicker Park 4]

Well regardless with what this forum is for, the topic is somewhat interlaced with a K-1 visa and personal opinions and beliefs. Reading a few posts about the fiance purposely telling you about the child this late... is in a way a problem. You see when you lie about something, you cover it with more lies and more and more...and things become ridiculous enough, that when you are in love you will believe it anyway. What if she is in love with her "friend" and wants a child with him now because in the future she wants to bring him to the US? What if she loves the friend and wants to have a child with him but for you to be the husband? What if she drugged him?

Here is something you should definitely think about...and my take if she was in love with you and you guys had time off...why in the world is she having sex with anyone else?....she put herself in that situation. If she is not capable of pushing those types of "friends" away from her life because she is in love with you...what is going to happen next. Based on everything said from you it seems like a very strong emotional toll on you that you wont be able to handle...I wouldn't! A child from another man....especially during the time we both had mutual feelings towards one another...together or not during that time....I'd walk out the door. Don't take responsibility for something this deep. Financial problems or medical thats on issue....but a child from another man in her life...you will never be able to forgive her for doing this to you on you "break apart."

[Calicolom 266]

Typical American attitude, the child would have a horrible life in Colombia. I am considering moving to Colombia, Good Education, Good Climate, Good People, FREE HEALT CARE What is so horrible about that Country. You should consider moving there.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Typical American attitude, the child would have a horrible life in Colombia. I am considering moving to Colombia, Good Education, Good Climate, Good People, FREE HEALT CARE What is so horrible about that Country. You should consider moving there.

How do you know that the comment was made in reference to life in Colombia? The actual comment was "a horrible life in this world"

I find when people generalize an entire group of people ("typical American"), their generalizations are often incorrect.

Edited October 1, 2012 by Evylin

[aaydrian 479]

OP needs to hook his fiancée up to a lie detector because first 'he pulled the condom off' then 'he wants to spite the gringo', 'forced her into a relationship' (insert eye roll) and now she was conveniently drugged. Psssh, yeah right. The same friends your fiancée keeps in Colombia, are the same type of friends she'll scout for in your neighbourhood.

Don't be surprised if your to be wife visits the clinic every time you guys go on a break or little Eric looks like John from work.

[winnie george 67]

OP needs to hook his fiancée up to a lie detector because first 'he pulled the condom off' then 'he wants to spite the gringo', 'forced her into a relationship' (insert eye roll) and now she was conveniently drugged. Psssh, yeah right. The same friends your fiancée keeps in Colombia, are the same type of friends she'll scout for in your neighbourhood.

Don't be surprised if your to be wife visits the clinic every time you guys go on a break or little Eric looks like John from work.

Exactly my thoughts

Just doesn't sum up

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Okay, please do not judge as this is a complex situation.

Basically, my fiance and I had a period of a few months where we separated and she was going through a lot of problems and basically slept with a friend. Who, as it turned out, purposely took off his condom without telling her and impregnated her, because at the end of the day he hated the "gringo" (me). Then he forced her to have a relationship with him or he would tell me about the pregnancy, but of course eventually she told me anyways.

Now she wants to do an abortion in Colombia which, you know, may not be so legal (it is legal in the case of rape). It's pretty late-stage (my guess is 6 months). The other consideration is to have the baby, but the baby would never come to the U.S. with us and would essentially grow up with my fiance's mother and we would financially support it. This is all sounds absurd, but this is the bind we are in. I made it clear to here she can do whatever she feels is best for her, but there's no way I am taking that baby into my direct care, ever.

If she performs the abortion, I wonder if a.) The man who impregnated her, who very much knows she is pregnant and knows the hospital where she had her test done, could somehow start a criminal investigation against her (obviously leading her to not have clean police records, etc). It's important to note that no one officially knows he is the father, so I am wondering whether that sort of thing could happen, he comes into the police station and says, "Hey, I impregnated this girl, you can check hospital records that she was pregnant, but now the baby is nowhere to be found. Investigate her!" Could it work like that? b.) What would she do during her medical exam? If she admits to the abortion, will she automatically fail the test when they find no official record of the abortion? Or do they not care to go into that detail? Could she get away with not mentioning it at all?

Someone please give honest advice. To be honest, I am leaning towards her having the baby. I would rather have that happen then take the risk of her running into legal problems, not to mention risk to her own health. On the other hand, that baby is going to have a horrible life in this world. Open to any suggestions. Thank you.

Look, thank you for the advice but you are all a but judgmental. First of all, since posting that I have done a little research on abortion and I agree 6 months is too late. I simply did not know. But other than that, you do not know 100% of the facts of what is known... From everything I pick up, she was drugged into doing this, we had considered a criminal investigation but she won't do that because, if you know anything about Colombia, that sort of thing might get you killed one day. It's a tough situation, and we will figure it out and do what is best for the child, given the circumstances. By the way, the law in Colombia is not only that abortion is legal if the woman was raped or is not mentally stable, it is also legal if it is considered that the woman cannot emotionally or economically support the child-- a very broad definition that has allowed for a lot of legal abortions in Colombia, by far the most progressive nation in Latin America in this regard (the only that allows abortion).

Ill try to keep this post factual and helpful, but I apologize in the interim if something sounds judgemental:

I think you understand that an abortion past the 4th month is a no-go, so no need to beat a dead horse anymore. It's too much of a health risk and shouldn't be even an option at this point. I hope that this doesn't get me banned:

Your story has me scratching my head on some points. First you say your fiance and you were seperated and she slept with a friend and got pregnant, I get it. Then you post she might have been drugged, which one is it? I say this because you seem to have a lot of enimity towards a child whose has no choice in this matter. Second you seem to be concerned about the child's well being in Colombia but not enough to take him/her as your own. If the latter is true, the right thing would be to either place the child up for adoption in her country if she can't deal with the emotional issues, or have the baby and petetion both of them. With the criminal thing looming in the background, I don't think the father would even fight it and if he did then he would be in for a world of hurt.

I can't speak on how you or her feels as I haven't dealt with this situation personally, but if you truly love this woman and want to spend you life with her, she should have your unconditional support, and that might make it easier for her whatever choice she makes. Allah bless all of you involved.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

As this topic was asking about the K-1 medical and the impact an abortion or a pregnancy would have at the medical, and that question has been answered a number of times, and as this thread has now veered very far off topic and is no longer discussing the relevant K-1 visa process, I am closing it to further discussion. Please do not restart this topic as there have been a number of TOS violations as well through out the comments.