Do you spoil him?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

and let's not forget prune jews, pineapple jews, and so on

You're a mess !

[sarah and hicham 3]

I'm not talking about merely being sweet to him. My husband is always telling me about foreign women who send their SOs thousands of dollars and all kinds of pricey presents; PCs, Ipods, tvs, you name it. Is this common? Is it a good thing? Just curious. I don't do this and I think my husband is a little jealous of those who are being lavished with material goods.

I think your husband is greedy....realtionships are not built on gifts and giving lots of gifts do not measure love.

She is asking if people spoil their husbands, not saying she sent him all that stuff and definitely not saying that her husband is greedy.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I'm not talking about merely being sweet to him. My husband is always telling me about foreign women who send their SOs thousands of dollars and all kinds of pricey presents; PCs, Ipods, tvs, you name it. Is this common? Is it a good thing? Just curious. I don't do this and I think my husband is a little jealous of those who are being lavished with material goods.

I think your husband is greedy....realtionships are not built on gifts and giving lots of gifts do not measure love.

I'm always amazed at what people see when they read. I'm not sure how a discussion between my husband and I about women who do this makes my husband greedy. Especially since I have not said that this is what he is expecting me to do; he does not. The conversations were simply the impetus for my own interest in who does this and why, not a request for critiques about my husband, who has not shown himself to me to be a greedy person.

Thank you, Sarah!

The use of ghetto IS an elitist and arrogant term. Words are powerful and too often I think we use them without understanding them. Arguing that the word ghetto means something competely different to you and scratching your head because you can't understand why people might be offended ignores the history of the word and demonstates ignorance of language.

No ignorance of the history of the word. In fact, it was the history of the word I was introducing. That there is a connotation, the Jewish ghetto, and a denotation, a use that could be determined to be derogatory, is not mutually exclusive. The word "ghetto" itself is a slang, an Italian slang. Another fact is that there are ghettos, and it is politically correct to try to deflect from that fact.

Merely using the word does not make it a perjorative. I suspect that we should let the person who originally used it here, setting off this peripheral discussion, to define it the way she meant it, for it does have different meanings to different people and no one among us is responsible for that. I should admit that I tend to have an intellectual rather than an emotional reaction to such terms.

Edited October 27, 2006 by szsz

[sarah and hicham 3]

I'm not talking about merely being sweet to him. My husband is always telling me about foreign women who send their SOs thousands of dollars and all kinds of pricey presents; PCs, Ipods, tvs, you name it. Is this common? Is it a good thing? Just curious. I don't do this and I think my husband is a little jealous of those who are being lavished with material goods.

I think your husband is greedy....realtionships are not built on gifts and giving lots of gifts do not measure love.

I'm always amazed at what people see when they read. I'm not sure how a discussion between my husband and I about women who do this makes my husband greedy. Especially since I have not said that this is what he is expecting me to do; he does not. The conversations were simply the impetus for my own interest in who does this and why, not a request for critiques about my husband, who has not shown himself to me to be a greedy person.

Thank you, Sarah!

The use of ghetto IS an elitist and arrogant term. Words are powerful and too often I think we use them without understanding them. Arguing that the word ghetto means something competely different to you and scratching your head because you can't understand why people might be offended ignores the history of the word and demonstates ignorance of language.

No ignorance of the history of the word. In fact, it was the history of the word I was introducing. That there is a connotation, the Jewish ghetto, and a denotation, a use that could be determined to be derogatory, is not mutually exclusive. The word "ghetto" itself is a slang, an Italian slang. Another fact is that there are ghettos, and it is politically correct to try to deflect from that fact.

Merely using the word is not a perjorative. I suspect that we should let the person who originally used it here, setting off this peripheral discussion, to define it the way she meant it, for it does have different meanings to different people and no one among us is responsible for that.

no problem, I think someone has a reading problem maybe.

[morocco4ever 63]

I personally don't think these distinctions matter, such as tone of voice or facial expressions in determing fraud. Someone who is going to do this is putting on the charm, in person or over the net (again, as evidenced by some of the cases we know). Some may argue it is easier in person because you can do it with the physical. I tend to look at more concrete things like whether or not he is affording her the respect he would afford a woman of his own culture, how the family receives her (if they even meet), etc

I agree completly with this statement. When my fiancee and I were just dating he never really minding public displays of affection, guys giving me catcalls on the street, etc (we met in Spain). However, as we became more serious, these things changed, and he explained to me that he told me that people respecting his fiancee is very important to him. I know that he would never accept men oogling his sisters on the street, and I know that he would never accept this for me either. My fiancee, and I think most MENA men, take respect of the women in their lives very seriously, so I think this is probably a good thing to look for.

I have always thought the same exact thing... my ex was big into material things - mostly cars... we lived in the freaking ghetto so he could drive a trans am

From Wiki

Some people in the U.S. and Europe strongly dislike the term ghetto, believing to have racist, elitist and culturally insensitive overtones, and the mention of such a word to describe a working-class ethnic community is considered a generalization or an insult. Many social workers and community leaders suggest alternative words to describe these areas like Inner city and economically disadvantaged areas

Count me in as one of those people. It always shocks me when advantaged white people use this word to describe their conditions. Look at the definition: "A section of a city occupied by a minority group who live there especially because of social, economic, or legal pressure". Does it really fit?

A white person, even a poor white person, who finds themselves in a situation living in a neighborhood they find undesirable, has power to get out, especially when the only thing holding them there is a sports car.

First off, how do you know that VP is an advantaged white person? I don't know anything at all about her. Second, what makes you think that a white person, even poor, always has power to get out? I don't know of any "get out of this life free if you are white" cards. I have seen both poor and advantaged of both the black and white race.

Second, to be honest, I have always viewed trans ams as the prime example of people without class showing off what they DON'T have. I just have never liked those cars. Okay, blast away everyone. I am having a pretty bad day today, so whats one more thing....lol

BTW, my idea of a person with class has nothing to do with their econmical level.

Yes, white people have historically lived in ghettos, but the offense I take is when people who are not disadvantaged describe neighborhoods that don't meet their standards as ghettoes. VP admitted living there was a choice. Often it is white people throwing around this word to describe "ethnic" neighorhoods they have chosen to live in but do not necessarily like. In this context, it is derogatory. When someone describes something they dislike about their neighborhood as "ghetto" or when they use it to describe it as not meeting their standards, it reeks of arrogance.

I have talked to VP and while she may not be in the elite privileged, she also isn't disadvantaged as I would define it. She is able to feed herself, travel, shop, etc. I would say for the majority of us on VJ who have the time to surf the net, talk to our spouses/fiances in foreign countries, travel, etc, to come even remotely close to labeling ourselves as "disadvantaged" would be erroneous.

Still, how do you know VP is an advantaged white person? Did she tell you that, or are you assuming it?

[Veiled Princess 1]

Still, how do you know VP is an advantaged white person? Did she tell you that, or are you assuming it?

Are Cherokee white? My driver's license says so

Seriously... I don't see what it matters if a person chooses to live somewhere or not... if it's ghetto it's ghetto....

If we're talking about how the word is used today then everyone can take a deep breath and step off because it's used as slang to describe just about anything today

ETA: especially here in the south.. everything is ghetto fabulous

Edited October 27, 2006 by Veiled Princess

[Sofiyya 1,687]

In my haste, I got one sentence turned around:

That there is a denotation, the Jewish ghetto, and a connotation, a use that could be determined to be derogatory, is not mutually exclusive.

I stand corrected.

[peezey 0]

I'm not talking about merely being sweet to him. My husband is always telling me about foreign women who send their SOs thousands of dollars and all kinds of pricey presents; PCs, Ipods, tvs, you name it. Is this common? Is it a good thing? Just curious. I don't do this and I think my husband is a little jealous of those who are being lavished with material goods.

I think your husband is greedy....realtionships are not built on gifts and giving lots of gifts do not measure love.

I'm always amazed at what people see when they read. I'm not sure how a discussion between my husband and I about women who do this makes my husband greedy. Especially since I have not said that this is what he is expecting me to do; he does not. The conversations were simply the impetus for my own interest in who does this and why, not a request for critiques about my husband, who has not shown himself to me to be a greedy person.

Thank you, Sarah!

The use of ghetto IS an elitist and arrogant term. Words are powerful and too often I think we use them without understanding them. Arguing that the word ghetto means something competely different to you and scratching your head because you can't understand why people might be offended ignores the history of the word and demonstates ignorance of language.

No ignorance of the history of the word. In fact, it was the history of the word I was introducing. That there is a connotation, the Jewish ghetto, and a denotation, a use that could be determined to be derogatory, is not mutually exclusive. The word "ghetto" itself is a slang, an Italian slang. Another fact is that there are ghettos, and it is politically correct to try to deflect from that fact.

Merely using the word does not make it a perjorative. I suspect that we should let the person who originally used it here, setting off this peripheral discussion, to define it the way she meant it, for it does have different meanings to different people and no one among us is responsible for that. I should admit that I tend to have an intellectual rather than an emotional reaction to such terms.

She did describe what she meant in a previous post:

"First of all, my ex husband is not white.

Secondly "ghetto" is a slang term used a lot. If you take offense to it that's your business.. I don't and I use it and hear it used a lot.

I also don't think a person's race has anything to do with whether they live in a particular neighborhood or not. The place I was referring to in my post was a trailor park... my husband was the only "person of color" in the whole park. I am the only "white" person on the street I live in now. It doesn't make a difference to us. The first key to getting past racism is seeing past the races. "

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

In my haste, I got one sentence turned around:

That there is a denotation, the Jewish ghetto, and a connotation, a use that could be determined to be derogatory, is not mutually exclusive.

I stand corrected.

marks this day on my calendar

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Are Cherokee white?

Cherokees find ghetto living in NC and OK. Been to both.

[peezey 0]

I personally don't think these distinctions matter, such as tone of voice or facial expressions in determing fraud. Someone who is going to do this is putting on the charm, in person or over the net (again, as evidenced by some of the cases we know). Some may argue it is easier in person because you can do it with the physical. I tend to look at more concrete things like whether or not he is affording her the respect he would afford a woman of his own culture, how the family receives her (if they even meet), etc

I agree completly with this statement. When my fiancee and I were just dating he never really minding public displays of affection, guys giving me catcalls on the street, etc (we met in Spain). However, as we became more serious, these things changed, and he explained to me that he told me that people respecting his fiancee is very important to him. I know that he would never accept men oogling his sisters on the street, and I know that he would never accept this for me either. My fiancee, and I think most MENA men, take respect of the women in their lives very seriously, so I think this is probably a good thing to look for.

I have always thought the same exact thing... my ex was big into material things - mostly cars... we lived in the freaking ghetto so he could drive a trans am

From Wiki

Some people in the U.S. and Europe strongly dislike the term ghetto, believing to have racist, elitist and culturally insensitive overtones, and the mention of such a word to describe a working-class ethnic community is considered a generalization or an insult. Many social workers and community leaders suggest alternative words to describe these areas like Inner city and economically disadvantaged areas

Count me in as one of those people. It always shocks me when advantaged white people use this word to describe their conditions. Look at the definition: "A section of a city occupied by a minority group who live there especially because of social, economic, or legal pressure". Does it really fit?

A white person, even a poor white person, who finds themselves in a situation living in a neighborhood they find undesirable, has power to get out, especially when the only thing holding them there is a sports car.

First off, how do you know that VP is an advantaged white person? I don't know anything at all about her. Second, what makes you think that a white person, even poor, always has power to get out? I don't know of any "get out of this life free if you are white" cards. I have seen both poor and advantaged of both the black and white race.

Second, to be honest, I have always viewed trans ams as the prime example of people without class showing off what they DON'T have. I just have never liked those cars. Okay, blast away everyone. I am having a pretty bad day today, so whats one more thing....lol

BTW, my idea of a person with class has nothing to do with their econmical level.

Yes, white people have historically lived in ghettos, but the offense I take is when people who are not disadvantaged describe neighborhoods that don't meet their standards as ghettoes. VP admitted living there was a choice. Often it is white people throwing around this word to describe "ethnic" neighorhoods they have chosen to live in but do not necessarily like. In this context, it is derogatory. When someone describes something they dislike about their neighborhood as "ghetto" or when they use it to describe it as not meeting their standards, it reeks of arrogance.

I have talked to VP and while she may not be in the elite privileged, she also isn't disadvantaged as I would define it. She is able to feed herself, travel, shop, etc. I would say for the majority of us on VJ who have the time to surf the net, talk to our spouses/fiances in foreign countries, travel, etc, to come even remotely close to labeling ourselves as "disadvantaged" would be erroneous.

Still, how do you know VP is an advantaged white person? Did she tell you that, or are you assuming it?

I'm not sure how you missed it, but Rebecca clearly described in her last paragraph why she doesn't consider VP to be disadvantaged.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

She did describe what she meant in a previous post:

"First of all, my ex husband is not white.

Secondly "ghetto" is a slang term used a lot. If you take offense to it that's your business.. I don't and I use it and hear it used a lot.

I also don't think a person's race has anything to do with whether they live in a particular neighborhood or not. The place I was referring to in my post was a trailor park... my husband was the only "person of color" in the whole park. I am the only "white" person on the street I live in now. It doesn't make a difference to us. The first key to getting past racism is seeing past the races. "

And this is offensive because . . .

[Veiled Princess 1]

She did describe what she meant in a previous post:

"First of all, my ex husband is not white.

Secondly "ghetto" is a slang term used a lot. If you take offense to it that's your business.. I don't and I use it and hear it used a lot.

I also don't think a person's race has anything to do with whether they live in a particular neighborhood or not. The place I was referring to in my post was a trailor park... my husband was the only "person of color" in the whole park. I am the only "white" person on the street I live in now. It doesn't make a difference to us. The first key to getting past racism is seeing past the races. "

And this is offensive because . . .

Because it comes from the mouth of the horrible veiled princess... Didn't you get the memo?

[peezey 0]

Still, how do you know VP is an advantaged white person? Did she tell you that, or are you assuming it?

Are Cherokee white? My driver's license says so

Seriously... I don't see what it matters if a person chooses to live somewhere or not... if it's ghetto it's ghetto....

If we're talking about how the word is used today then everyone can take a deep breath and step off because it's used as slang to describe just about anything today

ETA: especially here in the south.. everything is ghetto fabulous

Based on your racist remarks here, the whole point of this conversation is clearly lost on you. It is not used as a slang to describe "just about everything", and EVERYONE doesn't use it. I'm pretty sure you choose the words that come out of your mouth, as evidenced by your disgusting display of ignorance. "Everything" isn't anything, anywhere, and I'm sure there are plenty of people from the south, living in the south who would not describe their geographical location in the way you have.

Edited October 27, 2006 by peezey

[honeyblonde 0]

The point is not the derivation of the word or the original use of the word, but it's current use in the US. Furthermore, ethnic groups are not only defined by the color of one's skin. Jews are an ethnic group.

Actually Jews are a religious group. There are Arab Jews, European Jews, etc...

and let's not forget prune jews, pineapple jews, and so on

Charles, you never fail to make me laugh out loud. Thanks for bringing some humor to this forum where major PMS seems to be the rule.