Issue with late-stage abortion...

[AF-Wife 181]

This thread turned out into a discussion if its ok to do the abortion or not. This is not the question and shouldn't be our concern. It's not our desicion neither should we try to tell him that it's murder. It's not our business! He came here to ask immigration questions so please concentrate on it. OP, I don't believe the medical wil ask you about the abortion. It's not the US concern if the women that's immigration done that or not. What they are checking for is viruses, big health problems, drugs. Don't be worries, I believe you thinking way to complicated.

[Peter_Pan 661]

I guess I would like to know from OP why is raising this child yourselves out of the question? How would this baby be any different if she came into the relationship with a child. This baby didn't ask to be conceived. and I feel if she if forced into a decision she doesn't want you will both suffer the pain of the loss.

Many people don't want to raise someone else's kids - it's normal.

[Rob & Monika 87]

Never stand between a woman and her child. Either take them both, or leave them both. If you separate them (either by death or adoption), you will likely acquire all the emotional baggage that goes with it the loss. It will likely destroy your marriage, especially if she blames you for it. Men may be able to compartmentalize things, but women can't.

[AF-Wife 181]

Never stand between a woman and her child. Either take them both, or leave them both. If you separate them (either by death or adoption), you will likely acquire all the emotional baggage that goes with it the loss. It will likely destroy your marriage, especially if she blames you for it. Men may be able to compartmentalize things, but women can't.

Read the original post again. She doesn't want the kid. She wants to have an abortion.

[summertom 0]

Look, thank you for the advice but you are all a but judgmental. First of all, since posting that I have done a little research on abortion and I agree 6 months is too late. I simply did not know. But other than that, you do not know 100% of the facts of what is known... From everything I pick up, she was drugged into doing this, we had considered a criminal investigation but she won't do that because, if you know anything about Colombia, that sort of thing might get you killed one day. It's a tough situation, and we will figure it out and do what is best for the child, given the circumstances.

By the way, the law in Colombia is not only that abortion is legal if the woman was raped or is not mentally stable, it is also legal if it is considered that the woman cannot emotionally or economically support the child-- a very broad definition that has allowed for a lot of legal abortions in Colombia, by far the most progressive nation in Latin America in this regard (the only that allows abortion).

[Conni 1]

While some want to become pregnant others decide to end the lives of innocent children, who think they did with it, do not do it with that little angel that guilt has not and is not judging, but do not hurt yourself, for eventually take him on their conscience the rest of their lives, and blaming the mistake they made in doing so cruel crime, sorry for the mistakes, not no English and I translated it in google.

[djricky4 67]

this child did nothing wrong an is entitle to life, especially after getting to this late stage. it is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that this child gets what is best in life. even if this includes putting up the child for adoption. i see nothing wrong with leaving the child with his/her grand parents and adopt the child later on in life. Good luck with what whatever decision you all make and im wishing you all the best

[daddy'sgirl 1]

Despite of everything the baby is still your fiancee's child, i would suggest to keep the baby and have it adopted to a relative or give to her mom. that could be the best thing you can do.. it has life, it is human.. it has all the right to e born in this world.. and who knows in the end it will be a blessing for you and your future wife.. thanksss

[Cathi 5,783]

Many people don't want to raise someone else's kids - it's normal.

This is not true. Many many people get remarried and have blended families and it works out. I have 2 teenage boys that I came into my now marriage with, and my husband loves my boys as if they were his own(he has none of his own children btw). I know so many people who have married others who already have kids. I think you are speaking for yourself.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

A descent physician won't perform the abortion past 4 months.It's TOO LATE NOW!. She can't bring the child to USA, the USA Consulate asks for DNA test.She can give the child up for adoption. Colombia has thousands of children waiting to be adopted.The grandmother can raise the child or the father.Why are you so worry about the father find out about the child? It's his child and he has the right to raise the child as well. She was mature enough to have sex right? then she should be mature enough to take responsibilities. It's her choice if she wants to raise the child or not, but now she needs to stop thinking about her and about you and focus to find a place for this child.

[ca_babe 129]

Okay, follow up question:

1.) Are medical exams for K1 performed by U.S. doctors?

2.) If she was just to say that yes, she had an abortion, would they ask when? At what stage? Why? Where?

Abortion is not illegal in the U.S., so if the doctor is U.S. and she is going to the U.S., I am not seeing how it could be grounds for denial... right?

1.)When I had my medical, I was asked whether I was pregnant or had been pregnant before. The medical exam was done by a clinic accredited by the US Embassy and the results will be sent directly to the US Embassy and not the applicant. You can't just go to any hospital/doctor.

2.) They would most likely ask for details of the abortion, including the when, at what stage and if she was raped and possibly send her for a psychological evaluation to find out if she's in a mentally stable state when the abortion happened. If she chose to have an abortion because of mental stability, then they would need to determine if her mental instability might harm others. They would want to know if the abortion was done legally or if she committed a crime.

I pray that you find a loving home for the child.

[pieroot 43]

Let your fiancee decide what she wants for her child's future and then you decide how you feel about it and how you want to proceed with the visa part. She really needs to make up her mind on her own mind and from there you decide how you gonna proceed.

[JohnR! 5,495]

Okay, please do not judge as this is a complex situation.

Basically, my fiance and I had a period of a few months where we separated and she was going through a lot of problems and basically slept with a friend. Who, as it turned out, purposely took off his condom without telling her and impregnated her, because at the end of the day he hated the "gringo" (me). Then he forced her to have a relationship with him or he would tell me about the pregnancy, but of course eventually she told me anyways.

Now she wants to do an abortion in Colombia which, you know, may not be so legal (it is legal in the case of rape). It's pretty late-stage (my guess is 6 months).

Someone please give honest advice. To be honest, I am leaning towards her having the baby. I would rather have that happen then take the risk of her running into legal problems, not to mention risk to her own health. On the other hand, that baby is going to have a horrible life in this world. Open to any suggestions. Thank you.

The only honest advice I can give you is that she follow the laws of Colombia. She may be going through immigration procedures, but she is and remains a citizen of Colombia and subject to its laws, while she remains in Colombian soil.

IMHO the situation you have is less complicated than it actually seems. I will be you that your fiancee does not want to have an abortion, otherwise she would not wait until this late in her pregnancy to run that by you. She could have had it earlier on and you would have been none the wiser. That may indicate she has been agonizing over the choice of telling you about the baby or not and despite her views on the subject, she may be pro-choice, but not for her.

In your own words,you too, are leaning towards her having the baby. The only statement you make which I believe is incorrect, is to the effect that the baby is going to have a horrible life. If you were to take your fiancee and her baby, you alone could change that reality and give this baby a home, love and a chance in life. Perhaps you can't see that possibility but there is always the possibility that you could adopt the baby and give him/her a family, rather than to place it with strangers. It doesn't need your DNA to be your son/daughter. In parenthood, the DNA part is the easiest one. It is the raising, the love, the nurturing and all that goes with it that makes you a parent.

Consider this: When you exchange vows with your bride, can you put limits on 'for better or worse'? Isn't marriage about embracing the entire package?

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Why is this in K1 and also why are the judgemental posts not removed?

[Shiobhan 235]

Wow I cant judge U, who feels it knows it, but premies born ealier than 6 mths & survive so that would be murder, am pro-choice myself but I think after

8 wks unless its rape, incest or moms life at stake thats cruel. You clearly decided to hate the unborn & maybe U cant help it but does she bears any blame

is it that she wants to be in the US by any means necessary? Talk it over seriously both of U , look ino handing the child over to the father, or seeking adoption for

the child then U can go your merry ways living happily after ,You cannot lie to uscis...hoping baby dont end up on some talk show in Columbia telling its story...time flies