Who DIDN'T meet online??

[baron555 934]

We did not meet on-line -

We also did not "meet" online.....I chose her from an online catalog that I paid $99 for contact information.

[leith@Ievgeniia 8]

I chose her from an online catalog that I paid $99 for contact information.

:thumbs:

[Brad and Vika 129]

As Brad said, I think you will find a lot of couples on the RUB forum who met in person, although I would say that the number will decrease significantly if you limit it to those who met in person in the US.

The comments that have surprised me the most were from members that refused to believe any of us met in person. There apparently is a contingent that is sure all of us that say so are fibbing, and we really went online to meet. Kind of a reversal to what would have been maybe ten years ago probably. I don't see what difference it makes.

What we do disagree on legitimately is the assertion that spending time together matters. Although it depends on the social skills of the people involved, I think it helps to do so. Not that you can't get to know some one by skype, nut I think it is tougher to carry on a short scam in person (again, depending upon the social skills and personalities involved).

[SMR 368]

The comments that have surprised me the most were from members that refused to believe any of us met in person. There apparently is a contingent that is sure all of us that say so are fibbing, and we really went online to meet. Kind of a reversal to what would have been maybe ten years ago probably. I don't see what difference it makes.

What we do disagree on legitimately is the assertion that spending time together matters. Although it depends on the social skills of the people involved, I think it helps to do so. Not that you can't get to know some one by skype, nut I think it is tougher to carry on a short scam in person (again, depending upon the social skills and personalities involved).

I didn't mean to say that spending time together [in person] doesn't matter. It absolutely matters. I just don't think it matters so much how you met initially. I wouldn't consider getting married without spending significant in person time with someone. Obviously, it depends on the person what significant in person time is. For some it may be years, but for most it will be less. But making initial contact over the internet is no different that initial contact through a somewhat random meeting in person, a meeting through a mutual activity, or an introduction through friends and acquaintances (or any other scenario).

My point about scammers is that the internet is a magnet for short term scammers. If you meet someone in person, the odds of a scam is lower simply because the total number of people that are scammers is low. In practice, 99% of scammers are looking for 'love' on the internet while a significantly smaller proportion of people in general are. This means that a higher percentage of people interested in online relationships are scammers. Of course, this is only statistics which has no real application to individual cases. If she isn't a scammer, she isn't a scammer.

[baron555 934]

If you meet someone in person, the odds of a scam is lower simply because the total number of people that are scammers is low.

Maybe so and maybe no. We all know of one gent about a year ago that met a gal in the park in Odessa and then went back and scammed out of monthly money and only found out about it when the gal wouldn't go for the interview.

In practice, 99% of scammers are looking for 'love' on the internet while a significantly smaller proportion of people in general are. This means that a higher percentage of people interested in online relationships are scammers.

How can you state this? What are your statistics? My personal observation is that there are more serious folks online than there are scammers....only the scammers get noticed and talked about. Those stats are correct.

Of course, this is only statistics which has no real application to individual cases. If she isn't a scammer, she isn't a scammer.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Apology accepted.

I met my beautiful Ukrainian wife completely by chance when we were both in Prague, CZ for business. Turns out we had arrived on the same flight from Odessa.

I was working in Odessa, Alla travelled a lot for her business (not related to mine)and it just so happened we both needed to be in Prague at the same time.

I haven't had a bad day since!

Edited September 25, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

And FWIW I do not consider HOW people meet initially to have even one smidgen of difference in how well their marriage goes down the road. Compared to life, it is such an insignifgant thing as to not possibly have any bearing on the outcome. If someone is not committed or just an @sshole, it makes no difference HOW you fall victim to them.

I believe that given a DECENT man who cares for his family, a RUB woman will commit her heart and soul to her family and her man, give herself without restriction. Given such a beautiful and caring wife, what kind of moron would not be a decent man?

Edited September 25, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[SMR 368]

"In practice, 99% of scammers are looking for 'love' on the internet while a significantly smaller proportion of people in general are. This means that a higher percentage of people interested in online relationships are scammers."

How can you state this? What are your statistics? My personal observation is that there are more serious folks online than there are scammers....only the scammers get noticed and talked about. Those stats are correct.

Go back and read what I said. I'm pretty sure you didn't understand it. I didn't say that 99% of people on the internet looking for a relationship are scammers. I said that if a person is a scammer, you can probably find them on the internet. Think about it. If you were a scammer, why wouldn't you use the internet (perhaps in addition to other methods of finding peopel)? Yet if you aren't a scammer, there are many reasons to not use the internet. That fact alone leads to the conclusion that the concentration of scammers on the internet is higher than the concentration of scammers not on the internet.

This isn't meant to be a personal attack on any relationship that started on the internet. It's just an observation about the relative reliability of different ways of meeting a potential partner. And you're right that certain other methods of meeting someone are probably also higher risk (meeting random people in the park is actually not a great idea in Russia, particularly as it's not too difficult to pick out a foreigner that is an easy target). My original point was actually that compared to all of the other problems that can occur in a relationship, the potential that you are getting scammed is really a minor concern and thus doesn't really make relationships that started on the internet any worse or all that different, on the whole.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Best defense against scammers is a brain. Stupid people get separated from their money and I demand their right to do so!

[Brad and Vika 129]

Best defense against scammers is a brain. Stupid people get separated from their money and I demand their right to do so!

I guess that a short scam is better done on the web. Short scams are things like "I love you guy, but I cannot start this process before my sick momma has her operation". Under normal circumstances, it would be tough to produce a fake ill relative in person. Another good one is "I am about to be evicted, I need __$ right away or I cannot proceed", or "I can't really communicate without a decent laptop, I would LOVE to chat with you on skype like this every day, but my girlfriend/schoolmate/boss needs the computer back. Great news though, I found a great computer for only $600 (can you send it today?). OR ANY OTHER REASON TO SEND CASH NOW

See how long those excuses hold up when your answer is "Sorry for your troubles, I am on the way. You can spend a week or two getting to know me, right?". Cell phone inexplicably off after that, email account invalid.

[Oliverpb 2]

I feel like I was very lucky to have met my wife in Person in a small town in central Russia by chance, but I know just because we met like that doesnt mean we are the only happy ones out there. I am happy to get to know everyone on here, read their stories and understand we are all feeling the same love and happiness. It was a tough and very long process that I never thought would end at the point we are today! But here we are, living a dream, loving our company, our family, our love. I would do it again in a heartbeat though. The process is never fast enough when it is happening to you. Im proud to be part of a RUB group like this and a broader group like VJ.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I guess that a short scam is better done on the web. Short scams are things like "I love you guy, but I cannot start this process before my sick momma has her operation". Under normal circumstances, it would be tough to produce a fake ill relative in person. Another good one is "I am about to be evicted, I need __$ right away or I cannot proceed", or "I can't really communicate without a decent laptop, I would LOVE to chat with you on skype like this every day, but my girlfriend/schoolmate/boss needs the computer back. Great news though, I found a great computer for only $600 (can you send it today?). OR ANY OTHER REASON TO SEND CASH NOW

See how long those excuses hold up when your answer is "Sorry for your troubles, I am on the way. You can spend a week or two getting to know me, right?". Cell phone inexplicably off after that, email account invalid.

I think offering to show up and take care f her troubles is a good way to sort the wheat from the chaff. In my experience, RUB women have a very intricate web of friends and can come up with $1000, $2000 or more with a few local phone calls if need be. Very reasonable repayment terms. It is rare for a sincere woman to ask for money.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

It really doesn't matter if you meet online. All the skyping, emailing and phone talk means little until you meet in person. That's when the rubber meets the road. Just like using eHarmony and Match here. The relationship really starts when you meet. All the other stuff is "fancy window dressing."

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The comments that have surprised me the most were from members that refused to believe any of us met in person. There apparently is a contingent that is sure all of us that say so are fibbing, and we really went online to meet. Kind of a reversal to what would have been maybe ten years ago probably. I don't see what difference it makes.

What we do disagree on legitimately is the assertion that spending time together matters. Although it depends on the social skills of the people involved, I think it helps to do so. Not that you can't get to know some one by skype, nut I think it is tougher to carry on a short scam in person (again, depending upon the social skills and personalities involved).

There is no accounting for idiots, Brad. Some people actually do get up from their computers and GO PLACES which often entails meeting people. At any rate, who gives a rat's @ss what they think?

As far as time spent together, I think it has some value in possibly eliminating surprises down the road that could be "deal breakers"if you think minor character flaws are deal breakers then it is best to spend a lot of time together. The flawed part about that is the time spent is usually like a vacation...or IS a vacation... for one or both of you. Absent the stresses of life, having to pay for things, working together on life's problems and challenges...the time together amounts to sex an sight-seeing. Not difficult to take. She arrives and the next day it is getting children enrolled in school, SS cards, assessment tests, wedding arrangements, replacing all the stuff they left behind, redecorating the house, health insurance, bank accounts, yada yada and some of the glow fades. Do you put your heads together and say "we did this, now let's DO IT!" or do you say "Wait this is not like the 6 days in Kiev at all!" and run away? When she cries in the middle of the night because she is homesick, what do you do? When she is frustrated by not being able to get places or do things as quickly as others because as much as she thought she knew the language, this is actually harder than she thought. When she is the last one to finish the exams and not the first and she always was...what do you do? When the children and she all need you at once, when the papers oile up and they all need to be done by tomorrow...what do you do? Do you say, "this is my family, I will work for them 23 hours a day" or do you say "#######! I did not sign up for THIS" ???

Therein lies the difference.

One man will be considered GOLD, the other is just the same sort of trash available everywhere in Ukraine.

I will only say that my life with Alla and my family has been wonderful and difficult. Greatly challenging and greatly rewarding. Not easy, but SO worth it. And now I just smile at the people who think the visa process is difficult. Seriously, it barely rises to the level of a nuisance. A trivial "thing".

Of all the 1 million things, tiny things, that could have prevented me from being at that place at that time to literally be in line for bus tickets behind Alla in Prague CZ...can you imagine the odds of that? And then I said, "Let me take your bags...follow me" when it was clear she was not understandinmg the clerk and I understood, "hey, this hottie is staying at the same hotel I am" And our lives and that of our children's were changed forever. The quantum physics of it alone scares the bejeezus out of me! The movie "The Butterfly effect" comes to mind often. That moment meant Sergey got a paid tuition to Rice University for a Doctoral Degree, Alla got a Masters from St Micheals in Vermont, Pasha is attending classes at UVM while still in high school! Alla and Pasha are citizens now and Alla will vote in November in a US election.

Pasha has a Burton snowboard in his room because I took Alla's bag and said "follow me".

She did. Never forget that. Never forget that these people followed you and expect you to lead. Never forget what you did to be together.

Edited September 26, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[1HappyGuy 45]

Gary,

That's a wonderful response and I couldn't agree more. When I think about all that my life was lacking before Lena came into my life and what it's like now I am just amazed that is has happened. But, more importantly it is the idea that, "Yes, we can merge two different cultures, background, life experiences and families and it still works!"

I will be the first to admit to anyone that there have been problems, misunderstandings and disappointments in our life, but then who doesn't have that. If you have been married before you understand the sacrifices each has to make to accommodate the other. A marriage is give and take. If that doesn't happen you will have failure. I ask what did I have to give up and what did I get? The scale tips a lot further towards what I got.

Thanks for encapsulating it so well Gary!